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Author Topic: bugger
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2004 23:16      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That's about all I've got to say.

First, sorry for not being around so much. I'm home, hanging with my SO and family, and there isn't much privacy in this house when everyone's home for the holidays. Second, my apologies in advance for starting up another soap opera thread, but I need to let this out.

Six years ago my sis fought a battle with adrenal cancer. The tumor had not spread when we found it, but it had gotten so big the oncologists labeled it as Stage Four. Bad news. Well, after some chemo and some surgery she went into remission, and enjoyed that remission for two years before they found something on her routine CAT scan (yes, you read that right, she now gets routine CAT scans). THey took out a lymph node that was, for lack of a better word, infested with cancer cells, gave her another round of chemo, and off she rode into the sunset.

Flash forward four years. Four years marked by clean scans and a happy Family Xanthine. Today she went in for her now biannual check and there's a mass where the last recurrence was. It's too big to be a reactive lymph node. It's on the edge of being too big to be benign. It's not in a place where a needle biopsy is feasible, so they're going to haveto open her up. This time, they're talking about radiation therapy. Once they decide whether that's a go or not, they'll pick a hospital (the hospital she's usually treated at is not equiped to deliver radiation during surgery, whcih is what her oncologist wants to try), and then a surgical team, and then they'll take the fscker out. Her cancer is pernicious but slow, so they have time. Once they take the thing out, we'll find out what it is. There's a snowball's chance in the Sahara that it's benign. And so the waiting game now begins...

My sis is a wonderful, loving, intelligent, funny person. She's been like my right arm since my parents brought her home from the hospital 22 years ago. She didn't deserve this once, let alone thrice. She's taking it like a trooper though. When she came back from her checkup, we busted out a boardgame and started playing. The rest of us are upset, and my dad's taking it the hardest. He's never come to terms with what happened six years ago, let alone what happened four years ago and what's happening now.

For me, well, it's hard to describe how I feel at this moment. Been there, done that, never wanted to do it again but here I am. Once more into the breach and so on. I know where this is going; I've been down this road before. I know where the stumbling points are, where the hard parts are, where you just want to curse life, fate, and all that is sacred and profane. I know where you want to give up. I know what lies before me, which means the fear I felt that first time has been replaced by frustatration. Why do we have to do this again? Why does SHE have to do this again? Why am I even asking "why"?

/me squares her shoulders and sighs

Thanks for listening. I'll update as I can, but, like I said, we're playing a waiting game now.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2004 23:47      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Very tough news X.

I hope she does well fighting this bout off. [Frown]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2004 23:47      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That's a really tough break, Xan. I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't really know what to say, but I truly hope that things work out for the best in the long run. I hope that all the members of your family have all the support and friendship that they're going to need over the next little while. I'll certainly be thinking of you and your family during this time.

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 02:23      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Dear X how unutterably vile! Words are not really sufficient, but my very best wishes, prayers (in case He exists), and love for you and your family. You have a wonderful and close family, so stick together.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 03:23      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Xanthine_________Your sis will need you now, and you will need an outlet, while dumping on us will help greatly, get a large punching bag and a base ball bat and when the frustration gets too bad go and beat the bag untill you are exhasted, you will sleep better and it will greatly lower your frustration, don't be supprised if you break the bat you have to get the anger out.

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

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Icon 13 posted December 30, 2004 04:43      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Arrrgggh,

what a total and utter stinker.

We will be thinking of you and send you our love. I have never had to face such a situation and can only imagine the ghastliness of it all.

Mo-man is right... get a baseball bat.

Love

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1937 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 05:23      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well first off that sucks. Nobody deserves that.

And my best wishes ( since I am not the praying type) to your sister, you and your family.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 07:35      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Lots of prayers for strength for your sister, you, and your family.

(Check you PMs also.)

Posts: 931 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
MTB Babe
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Icon 9 posted December 30, 2004 07:58      Profile for MTB Babe   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am so sorry to hear that Xanthine!!! I can't imagine anything like that happening to either of my sisters, it would be too painful.

A similar event happened in my family..for as long as I can remember, my father (who I have never gotten along well with) had a swollen area on his lower left jaw area, but it wasn't something he or anyone else ever noticed (except my mom, who did ask him about it several times). Keep in mind he has chewed tobbacco since he was a teenager, and sometimes smoked in addition to that. Since the bump was barely noticable, it wasn't notable. Until two years ago when suddenly it swelled up almost overnight it seems like to the size of a tennis ball. He suffered a great deal of pain and fever, and we found out that it was a tumor and cancer had spread from his jaw down his neck and upper chest area. After the tumor was removed, my dad ended up missing some of his face due to the cancer. He has been in remission ever since, and blames everyone but himself for what happened (which makes the situation so much more difficult). He has recently started suffering from pain in that area again, and will be going to the doctor for a checkup..

I am so sorry that you have cancer in your family..but you're not alone Xanthine!! You have my utmost sympathy and I will be thinking of you! Keep us updated!!

--------------------
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ee-ana-jaad. Nayanajaad.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

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Aditu
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 08:07      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Huge, gigantic hugs to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care of yourself too.

You have probably done a bunch of research, but there is some stuff at Medline from the National Library of Medicine Our library has several medical journal databases, if you would like I can e-mail you articles.

Posts: 1355 | From: Osten Ard | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
GMx

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Icon 9 posted December 30, 2004 09:02      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sorry to hear about your sister. Sending out good vibes to you.
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Tut-an-Geek

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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 09:20      Profile for Tut-an-Geek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
:'(
Sorry to hear [Frown] . I hope that your sister gets better, and that you guys tackle this.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 09:43      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, Xanthine - I'm dreadfully sorry to hear about that. Your sister definitely does not deserve this misery in her life, she's quite awesome. [Smile]

Best regards for her and a speedy recovery. If I can be of help somehow, due to proximity, let me know, otherwise my best wishes are all I can give.

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 12:49      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm so new here, I've been staying out of most personal threads. This one's a little different, so here goes. Xanthine - I really hope not to offend.

This cancer thing, it scares the hell out of all of us whether we've had personal experience with it or not. We'd rather not talk or even think about it; we'd rather just push it away. It's that scary. [Frown]

And then it comes into our family. For you, it is your sister. For MTB Babe it is her father. (sighs, figures, "Might as well get it out there") In our family, it was me.

To be honest, it really makes you re-evaluate the whole 'eternal life' question. Doesn't really matter which side of it you start out on, it forces one to ponder human mortality and beyond. Perhaps that's not a bad thing, the pondering I mean. Cancer is a very bad thing - there's no ducking that fact.

(I've survived it thus far, and am a changed person for it. I'd like to think for the better, though if the fam logged in on that topic there might be a few to disagree. [Wink] )

In the end, it is not the storms we weather in this life that matter, it is *how* we weather the storms that counts. IMHO.

May God bless you and your family and especially your sister (and Babe's father) in this time of crisis. May you offer strength and support to your family members in order to see each other through this terrible time. May they in turn strengthen and help you. Keep on keepin' on. Amen

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
n4dmx
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Icon 2 posted December 30, 2004 12:57      Profile for n4dmx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That is tough news indeed. [Frown]

I wish you and your family the best through these times, and will remain optimistic that things get better for you.

Posts: 218 | From: Georgia | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
SpikeSpiegel
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 13:12      Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
best wishes to you, your sister and the rest of your family. if i were a religious person youd be in my prayers.

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its been a while

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2004 23:00      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks guys. Best wishes, MTB, with respect to your father. I hope it's just an abcess or cyst or something else benign.

Unfortunately, this cancer she's got is rather rare, especially in people my sister's age. According to the studies that exist, she should not have gotten it at all and certainly not survived her first go-round. So we're shooting in the dark at this point. I can run another search (I can get into just about every database out there through my university library) when I get back.

I have a sword made of solid oak. I can beat on convenient non-living objects with that.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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Snaggy

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Icon 9 posted December 30, 2004 23:01      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
crap.

That said, let's stay positive. Xan, all the best and all our love to you and your sister, and the rest of your family in this fight. You have a mountain of support from your friends here. [thumbsup] [hearts]

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Jessycat

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Icon 9 posted December 30, 2004 23:34      Profile for Jessycat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Xanthine,

Just wanted to de-lurk and send your sister, you and your family all my best wishes. I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts this coming year. I'll echo dman's offer: please let me know if there's anything I can do.

Love,
Jess

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macmcseboy

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Icon 1 posted December 31, 2004 01:19      Profile for macmcseboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Xanthine... I can offer you my prayers and ears should you want to talk. I know what you are going through... My aunt, from the time i was 5 to when I was 18 fought cancer.. She underwent many therapied and surgeries. She was a test subject for many of todays treatments... She fought hard for many years on and off. remissions and relapses all my life. it causes me pain to hear that this is happening to you. My heart goes out to you.

Jessycat,
I was worried you'd left us.. Miss you in irc. do visit us more often.

--------------------
Live long and prosper.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted December 31, 2004 17:11      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't join these threads often, mostly because I don't know what to say, and a fifteenth "I'm sorry" doesn't seem like it will do much more. I hope everything will work out for your family. You are blessed to have a sister who is fighting and living life despite her condition, rather than giving up and deciding to die. I think because of that, she will be around for a lot longer. And I'll keep thinking that until you tell us otherwise.

/virtual hugs

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 31, 2004 20:51      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What Peebs said.

And remember, every extra day is a gift, and a chance for the quacks to come up with something new (they really are getting better at their jobs).

You and your family are in my thoughts.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Stereo

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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2005 07:31      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Same thing here.

But to add something positive (I hope), there seems to be several important discoveries in cancer treatment as of late. A cure is probably still years ahead, but if your sister's cancer is so rare, she could be selected for the firsts human tests of new medication.

For example, this guy Siyaram Pandey made the news a couple of weeks ago about a compound that specifically targetted cancer cell, without affecting normal cells.

Best of luck for your sister, your family and yourself.

--------------------
Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2005 08:10      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Like peebs said, a thousandth "I'm sorry to hear that" probably isn't as meaningful, and won't help any, but do know that I wish you and your sister the absolute best. These things always happen to the wrong people -- not that there really is the RIGHT person for this particular thing. [Frown]
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Swiss Mercenary

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Icon 1 posted January 04, 2005 02:53      Profile for Swiss Mercenary     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, a me too post to offer my support, unfortunately I am unable to do much more.

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Evil AI at work.
I am Swiss of Borg. Holes are irrelevant, cheese will be assimilated!

Posts: 2275 | From: All the way from the land of Chocolate, Cheese and Cuckoo Clocks. | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged


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