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Author Topic: new challenge with geek guys
eire333
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Icon 1 posted June 26, 2006 15:13      Profile for eire333   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
first time poster here....i'm not a tech geek but I work in a company with LOTS of them. I've read all the tips about attracting a geek's attention, etc. but I have a new and more challenging problem. I looooove all the "brown" guys that are developers here (meaning those from countries like India, etc). I know that sounds strange (I'm very white, blonde and, yes, intelligent....go figure right?? ; ))

So, this ethnic difference releases a whole new can of worms. Any additional ideas as to "warm" up to these guys without freaking them out? I'm very nice, talk to all of them, am very interested in their culture, etc but they tend to keep their distance. I'm not overbearing in any way and have even participated in company-sponsored sports teams where I was the only one from marketing, just to befriend these guys.....Any ideas???

Posts: 1 | From: South | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged
Crimson
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Icon 1 posted June 26, 2006 17:19      Profile for Crimson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ah!

[hearts] They are nice. [Big Grin]

Just remember they are like any other geeky guy. They and their culture should be respected. Make the first approach, be friendly, casual conversation, etc. no starring or drooling

Goodluck [Razz]

Posts: 106 | From: Michigan | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
fs

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Icon 1 posted June 27, 2006 00:14      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by eire333:
first time poster here....i'm not a tech geek but I work in a company with LOTS of them. I've read all the tips about attracting a geek's attention, etc. but I have a new and more challenging problem. I looooove all the "brown" guys that are developers here (meaning those from countries like India, etc). I know that sounds strange (I'm very white, blonde and, yes, intelligent....go figure right?? ; ))

So, this ethnic difference releases a whole new can of worms. Any additional ideas as to "warm" up to these guys without freaking them out? I'm very nice, talk to all of them, am very interested in their culture, etc but they tend to keep their distance. I'm not overbearing in any way and have even participated in company-sponsored sports teams where I was the only one from marketing, just to befriend these guys.....Any ideas???

First, dating and the like are a bit different from anglo culture. I'm not an expert on it by any means, but IIRC our own Mephisto is currently ensconced in India and could probably enlighten you some on the culture.

Second, interracial relationships are still the exception rather than the rule. The reality is there will be times when you encounter prejudice, people may stare or say rude things. (Been there, done that.) Even if it doesn't discourage you, there may be some men who are put off by it and prefer to avoid the hassle.

Third, are the men in question US citizens or on worker visas? If they plan on returning to India, they may not be interested in getting involved now.

Fourth, any intercultural relationship is going to have it's moments. I'm continually learning new things about my boyfriend's culture. My original blithe assumption was that it was just like us except a different language (American arrogance, I know) but the more I learn, the more foreign it really is. Some things just don't translate and you will never be able to truly understand those things on the inside, even if you do get the concept intellectually.

Fifth, they are still geeks. There may be a certain amount of disbelief that the hawt marketing chick could be interested like that. Stay friendly, invite them to do things socially and as a group while you get to know them. Invite them to parties or out with some girlfriends. If you don't already have a particular guy in mind and haven't really gotten to know any of them well, I would suggest that you just let friendships develop. It's a little soon to cut one off from the herd if you aren't really sure you want him and it may ruin your chances with the others or give you a reputation at work if things go badly and you switch your pursuit to another.

Last, as marketing, you are the enemy. [Wink]

Good luck.

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I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted June 27, 2006 12:09      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't know about indian lads, but most indian girls are downright adorable - must be the eyes...

PS: Check with Xanthine for a brown dating horror story [Smile]

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted June 27, 2006 14:14      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That had nothing to do with him being Indian. His culture may have thrown a few twists into the plot, but the core issues in that relationship know no racial or cultural bounds.

Cultural differences are what you make of them. The best thing to do in an interracial or cross-cultural relationship is keep an open mind. This goes both ways of course.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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Haiduc
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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2006 00:10      Profile for Haiduc   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okie, I know I'm young, but I'm in a relationship with a guy of a different cultural background. He's Dutch, while I'm an American -- big difference, eh? A small secret: he's one of the biggest dorks around. <3

Anyhoo, if you're not up to accepting cultural differences, you'd might as well forget it. It's a no-brainer that some people can become very offended by the tiniest things.

So, I'm agreeing with Xanthine here -- keep an open mind. That's what I've done, and my relationship has lasted for well over 15 months now. [Big Grin]

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ZOMGITSHAIDUC!XD

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skylar
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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2006 07:11      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's important to figure out what the religious and cultural background of each particular guy is. For example, a Hindu from India will most likely have had a very different upbringing (and therefore will now have a very different mindset) from a Muslim from Pakistan.

These are (of course) vast generalisations, but Muslims in general will be a lot more wary about the possibility of an inter-racial relationship than Hindus. Similarly, guys from India will most likely be more relaxed about the idea than guys from Pakistan. These are not hard and fast rules, merely guidelines to help you figure out your approach.

Indian and Pakistani culture, whilst generally disapproving of inter-racial relationships, will look far more favourably upon an Indian/Pakistani guy with a white girl, rather than an Indian girl with a white guy. Around my part of England, you will often see an Asian guy with a white girl, but never once have I seen it the other way around. Sadly enough, Asian girls with white guys is still a major taboo... but things are relaxed enough in the more liberal families for an Asian guy with a white girl to be just about acceptable. Trust me, as a (British) Pakistani girl, this is something I know a lot about [Razz] .

Also, Asian elders will often view an inter-racial relationship as a "bit of fun" for their son or grandson, before he settles down to marry a nice Indian girl. He might feel the same way, so beware of just being used, and make sure he doesn't feel that way. On other hand, if it appears that you might develop a serious relationship, be prepared to receive opposition from his family (and, chances are, his family will mean a lot to him), and to be stared at quite a bit [Razz] .

All that is further down the line, though. Truth is, if you want to attract an Asian/Indian guy, you don't need to include any special tactic that will get him to like you. Some Indian guys like white girls who seem to understand their own culture, whilst others like white girls simply because they are so different. You need to get to know these guys as individuals, rather than seeing the skin colour as a generic barrier which needs some standardised passcode in order to be overcome.

Good luck! [Smile]

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SilverBlade
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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2006 20:30      Profile for SilverBlade   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay, here goes one of my big confessions:

I am Chinese and I personally am not attracted to Chinese men. For some reason I find them quite boring and are just not unique.

So, all the boyfriends I've had are from different cultures. I've had a Filipino, a Danish and I am currently with a Lithuanian. I love sharing our cultures with each other, and the difference in lifestyle and ideas really adds a colourful mix into the relationship.

However, there is a downside to it. At the moment, the parents of my Lithuanian boyfriend completely rejects me and is demanding that we break up. This is because of the difference in culture and they think that my babies will be "social rejects" (why they are thinking so far ahead is beyond me). So while I (and him) embrace the cultural difference, his parents completely rejects it.

Its very painful.

The message I want you to take home is to really enjoy having this mix, make sure you two respect each other's differences of course. However be careful as many other people may not accept it and you two may have a really difficult time ahead.

Good luck!

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http://www.silver-blade.net

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Moe Monkey
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Icon 1 posted July 10, 2006 09:48      Profile for Moe Monkey     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by SilverBlade:
<my boyfriend's parents> think that my babies will be "social rejects" (why they are thinking so far ahead is beyond me).

...Seems to me they aren't exactly thinking ahead, more like a few decades behind... [ohwell]
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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted July 18, 2006 19:47      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
eire,

The best way to impresss the fellows in IT from India is to let them know you're interested in moving to India and getting a cush outsourced technical support job from an American software company where you can be aloof, and rude, and blame all the problems on the stupid American who just bought the software!

India is going gangbusters growing an entire industry around this market segment. You should check it out.

CP

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Free! Free at last!

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted July 18, 2006 23:42      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
Indian and Pakistani culture, whilst generally disapproving of inter-racial relationships, will look far more favourably upon an Indian/Pakistani guy with a white girl, rather than an Indian girl with a white guy. Around my part of England, you will often see an Asian guy with a white girl, but never once have I seen it the other way around. Sadly enough, Asian girls with white guys is still a major taboo... but things are relaxed enough in the more liberal families for an Asian guy with a white girl to be just about acceptable. Trust me, as a (British) Pakistani girl, this is something I know a lot about.

Does this mean......there is no hope for us?

[weep]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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uilleann
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Icon 1 posted July 18, 2006 23:57            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Whadt do you mean? You're not confusing UK English "Asian" -- South Asia, including India and Pakistan -- with US (and Canadian?) English "Asian" -- East Asia, including China and Japan -- are you? You have to be careful about that.
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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 07:41      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
Around my part of England, you will often see an Asian guy with a white girl, but never once have I seen it the other way around. Sadly enough, Asian girls with white guys is still a major taboo... but things are relaxed enough in the more liberal families for an Asian guy with a white girl to be just about acceptable. Trust me, as a (British) Pakistani girl, this is something I know a lot about [Razz] .

Which is funny, because I know a lot of guys who find asian girls particularily hot.
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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 08:17      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I dated a South Korean girl for about 2 months. She turned out to be very possesive. So I ended that in a hurry.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 08:55      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I dated a filipino girl for about 10 months.

She was a freak in the sheats. Anywhere else, she was the most proper young lady you'd ever meet. Her mom too.

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YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 09:56      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Jace Raven:
I dated a filipino girl for about 10 months.

She was a freak in the sheats. Anywhere else, she was the most proper young lady you'd ever meet. Her mom too.

Um,Im sorry but I just have to ask. So, her mom was a freak in sheets and a proper lady everywhere else too? This is from personal experience? Your squeeze and the mom?? wow. [Smile]
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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 09:59      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
quote:
Originally posted by Jace Raven:
I dated a filipino girl for about 10 months.

She was a freak in the sheats. Anywhere else, she was the most proper young lady you'd ever meet. Her mom too.

Um,Im sorry but I just have to ask. So, her mom was a freak in sheets and a proper lady everywhere else too? This is from personal experience? Your squeeze and the mom?? wow. [Smile]
I preffer sisters myself, But hey, whaterver blows your skirt up I guess.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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quantumfluff
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 13:23      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You know what's even better? Twin sisters, where one is Filipino and the other is Chinese!

(Hey, it's my fantasy, it doesn't have to be possible.)

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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 13:38      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by quantumfluff:
You know what's even better? Twin sisters, where one is Filipino and the other is Chinese!

(Hey, it's my fantasy, it doesn't have to be possible.)

Thats funny.

I have dated a girl that had an identical twin sister. She was Jewish and as fun as can be.

But apparently a lot of guys had asked them for a 3-some. They never took anyone up on it. She had brought up to me that it was one of her biggest pet peeves. So I never asked.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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quantumfluff
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 13:41      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have dated a girl that had an identical twin sister. She was Jewish and as fun as can be.
What was the other one?

But apparently a lot of guys had asked them for a 3-some. They never took anyone up on it. She had brought up to me that it was one of her biggest pet peeves. So I never asked.
Dude. That was an invitation not a complaint.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2006 14:41      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I have dated a girl that had an identical twin sister.

How do you know you weren't dating both of them?

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2006 06:08      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I have dated a girl that had an identical twin sister.

How do you know you weren't dating both of them?
That's hot.
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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2006 07:18      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I have dated a girl that had an identical twin sister.

How do you know you weren't dating both of them?
That's hot.
One lived here in MN and the other lived in MO. Not to mention Sarah (The one I was dating/lived with) Had a birthmark on her .... ummmm .... right butt cheak. hehe

So if they where naked anyone could tell them apart. I also had known Sarah about 3 months before I met her sister, And I found out that even with identical twins there are slight differences. The way they act, The way they put on makup, They both dyed their hair but it was like one shade off from the other.

So I could tell them apart with no problem. If someone saw them walking in the mall together at first glance they wouldn't be able to but once you spend enough time with one or the other it's easy.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2006 14:32      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I have dated a girl that had an identical twin sister.

How do you know you weren't dating both of them?
That's hot.
And reasonably common, if ABC radio can be believed.

A few years ago, there was some twins study in the news, and ABC radio got twins to call in and tell twins stories. A number of these stories involved twins sharing boyfriends/girlfriends (and in one case - a husband) without their knowledge.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2006 14:44      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
if ABC radio can be believed.

Well they cannot be believed, so forget that. According to Calli, the only reliable new source is Fox News.

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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