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Author Topic: unforgettable analogies and metaphors
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
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Icon 10 posted July 22, 2007 16:02      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
(worth a repeat) [Razz]

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled [make up a name] teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Posts: 8100 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
stevenback7
SuperBlabberMouth!
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Icon 1 posted July 22, 2007 19:51      Profile for stevenback7   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Awesome [Applause] [Applause] [Applause]

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Posts: 1199 | From: Canada eh? | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
fs

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1181

Icon 1 posted July 23, 2007 05:34      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I may start adding "exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't" at the end of descriptions. Just because it makes me giggle.

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I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted July 23, 2007 10:16      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


I always find that they 'pop' instead. [Smile]

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Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

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Icon 1 posted July 23, 2007 14:28      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I rather liked number 18, I thought that was actually rather clever and pretty good.

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1936 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
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Icon 1 posted July 23, 2007 14:43      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What Serenak said, only about number 20.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10669 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
TSG
Mini Geek
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Icon 1 posted July 24, 2007 06:09      Profile for TSG     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
Is there really anything else to say?

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Great friendships can only exist between equals

Posts: 68 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged
-ct-
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 209

Icon 10 posted July 24, 2007 20:00      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
for some reason when i see that list i think something along the lines of ".. falling down and forget to hit the ground..." and/or "...sharp as a bowling ball..."

i know where both come from, but not why i associate them with this list

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Things are always darkest... just before you pull your head out of your butt, void where prohibited, keep away from flame, surcharge(s) may apply.

www.harddriveHELL.com and demoniclemon.com

Posts: 1906 | From: nowhere, man | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged


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