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Author Topic: I just can't figure him out!
never_ask_why333
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Icon 2 posted November 23, 2006 20:26      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi!
Well as the title says, i just cannot figure this guy out!
Well, let me start from the beginning. There is this guy that i have an interest in. I guess you could call him a geek, or even a shy guy. I happen to know that he has an interest in me as well. We are not dating, but we act as if we are. For instance, we have gone out to movies and dinner, he gives me rides home, walks me from class to class, spends all of his free time with me (or if he doesn't have any, he makes some!). This has been going on now for atleast a month or so. I've managed to get him pretty much out of his shell, and he seems fairly comfortable around me. But the thing is, I would really like to be official. You know, exclusive...boyfriend and girlfriend.
One of my male friends talked to him (without my knowing) about this. And the guy in question told him that while he does have an interest in me as well, he does not want to risk jeopardizing our friendship by dating.
I value our friendship very much, and I completely understand where he is coming from. However, i would like to date him. As I have previously stated, i would like to be exclusive. I love him as a friend, but I also have feelings for him. And honestly, as naive as this may sound, I really do not believe that it will be jeopardizing our friendship. Sure, it will have risks, but I think we know eachother well enough, and we are both mature enough to handle whatever obstacles a relationship may bring.
So I was wondering what to do. I'm hesitant to talk about this to him because I do not want to scare him away. I see how truly amazing he is and do not want to risk losing that. He is shy, and I've noticed that he kind of 'clams up' at the mention of a relationship. For instance, when we are together, many people have come up and asked us if we are a couple. When that happens, he gets really nervous and shy and pretty much shuts down. Then, to make it worse, he is kind of distant from me for the next day or two.
So, back to the question(s). What should I do? Is there some underlying message in his actions that I am missing? What is going through his head (obviously nobody knows for sure, but I would love some opinions from anyone who may have a clue)?
Anyway, thanks so much for the help. Its really appreciated. And sorry this post is so...patchy. I'm really scatter-brained at the moment and cannot seem to write anything that flows. Hope you don't mind.

Ciao

--------------------
I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

Posts: 155 | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
Uber Geek
Member # 3773

Icon 1 posted November 23, 2006 20:57      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well... I'd say that there was a communication error between you and the 'third party' male friend, or between him and the guy in question. If this guy is anything like me, it's not actually being in a relationship that troubles him; it's asking you about it.

Simple solution: ask him.

And that part about him clamming up at the mention of a relationship- you say that happens when people see you together; perhaps he doesn't want you to think that he's trying to give off that impression, or something along those lines, so as not to jeopardize the friendship.

Just my $0.02USD; maybe I'm way off base here, but it sounds like that's the situation to me.


And since this is your first post, I'd like to welcome you to GC and encourage you to post something in the 'about you' section.

--------------------
"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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boo
Highlie
Member # 5991

Icon 1 posted November 23, 2006 21:04      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, it sounds to me that's he's just very shy and likes to take his time about things. Personally, I wouldn't rush him. Things seem to be going well so I would just keep doing what you're doing until his levels of confidence and comfort come up. Give him another month without pressuring him too much. At some point, it would be reasonable to clarify the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but maybe he doesn't have a lot of experience and he's just a little embarrassed about it all. And he might not want to pressure you, either. I say, keep the status quo a little longer. Good luck and let us know how it goes. [Smile]
Posts: 775 | From: us of a | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted November 23, 2006 22:08      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Composes the usual "naked with beer" response...

Checks date of birth in never_ask_why333's profile...

Deletes "naked with beer" response...

Composes more age-appropriate answer...

Males of that age are usually paralysed with insecurity about the opposite sex (as are females), so you're going to have to help him along a little. Try sneaking up behind him and sticking your tongue in his ear.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted November 23, 2006 22:18      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, I would *ahem* agree with nwnf. [Razz]

Seriously, talk to him - and say that you enjoy his friendship, and that it looks like both of you are interested in a relationship....and that you're very much fine with that. He probably doesn't want to lose a good thing (your friendship), and just won't go through with anything else unless it is *crystal clear* that it's alright and won't screw stuff up.

Best of luck to you. [Smile]

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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never_ask_why333
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Icon 1 posted November 23, 2006 22:38      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, thanks for all the excellent input! i can't believe how fast you all got the replies done...wow, I'm really impressed. And i did take your opinions to heart, and will most definately act upon them. Thanks so much!!

--------------------
I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

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uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 00:39            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't know ... talking about it directly to him might backfire. I'd suggest something more subtle, or to be patient. If you confront him, he might panic and then not want to face you again.
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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 03:27      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
never_ask_why333______________________Have you ever been around a feral kitten? One that is mixed in with tame cats. It will come to the food dish find out its pecking order in the group but will hardly even come to the people that feed the cats. When offered some thing really good to eat it may come but if you don't have tasty food it stays back. Young men with out much experience around young ladies will act very skittish and may act inapropriatly if pushed too fast. Just the obsevations of an old man.

I also find the mix of your screen name and then all the questions, some what puzzling.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
business attire
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 18:44      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
contrary to every other person on this board, I say leave it alone.

boys that age hardly think about "not wanting to jeopardize a friendship" and I think its likely a polite way of saying "no thanks, lets just stay friends."

if he's distant from you for a few days because of the mention that he may be dating you, that isn't acceptable to me. A good friend would laugh it off, but if he's clamming up its because in his head he's thinking "holycraps! I don't want people to think I'm dating her!"

I wouldn't concentrate my efforts on trying to get him to come around. Instead, date other boys who are at least willing to admit they want to date you!! you deserve that much.

I don't particularly recommend it because its manipulating, but if you want to do some probing on Mr. Clammypants then ask his opinion on if you should date XYZ boy -- maybe you'll get a rise out of him.

Sorry to be a negative nelly and all, but thats just the way I see it.

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GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
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Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 18:58      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
business attire wrote:
Mr. Clammypants

Did you actually manage to keep a straight face while you typed that?

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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business attire
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 19:55      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
when you have a sense of humor as wry as mine, you have to keep a straight face.

but I may have smirked... just a little.

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never_ask_why333
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Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 22:33      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for the imput! As always, it is appreciated.

There was definately a wide variety of what was said, and that kind of makes it hard to choose who to listen to. I think for now, I will just let things lie, at least for a little while.

I do think that he is shy, and I also think that he is interested for sure. For one, he has told me. And, the third party did say that the guy in question does have an interest in dating me. But, i will be patient. I'll just see what happens I guess, and in a few weeks time, if things are still where they are, I'll talk to him about it.

Again, thanks so much. its really appreciated.

--------------------
I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

Posts: 155 | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged
never_ask_why333
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Member # 6340

Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 22:38      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TheMoMan:
never_ask_why333______________________Have you ever been around a feral kitten? One that is mixed in with tame cats. It will come to the food dish find out its pecking order in the group but will hardly even come to the people that feed the cats. When offered some thing really good to eat it may come but if you don't have tasty food it stays back. Young men with out much experience around young ladies will act very skittish and may act inapropriatly if pushed too fast. Just the obsevations of an old man.

I also find the mix of your screen name and then all the questions, some what puzzling.

About the screen name: It doesn't mean that I don't ask 'why' (trust me, I always do). It is more in reference to all the people who ask me why I do the things I do. And just for future reference to anyone who asks me 'why'.... I can pretty much guarantee that my reply will be "Oh, probably because the same reason that the sky is blue..."

As far as the other part of the message goes, did I interpret it correctly? "Don't push it or he will pull away?"

Thanks

--------------------
I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

Posts: 155 | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 23:29      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by never_ask_why333:
It is more in reference to all the people who ask me why I do the things I do. And just for future reference to anyone who asks me 'why'.... I can pretty much guarantee that my reply will be "Oh, probably because the same reason that the sky is blue..."

You do the things you do because of the way radiation gets absorbed when it travels through you?


[Cool]

--------------------
"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted November 24, 2006 23:38      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm just suprised that she refracts light instead of reflecting or absorbing it like normal people do.

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted November 25, 2006 03:58      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
never_ask_why333___________________Some more observations of an old man. At sixteen if a girl came on to me I would have run, not that I didn't want the attention at that age I would not have know how to handle the attention or what to do if if we were alone.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
never_ask_why333
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Icon 10 posted November 25, 2006 16:18      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by nerdwithnofriends:
quote:
Originally posted by never_ask_why333:
It is more in reference to all the people who ask me why I do the things I do. And just for future reference to anyone who asks me 'why'.... I can pretty much guarantee that my reply will be "Oh, probably because the same reason that the sky is blue..."

You do the things you do because of the way radiation gets absorbed when it travels through you?


[Cool]

haha, it never ceases to amaze me how SOMEBODY always has to make a reply to that. quite amusing, actually. I guess though although the whole 'because the sky is blue' isn't the real reason I do things, its just that most people don't know the answer to that. Likewise, I do not know the answer, nor do I know why I do the things I do.

Thanks for the humor, though. All of you. It really made my day [Applause]

--------------------
I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

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Ernesto524
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Icon 1 posted November 26, 2006 13:39      Profile for Ernesto524     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'd just go and talk to him, I know that half the time when I was younger I had no idea a girl even liked me even though, now that I look back it was so obvious. Hell whats the worst that could happen, he tells you that he doesnt want to be with you in that way and you still have a good friend and dont have false dilusions of being with this person that has no interest in you.
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zesovietrussian
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 1177

Icon 1 posted November 26, 2006 21:02      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That just doesn't sound right. Are you sure he didn't have an accident while riding a mechanical bull, or, worse yet, doesn't already have a significant other named Michael? [Smile]
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never_ask_why333
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Icon 1 posted November 26, 2006 22:53      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
That just doesn't sound right. Are you sure he didn't have an accident while riding a mechanical bull, or, worse yet, doesn't already have a significant other named Michael? [Smile]

He might have, but someohow I doubt it. I mean, even he admits that he's a bit 'pyschotic', but hey, I love it.

And no, he's not gay. We're pretty damn sure about that. He has all the right characteristics of a straight guy, and when one of my gay friends hit on him, he completely freaked out.

Haha, thanks though. It would be great if the solution were that simple. But hey, I get to see him tomorrow. I'll have to see how things go.

Oh yeah, tomatoes are cool.

*walks away muttering something about how a person should be sober for these kind of things...but hey i pull it off well [Smile] *

--------------------
I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

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Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted November 27, 2006 02:39      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by never_ask_why333:
And no, he's not gay. We're pretty damn sure about that. He has all the right characteristics of a straight guy, and when one of my gay friends hit on him, he completely freaked out.

I would not necessarily take this as proof of his sexual orientation. You need some self confidence to come out as gay.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 27, 2006 05:36      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
wow, I expect Calli to come in and blow us all away with some of his amazing insight into the male mind and encouraging advice like he's given Skylar and myself, and I see "no, well, he may be gay still."

way to rock my world like a canoe.

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted November 27, 2006 06:32      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
BA you gorgeous and cheeky monkey! [Wink]

I wish I was wise, but sadly pompous is as near as I can get! [Big Grin]

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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garlicguy

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Icon 11 posted November 27, 2006 07:47      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
-- maybe you'll get a rise out of him.

Wow! You people don't waste any time, do you?

--------------------
I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
business attire
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 27, 2006 09:35      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
everything I say is apparently a double entendre.
I win at the internet.
jeez, you men.

also, I like it when you call me gorgeous. [hearts]

Posts: 619 | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged


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