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» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » Guys, Guys, Guys!   » /me losing faith in male homosapiens.

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Author Topic: /me losing faith in male homosapiens.
Mister Merrick
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Icon 1 posted December 31, 2005 21:31      Profile for Mister Merrick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
/Me stuck in rut. My previous boyfriends and my current guy friends all have their admirable qualities, but I've come to realize that they share a lot of the same repulsive characteristics. All human men as a species do --that I've met-- actually. I'm concerned that I've become bitter towards all males unjustly, and might be heading in the wrong direction. I'll make this as short and sweet as possible. Here's what you need to know:

Firstly:
I'm a female, despite the username. I play a wide range of videogames, PC games, I love to program and tinker with computers, and I'm working on getting my ham radio licence. Also, I plan on majoring in computer engineering.

Secondly:
Sure, I'm just as competitive as anyone else, but sometimes I feel like I have to be leaps and bounds better than the geeks I hang out with just to be accepted. Why do (geekish?) men need the spectacular light show? Girls have pride too, y'know...

Thirdly:
I know that Asian women are the most seductive creatures on the planet, but I want to be compared to the prettiest Japan Idol just as much as you would want to be compared to Mr. Universe. This brings me to my next point.

Fourthly:
Pr0n. Some chicks are A-OK letting their boyfriends have a go at it. Me? I can't but help be insulted, at least a little bit... And is it too assumptive to say that a vast majority of married men feel that they can view pr0n and still be faithful? How *does* pr0n encourage a healthy, faithful relationship? It probably doesn't. I believe that thoughts become words, and words become actions. And that's about all I've got to say on that.

Well. This post is long enough, eh? Sorry for the rant. I'm not typically like this. 'Just came for some good ol' feedback.

P.S.-
Happy New Year!

Posts: 2 | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
Wick
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 00:15      Profile for Wick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Pr0n is not good for a relationship...unless its all based around lust...then I guess maybe it would be.

Being on the net I of course run into it all the time. Being a male it natually draws me in. I get depressed though seeing alot of girls throw their lives away getting involved in it...I'm sure alot of them are good people and are stuck in it based on life situations.

My ex-wife who spent time on the net seen her share of pr0n as well. She started copying alot of it....which thrilled me at the time. Though, now when I think back thats the time she started changing alot. I feel it is best avoided.

If a guy is indulging himself with pr0n everday and not paying attention to you then you should know where you stand...a play toy. There are plenty of other guys that would respect you...especially if you are a gamer/programmer chick...that makes respecting you that much more important, because that is hawt. [Razz]

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-= "There comes a time in a man's life when he must roll the dice and except the outcome" =-

Posts: 80 | From: OH | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
frantic_neutrino
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 02:38      Profile for frantic_neutrino     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well put Merrick [Smile] .

I'm a guy so I'm kinda being traitorous to my gender but, eh, who cares.

Most males you meet will match your now lowered expectations I'm afraid. It seems that it is now acceptable to be a complete ass... almost like being back in high school eh?

The only hope I have to offer you is this: we are not all jerks. Some appreciate a woman who plays video games and displays her geekhood in a moderated manner. I think you find that said men are content to hack quietly, without the need for a 'lightshow' to display how big their geekhood is (guys at work do this and it infuriates me).

Well I'm sure this post wasn't much of a boost, I just wanted to let you know that you should hang in there, you'll find a good one.

Oh and PS, the pr0n thing is a problem. I've seen relationships crumble because of it. Tis sad...

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"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." -- Robert Cringley

Posts: 11 | From: Bellingham, WA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 04:52      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mister Merrick ---------------Young lass, I feel that you have been exposing your bait in the wrong ponds, (the ones with trash fish) The young man that is interested in trash will not appreciate quality so you will have to set your sights higher and not even look at such unsavory charactors, be decerning very decerning. Continue with your test studies and that pool may be better, however most pools have some contamination. I have obsevered some of the males change after the first children came along, however not all of these specimums did. Be ready to cut the line and let him fall back into the pool.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Grummash

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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 06:51      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Mister Merrick

Welcome to the forums [Smile] You'll certainly get feedback here, and a lot of useful input, but generally speaking you need to expect straight-talking. If you're ok with that then stick around, the people here are genuinely helpful.

My $0.02, FWIW, is that you are going to hear the same advice from many quarters.....being a geek guy does not automatically make someone a nice guy. Having said that, nice guys (geek or otherwise) do exist, and we are certainly not all the same. So, as has been said already, you just need to look in new places, and don't settle for second best. You seem to have decided what you want in a guy, just don't compromise too much. [Smile]
Good Luck, and keep posting [Big Grin]

Oh, and relationships where the parties involved have different views about pr0n usually end up with just one party getting hurt. This is one area where a close consensus is really important [ohwell]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

Posts: 2335 | From: Lancashire,UK | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
fs

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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 07:14      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Merrick.

I think most likely your problem arises from still being in high school. Don't get me wrong, in college, and then out in the "real world" you will continue to meet guys who feel threatened if you are smarter, who will talk down to you just because you have breasts, will be fixated on gender stereotypes. (Sure, there are exceptions to this, some of them even post here.) But for a small percentage, what they didn't think was so cool at 15 or 17 is much cooler at 27 or 35. So take it easy, have fun, and wait for them to age some.

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I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mister Merrick
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 10:36      Profile for Mister Merrick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wick/frantic_neutrino: Phew, it's a relief to hear at least *two* guys think that pr0n has detrimental effects! You must understand that I've never heard this before.

FireSnake: I don't doubt you're right. Highschool isn't my idea of a very practical "pond", as TheMoMan put it. My previous post was also aimed toward figuring out why married men act the way that they do (i.e. my married older brother, and such). But I'm really in no hurry to tie myself down. School comes first, eh? Thanks. [Smile]

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 11:25      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Maybe, because I'm an avid porn-watcher and erotica-reader, I'm biased.

To me, porn is only really detrimental to a relationship in a few situations:
1. One member is worried about "living up to" the people who do porn. This is about low self-image.
2. One member's habit gets out of control. This can be said of any habit. (I briefly dated a guy who was absolutely obsessed with Suicide Girls, and I just got tired of hearing about it.)
3. The relationship is monogamous and based entirely on lust. Porn stars don't hug your boyfriend or go with him to the theater; the only "territory" that they're encroaching on is getting him off. Is a vibrator detrimental to relationships?

Yeah. My hungover $0.02 on porn. Goddamn those martinis.

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Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 11:49      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Being just out of High School and leaping into a world of the unknown and the very much real myself, I still have a view of both worlds.

Pr0n is a good thing for relationship that isn't based on lust. It will allow for the man to release some of his tensions without taking it out on his significant other. (Tried to keep that one clean)

I like cars. My dream car is a '64 1/2 Shelby Cobra 429. I can afford it and I have had the opportunity to purchase one. (A kit car) I didn't. I drive an '04 Scion xA. It is practicle, reliable, and has been true to me for the 2 years that I have had it. Point being, though he may look at the latest Japanese Hottie, doesn't mean he wants her. There is more to life than asthetics.

Personally, I enjoy having a woman that I can match wits with. Impress me and I will never leave; then again I have a high standard of women.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 15:01      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Jace Raven:

Pr0n is a good thing for relationship that isn't based on lust. It will allow for the man to release some of his tensions without taking it out on his significant other. (Tried to keep that one clean)

I would qualify this and say porn can be good for that when there is an imbalance in libido, i.e. one partner wants it significantly more than the other. If they are about equal in sexual desire there is no reason why the needs could not be filled with each other, and much more benefit to doing it that way.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Wick
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 18:44      Profile for Wick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by Jace Raven:

Pr0n is a good thing for relationship that isn't based on lust. It will allow for the man to release some of his tensions without taking it out on his significant other. (Tried to keep that one clean)

I would qualify this and say porn can be good for that when there is an imbalance in libido, i.e. one partner wants it significantly more than the other. If they are about equal in sexual desire there is no reason why the needs could not be filled with each other, and much more benefit to doing it that way.
It is good to have someone that is on the same sexual level as you. Without getting too graphic, some women are willing to do more than others, and some men expect more than they are willing to do. Same with women...they expect stuff from men that some will not do.

If either the male or female is not getting satisfied (even if the love every other quality about them) they will start looking elsewhere to fill that void...I don't think porn is the correct way to go though. If I had a woman that wasn't sexually pleasing me...I don't think porn would solve anything. In fact It would probably make me want it more. In return I would start to despise my partner because she would not do these things...as bad as that may sound.

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-= "There comes a time in a man's life when he must roll the dice and except the outcome" =-

Posts: 80 | From: OH | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 20:19      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Wick:
It is good to have someone that is on the same sexual level as you. Without getting too graphic, some women are willing to do more than others, and some men expect more than they are willing to do. Same with women...they expect stuff from men that some will not do.

If either the male or female is not getting satisfied (even if the love every other quality about them) they will start looking elsewhere to fill that void...I don't think porn is the correct way to go though. If I had a woman that wasn't sexually pleasing me...I don't think porn would solve anything. In fact It would probably make me want it more. In return I would start to despise my partner because she would not do these things...as bad as that may sound.

Do you despise your partners over those things? If so, how do you manage to shelter yourself from things like locker room style conversation, dirty jokes, or even passing mention of them? If I made a crack about buttsex, and it was something your significant other wasn't into, would you start to hate her?

Porn for me is a form of release when I'm not getting any. It's great when I'm single or when a significant other is elsewhere; work, trips, or simply attending to their own lives. I feel that letting the human urge to get off linger, rather than relieve it with some good old-fashioned pornography, would stem more resentment towards them from me. I'm something of a hedonist, sure, but I don't want to feel that kind of frustration building up and only have them to blame for it, and vice versa.

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nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 20:42      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
...buttsex...

*snicker snicker*

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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alfrin
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 20:42      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Wick:
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by Jace Raven:

Pr0n is a good thing for relationship that isn't based on lust. It will allow for the man to release some of his tensions without taking it out on his significant other. (Tried to keep that one clean)

I would qualify this and say porn can be good for that when there is an imbalance in libido, i.e. one partner wants it significantly more than the other. If they are about equal in sexual desire there is no reason why the needs could not be filled with each other, and much more benefit to doing it that way.
It is good to have someone that is on the same sexual level as you. Without getting too graphic, some women are willing to do more than others, and some men expect more than they are willing to do. Same with women...they expect stuff from men that some will not do. Honestly I find it more comforting to think my SO is in front of a screen instead of some other guys bed.

If either the male or female is not getting satisfied (even if the love every other quality about them) they will start looking elsewhere to fill that void...I don't think porn is the correct way to go though. If I had a woman that wasn't sexually pleasing me...I don't think porn would solve anything. In fact It would probably make me want it more. In return I would start to despise my partner because she would not do these things...as bad as that may sound.

So if porn isn't the answer, should I go out and do some chick off of 4th street, pay her $50, head to the doctor for the STD test. Would that somehow be better than a quickie off some "HoT LESBIAN ACTION!!!!!!!" that the person will forget about 3 seconds after the money shot? I honestly find it more comforting to think my SO is in front of a tv/computer screen instead of some other guy's bed.

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Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

Posts: 813 | From: Nevada, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
magefile
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Icon 1 posted January 01, 2006 22:23      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My two cents: I think porn can be a negative influence, but it doesn't have to be (like many other things). For me, the biggest concern is the treatment of people within the industry. I suspect it varies quite a bit.

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
Wick
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Icon 1 posted January 02, 2006 00:30      Profile for Wick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by Wick:
It is good to have someone that is on the same sexual level as you. Without getting too graphic, some women are willing to do more than others, and some men expect more than they are willing to do. Same with women...they expect stuff from men that some will not do.

If either the male or female is not getting satisfied (even if the love every other quality about them) they will start looking elsewhere to fill that void...I don't think porn is the correct way to go though. If I had a woman that wasn't sexually pleasing me...I don't think porn would solve anything. In fact It would probably make me want it more. In return I would start to despise my partner because she would not do these things...as bad as that may sound.

Do you despise your partners over those things? If so, how do you manage to shelter yourself from things like locker room style conversation, dirty jokes, or even passing mention of them? If I made a crack about buttsex, and it was something your significant other wasn't into, would you start to hate her?

Porn for me is a form of release when I'm not getting any. It's great when I'm single or when a significant other is elsewhere; work, trips, or simply attending to their own lives. I feel that letting the human urge to get off linger, rather than relieve it with some good old-fashioned pornography, would stem more resentment towards them from me. I'm something of a hedonist, sure, but I don't want to feel that kind of frustration building up and only have them to blame for it, and vice versa.

Umm, I wouldn't despise them over it. However, if I love buttsex (word of the day) and she doesn't, pornography is not going to help me. I'm going to want to experience it with my partner...not a computer.

As far as using porno to satisfy myself when my partner is away is just...strange. If your going to masturbate and your in a relationship...why is porno needed? If you have to look at images of others to fantasize while your in a realationship, then what will happen when someone comes along that can fulfill that fantasy...

Back to the buttsex...my partner won't let me give her good ol' buttsex, I run into a pretty young girl who loves it and likes me. What is going to happen? This is where alot of relationships crumble, not because they don't love each other...but because of lust. Again, the best solution would be to find someone who shares the same sexually interest...and other interests as well.

Do what you like though. That is just my thoughts. Not trying to change you. I'm single now so I find myself looking at porn. I did the same before I was married. After though I never did...I had no reason. What could a computer showing me sex do for me that my partner couldn't?

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-= "There comes a time in a man's life when he must roll the dice and except the outcome" =-

Posts: 80 | From: OH | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
AntonTakk
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Icon 1 posted January 02, 2006 00:41      Profile for AntonTakk   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As for the repulsive traits of guys, well, having left HS not so terribly long ago my self, I can say that *average* guys seem to have an odd pattern for maturity. It resembles a sine wave, in many respects, and just happens to be at it's lowest levels during high school, and for some in to college for a while.

This tends to make guys at this age real jerks on average, who are "all talk". most usually grow out of it thou.

Some, like me, were quite mature for our ages, and from my own experience, this tends to make them seem rather un-approachable for many people. For the most part you just need to stay true to your self, (wether that means gaming and coding or hair and makup), and be patient while the guys get a chance to grow up.

Not all of us guys are bad, it's just that some guys have about as much sense of self as a rock, which leads to wanting to "be cool" (through the various incarnations of it)


seeing as how I am getting to be to sleepy to inteligently finish this post, I bid you patience and resolve enough to wade through the sewage and find a good person to be with.

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`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!' - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Posts: 83 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted January 02, 2006 08:46      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mister Merrick ______________From preteen until the end of teens, young males are obsessed with sex, they may not know how, but they are obsessed. During this time young ladies may have had jobs baby sitting and know what little boys look like.

From twenty until they grow out of it is the fantasy time, any reason to think that they are THE MAN! Even if it means ruining a young ladies reputation, bragging rule supreme, (good joke here is if their doctor told them to give up half of their sex they would have trouble deciding to give up talking or thinking about it).

So my advise to you is keep your panties on, hold an object between your knees and do not spoon with a young man, set your limits and hold fast, the trash will see that they can't get anyway with you and move on to easier prey.

You have set some worth while goals, please tell me in ten to fifteen years if you have reached them, don't settle for next best they are the first losers.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted January 02, 2006 09:30      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TheMoMan:
Mister Merrick ______________From preteen until the end of teens, young males are obsessed with sex, they may not know how, but they are obsessed.

.. really? Only until end of teens? I'm 23 and I'm still stupidly obsessed with it. Have been since I was about 10 years old too.. although I didn't get any for quite some time after that.
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ewomack
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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2006 02:16      Profile for ewomack   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ah... the cool breeze I felt when I left High School for the last time. I still revel in it. 'Twas one of the finer days of my times. And I never went back. Soon after, I started meeting cool people. I liked them. They liked me. Then things got better...

and better...
and better...
and better...
and better...
and better...
and better...
and better...
and better...

The same will probably happen to you. Hang tight.

--------------------
Ed Womack
Get Milked

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