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Author Topic: Discouraging a Geek Stalker
ishy
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Icon 8 posted October 24, 2006 21:13      Profile for ishy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Most people would not consider me a shrinking violet. I tend to say what's on my mind, straight up. But at least once a year I get a geek guy who stalks me. Telling them "I'm not interested" seems to have no effect. Turning them down when they ask me out has no effect. Not returning their calls has no effect. Blocking them from AIM/email has no effect. Making myself hidden on forums has no effect.

I kid you not - this one guy was telling his friend about 'the girl' he's going after and how they've 'started a relationship'. Everyone in the room knew he was talking about me, and that I've turned him down at least 20 times. Oh, and that he 'calls me', because he got my phone number out of the phone book and leaves messages I don't return. I'm like "Hello?? I'm sitting right here!?! You can't even get me to have a whole conversation with you!"

Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!

Posts: 18 | From: Atlanta | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted October 24, 2006 21:18      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ishy wrote:
Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!

Gain 200lbs and stop bathing.

Of course, there's still a very small possibility that even that won't work.

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted October 24, 2006 21:44      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Talk to him; make sure you stick a "damn, i sure as hell miss being a dude, maybe I shouldn't have had that operation" line somewhere in the conversation. If that doesn't make him break the world land speed record, nothing will.
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
littlefish
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 01:01      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mmm. A bit out of the ordinary. Wear clothes and take Perrier?
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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 05:35      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ishy__________________________You don't want to get him revengeful, but if you don't mind the gossip go with how your new girl friend just drives you wild.

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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boo
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 06:51      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ishy wrote:
quote:
Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!
Originally posted by Steen:
quote:
Gain 200lbs and stop bathing.

Of course, there's still a very small possibility that even that won't work.

Rotfl. [Big Grin]

Ishy, it's hard, I know. Some people are just so socially unaware they don't seem to get it unless you're very mean to them, which sucks. On the other hand, some guys think, with persistence, they will win you over.

And I hate to lie about stuff, but I know that sometimes it seems like the only resort. Maybe Moman is right. Something about a guy you're seeing or even that you're a lesbian? In a perfect world you should be able to simply say, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm really not interested," and that should be enough. Lieing to someone or hurting their feelings just to get them to leave you alone is an awful position in which to find yourself. [Frown]

Posts: 775 | From: us of a | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged
Astronomer Jedi
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Icon 12 posted October 25, 2006 07:24      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Why are people presuming that telling this guy that she's bisexual or a lesbian will turn him off? [Wink]

Oooh, said too much now... [Razz]

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

Posts: 606 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
boo
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 07:40      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Haha! Now I'm starting to see the humor I love in geeks.

I've never understood why men are so turned on by the thought of two women being together, though. [Confused] Actually, it seems quite insulting to men. Just another of those mysteries between the sexes, I guess.

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Astronomer Jedi
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Icon 12 posted October 25, 2006 08:52      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't understand it either. How does the old saying go...ignorance is bliss? [evil]

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

Posts: 606 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
chromatic
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 09:18      Profile for chromatic   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ishy:
Most people would not consider me a shrinking violet. I tend to say what's on my mind, straight up. But at least once a year I get a geek guy who stalks me. Telling them "I'm not interested" seems to have no effect.

Did you actually say, in those exact words, "I am not interested"?

In my experience as a man, we don't pick up on subtlety very well or often. Unless you said explicitly that you are not interested and you are not going to change your mind, you may not have been direct enough.

Even so, that's not a guarantee, but it's a common mistake many of my female friends have made.

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ishy
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 09:42      Profile for ishy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by chromatic:
Did you actually say, in those exact words, "I am not interested"?

Oh yes. More than once. Along with "No", "I'm seeing someone", and "I'm not going to change my mind."

This isn't just this guy, but there's been a string of them. It's like they all live in a fantasy world. BTW, I've seen normal guys do this over some girl, even if she has a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or kicks him in the nuts. What's up with that...?

Posts: 18 | From: Atlanta | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 09:46      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's a game. They are the hunter, you are the prey. Clever guys can make a relentless pursuit appear flattering and sweet. Not-so clever guys just try to annoy you into submission.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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LoneWolf
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 13:26      Profile for LoneWolf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Get him in a public space and knee him in the nards. 'Nuff said.
Posts: 61 | From: Victoria BC | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged
stevenback7
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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 15:10      Profile for stevenback7   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If your not shy, then just make a big scene somewhere in front of a whole bunch of people. And the great thing about making a scene is that you can decide if you want this guy to never be able to go out in public or if you just want to get the point across.

Also on the whole telling him straight up thing. Some guys might think that when you tell him you don't like him it actually translates into you do.

And some guys just make want to make you as conffused as hell. I'm one of those guys who like to mess with certain ppl's heads. Just be carefull that he dosn't turn against you and make you not be able to go out in public.

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Comic Book Guy: There is no emoticon for what i'm feeling.

Posts: 1199 | From: Canada eh? | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted October 25, 2006 16:00      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm certainly no expert in getting rid of stalkers, but I would think having a male friend talk to the guy might help if telling him yourself isn't. I'm not thinking of trying to intimidate him, but it seems that he might be less likely to interpret "no" as "yes" when it's coming from a guy.

Failing that, a good OC/CS pepper spray might be a good investment. [Wink]

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted October 26, 2006 06:41      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ishy:
Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!

I find cattle prods to be rather effective. The trick is to shock 'em to the ground, then bludgeon them with the handle. (They're quite hefty, much like MagLites.)

If you don't want to fork over the money, a spinning backfist to the teeth usually gets the message across, too.

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ishy
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Icon 1 posted October 26, 2006 19:16      Profile for ishy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sxeptomaniac:
I'm certainly no expert in getting rid of stalkers, but I would think having a male friend talk to the guy might help if telling him yourself isn't. I'm not thinking of trying to intimidate him, but it seems that he might be less likely to interpret "no" as "yes" when it's coming from a guy.

Actually, my guy friends who know both of us have been little help. Two of them refuse to believe he's that annoying, despite what me (and my other female friends) keep saying. One's response to everything is "But he's a nice guy. You should go out with him." when obviously the stalker-guy has severe issues.

My other guy friend who knows both of us hates confrontation and doesn't want to be involved.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted October 26, 2006 22:45      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If you're desperate enough to get rid of this guy and you're on speaking terms with your parents, ask them to step in and get rid of the guy. Parental involvement is usually enough to send guys running.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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chicgeek
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Icon 1 posted November 15, 2006 16:50      Profile for chicgeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You never owe it to anyone to go out on a date with him. I feel your pain; during a time in my life when I hated men, I had some stalkers that tried to "annoy me into submission". Now that I'm ready to settle down, though, I find myself in No Man's Land. [Eek!]
Maybe it's the message we all subconsciously send out: The "I hate men" vibe seems to attract them like moths to a flame, while the "I need a husband, stat!" vibe sends them running in the opposite direction. [cry baby] [shake head] [weep]

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garlicguy

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Icon 4 posted November 16, 2006 08:10      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Warning! Warning! Warning!

NSFW and highly offensive photo link ahead!!!

As a last resort, you could send him this picture and explain that your doctor thinks that the improvement you've shown means you'll be almost totally cured within 3 to 5 years.

Just trying to be helpful... [devil wand]

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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JulioC
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Icon 1 posted November 16, 2006 15:58      Profile for JulioC     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Garlic guy is wise beyond his years.

Follow his advice. [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

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www.jcmrpgart.blogspot.com
612toApocalypse

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never_ask_why333
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Icon 1 posted November 23, 2006 23:18      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This actually happened to me very recently. And no matter how very clear I was to him, he just would not back down. I started out nice, then slowly became more hostile as he became more persistent.
After a while, i got really fed up with it. He was starting to be really creepy, and even possessive. It had escalated so much....so I decided to take a step above hostile.So finally, on one of the many occasions that I caught him following me, I turned around to square him in the face. And then I threatened him. I told him that if he didn't stop right there, right then, that I was personally going to kick his butt.( to be perfectly honest, there was alot of cussing and screaming involved on my part when I told him this
From that moment on, I never had a problem with him again.

Now I'm not trying to promote violence/threats here, but it sure did work for me.

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I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

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