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Author Topic: Men and Emotions
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 23:23      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
I notice that no guys have been bold enough to post an equivalent list.

1. Naked
2. Beer
</WWCVD>

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 23:50      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's certainly not a matter isolated to men.

My boy's been comparing me to Mr. Spock since the beginning; I'm known to be a veritable black hole when it comes to absorbing the things that occur around me, so it's built walls. Apathy tends to be a total self-defense mechanism.

The worst part is that, in my case at least, the only way to get past it is to wait it out. I feel very strongly and passionately about things worthy of my attention, and it's really only a matter of time until someone relevant to that hears about it.

So. Have patience, and luck. Pushing for a reaction will only drive you further back.

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 04:44      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Which of course makes you realize, Dearest Shroomy, that even if you were single and lived in my quadrasphere, I'd never date you. [Razz]

Your breakin' my heart.

What is it the Godlessness, the smoking, the tatoos, the history of drug abuse, what? [cry baby]

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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csk

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 05:08      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Which of course makes you realize, Dearest Shroomy, that even if you were single and lived in my quadrasphere, I'd never date you. [Razz]

Your breakin' my heart.

What is it the Godlessness, the smoking, the tatoos, the history of drug abuse, what? [cry baby]

Possibly the spelling and grammar [Razz]

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 05:37      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, I had the best education that California could afford. Well, until 10th grade, that is. [Smile]


edit:WooHoo, 500th post.

edit #2: I re-read that post. That is some of my worst writing in a while. I guess I should drink my coffee before I post.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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Grey_girl

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 08:58      Profile for Grey_girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I might as well post my list.

Must haves:
Ablilty to hold a mutually satisfying conversation - this presumes intelligence, wit and humor, tolerance, compassion and some similar interests.
Closer in age to me than to my son and not so old I feel as if I'm dating my father.
Gainfully employed or have a darn good reason for not being so.
Not living with parents or have a good reason for doing so.
Good hygiene.
Not on the rebound.
Respect.
Understanding of my being a Mom, and a single one at that, and the corellary, nice to my kid.

Brownie points for:
Tall.
Dresses well. This may be jeans and sneakers. Even casual dress can be done right.
Into Dungeons & Dragons, Star Wars, techie stuff, movies, baseball, a good margarita.
Votes Democrat.
Being nice to my Mother.
Likes, or will at least tolerate cats.

Will make me run, screaming:
Anyone controlling, insulting or rude.
Just looking for "only a physical relationship."
Ardent Republicans.
Drug users and alcoholics.
Anyone dumber than a bucket of hair.
Fitness freaks.
Religious zealots.
Liars.
Guys who blow their noses at a restaurant table, into the cloth napkin provided by the establishment.
Guys with "baby hands." For some reason, this just squicks me out. It's just not right that a guy should have more feminine looking hands than I do (and I did some hand modelling).

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 09:39      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:

Edit: This couldn't go unsaid...
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Hell, I'm not even trying, and get pretty decent treatment at my local coffee house. [Wink] . *Perhaps* it's the fact that I'm sometimes writing Perl (on paper) while I'm there. [Big Grin]

You'd probably have more luck if it was Python. Besides, the time you'd save you could use for chasing baristas [Wink]
I cannot believe that you just said that. Evil, evil, I say! Despite the insanity of its whitespace stuff, etc., I will gladly learn & use Python before I ever touch PHP. Sadly, I fear that I might just have to fiddle with some PHP that my coworker is writing, so I'd better learn Python soon. [Wink] PHP is a disease, and Perl is the cure. Python will be more like Perl's little nephew||cousin after Parrot's done, though.

I now call upon the power of Google to make my point, in an utterly frivilous manner:
http://www.google.com/search?q="perl+is+sexy"
http://www.google.com/search?q="python+is+sexy"+-steve+-madden
(the latter qualifier is really stupid, but necessary to weed out irrelevant content)

http://perlmonks.thepen.com/22405.html

I think I may head out for some coffee now...also armed with my big RFC book/binder. [Big Grin] Can anyone resist RFC2821, 1123, and their close neighbors? [Wink]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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illuminatus
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 09:58      Profile for illuminatus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Not even Spock is completely unemotional and illogical:
quote:

Spock: It has to do with biology.
Kirk: What?
Spock: Biology!
Kirk: What kind of biology?
Spock: Vulcan biology.
Kirk: You mean... the biology of Vulcans? Biology as in reproduction? (long pause) There's no need to be embarrassed, Mr Spock; it happens to the birds and the bees.
Spock: The birds and the bees are not Vulcans, Captain. If they were - if any creature as proudly logical as us - were to have their logic ripped from them as this time does to us... How do Vulcans choose their mates? Haven't you ever wondered?
Kirk: I guess the rest of us assume that it's done quite logically.
Spock: No. It is not.


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magefile
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 11:18      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Guys who blow their noses at a restaurant table, into the cloth napkin provided by the establishment.
Um ... where should I blow my nose?

--------------------
Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 11:38      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Away from the table. In the restroom.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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Grey_girl

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 12:56      Profile for Grey_girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As Peebs said, not at the table, and especially, you don't use the restaurant's cloth table napkin to blow your nose. Ever. Bad, bad, bad.
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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 13:28      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grey_girl:
As Peebs said, not at the table, and especially, you don't use the restaurant's cloth table napkin to blow your nose. Ever. Bad, bad, bad.

Yes you should always use you sleeve.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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skylar
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 13:29      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My list (written partly out of a desire to define these things for myself, partly out of desperate procrastination from The Essay That Will Never Make Sense):

Must Haves:

  • A very strange world view. If he doesn't have freakish qualities, I don't want to know.
  • Not just intelligence, but real passion to complement it. He has to have some kind of intellectual love.
  • The ability to argue with me and poke fun at me, and get poked at. He should be able to give as good as he gets [evil]
  • A laid-back mother.
  • He should be able to understand that, despite the fact that sex is pretty damned cool, it should NOT be the foundation of a relationship (why is it that none of the guys I know get this?)
  • Tolerance and open-mindedness - he should be able to take on board the viewpoints of others, and appropriate them, as well as making his own available.

Bonus Points (the frivolous things:
  • The ability to wear a blazer with jeans and mussed up hair.
  • Multi-lingualism.
  • No taste in music.
  • A liking of dark, random movies.
  • Not getting drunk THAT often.
  • The ability to get on with my male and female friends (okay, so this one is pretty important to me, actually. Should it be, I wonder?)

Total Turn-Offs:
  • Pretentiousness: only talk about Chekov if you've ever read and understood any, dumbass.
  • Being patronising. I hate being treated like an idiot, because I'm not one - get used to it.
  • Overindulgence in mind-altering substances.
  • Being uncomfortable with his own sexuality.
  • Saying things like "When my girlfriend stays home and I go out clubbing with the guys, it's not like I go out to dance with guys... I go looking for new girls." (actually quoting a guy I know... tsk, tsk)

Okay, so I guess I think about these things too much...

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 16:19      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'll refrain from posting my list, as I'd write 3000 pages or so I'm too picky. I know it. Probably to a fault.
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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2004 16:28      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
[*]The ability to get on with my male and female friends (okay, so this one is pretty important to me, actually. Should it be, I wonder?)

Actually, yeah, that is kinda important. If he doesn't like your friends and family, or they don't like him, that's a warning sign. Kinda like how treating waitpeople and cashiers badly is a warning sign.
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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 06:56      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
[*]The ability to get on with my male and female friends (okay, so this one is pretty important to me, actually. Should it be, I wonder?)

Actually, yeah, that is kinda important. If he doesn't like your friends and family, or they don't like him, that's a warning sign. Kinda like how treating waitpeople and cashiers badly is a warning sign.
My wifes friends don't like me. They all came from rich famalies in a rich community and I'm middle class. They are all really stuck up people. They have learned to deal with it. The only one of her friends I get along with is one that she met in community collage and he is also more or less middle class (If not sub but that has never bothered me my best friend is lower class) I know people don't like to hear about middle class lower class and upper class but really most people stay with what they grew up as. I have seen exceptions but for the most part people don't like to open their eyes.

Some things that bother me are my wife can go without a job for as long as she wants and her parents will pay all of her half of the bills. And on top of that send her cash all the time if she's working or not. I was always brought up in a worl that you have to work for what ever it is that you want.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 08:28      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I was always brought up in a worl that you have to work for what ever it is that you want.

Hearing you loud and clear there. I feel the same way. My wife is willing to borrow money from her family, and doesn't like it when I fight her about it. I have had to do it a couple of times, and it bothers me to no end.

I guess I have an overactive sense of responsibility.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 12:24      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have no problem borrowing money if it's direly needed, but it's getting paid back. And fast. Every time.
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magefile
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 12:50      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
To add to what DNM said: with interest, in some cases. I.e., if I borrow money to pay the bills, no interest. If I borrow money to start a company, and it takes a few years to pay it back, that'd involve interest.

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 18:08      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Exactly.
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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 18:08      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm not crazy about these lists.

There is a danger in having a list of requirements for a future partner, and that is you might rule out the person who is right for you. Certain things, as X said, should sound alarm bells, but it is a mistake to be over dogmatic, as life and love do not run on rails. All I ever worked out is that we had to be able to laugh together and talk together, and she must not be mean spirited. Good sex is important too, as though it is not the relationship, it certainly can be the cement that keeps it from coming apart. Other than that, all you know is that you are looking for someone not like yourself, but with gifts and talents that are complimentary to yours, because that is what keeps things alive unpredictable and interesting.

It is a shame Rhonwyyn that you like many Christians have to make things even more difficult by restricting your choice to those who share your faith, particularly as that is no guarantee that they will be a better person. After all, I always thought that God was supposed to love all of humanity, so I am pretty sure he would not want to restrict your choice, so long as they respect your religious convictions.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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Aves Corax
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 18:33      Profile for Aves Corax     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
It is a shame Rhonwyyn that you like many Christians have to make things even more difficult by restricting your choice to those who share your faith, particularly as that is no guarantee that they will be a better person. After all, I always thought that God was supposed to love all of humanity, so I am pretty sure he would not want to restrict your choice, so long as they respect your religious convictions.

Yes, I've never really cared for that qualifier. However, I think that in many cases, including this one, it isn't really a issue based on faith or morality as much as it is one based on a shared culture. If church activities are a major part of your life, I do think it only natural that you would want to share this with a partner the same way you'd share a love of music or computers.

Of course, I'm still against it just because it decreases my chances of finding a good mate. [Razz]

--------------------
"Be ye not lost among precepts of order."
The Principia Discordia

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 18:34      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Quoth Callipygous:
quote:
It is a shame Rhonwyyn that you like many Christians have to make things even more difficult by restricting your choice to those who share your faith, particularly as that is no guarantee that they will be a better person. After all, I always thought that God was supposed to love all of humanity, so I am pretty sure he would not want to restrict your choice, so long as they respect your religious convictions.
Callipygous: I think I'm going to play Devil's Advocate on this one. I don't think it's so much that Rhonwyyn wouldn't be alright with someone who respected her religious convictions, but if I read things right, they are very important to her, and she wants someone to share that with. Therefore, an atheist might be a great guy, and never insult her beliefs, and never impose on her times of worship (i.e. leave time for Mass on Sundays, etc., without issue), but she would rather be with someone who joined her in these activities.

Anyway, that's my take on this specific case and does not directly reflect my own personal views on things.

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 18:45      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, I just kinda made my list off the top of my head. What I'm really looking for is the right chemistry - that "click" that I mentioned before. A personalitiy match is the foundation - if you can't be friends with this person you probably won't have a great time in a romantic relationship with them. It also helps me, once again, to not be looking. When I look I try too hard. When I'm just sorta hanging around enjoying life, well, that's when I get blindsided.

As far as parental support goes, well, I started cutting the financial apron strings when I was in college. They sent me money for one semester. Then I decided that I wanted more than they were giving me (books and fun stuff are expensive). Since I hate asking for stuff, especially money, I disobeyed their wishes and got a job. In a lab. Best decision I ever made. Who says acts of rebellion need to be destructive? [Razz] Ever since then I've never asked for money from my parents, even as a loan. They gave me some every now and then when I was an undergrad, but that's stopped since I started grad school. There have been moments when it was tempting to call home...my first summer here, as an undergrad research intern, when I didn't get paid for six weeks and had a $200 ticket from the accident and was eating PBJs and raisans for breakfast lunch and dinner...when my roommate broke her part of the lease...when I bought a car and the clutch died the next day...but I never did it.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2004 19:31      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think I can understand how Callipygous and some of the rest of you feel about my choice to date/marry Christian men only. It hurts to feel excluded, especially by a group of people who over the years may have appeared "holier than thou" or misguided/intolerant, etc. However, bear with me for a moment while I explain.

While I appreciate dman's argument for my choice, it's not entirely correct. All of us know people who attend church on Sundays, teach Sunday School, participate in all of the church activities, regularly tithe their offerings, etc., etc., yet don't have a lick of faith. To them, Christianity is just a set of rules and legalities. They're still trying to earn their faith or appear to be Christians. To me, Christianity is a relationship with Jesus Christ, out of which all those good things happen, but even without them, the relationship with Christ is enough.

I want a mate who believes the same way. Christ will be the head of our household, the third party at every meal (I'm sure y'all have heard the poem or can find it through Google), the spiritual connection in our relationship. Having common ground spiritually will help strengthen our marriage and help it last for as long as we both live.

I hope that helps you understand my position a bit better. I have friends who are not Christians and we get along great, to a point. There's a disconnect in our spiritual intimacy which is why I haven't seriously considered dating them. Yes, it would make my potential dating pool a lot larger if I opened my options up to non-Christians, but it wouldn't do me any good spiritually.

Yes, God does love everyone which is why He sacrificed His only son for us. God demonstrated His love for us: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. If that's not love, I don't know what love is. God doesn't want anyone to perish (i.e., go to Hell, live life eternally separate from Him), which is why He gives the gift of salvation freely and to anyone who asks.

EDIT: Not that it's important, but I'm a Mennonite, a denomination of Anabaptists, kinda lumped in there with the Protestants from back in the days of the Reformation. We don't have Mass. In fact, that's part of what they were protesting. "Ana" means "re," thus, the original Anabaptists were re-baptizers because they believed in a conscious, self-decided baptism. At that time, the Catholic (def. "universal") church--hand-in-glove with the State--used baptism (a holy act) of infants to determine the taxes levied on families. The Anabaptists were upset at that perversion, kinda like how Jesus was upset with the cheating moneychangers in the Temple. The Anabaptists, and Protestants in general, also disagreed with the sale of indulgences, another money-earning scheme used by the Catholic church leaders to get money from the poor and gullible/ignorant people they were supposed to be helping, not harming.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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