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» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » Guys, Guys, Guys!   » Guys, help me not make a fool out of myself! (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Guys, help me not make a fool out of myself!
Crazy Girl
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2007 21:24      Profile for Crazy Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You gave me tons of insight when I posted back in May about a geek guy I am crazy about... and you can read that here.

Things have been about the same at work. We still hang out together and take breaks together. He surprised me by buying me a Christmas present (chocolates).

I finally asked him out on a date in January. Yes, I am very, very slow. He seemed excited that I asked. When we talked about going out nothing was really decided other than a time & date. When I picked him up he had planned the entire date (& paid!). I really didn't expect that, but I apprecaite it. He mentioned while we were on that date that he wanted to take me out again. At the end of the date he said he had really enjoyed our time together (no hug or otherwise though).

Here it is 3 weeks later and neither one of us has brought up the subject of going out again.

My issue now is that I have resigned from my position and I will no longer be working with him. Work has been our primary place to hang out and chat. He was very aloof when I told him I was quitting. This is most unlike him. The only comment I got out of him that day was "I need to find a new job too. I could do so much better than this place.", which I agree with.

I really want to ask him if he is interested in something more than what we have. While I like to assume he is just as crazy about me as I am about him, I cannot read his mind. He has on two occasions told me that I am cute, that has to mean something (right?).

Would I look like a total idiot if I randomly asked him if he wanted to be more than friends? Or should I just set up another date?

Thanks.

Posts: 22 | From: Crazy World, USA | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
ScholasticSpastic
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2007 21:56      Profile for ScholasticSpastic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There is nothing wrong with taking the lead. I'd recommend doing it during break times or off-hours, but I'm just kind of weird about personal business at work, so do what works for you. Avoid naked with beer in the workplace and during lunch breaks- that's a definite off-hours plan. Don't be too subtle. Some of us socially challenged guys miss the clues and feel like idiots later when the ship has sailed.

He may just be really, really shy. If so, you may have to ask him out again and take the plunge/risk of being the one to innitiate intimate contact (relax, I'm talking about kissing and/or hugging). The lack of intimate contact may have allowed him to pretend yours was a friendly date last time. Kind of a low self-esteem-induced denial.

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"As in repeating a well-known song, so in instincts, one action follows another by a sort of rhythm; if a person be interrupted in a song, or in repeating anything by rote, he is generally forced to go back to recover the habitual train of thought..." (Darwin, The Origin of Species)

Posts: 540 | From: Vernal, UT | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2007 21:58      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just ask him out! He's a fool for not doing it himself, but that's alright... just so long as he doesn't continue to ignore these things.

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2007 22:58      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, he sounds like he's just shy, and doesn't want to be "smothering".

I know the feeling, since I'm like that too - I tend to smother people completely unintentionally... I'm just talkative [Smile]
So I'll go the other route sometimes (especially if I think they're especially worth my time) to avoid doing that.

Ahhh - life with poor social skills. Ain't it grand? Thank goodness my wife is so wonderful.

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Too Cool To Quit
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2007 08:31      Profile for Too Cool To Quit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can hear him on the other side.

"Am I doing too much for her by paying for everything? Am I smothering her? I wonder if she thinks I'm smothering her? I don't think I'm smothering her. Am I? Should I call her? NO! Don't call her, then she'll think I'm some freak that calls people."

No? Maybe!

Go for date 2!

To an other end, I tend to try to avoid the crazy girl from work. [Razz]

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Reedius
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2007 08:58      Profile for Reedius     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Go for it and take the lead!He's probably shy.
You have to make you intentions clear doesn't matter if he in the end didn't wanted nothing, at least you will know for sure! [Wink]
May the force be with you!

quote:
He spends most of his time with MPORPG and the rest of his time is spent with friends playing video games and watching sci-fi movies.
I don't know that he has ever had a serious girlfriend and to my knowledge he hasn't even had a girlfriend for a long time.

You have to show him that a girl is better than a game, as soon he discovers it he will give much more attention [Big Grin] I would!

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Geek or Nerd?

Posts: 55 | From: aveiro, portugual | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2007 13:06      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Naked.
Beer.

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boo
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Icon 1 posted February 21, 2007 21:40      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Crazy Girl, he likes you. Big time! [Big Grin] He's just hopelessly shy and inexperienced and cute. (That's what I love about geek guys. Well that, plus, their smarts.) [Wink] Anyhow, definitely, make another first move, lol. You'll go gray waiting on him.

And actually, I see it as a GOOD thing that you won't be working together any more. That has allowed you guys to stay comfortable in the friend zone, no risks, but still hanging together. This way, you can move from friends hanging to a guy and girl dating.

He was probably just aloof because he was freaked that he wouldn't see you again and he knew he was lame for not making his move. So you go for it! [Big Grin]

Report back. [Wink]

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Astronomer Jedi
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Icon 1 posted February 21, 2007 21:45      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Being a hopelessly shy, inexperienced, cute geek, I'd like nothing more than having a woman make the first move. Particularly if I'm being as dense as Uranium in regards to picking up signals, etc.

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted February 21, 2007 22:32      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've said it once, and I'll say it again... "CARPE GEEKIUM!"

Ask him out, to something you already have planned like "Want to go see that new movie X, on Friday?" OR "How about we go to dinner this saturday?".

I don't tink asking right out "Do you want to more than just freinds?" is not a natural question to ask here, and the fact that you already went out and how he responds to being asked out again will give you the answer to your question. Reading the post, he seems to be interested, but shy. So, if he's not going to get the courage to make a move, either you have to make it, or let the him go. The later might leave you with unanswered questions and/or regrets; while asking him out bears only the possibility of getting a "no". If he says "no," you might feel rejected and hurt for a little while; but at least you'll have a definative end to the madness.

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted February 22, 2007 09:31      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've been told that the line "If you don't bang the living shit out of me right now, I'm calling the cops!" can be very effective.

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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Richard Wolf VI
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Icon 10 posted February 22, 2007 09:36      Profile for Richard Wolf VI   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just try to show him you're interested on him, be less shy and dare to invite him to do something together. If he says no, retry anyway. But be careful not to disrespect hi s limits, one thing at a time.

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Crazy Girl
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Icon 1 posted February 25, 2007 09:11      Profile for Crazy Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you all your replies. This forum has really opened my eyes to the inner workings of geeks, which I admit I had no clue about.

I did ask him on another date and he seemed down right happy that I asked.

We went out last night and had a wonderful time. He picked the restaurant and then I asked if he wanted to go ice skating afterwards. Once again he picked up the bill for dinner but I paid for the ice skating (I certainly do not want him to think I expect him to pay for everything).

I even got to meet one of his friends, who works at the restaurant we ate at.

I do think I will ask him to go out again next week.

Thanks again for all your help!!!

Posts: 22 | From: Crazy World, USA | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 25, 2007 10:36      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
Naked.
Beer.

Thank you for stating the obvious.....at least someone is listening [thumbsup]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted February 25, 2007 11:42      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Crazy Girl:
Thank you all your replies. This forum has really opened my eyes to the inner workings of geeks, which I admit I had no clue about.

I did ask him on another date and he seemed down right happy that I asked.

...

I do think I will ask him to go out again next week.
<snip />

He still needs to ask you out next time. Maybe some form of prodding is needed, and I'm probably the wrong person to be saying that (as a fellow chicken of sorts), but I just don't think it's the finest trend.

Still, have fun...and consider TFD/Vic's advice. [Wink] [Razz]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted February 25, 2007 11:59      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As a geek groupie (and a late entrant into this thread), I have the one piece of advice that one woman to another can offer:

The Only Way to Find Out the Answer to a Question . . . Is to Ask.

That said, the fear of heartbreak is probably one's greatest detractor in following said piece of advice.

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Crazy Girl
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Icon 1 posted February 25, 2007 12:35      Profile for Crazy Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
He still needs to ask you out next time. Maybe some form of prodding is needed, and I'm probably the wrong person to be saying that (as a fellow chicken of sorts), but I just don't think it's the finest trend.

I agree with you on that. I would love to have him ask me out. Based on his past behaviors I am having my doubts that he will ever ask me out. It was 4 full weeks from date #1 until I asked him to go on date #2. He had many chances to ask me out during that time but he never did.

Do I patiently wait? How long should I wait before I give up and ask him out again? How do I prod the issue without seeming totally crazy? "Hey, I asked you out twice, now it's your turn to ask me out." lol [Big Grin]

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted February 25, 2007 17:04      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Crazy Girl:
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
He still needs to ask you out next time. Maybe some form of prodding is needed, and I'm probably the wrong person to be saying that (as a fellow chicken of sorts), but I just don't think it's the finest trend.

I agree with you on that. I would love to have him ask me out. Based on his past behaviors I am having my doubts that he will ever ask me out. It was 4 full weeks from date #1 until I asked him to go on date #2. He had many chances to ask me out during that time but he never did.

Do I patiently wait? How long should I wait before I give up and ask him out again? How do I prod the issue without seeming totally crazy? "Hey, I asked you out twice, now it's your turn to ask me out." lol [Big Grin]

Hey, why not - it might spark some honest discussion. Otherwise, you two will never acknowledge what you're thinking/feeling for each other.

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 26, 2007 10:19      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
* looks at Crazy Girl. *

* looks at his watch. *

* taps watch *

* leaves thread *

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Maggs
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2007 16:09      Profile for Maggs     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
I've been told that the line "If you don't bang the living shit out of me right now, I'm calling the cops!" can be very effective.

Hey, he might take that as getting a baseball bat, and really bang the shit out of you, and that's not a good thing. Clarity is key.
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Maggs
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2007 16:11      Profile for Maggs     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
In my case, if a girl asked me out, I'd be happy. I'd be shocked.
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boo
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Icon 1 posted March 04, 2007 19:26      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Astronomer Jedi:
Being a hopelessly shy, inexperienced, cute geek, I'd like nothing more than having a woman make the first move. Particularly if I'm being as dense as Uranium in regards to picking up signals, etc.

Just as long as she doesn't scream, right? [Wink] [Razz]

Crazygirl: An update is in order, I believe. [Smile]

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Astronomer Jedi
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Icon 1 posted March 05, 2007 02:13      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by boo:
quote:
Originally posted by Astronomer Jedi:
Being a hopelessly shy, inexperienced, cute geek, I'd like nothing more than having a woman make the first move. Particularly if I'm being as dense as Uranium in regards to picking up signals, etc.

Just as long as she doesn't scream, right? [Wink] [Razz]

That's only the first move...I'd insist she screams later on [Wink]

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

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boo
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Icon 1 posted March 06, 2007 22:20      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Astronomer Jedi:
quote:
Originally posted by boo:
quote:
Originally posted by Astronomer Jedi:
Being a hopelessly shy, inexperienced, cute geek, I'd like nothing more than having a woman make the first move. Particularly if I'm being as dense as Uranium in regards to picking up signals, etc.

Just as long as she doesn't scream, right? [Wink] [Razz]

That's only the first move...I'd insist she screams later on [Wink]
[Eek!] [Big Grin] Glad to hear it. [Wink]
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Astronomer Jedi
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Icon 1 posted March 07, 2007 06:10      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This might become a NSFW threadjack soon... [Wink]

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

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