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» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » Guys, Guys, Guys!   » How to help my geek and get back with him (Page 1)

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Author Topic: How to help my geek and get back with him
Divasjp
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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 10:40      Profile for Divasjp     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi all - first I need to say you have all been way supportive.

I am dating a geek (code programer) whom I just broke up with becasue he simply could not feel comfortable doing anything but work on his computer, play WoW or procrastinate on his job.

We were great the first 2 months and the sex was/is great, we almost bought a house together, we have a strong connection and each of us would like to stay together. I love him dearly and know he does me as well. I just think he does not know how to be in a real relationship. He has been alone for about 7 years.

But why is it that he feels safer being on the computer than leaving the house and spending time with me. When we are away from the house and the computer he is very attentive and we have a great time, but the minute we get home, he is right on the machine.

Is there a great comfort level there? I know he is suffering from ADD and depression but won;t get help, and is sinking further into WoW and avoiding his work.

We have talked about this and he knows that in order for our relationship to work we need shared experiences outside of the home or at least from teh computer.

Any advice on how to help him, or is walking away the best I can do for him. I know I need to take care of myself and this is why I have broken with him. I am worried however that he will slip even further.

Is there anything I can do to help this geek of mine, or just let him be and hope he realizes the help he needs?

thanks, Diva

Posts: 5 | From: Portland, OR | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 11:07      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Like most addictions (yes he is addicted to WoW) he needs to hit rock bottom. Alcoholics refer to this as the 'moment of clarity' when in mid stupor they look around at their life and how it doesn't amount to jack shit, how they have alienated their friends, their family, lost thier jobs etc.

You can't help an addict until they want to be helped. Tell him how you feel, why you are not going to be in his life any more but he needs to come to terms with things on his own. Sad but true.

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 14:15      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A person with depression is going to find it very difficult to have the initiative to go out and do the things you enjoy. Whether it's addiction or deep depression, he is probably not going to change if he doesn't have to. If you can't live with the current behavior, then don't.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 16:34      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My advice is fairly simple: Get this book and read it. Very useful for the sort of situation you are in where you need to define clear boundaries between what your part is, and his responsibilities.

It does sound like he has an addictive personality though, but spending a lot of time in front of a computer isn't necessarily problematic, a lot of geeks do that. However, if it is interfering with the balance of his life (like it sounds like it is), then that's a problem for sure.

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 17:21      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Bribe him. Tell him you'll get him a shiny new Radeon X1900 that will let him run his games at 1600x1200, with 8x AA and 16x AF, if he starts going places with you. Don't worry about the obscure acronyms, he'll know what you're talking about. No WoW addict can turn down such offer [Wink]
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 19:23      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
When is someone gonna suggest the real solution to any problem?

Huh?

I have been pounding into your heads for years now, haven't I?

Has anything I said gotten through to you people?

/slams door

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 19:32      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wear a snowsuit and bring fruit punch?
Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 19:40      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

/slams door again

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 19:46      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok ok calm down Cap'n Vic.

Pearl nipple rings and Captain Morgan?

There now, do you feel a teensy bit better?

Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 19:53      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
*Sigh*

Yes.

/walks backing sporting nothing but a 'Prince Albert' and carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
magefile
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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 19:58      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
*Sigh*

Yes.

/walks backing sporting nothing but a 'Prince Albert' and carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels

To paraphrase the old joke:
"Do you have Prince Albert in pants? Well, let him out!"

Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted February 07, 2006 20:12      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
*Sigh*

Yes.

/walks backing sporting nothing but a 'Prince Albert' and carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels

Awwww how cute! You gave it a name. I didn't realize men really did that. [Big Grin]
Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 02:18      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Errrrm, no Yayawoman,

A "Prince Albert" is a penile peircing... [Eek!]

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1937 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 05:08      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Really? Wow. Ouch.

Thank you serenak for explaining.

Hey just out of morbid curiosity are they changeable like earings? Then someone could have different things for different holidays. July 4th, valentines day,christmas [Big Grin]

Yes I know I should just google it but that ain't happening folks. Old women like me go straight to the source. [Wink]

Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 05:18      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Errrm yes, it is a ring - and can be changed/removed like most other body peircing jewellery...

I was told by my tattoist that having a "Prince Albert" done is considerably less painful than having a tattoo, after all it is only one little prick!!! (Sorry...)

[Smile]

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 06:07      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Top tip for men

Don't stand next to a man with a Prince Albert in a urinal, due to the loss of accuracy and increased arc of dispersal that often results from this piercing.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 06:12      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks guys. Gosh I love this place. You learn something new every day.
Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 06:28      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Thanks guys. Gosh I love this place. You learn something new every day.

Whether you wanted to or not.. *shudder* [Razz]
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Samantha
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 07:21      Profile for Samantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
Don't stand next to a man with a Prince Albert in a urinal,

How does one go about determining that the adjacent man has a PA? Would it not be best to avoid standing next to anyone who is in a urinal?
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
maximile

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 07:35      Profile for maximile   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Perhaps everyone should just try not to urinate for a while, mmkay? Find something better to do.
Posts: 1085 | From: London, UK (Powys, UK in hols) | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
magefile
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 08:35      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by maximile:
Perhaps everyone should just try not to urinate for a while, mmkay? Find something better to do.

"Is it NECESSARY for me to drink my own urine? No. But it's sterile, and I like the taste."

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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GMx

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 10:45      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
Top tip for men

Don't stand next to a man with a Prince Albert in a urinal, due to the loss of accuracy and increased arc of dispersal that often results from this piercing.

Is this advice coming from personal experience? [Eek!]
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ewomack
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 10:52      Profile for ewomack   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So what exactly did Prince Albert do to get this charming procedure named after him?

I'm sure that it's a good tasty story...

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Ed Womack
Get Milked

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 11:07      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
*Sigh*

Yes.

/walks backing sporting nothing but a 'Prince Albert' and carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels

wow, I have been away too long-I thought the answer was to pass the virtual joint. [blush]

Vic-why am I not surprised at all about the Prince Albert??? In fact, I'd be more shocked if you didn't have one. [Big Grin]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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GMx

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Icon 14 posted February 08, 2006 11:31      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
OT- Hey Snup! Glad to have you back! [Beard of Peter Gabriel!] [thumbsup]
Posts: 5848 | From: S-4, Area 51 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged


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