homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » News, Reviews, Views!   » The Joke Bank!   » Fw: Peanut Butter Tech Support

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Fw: Peanut Butter Tech Support
TMBWITW,PB

Member # 1734

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted January 23, 2006 16:28      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Stolen from here

I just took a call of the kind that makes you want to bang your head on the desk until your brains ooze out your ears, and then fingerpaint on the wall with the ejected gray matter.

Let me put this call into non-technical terms.

Let's say you do technical support for, say, Peter Pan Peanut Butter. A customer calls in, who's supposedly been making peanut butter sandwiches for five years, having some trouble. The conversation goes something like this:

"Good morning, thank you for calling Peter Pan technical support, my name is Sarah, how can I help you today? ... ... ...ooookay, your child is throwing his peanut butter sandwich back at you because there's no peanut butter on it. Can you open up the sandwich for me? .... ... ...could you take one piece of bread in each hand and pull them apart so you can look inside the sandwich? ... ... ...there's no peanut butter on the outside of the sandwich. No, ma'am, it's supposed to be like that. I need you to look INSIDE. THE. SANDWICH. ...yes, like that, thank you. Do you see any peanut butter INSIDE THE SANDWICH? ... ... ...peanut butter looks like light brown sticky stuff smeared over one or both pieces of bread, and it may or may not have peanut chunks in it. .........you do see peanut butter? Good, now--you see shiny translucent purple stuff. No, ma'am, that is not peanut butter, that is jelly. DO YOU SEE BROWN STUFF IN THE SANDWICH? ...no! Okay, you'll need to put peanut butter on the bread. ... ... ...you put peanut butter on the bread by scooping peanut butter out of the jar with a knife and smearing it onto the bread. ... ... ...you can't get the peanut butter on the bread. Can you elaborate for me? ...do you see a jar in front of you that says "Peter Pan Peanut Butter?" ...no. .......you see such a jar in the pantry on the other side of the kitchen. Please go and get the jar. .......the knife won't go in. Did you remove the lid? ........you remove the lid by grasping it in one hand, holding the jar in the other hand, and twisting the lid in a counter-clockwise direction. ......no, ma'am, that's clockwise. Turn the lid so that the edge facing away from you moves to your left. .....YOUR OTHER LEFT. Is the lid off now? Good. Dip the knife in th--there's a paper thing in the way. Peel the paper thing off. NO, DO NOT PUT THE PAPER THING IN THE SANDWICH. IT IS NOT EDIBLE. THROW IT AWAY. .....IN THE TRASH. NOW. SCOOP PEANUT BUTTER OUT OF THE JAR WITH THE KNIFE. THE OTHER END OF THE KNIFE. ...the peanut butter won't go on the bread. Press the peanut butter on the knife against the bread. ... ... ... ...then get another piece of bread out of the bag. Now wipe the knife on the bread until the peanut butter that is on the knife is on the bread. .....now, is there peanut butter on the bread? Good! We're almost done. Now take the other piece of bread with the jelly on it, and put the two pieces of bread together with the peanut butter and jelly on the inside. ... ... ...there! You're done! Tha.... ... ...the sandwich is sticking to the plate and there's jelly all over your hands. Look at the sandwich and tell me exactly what you see. .....there's jelly on top of it, and peanut butter smushing out from under it. ...no, ma'am, remember what I said about how there wasn't supposed to be any peanut butter on the outside of the sandwich? ...yes, that's right. Peel the bread off the plate. Turn it so that the peanut butter is facing UP. Got it? ...up. NO, UP. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE SKY IS? THAT'S UP! TURN THE PEANUT BUTTER TOWARDS THE SKY! ...good! Now turn the bread with the jelly so the jelly faces down. ...DOWN. TOWARDS YOUR FEET. GOOD. NOW PUT THE BREAD WITH THE JELLY ON TOP OF THE BREAD WITH THE PEANUT BUTTER. ... ... ...GOOD! NOW GIVE THE SANDWICH TO YOUR CHILD. ...Ma'am, I don't know which child, the one that wanted the peanut butter sandwich... was it a girl or a boy? ... ...DID THE CHILD HAVE A PENIS? YES? THAT IS YOUR SON. GIVE THE SANDWICH TO YOUR SON YES THAT'S IT YOU'RE DONE OKAY THANKYOUFORCALLINGPETERPANPEANUTBUTTERHAVEANICEDAYGOODBYE!"

*seppuku*

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

SuperFan!
Member # 780

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted January 23, 2006 16:56      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh, that's awesome. I sort of skimmed over it, as it was something of a tedious read, but still worth it. Some days really feel like that for me. :-/

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

Posts: 9332 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted January 23, 2006 17:59      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Allow me to add a quote from one of my company's newer representatives who, I fear, is being allowed to install our online monitoring systems:

"If after adding 1.5Mohmn resistor and I get say 15vDC..this is still above our normal +/- 10VDC input range?"

[shake head]

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Democritus the Minor
Geek Apprentice
Member # 2620

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted January 24, 2006 19:01      Profile for Democritus the Minor     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
my god... if only it was that easy...

--------------------
We are 1447. We are better than 1337.

Posts: 42 | From: Chicago 'Burbs | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
littlefish
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 966

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted January 25, 2006 03:00      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
"If after adding 1.5Mohmn resistor and I get say 15vDC..this is still above our normal +/- 10VDC input range?"
Well that depends on your tolerances.
[evil]

Posts: 2421 | From: That London | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Matias
Highlie
Member # 4216

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted January 25, 2006 17:00      Profile for Matias   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I work in IT Help Desk and OMG, this is exactly what we go through. It was a long story but well worth the laugh! [Applause]

--------------------
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Posts: 516 | From: The Land of the mouse.... | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time  
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

© 2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam