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Author Topic: Politically correct wishes for the season.
garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 07:25      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Those whose brain cells are not entirely atrophied may understand that what follows is a JOKE. The others will probably pass out labels for the poster and argue the accuracies, etc. In which case, piss off! [Razz]

The Joke

For All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my Best Wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Oh, I don't mean to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings, you are accepting the aforementioned terms as stated. This greeting is not subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself/himself/others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher or wishee. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

For My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family. May the true meaning of Christmas be first and foremost in your thoughts and actions this coming year.

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 07:59      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You forgot your Libertarian friends, you insensitive clod! [Razz]

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:05      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You're correct as usual, Steen, and thanks for pointing that out.

But now that you've pointed it out, I cannot imagine how to phrase a greeting to the Libertarians. They haven't stopped moving long enough lately to know where they stand as a party.

Maybe something like, 'Bon Voyage'?

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:31      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It reminds me of a 'religiously' neutral prayer in one of Zelazny's books... I think it was in Creatures of Light and Darkness. I'll try to post it sometime.

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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Shadow
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:36      Profile for Shadow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That was good GG, thank you!

Furthermore, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!

May the pun be with you and your family!

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I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword,
Or manage it to part these men with me. - Benvolio (Romeo & Juliet)

Posts: 415 | From: /dev/geek/ | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ugh, MightyClub
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:37      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How about: I acknowledge your right to have a Merry Christmas, or not, depending on your personal preferences and beliefs. Furthermore, I am not requesting any of your hard-earned money, nor am I offering you charity.

Edit: Man, I really need to remember to refresh my browser before I reply to these things [ohwell]

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Ugh!

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:42      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Usually at about this time of year I send out a "BAH ! HUMBUG !" email to my friends, this year I think I'll send an aussie-fied version of the above.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:43      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
You're correct as usual, Steen, and thanks for pointing that out.

But now that you've pointed it out, I cannot imagine how to phrase a greeting to the Libertarians. They haven't stopped moving long enough lately to know where they stand as a party.

Maybe something like, 'Bon Voyage'?

Perhaps "Whatever you're celebrating, enjoy it in whatever way you see fit." [Big Grin]

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

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Ashitaka

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 10:49      Profile for Ashitaka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
reminds me of this (which was a few years old when I posted it.) but it is still funny

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"If they're not gonna make a distinction between Muslims and violent extremists, then why should I take the time to distinguish between decent, fearful white people and racists?"

-Assif Mandvi

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 11:17      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sxeptomaniac:
Perhaps "Whatever you're celebrating, enjoy it in whatever way you see fit." [Big Grin]

Surely that should be "in whatever way you can afford to pay for"

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 11:39      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
...must...resist...urge...to...fix...sentence...ending...in...preposition....
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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 11:57      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Black Widow wrote:
...must...resist...urge...to...fix...sentence...ending...in...preposition....

What are you going on about?

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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Ashitaka

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 12:04      Profile for Ashitaka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
...must...resist...urge...to...fix...sentence...ending...in...preposition....

This sentance ends with preposition. Is it not correct?

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"If they're not gonna make a distinction between Muslims and violent extremists, then why should I take the time to distinguish between decent, fearful white people and racists?"

-Assif Mandvi

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 12:20      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
originally posted by Steen:
Black Widow wrote:
...must...resist...urge...to...fix...sentence...ending...in...preposition....

What are you going on about?

A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with. [Razz] [Razz] [Razz]

quote:
Originally posted by Ashitaka:
This sentance ends with preposition

It doesn't, it ends with a noun. [shake head]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 12:39      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
Black Widow wrote:
...must...resist...urge...to...fix...sentence...ending...in...preposition....

What are you going on about?

quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
Surely that should be "in whatever way you can afford to pay for"

"in whatever way for which you can afford to pay."
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Ugh, MightyClub
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 13:08      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Methinks Steen's cheek, his tongue was in.

--------------------
Ugh!

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 13:11      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Worse places, it has been in.

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
HalfVast

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 13:44      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
It reminds me of a 'religiously' neutral prayer in one of Zelazny's books... I think it was in Creatures of Light and Darkness. I'll try to post it sometime.
I believe it's the agnostics prayer you are referring to.
Posts: 795 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 14:36      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
quote:
originally posted by Steen:
Black Widow wrote:
...must...resist...urge...to...fix...sentence...ending...in...preposition....

What are you going on about?

A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with. [Razz] [Razz] [Razz]

quote:
Originally posted by Ashitaka:
This sentance ends with preposition

It doesn't, it ends with a noun. [shake head]

... I do believe that sentence ends with preposition. <-- As did that one.
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Ugh, MightyClub
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted December 19, 2006 18:20      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
Worse places, it has been in.

Please don't tell me this has something to do with skanky Tennessee strippers...

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Ugh!

Posts: 1742 | From: Ithaca, NY | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2006 07:10      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yoda must be fairly spinning in his grave.

quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
Worse places, it has been in.

PS - I'll thank you *not* to provide scientific evidence on this one, Steen. We'll just take your word for it. [Razz]

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2006 15:04      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
To gg and my Republican friends

I wish you all the very merriest of Christmases hope that one day peace on Earth and goodwill to all men may be simply that, and not just something we pay lip service to at this time of the year.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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canadiangeek
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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2006 05:26      Profile for canadiangeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
In the immortal words of some wrapping paper I just purchased:

"Have a satisfactory non-denominational capitalist wintertime gift-giving season"

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-whenever you build something that's idiotproof, someone comes out with a better idiot-

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mistersaxon
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Icon 14 posted January 06, 2007 15:08      Profile for mistersaxon     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
On the subject (however belated) I saw tis and it made me smile:

http://www.comics.com/comics/reality/archive/reality-20061214.html

Umm, not sure how long it will be viewable for, knowing comics.com. So that's seasonal, right?

I suppose I'd better not post the actual image =8-0

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Rich.

Posts: 64 | From: Thame, UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged


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