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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 19:09      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

(Courtesy of Jonathan's friend Jim)

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
Geek
Member # 4435

Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 20:33      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Heheheh so true.
Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Astronomer Jedi
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 21:05      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:


Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


You forgot LEDs [Razz]

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

Posts: 606 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 21:12      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I didn't write the joke, or else I would have included LEDs! Jonathan's friend sent it to him, and he to me, so who knows its true origins. I think it's incredibly accurate in describing the theology of these various denominations tongue-in-cheek! [Smile]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Astronomer Jedi
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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 21:30      Profile for Astronomer Jedi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I suppose it would be religiously insensitive to extend the joke to jews and muslims.

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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

Posts: 606 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 21:31      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Calvinists: None. The lights failure is an inevitable result of mans depravity, and whether The Lord will make it go on again or not is totally outside our control.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 22:02      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Astronomer Jedi:
I suppose it would be religiously insensitive to extend the joke to jews and muslims.

Being totally irreverant here:

Muslims: Who knows?
The lightbulb is totally shrouded in black, so no one knows what a lightbulb looks like.

Jews: One.
Someone will change it, but everyone else will deny that it's been changed.

or,

Jews: How'd we get a lightbulb in the first place?
Everyone knows that it's better a penny saved than a penny earned.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted May 02, 2006 01:22      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The opinions and thoughts in this post are not the beliefs of the poster.

Muslims: 1
One, but he has to face Mecca to do it.

Pagans --

Wiccans: None
They can't be sure that there wasn't someone or thing injured in the production of the light, and they can't take the risk that the light might be too bright and cause injury sometime down the line...

Satanists: What lights? We only have black and red candles... Weee hatessss the lightsssss (and hobbitessiss).

- OR -

Satanists: 1
One to sacrife a virgin to the lord of darkness, and if we're deemed worthy, he'll grant the light of his fires...

Druids: 1
One but he has to be wearing antlers on his head and speaking in Gaelic.

Gypsies/Fortune Tellers: None.
We knew it'd go out, so we changed it already.

... So many more ... So little time ...

(non religous and in the older light bulb thread):
Computer Scientists: Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.

Surealists: Green.

- OR -

Surealists: Two, one fill the tub with lime jello, and the other to change the light bulb.

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My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
The real Stealth
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Icon 1 posted May 02, 2006 08:45      Profile for The real Stealth   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You Forgot Seventh-Day Adventists:

in Omaha: One Paul will do it...he has the spares locked in a cabnet...next to the TP

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The one and only "§†eal†h the Fallen One"...Between Your life And mine are Three realities, Yours, The real one, and Mine. They they form a bridge shapped in the letters D-O-_-N-O-T-_-C-R-O-S-S.

Posts: 141 | From: Battle Creek, MI | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Grummash

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Icon 1 posted May 02, 2006 22:48      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
GameMaster - you missed pagans...

14 Pagans to change a lightbulb.... one to do the job and 13 to dance around in a circle hoping the lightbulb will have a happy life. [Wink]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

Posts: 2335 | From: Lancashire,UK | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged


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