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Author
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Topic: The Twelve Rules of Flaming
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Xanthine
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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posted January 26, 2006 19:43
I saw this somewhere else and couldn't resist.
The Twelve Rules of Flaming
1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot."
2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy."
3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II RoundTable to X-10 Powerhouse RoundTable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere.
4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a sh??head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.
5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha."
6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preferences, then Harry's obviously lying.
7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "veni, vidi, vici," and "fettuccini alfredo."
8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic' ."
9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both.
10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic.
11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.
12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a Flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: INSULT THE DIRTBAG!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables."
Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.
And my own addtional Honorable Mention:
14. YOUR ALL GAY!!!11!!!
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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists
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Jessycat
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posted January 26, 2006 19:52
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.
grammar ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Rhonwyyn
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posted January 26, 2006 19:58
quote:
Originally posted by Jessycat:
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.
grammar
someone's
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!
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Xanthine
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posted January 26, 2006 19:59
Didn't even notice that. Seriously. I just copied and pasted.
Flamers.
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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists
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dragonman97
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posted January 26, 2006 22:34
Oh yeah?
Well in Soviet Russia, flames someone you!
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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...
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Demosthenes
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posted January 26, 2006 23:11
Don't forget the age-old tactic of listing off what kind of weaponry you have hanging around your apartment, as well as creative ways to put them to use.
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You're one microscopic cog in my catastrophic plan.
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Callipygous
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posted January 27, 2006 02:26
David Pogue has written two recent amusing columns on this theme. The first is here (NYT so reg required) and the second (in which he quotes from the Benjamin Franklin link) I think has not yet gone up, though you will have seen it if you are on his e-mail list.
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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton
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littlefish
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posted January 27, 2006 03:11
quote:
David Pogue has written two recent amusing columns on this theme. The first is here (NYT so reg required)
I read that a few days ago. What is a pill? I had a quick google and all I could find were links to Pogue's article.
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GMx
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posted January 27, 2006 04:37
pill 1 |pil| noun a small round mass of solid medicine to be swallowed whole. • ( the pill or the Pill) a contraceptive pill : she is on the pill. • informal a tedious or unpleasant person. • informal (in some sports) a humorous term for a ball.
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drunkennewfiemidget
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posted January 27, 2006 05:12
Much like Xanthine's addition -- it's generally accepted that at some point the argument, one or both parties will call the other party's sexual orientation into question.
Oh yea? Well you're gay!!1!!!111oneoneone!!!!
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littlefish
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posted January 27, 2006 05:22
quote:
pill 1 |pil| noun a small round mass of solid medicine to be swallowed whole. • ( the pill or the Pill) a contraceptive pill : she is on the pill. • informal a tedious or unpleasant person. • informal (in some sports) a humorous term for a ball.
Hmm. Must be one of those american/english things. Never heard that before.
/goes back to smoking a fag
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Callipygous
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posted January 27, 2006 05:55
quote:
Originally posted by littlefish:
Hmm. Must be one of those american/english things. Never heard that before.
/goes back to smoking a fag
I don't think so, though I think it is archaic in the UK. I certainly haven't heard it used here for many years. I assume that it and pillock have the same source as both are (or were) also slang for another type of ball apart from the one mentioned in GMx's definition. From this would come the secondary slang meaning of a tedious person. The word w*nker has largely replaced them in common usage here.
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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton
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sancho
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posted January 27, 2006 09:09
quote:
smoking a fag
Talk about gay or is that some British - American thing...
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Geologists for the reunification of Pangea!!!
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Callipygous
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posted January 27, 2006 09:15
Roasting gays over an open fire is a long established custom here in the UK. We all sing "Land of Hope and Glory" as we watch their brightly coloured clothes catch fire.
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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton
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Grey_girl
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posted January 27, 2006 10:29
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
Roasting gays over an open fire is a long established custom here in the UK. We all sing "Land of Hope and Glory" as we watch their brightly coloured clothes catch fire.
Cal, I was drinking something when I read that! You now need to come clean my monitor (not my clock, my monitor).
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Swiss Mercenary
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posted January 27, 2006 10:30
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
Roasting gays over an open fire is a long established custom here in the UK. We all sing "Land of Hope and Glory" as we watch their brightly coloured clothes catch fire.
Especially in Brighton
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Evil AI at work.
I am Swiss of Borg. Holes are irrelevant, cheese will be assimilated!
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supaboy
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posted January 27, 2006 11:00
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Jessycat:
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.
grammar
someone's
It's generally accepted that all grammar- or spelling-related flames must include an error of their own.
If I was being more than merely pedantic about it, I would have to go back after proofreading and insert a mistake somewhere.
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garlicguy
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posted January 27, 2006 11:18
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
Roasting gays over an open fire is a long established custom here in the UK. We all sing "Land of Hope and Glory" as we watch their brightly coloured clothes catch fire.
Now that's a hot one! Way to go, Calli. ![[Applause]](graemlins/applause.gif)
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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Kinguy
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posted January 27, 2006 11:30
And never forget, that you know the flaming is done once someone calls another "Hitler."
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Matias
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posted January 27, 2006 13:02
I am completely lost...Flames means something different to me here. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
But I do know what a fag is ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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Xanthine
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posted January 28, 2006 10:56
quote:
Originally posted by Kinguy:
And never forget, that you know the flaming is done once someone calls another "Hitler."
That's Godwin's Law. That kills the thread.
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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists
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alfrin
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posted January 28, 2006 14:24
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
quote:
Originally posted by Kinguy:
And never forget, that you know the flaming is done once someone calls another "Hitler."
That's Godwin's Law. That kills the thread.
Hitler supported God(win's law). That must mean that is bad. You are no better than Hitler himself!
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Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art
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The Famous Druid
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posted January 28, 2006 17:00
quote:
Originally posted by Kinguy:
And never forget, that you know the flaming is done once someone calls another "Hitler."
Wimp.
That's when the real flaming gets started !
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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.
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