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Author Topic: FW: Bipartisan prez jokes
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

Member Rated:
5
Icon 7 posted April 30, 2006 15:48      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Bill 'n Hill

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under
the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of
their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid
and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was
in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with
such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my
promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the
temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you
keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty
beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very
disappointed and saddened by your behavior.
However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3
times is not that bad considering your problem."

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their
peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that
money in the box?"

Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took
them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."


--------------------------
Can the English language survive after Bush?

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that
one word is 'to be prepared'. "
- George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in
the future."
- George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow. "
-George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world. "
- George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- George W. Bush

" We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a
firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe."
- George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the
polls."
- George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. "
- George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our
children."
- George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."
- George W. Bush

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- George W. Bush

Posts: 8111 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
Uber Geek
Member # 3773

Icon 1 posted April 30, 2006 16:02      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Brilliant!

The bushisms definitely brightened my day!


/me goes back to cutting tile..

--------------------
"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

Posts: 948 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted April 30, 2006 18:37      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Not to defend the idiot but "For NASA, space is still a high priority" is actually true. NASA's mission statement and activities do include advanced aeronautics meant for terrestrial usage.
Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Stereo

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 748

Member Rated:
5
Icon 12 posted May 01, 2006 08:11      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
Not to defend the idiot but "For NASA, space is still a high priority" is actually true. NASA's mission statement and activities do include advanced aeronautics meant for terrestrial usage.

Considering that NASA stands for "National Aeronautics and Space Administration," one would think space is a hight priority for them, along with aeronautics... Either that or they need to change their name! [crazy]

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Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

Posts: 2289 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
canadiangeek
Geek
Member # 4946

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 12:55      Profile for canadiangeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Heh...... I got this in an e-mail a little while back..... thought I'd share it

_______________________________________________


This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

_______________________________________________

or, you can try this one:

Newfoundland used car for sale


1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km
Only first gear and reverse used
Used only in Newfoundland
Never driven hard
Original tires
Original brakes
Original fuel and oil
Only 1 driver
Owner wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
See photo attached:


 -

--------------------
-whenever you build something that's idiotproof, someone comes out with a better idiot-

Posts: 161 | From: Nova Scotia | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 13:15      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by canadiangeek:
______________________________________


This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

_______________________________________________

http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm

It is just a joke that someone decided to try and pretend had some credibility.

It's a good joke, but that's all it is.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

Member # 3698

Member Rated:
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Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 13:16      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by canadiangeek:

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

I seem to recall hearing a different version of that joke years back. Nevertheless, Snopes.com has confirmed it as false. It is a funny joke, though.

Edit: I see DNM just barely beat me to the Snopes reference.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
canadiangeek
Geek
Member # 4946

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 01, 2006 17:09      Profile for canadiangeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I didn't say it was a crediblt e-mail.... knowing my friends in the military, one of them likely made it up themselves......

anyhow.... gotta keep it short... hockey game's on
GO OILERS!!!!!!!!!!

--------------------
-whenever you build something that's idiotproof, someone comes out with a better idiot-

Posts: 161 | From: Nova Scotia | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged


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