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» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » Guys, Guys, Guys!   » male geeks and their non-geek girlfriends:) (Page 3)

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Author Topic: male geeks and their non-geek girlfriends:)
Grummash

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Icon 1 posted December 25, 2005 14:29      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Divasjp - my $0.02, for what it's worth, is this...

The way you describe things, it sounds ok, ...really. When he is with you, he is happy to be fully with you - and when he is with himself, he is happy to be who he is. To me, this sounds healthy - your task is to decide whether this is what you want. Many people would swap places with you in a flash.

Worst case scenario??? It might stop being fun - but that happens to everyone at some point. Enjoy [Smile]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

Posts: 2335 | From: Lancashire,UK | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Divasjp
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Icon 1 posted December 25, 2005 21:09      Profile for Divasjp     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks, it's good to get some reassurance, I guess it will take patience on my part to understand his life, but I have been reading through other posts on this sight and I am cheered by the fact that I have met a wonderfuly unique individual who has so much to share with me.
Cheers, Sara

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Wendy Lady
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Icon 14 posted December 29, 2005 03:03      Profile for Wendy Lady   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
what geek boys need is a hot geek girl. like this girl [thumbsup] One who is hot enough to show off to his geek friends but geeky enough to play doubles on Simpson's Road Rage. word.

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There's always whiskey at www.wendyladydesign.com

or Get your Daily Dose of Iron and Protein at www.iheartrobotchicken.com

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fs

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 07:37      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Diva, you sound like a great girl for him and he's really lucky. (Sounds like he's a great guy and you are lucky too.) I think it's great that you are making an attempt to understand him and his lifestyle, and not try to change him to fit what is right for you, especially regarding the socialization. The fact that he does a lot of online socialization might be a problem, but you said he interacts fine when you go out and do things with your friends, face to face. I'd guess it's just that the people he meshes with are people he has met online rather than in the library or wherever it is people meet each other offline.

Kudos to you for trying to understand and accept rather than change someone. Good luck to you both.

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 08:53      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My impressions as to why geeky guys don't want geeky girlfriends? As all my friends are guys of some varying degree of geek:

Geeky chicks don't fit societal standards, and no matter how "different" and "noncomformist" a guy claims to be, they're still drawn to long shiny hair, blushing cheeks, and miniskirts.

Younger guys want something they can show off; hot-but-dumb makes great arm candy and tends to put out. If a guy's smarter than his girlfriend, he gets to show it off and make himself feel bigger. They don't necessarily want to feel challenged, which they would be by a girl who can whoop their butts at Quake and calculate them under the table. (Why does that sound dirty? I want to be calculated under the table. [Razz] )

Also, some guys are just plain attracted to girly-girls. One of my exes is obsessed with Asian girls, because he claims that they're "the girliest of all," and you can "just toss them around in bed." He's one of the geekiest kids I know, and he wants nothing to do with the women on his programming team. In fact, he doesn't want a woman, he just wants a girl who won't make him work for anything.

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shane_the_god_of_my_room
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 10:31      Profile for shane_the_god_of_my_room   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
na I dont agree with you there Demosthenes we're not all like that.
Infact everyone was always telling me how attractive my last girlfriend was. (and she was)
But I still finished with her because her attitude sucked and all she ever wanted to do
was go clubing and drink. [ohwell]

I need someone a bit more openminded.
Someone who knows theres more to life then just getting pissed all the time.

The main problem for me is (like I said in another post) wakefield is a geek void.
I personaly would give my right arm to meet a geek girl even if she was'nt into the same things as me.

The only reason I've dated non-geek girls is because there seems to be a savear lack of geeks.
Things have got so bad that me and a few friends now travel to other citys when we go out because theres nothing left here for us.

That part of the reason why we have non-geek girlfriends
at least in the UK anyway [Beard of Peter Gabriel!]

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Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 17:51      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Geeky chicks don't fit societal standards

Says who? That's like saying "geeks can't be jocks" or "all geeks have slide rules." What "standards" are you talking about, and are they approved by ISO, IEEE or the W3C?

and no matter how "different" and "noncomformist" a guy claims to be

Not all geeks don't claim to be "freaks," "noncomformists" or even "different" in any obvious way. In fact, the sterotype geek is too conformist... "plain white bread and vanilla ice cream."

they're still drawn to long shiny hair, blushing cheeks, and miniskirts.

Some are, yes. Just like some geek girls are drawn to six-pack abs and perfect pecks. Others, like me, aren't intrested in glitz and glamour; and, are more intrested in what a girl has to say and how she says it, not how perky her breasts are while she saying it.

Younger guys want something they can show off; hot-but-dumb makes great arm candy and tends to put out.

When I was young, I wanted what I've always wanted. Someone with similar intrests, similar inteligence, a caring touch and someone who is intrested in the long haul. Bar flies and blond bombers with no substance (not to say that there aren't blonde-bombers and bar-flies who have substance) need not apply.

If a guy's smarter than his girlfriend, he gets to show it off and make himself feel bigger.

If I ever knew I was smarter than my girlfriend, I wouldn't try to belittle her by showing off. My fiance and I have completely different skill sets. I could talk for hours, over her head about computers... But I don't. If I do get carried away on a topic that she doesn't know, she'll remind me of that by talking about medical stuff... It'll not only blow over my head, but it has a potential of making gag as well.

They don't necessarily want to feel challenged,

I like debate. It bothers me when I want to debate and the topic is one that she and I agree on or she's not intrested in. But, when we do debate, she can hold her own. I rather like that she can hold her own.

which they would be by a girl who can whoop their butts at Quake and calculate them under the table. (Why does that sound dirty? I want to be calculated under the table. [Razz] )

Reminder to self: suggest "getting calulated" under the table...

She doesn't like quake, she more into Final Fantasy and computer RPGs.

Also, some guys are just plain attracted to girly-girls. One of my exes is obsessed with Asian girls, because he claims that they're "the girliest of all," and you can "just toss them around in bed."

My geekette is a girly-girl to... There's no rule you can't be both. But the point I've been attempting to make is that your gripe is filled with a ton of generalizations... Guys have preferences, and each guy has different preferences... and those preferences may or may not extend out side of "soical group"s or even "leauges."

I think the general consus on this forum from the guys is: "I like geek girls, but there aren't any arround here" or "I like this particular (geek) girl and I'm too afraid to say so."

He's one of the geekiest kids I know, and he wants nothing to do with the women on his programming team.

So. Have you talked to him about why that is? Again, it's just his preferences...
I, personally, would love to see some girls joining IEEE-CS because they aren't represented at all in the group. But, I know how many guys in IEEE-CS would begin to circle because of the geekette factor.

In fact, he doesn't want a woman, he just wants a girl who won't make him work for anything.

So, he's still a kid, and he needs to learn to care about something more than himself... One day, he'll meet a woman who worth it, to him, to work for... I think he doesn't get love, he just understands lust. I work with man-whore who thinks this way... His tales always sound so empty to me.

I mean much bragging rights are really earned by meeting a girl in the bar, both getting so inebreated that you have no control and then going off to have sex... Now, I give credit to couples like my Great Grandparents... They've been married and happy together since before my Grandfather was born, and they are still together, happy and in love.

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 19:02      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
I am going to tell you exactly how I am different from every other man and have no instinctual sex drive.

Regarding your last paragraph: he's no kid, he's 28 at this point. [Roll Eyes]

Also, I'm not generalizing all men and women, simply rolling out a mix of biological facts, what my experience has taught me, and what my male friends have told me, straight out, when they were feeling chock full of honesty...err, beer.

Scanning a room, a guy sees Christina Aguilara, Paris Hilton, and someone with a monitor tan and little-to-no makeup. Guess what 95% of men aren't goign to react to. It's basic physical attraction, and don't try to convince me that, if you were single, you'd throw Kate Moss out of bed, because I wouldn't believe you in a million years. This is why lots of geeky guys are single throughout the high school years; their standards for what a woman should look like is marred by years of mind-numbing airbrushed pornography and lusting after Natalie Portman. (Trust me, I was there, right along with 'em. Please notice that I've never had a girlfriend.)

Younger guys tend to go for the dumb 'n pretty because they're not ready to be challenged; it tends to come to a lot of guys later in life, when their age group generally don't have looks to fall back on.

So, I've got a weird mishmash of thoughts on the matter, but I think they pertain to the original subject (since when do I pay attention to things like that though?) and it provides an alternative to the chorus of, "There aren't any nerdy girls around here!"


(PS, they're hiding. Behind their monitors. From you.)

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csk

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 21:00      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
Scanning a room, a guy sees Christina Aguilara, Paris Hilton, and someone with a monitor tan and little-to-no makeup. Guess what 95% of men aren't goign to react to. It's basic physical attraction, and don't try to convince me that, if you were single, you'd throw Kate Moss out of bed, because I wouldn't believe you in a million years. This is why lots of geeky guys are single throughout the high school years; their standards for what a woman should look like is marred by years of mind-numbing airbrushed pornography and lusting after Natalie Portman.

Sorry, dem, I have to disagree with you here. Speaking for myself, sure, I find some of those supermodel types physically attractive. But physical attraction only takes you so far, if the mental attraction isn't there, it drives you crazy, like a splinter in your mind, to borrow from Matrix. And I tend to find people more physically attractive if I like them in general after getting to know them.

And I was single through my high school years because I sucked at communicating with females I was keen on. Not because of any pornolised view of the world.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 21:09      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
csk wrote:
And I tend to find people more physically attractive if I like them in general after getting to know them.

Hear! Hear! That's TOTALLY how I feel. I strongly dislike when people ask me to describe the physical appearance of men who attract me because it's always different. What makes one guy good-looking can make the other guy distasteful, and what mightn't be necessarily handsome becomes totally striking when coupled with the right personality.

For laughs, I asked my latest eHarmony match what he finds attractive and this is his reply:

quote:
As for what I find attractive, let me first say that I value intellect and personality much more that physical beauty. Of course I have a "dream girl" visualized when it comes to physical qualities, but I also understand that a woman who looks that way may be boring or annoying. I don't like really thin women--I want some meat on their bones. Actually, the older I get, it seems the women I find attractive get bigger! I often say that my dream woman (physically) would be Catherine Zeta-Jones's face on Anna Nicole Smith's (circa 1993) body. Theoretically, I think I would like a 5'9" woman who is 165-180 pounds, with measurements like 42D-30-38. But there are not a lot of women out there like that. There are a lot of adjectives to describe physical appearance, and I reserve the extreme ones for a few people. There are very few truly ugly people, just as there are very few beautiful people. I have used the word "gorgeous" to describe only a handful of women I have seen in person. I had the pleasure of knowing one of these last year, but her character qualities proved to be lacking. I do not have a preference with hair because I think that with each woman it is different. There are some very attractive women where I work. Two of them I would say are gorgeous. One is a blonde with blue eyes, while the other is a brunette with brown eyes. The brunette looks great--to me--when she has her hair pulled back, bringing out the features in her face. The blonde looks good when she has her hair up. There is another woman--a little bulkier--who looks great with her long hair down. I prefer a woman who is a somewhat busty and whose legs are balanced (i.e., they do not steadily taper down from her waist to her ankles).

But all that is just physical. What really matters to me is the mind. If I can talk to someone for three hours and not even notice the time going by, I know there is something special about that person. I like it when a person can debate with me and make a point. I love it when a woman has a wide array of interests and knowledge. But I also like a sense of purpose based on the Bible. I like a sense of humor, but not a silly one (well, not persistently silly). What I also find attractive is a sense of taste. I would not like a woman who consistently watched movies or TV shows that are crude or base their humor on immoral acts. And of course I find it attractive when a woman shares common interests with me, whether it be TV shows, movies, Bible verses, cuisine, literature, or sports.

What freaks me out about his response is the numbers. How do you guys learn numbers like that? How do you know what 160 pounds looks like?

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 21:15      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Scanning a room, a guy sees Christina Aguilara, Paris Hilton, and someone with a monitor tan and little-to-no makeup. Guess what 95% of men aren't goign to react to. It's basic physical attraction, and don't try to convince me that, if you were single, you'd throw Kate Moss out of bed, because I wouldn't believe you in a million years. This is why lots of geeky guys are single throughout the high school years; their standards for what a woman should look like is marred by years of mind-numbing airbrushed pornography and lusting after Natalie Portman. (Trust me, I was there, right along with 'em. Please notice that I've never had a girlfriend.)

Aguilera & Hilton are not at all attractive to me, thanks all the same. Moss...eh...not too shabby. But in the first lineup, I'd absolutely pick the geek. [Big Grin] There are probably other lineups you could present me with that would go in your favor, but not that one. [Smile]

quote:

(PS, they're hiding. Behind their monitors. From you.)

Damn...why can't they be hiding behind *my* monitor, or besides me. [Smile] :-/


Aside: Damn, GM!!! Congrats!

Oh, and maybe some more could join ACM as well. I'm not an IEEE-CS member. [Wink]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 21:17      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
What freaks me out about his response is the numbers. How do you guys learn numbers like that? How do you know what 160 pounds looks like?

He must've taken lessons from Dr Lecter.
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 21:51      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Warning...do not follow any of these links if you're at work, mmkay?
[Or if you're in a very prudish state (of mind, even), below some age, or a member of some cult.]

(I will not be held responsible if you burst into laughter at some of them, and attract unwelcome attention, or just get sacked. [Smile] )

So...on random occasions like these, I've found a fantastic way to kill some brain cells is to pay a visit to thesuperficial.com, which I first found linked off a Mozilla blog. Go figure.

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/28/paris_hilton_has_an_itchy_crot.html
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/09/16/jessica_alba_we.html
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/09/scarlett_johansson_at_match_po.html
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/07/mariah_carey_still_insane_wear.html

I'll leave it to the reader to decide which might be good, which might be bad. Oh, and one thrown in for GMx, if I recall prior posts correctly. ;P (I never did get that interest until now. =P)

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 21:52      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
What freaks me out about his response is the numbers. How do you guys learn numbers like that? How do you know what 160 pounds looks like?

He must've taken lessons from Dr Lecter.
I don't get it. [shake head] [blush]

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 22:00      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
What freaks me out about his response is the numbers. How do you guys learn numbers like that? How do you know what 160 pounds looks like?

He must've taken lessons from Dr Lecter.
I don't get it. [shake head] [blush]
Dr Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter from "Silence Of The Lambs."
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 22:28      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
What freaks me out about his response is the numbers. How do you guys learn numbers like that? How do you know what 160 pounds looks like?

He must've taken lessons from Dr Lecter.
I don't get it. [shake head] [blush]
Dr Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter from "Silence Of The Lambs."
Ahh. I've never read that book.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 22:39      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
What freaks me out about his response is the numbers. How do you guys learn numbers like that? How do you know what 160 pounds looks like?

He must've taken lessons from Dr Lecter.
I don't get it. [shake head] [blush]
Dr Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter from "Silence Of The Lambs."
Ahh. I've never read that book.
*Movie*

(though there's probably a book, too)

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 23:32      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
*Movie*

(though there's probably a book, too)

'Twas a book long befoer it was a movie.

And Soviet, I think you meant Buffalo Bill...he was the one making the clothing out of skin, Lecter just ate 'em. [Big Grin]

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted December 29, 2005 23:50      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
*Movie*

(though there's probably a book, too)

'Twas a book long befoer it was a movie.


Um, no. The novel was written in 89, the movie released in '91 IIRC.

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2005 07:56      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Um, no. The novel was written in 89, the movie released in '91 IIRC.

The book was released in 1988. Three years is a long time when you're twenty. [Razz]
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zesovietrussian
SuperBlabberMouth!
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2005 09:14      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Warning...do not follow any of these links if you're at work, mmkay?
[Or if you're in a very prudish state (of mind, even), below some age, or a member of some cult.]

(I will not be held responsible if you burst into laughter at some of them, and attract unwelcome attention, or just get sacked. [Smile] )

So...on random occasions like these, I've found a fantastic way to kill some brain cells is to pay a visit to thesuperficial.com, which I first found linked off a Mozilla blog. Go figure.

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/28/paris_hilton_has_an_itchy_crot.html
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/09/16/jessica_alba_we.html
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/09/scarlett_johansson_at_match_po.html
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/07/mariah_carey_still_insane_wear.html

I'll leave it to the reader to decide which might be good, which might be bad. Oh, and one thrown in for GMx, if I recall prior posts correctly. ;P (I never did get that interest until now. =P)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - for example, I find an average art school hipster chick way more attractive than all those blonde bimbos everyone seems to be drooling over. Now, as far as geek guys having non-geek girlfriends go - it seems that most "geek" girls prefer to date guys who are nearly old enough to be their father, and that is quite a turn-off, if you ask me. But then again, I'm just a lazy bastard who isn't good enough at anything to be considered a real geek, so I guess I'm in no position to answer this question.
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2005 09:23      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Um, no. The novel was written in 89, the movie released in '91 IIRC.

The book was released in 1988. Three years is a long time when you're twenty. [Razz]
I've had blackouts that have lasted longer.....really.
Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Richard
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Icon 1 posted December 30, 2005 10:26      Profile for Richard   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
I've had blackouts that have lasted longer.....really.

Wow, that's a load of drugs and or alcohol... or both.
Posts: 49 | From: Jacksonville, FL | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
alfrin
Uber Geek
Member # 3836

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted December 30, 2005 10:40      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Richard:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
I've had blackouts that have lasted longer.....really.

Wow, that's a load of drugs and or alcohol... or both.
Or just a little bit of booze, and two eye patches.

--------------------
Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

Posts: 813 | From: Nevada, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
Richard
Geek Apprentice
Member # 2868

Icon 1 posted December 30, 2005 10:43      Profile for Richard   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by Richard:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
I've had blackouts that have lasted longer.....really.

Wow, that's a load of drugs and or alcohol... or both.
Or just a little bit of booze, and two eye patches.
YARRRRR!!
Posts: 49 | From: Jacksonville, FL | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged


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