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Author Topic: If movies played backwards...
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

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Icon 10 posted May 22, 2006 08:49      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
FW:
Ever wondered what happens when you play a film backwards?
You get an entirely new film. For example:

Star Wars

A rather large moon-sized spaceship suddenly appears in the vast depths of space and, to prevent it from disappearing again, a nice young man called Luke extracts a bomb from its central chambers. The space station re-assembles a disintegrated planet, saving its occupants, and slowly begins to dismantle itself as a group of rebels become more and more disorganised. The young man goes home to his farm.

Titanic

An enormous iron ship surges up from the vast depths of the ocean in order to save a large number of people who are inexplicably, and somewhat foolishly, floundering in the water near an iceburg. It then kindly takes them back to Southampton.

The Lord of the Rings

A mentally challenged Hobbit overcomes his disability by retrieving his finger - and a golden ring - from the depths of a sinister volcano. They then travel through the countryside as we observe the journey of a band of adventurers who go around saving people by pulling swords out of them. The Hobbits spend the rest of their days in the peaceful idylls of the countryside.

Batman Begins

Bruce Wayne, playboy millionaire and defender of the people, shuns his role as the masked crusader "Batman" in favour of international travel after cleaning the city of a mysterious fog and receiving no thanks in the process.

The Lion King

Simba, King of the Lions of Pride Rock, loses a fight with his Uncle and is exiled. The clan goes to seed, relinquishing territory to the hyenas until the old king is miraculously returned to life and takes over after appearing in a cloud.
Jaws
A large shark finds and returns a lifeguard's bullet and oxygen tank. The shark then goes on to to rebuild a boat, and give birth to several humans through his mouth. The shark, its good deeds done, returns once more to its deep blue home - the sea.

The Passion of the Christ

A man awakens to find himself nailed to a cross without knowing how he got there, possibly after heavy drinking. Of course he is let down shortly after and the Romans tend to his wounds with a whip of +5 healing after he helped them get the cross back to storage. They parade him in front of a crowd as thanks, before re-arresting a criminal who had been mistakenly released in the man's place, despite the consternation of the crowd. He walks away with some of his friends, one of them lies about having said he didn't know him.

He gets to the peaceful garden of Gethsemane guided by Jewish escort and one of the man's friends leaves with them after kissing him goodbye, as per the custom.

The man cries to the lord about how he doesn't want to face agony for his divine plan. The Lord say k, n prblm. The guys friends go to sleep because it's been a long fucking day

Akira

Japan explodes, a bunch of stuff happens, Japan explodes.

The matrix

After a long day of beating people up in videogames, neo gets a sleeping pill from a black guy in sunglasses so that he can wake up in time for his boring office job in the morning.

Sleeping Beauty (Disney Version)

A beautiful Princess, bored of her opulent lifestyle and husband, asks her fairy godmothers to send her to sleep for a hundred years in the hope that something better will turn up. To her consternation she is woken early with an upset stomach by the wicked queen who quickly heals the Princess by throwing a spinning wheel at her. The Princess sings a song about losing Princes and gets close to nature by working on a farm.

12 Angry Men

After a guilty man is nearly acquitted of murder, a single juror convinces the others that the man they once thought was innocent really is guilty. Finally, after swaying the other eleven men to his side, they give the judge the guilty verdict.

Planet of the Apes

A lone astronaut overthrows the Apes that have taken over the Earth, along with the help of a few ape scientists. He finds his lost friends, and they repair his space-ship-cum-time-machine and return to their own time and place on Earth and ensure that such a future never takes place.

Run Ronnie Run

Millionaire Ronnie Dobbs gets tired of living the nouveau riche lifestyle, and finds himself in legal trouble (many times). He divorces his wife and moves back to the trailer in which he was born, healing his quadriplegic friend and a weird asian kid in the process.

Fellini's 8 1/2

After the circus comes to town, a famous filmmaker's latest production falls apart and he slowly descends into insanity. (Now that's a palindromic film.)

Around the World in 80 Days

Phileas Fogg is given a large sum of money and proceeds to go around the world. When he returns to London, he proudly states that it can be done and would like to wager money on the expedition.

Terminator

Sarah Connor goes to factory where she finds the Terminator and frees him from a giant crushing machine. A man called Kyle Reece aborts her son-to-be, John Connor. Conner and Reese chase the Terminator until he goes back to the future, where he belongs.

The Ten Commandments

Weary of Moses' harsh commandments, the Jewish people send him back up the mountain and have an orgy before melting a golden calf down to make necklaces and plates. Fed up of living in exile they go back to Egypt where Pharoah welcomes them with open arms. They are given jobs dismantling pyramids and celebrate the miraculous prosperity of the nation - and its first-born sons - by wiping lamb's blood off their doorways.

Independence Day - Geff Goldblum and Will smith travel into space with a captured alien ship just in time to see a giant-ass spacecraft form out of a cloud of debris. They enter the newly formed spacecraft, steal a nuke, and fly back down to earth. Then, a group of helpful fighter jet pilots and their repair missiles shoot at a group of smashed up alien craft, which then rise up from the ground. They start traveling about blasting ruined cities with their healing-ray, after which flying up into space, leaving the solar system to never been seen again.

Night of the Living Dead

a bunch of drunks blundering round an old house in the countryside gradually sober up as morning approaches, kindly replacing people's misplaced internal organs and carefully sewing up the wounds with their mouths.

War of the Worlds

morgan freeman introduces us to a tale where some awesome martians manage to overcome an unpleasant sickness in order to parade round america turning clouds of dust into people before laboriously cramming themselves into holes and leaving Tom Cruise to gradually alienate himself from his children before Morgan Freeman shows us a picture of some traffic lights and ends the movie.

Requiem for a Dream - An elderly woman is released from a psychiatric hospital and begins to lose interest in a game show. Meanwhile, the drug habits of three young adults become increasingly realistic.

Schindler's List

1,100 Jews are sent to concentration camps by the Nazis; 6,000,000 make it out alive, and Oskar Schindler makes a fortune.

Dracula

A kindly old gentleman in evening dress appears in 19th century London where he heals the sick and convinces an amorous young lady to go back to her husband. Travelling back to his home country in Eastern Europe, he gradually nurtures a young man back to full mental health and lives happily ever after running the local bloodbank for injured peasants.


Indiana Jones Triolgy
An incompetent archaeologist travels the globe losing precious objects and information, but occasionally chasing boulders up hills and unmelting the faces of nazis.

Ghostbusters

A damaged, ghost-filled New York is hit by a freak marshmallow spillage, so the Ghostbusters build a giant snowman out of it which proceeds to rebuild the damaged city. One of the men is attracted to a dog, but a woman appears in a space portal who turns her into a woman so the man can date her. By way of appreciation the New York authorities trap the ghosts in a basement, which makes the Ghostbusters very rich and famous, however they yearn for a simpler life, so they donate money to local businesses in exchange for storing the basement ghosts. They all take up jobs in a local university where they lecture students in the contents of a pack of cards. THE END

Trainspotting

A young man making something of his life, takes a couple of thousand pounds, exchanges it for coke with his friends and turns to heroin. Along the way one of his dying friends miraculously recovers from AIDS.
the 'Rocky' series

Rocky is trashed by a series of increasingly weak opponents, while regaining motor skills and damaging relations between America and Russia.

Final Destination

Death becomes compassionate and travels around finding creative ways to bring teenagers back to life. The teenagers go to the airport, where a plane miraculously emerges undamaged from a massive explosion. Security throws the teens onto the flight, where one of them creates a panic by screaming and yelling about the plane blowing up. Then he falls asleep and they graduate from high school.

Fight Club

The story of two friends trying to maintain their relationship is told. Narrator, and Tyler are two friends. So close that some even claim they're the same person. They spend a lot of time together doing fun stuff, but they're slowly drifting apart. They try different things to spice up their friendship, but none of them ever really work. Tyler eventually leaves, making Narrator feel badly. The Narrator goes to different support groups to help him cope with his loss.

Groundhog Day

A man repeatedly gets out of bed, takes a girl home from an increasingly shorter date, watches a groundhog disappear into a tree and goes to bed.

The Shawshank Redemption

After tiring of his company, Andy Dufrayne aranges for his old friend Red to be sent to prison. Wracked by guilt, he crawls through a sewer in order to get into the prison to see his friend again. Concealing his entrance behind a picture of Rita Hayworth, Andy begins a long campaign of disposing of all of the wardens money by giving it to various people. He then destroys the library in a mad rage and causes a lot of guards to fail to complete their tax returns.

Once again wracked by guilt, Andy forces a gang of men to beat and sodomise him as he gradually loses all his friends. Eventually the warden has had enough and throws Andy out of the prison, where he acquires a wife when she is resurrected by a friendly burglar. He then takes up banking and lives happily ever after.

The Deer Hunter

A small gathering of people inadvertently resurrect Christopher Walken by singing "God Bless America" in reverse, unaware of Irving Berlin's ties to the occult. Walken travels by casket to Saigon where a bullet falls out of his head and makes some Chinese people a lot of money. He mysteriously begins to receive $100 bills from a triple amputee in the United States. Meanwhile, Robert De Niro breaks up with Meryl Streep while simultaneously attempting to provide counseling to a drug addict. Entirely by chance, Walken, De Niro, and the amputee later meet on a helicopter flying over Vietnam. They decide that the best way to commemorate the occasion is to start pulling bullets out the Vietnamese with gun-shaped magnets. Afterwards, the amputee, having been miraculously cured of his condition (the healing power of magnets is well-documented), celebrates by having a wild dance party back home. He meets the recovering dope fiend at the party and immediately divorces her, even though they haven't yet married. Walken, De Niro, and the former amputee realize that they have to report for work the next morning, so they don't do anything too wild or irresponsible that night. They live happily ever after.

Odyssey Space A: 2001

With the help of a black monolith, a Starchild undergoes a metamorphosis and becomes a human. This new creature travels through a Stargate to find himself in the orbit of Jupiter, and close to a Spaceship that has been abandoned right next to a huge version of the monolith that did the transformation earlier.

The new creature explores the Ship and reactivates the ship's mainframe computer, who, possibly due to an error that has occurred during the inactive period, calls the new creature 'Dave'. Dave and the computer, named Hal, decide to fly back to the ship's home base. Dave uses his superhuman powers to hack Hal's life support control systems in a way that enables Hal to revive the ship's long-dead hibernating passengers.

After a while, a spacesuited stranger is spotted on a collision course with the ship. Dave goes EVA with a spacepod but, upon noticing that the spacesuited stranger's oxygen tube has been severed, returns to the ship. The corpse later gets smashed into the Spaceship's antenna array, after which HAL automatically deploys a spacepod, plugs the oxygen tube back in and uses the powers he has been given by Dave to revive the stranger, whom, owing to yet another error in his memory banks, Hal calls Frank.

Dave comes to meet Frank in the spacepod and they discuss how easy it was for Dave to reactivate Hal. Hal announces that Frank's impact to the antenna array has temporarily given him connectivity to the home base radio station. Dave goes EVA again to replace the current radio unit in the antenna with an older model, upon which connectivity is ultimately reestablished. Dave goes on to destroy what pictures of the cryogenically frozen passengers he can find aboard the ship while Frank and Hal play chess, although Frank doesn't really understand how the game works and keeps putting the pieces he lost back on the board.

Later, Dave and Frank both vomit into plates while watching a tape of HAL interviewing an englishman. Dave takes his plate and brings it to a sort of waste processing station, after which he climbs up a ladder and vanishes from sight.

...

A group of astronauts switches off an extremely annoying, loud radio transmission from a monolith in the middle of a lunar crater and then fly to the moonbase. On the way there, one astronaut tells the other that they were trying to fill up the crater with debris, upon which the monolith has started to emit a strange magnetic signature. At the moonbase, one of the original astronauts, Floyd, holds a speech at a meeting and then sits back down to watch the next speaker. A journalist is called to the meeting to shoot a few photos. Floyd then takes the next ferry to the space station. There, he sits down at a table with a bunch of russians, one of which then walks him to a phonebooth where Floyd receives a call from his little daughter, who wishes him happy birthday. Afterwards, Floyd boards the shuttle to fly home to earth and falls asleep.

[Intermission : a few minutes of easy-listening music]

The scene begins with a bone falling from the sky into the hands of an apeman, who at first screams because of the shock, but then notices its magic healing abilities. He then revives his dead friends while the rest of the tribe cheer him on and are merry. After eating lunch, he tries his magic bone on a dead tapir, which miraculously comes to life. He also tries it on a bleached, destroyed tapir skeleton, which fails to revive but starts to look more and more like a museum piece thanks to the healing bone. Annoyed by this, the apeman puts down the bone and joins his friends in touching and caressing a black monolith.

Together, they then all go to their cave and try to fall asleep, but can't because the tiger in the neighbouring cave has had problems with his digestion and is now noisily throwing up what could possibly be the remains of one of their own. The rest of the movie is just the tribe wandering around and celebrating their ape holidays around the oasis.

Posts: 8100 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
maximile

SuperFan!
Member # 3446

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Icon 10 posted May 22, 2006 10:54      Profile for maximile   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[thumbsup]
Posts: 1085 | From: London, UK (Powys, UK in hols) | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2071

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Icon 1 posted May 22, 2006 18:06      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ha! Ve Grammer Nazis haff you now Herr Snaggy! Ze correct spelling is "backwards" not "backwords".

Go straight to jail! [Wink]

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 12 posted May 22, 2006 18:09            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Surely you mean Spelling Police? Being a spelling mistake 'n all...
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Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

Member Rated:
5
Icon 7 posted May 22, 2006 22:34      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I guess I was thinking about the movie script running backwards, hence the "backwords." [Razz]
Posts: 8100 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted May 23, 2006 05:53      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What?!?!?

A mention of "Trainspotting" without the refreshing dip in the toilet?

I had an Eglish Springer Spaniel named "Spot." She was an excellent bird hunter. The movie ticket read "Train Spot," but she was fairly well trained.

I wish there was a backwards movie of her life so we could go hunting again. But I suppose Steven King did that movie "frontwords."

Calli, it looks like Snag has invented a new word.

CP

--------------------
Free! Free at last!

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Danapoppa
Geek
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Icon 1 posted May 23, 2006 09:25      Profile for Danapoppa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The Song Remains the Same

Pretty much the same thing: Led Zepplin perform some songs in between interviews and bits of on-camera fooling around, but in the middle of Stairway to Heaven you get a barely-intelligible videogram from the Devil.

[Big Grin]

Posts: 237 | From: South of Mt. Fuji | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged


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