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Author Topic: Tasteless, I mean REALLY tasteless
garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 16:51      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
But funny. Which is why I decided to post it. That, and the fact that geeks just love to take tests. First the disclaimer:
With a loud round of raspberries to all who will insist on being offended by the way their politics are misrepresented.

Finally, the joke:

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a loaded Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the
question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into
it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day
and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
Winchester Silver Tips
or Hollow Points?"
_______________________________________________

--------------------
I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 17:24      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ha! That's a great joke. No matter what side of the political fence you sit on.
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alfrin
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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 17:27      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Ha! That's a great joke. No matter what side of the political fence you sit on.

I agree, the best jokes are the ones that make fun of everyone equally (or damn near close).

--------------------
Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

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csk

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 17:29      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Ha! That's a great joke. No matter what side of the political fence you sit on.

Now, I was thinking the response of a few GCers was missing. That is "Why are we assuming he's a terrorist, just because he's a Muslim? After all, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. If I shoot him, I'll just be prolonging the cycle of retribution" [Big Grin]

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

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Stereo

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Icon 12 posted September 25, 2005 18:41      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Ha! That's a great joke. No matter what side of the political fence you sit on.

Now, I was thinking the response of a few GCers was missing. That is "Why are we assuming he's a terrorist, just because he's a Muslim? After all, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. If I shoot him, I'll just be prolonging the cycle of retribution" [Big Grin]
No, no, NO! csk, you disappoint me. Just because he praises Allah doesn't mean he's a true Muslim. Actually, true Muslim are against violence. By calling him a Muslim, and associate his religion to his actions, you just perpetuate negative prejudice. And what are you doing walking in a dark and deserted alley? Don't you people know how to stay safe? [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

(Good one, GarlicGuy!)

--------------------
Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

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alfrin
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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 18:49      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Stereo:
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Ha! That's a great joke. No matter what side of the political fence you sit on.

Now, I was thinking the response of a few GCers was missing. That is "Why are we assuming he's a terrorist, just because he's a Muslim? After all, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. If I shoot him, I'll just be prolonging the cycle of retribution" [Big Grin]
No, no, NO! csk, you disappoint me. Just because he praises Allah doesn't mean he's a true Muslim. Actually, true Muslim are against violence. By calling him a Muslim, and associate his religion to his actions, you just perpetuate negative prejudice. And what are you doing walking in a dark and deserted alley? Don't you people know how to stay safe? [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

(Good one, GarlicGuy!)

Hmm, I think the point a lot of you are missing is why a lot of Muslums or whatever have been known to be suicide bombers (no offense meant). Its said in their religion that if they die in honour of their religion/god its considered a free pass to heaven, dispite how they have been the rest of their lives.

--------------------
Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 18:56      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nice one GG, but the Southern Republican version should be...

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click

"I got him honey...

Honey?

Oh sheet! I done gone an' got carried away again !

Does anyone know the phone number for 9-1-1?"

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 19:20      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Bah! I'd take out my Cybertool, open up the blade, screwdriver, awl, and corkscrew and speak in tongues of BSODs. [Wink] That'd fix him up real good. [Razz]

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 20:49      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
And, if this particular scene occured in Montana, the democrat would also be asking, 'why is there a minority here? I thought Montana was all white.'

--------------------
"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 21:27      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You know, nwnf, I live on a very large Native American (aka Indian) Reservation. In many settings around here, the white man is still in the minority. And, of course, this too is Montana. [Wink]

--------------------
I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 21:32      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
Now, I was thinking the response of a few GCers was missing. That is "Why are we assuming he's a terrorist, just because he's a Muslim? [Big Grin]

My fault. I forgot to add that he had the words, "Islamic Terrorist" tatooed in English (well, American anyway) on his forehead, both cheeks and written in large black magic marker on his clothing. And it was in 1 foot (no metrics here) high letters on a sign that he brandished in the other hand. [Big Grin]

--------------------
I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 21:54      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A few people seem to be missing the point here -
1) Whilst Islamic martyrs are promised eternal life in heaven, the Qu'ran forbids suicide and the killing of innocents.
2) It is not 'assumed' that he he a terrorist because he is a Muslim, it it simply the premise of the joke that he his a terrorist and and a Muslim.
3) If we are to be concerned about prejudice, it is the Southern Republican who is the victim here.
4) It is only a joke, and it is funny [Big Grin]

--------------------
...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 22:05      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
3) If we are to be concerned about prejudice, it is the Southern Republican who is the victim here.

Actually, I'd have said it was the Democrat who was the victim in the joke, but I think we may be over-analyzing this a tad...

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 23:00      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So wrong and yet so right...

Strangely enough, I came out as a Republican.

/me scratches head and shrugs

Of course this is a very hypothetical situation. I stay out of dark alleys, the one gun I own shoots Nerf darts and lives in my dresser, terrorists seem to prefer explosive weapons, not edged weapons, I'm not married, I have no children, and, most importantly, if the Republicans get their way I won't be allowed to ever have a wife. Which leads me into pointing out the blatant sexism in this joke. [Wink] [Razz] [Big Grin]

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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Erbo
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted September 25, 2005 23:57            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
<gun-geek>

If the Southern Republican really needs to empty two mags at the goblin...he needs more range time! Double tap center mass should be enough, maybe include a headshot if you can manage it. Remember, "Two in the chest and one in the head, keeps me alive and makes you dead!"

And it wouldn't matter whether those were Silvertips or hollowpoint...either type is decent quality defensive ammo.

And what the hell's he doin' with a damn Tupperware gun, built by furriners? A good ol' American-made 1911 isn't good enough for him? At least he used a fairly decent caliber...

</gun-geek>

[Big Grin]

Seriously, though, this is a good joke...I'll spam this one to Electric Minds, too.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 00:42      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm... when I saw the thread title I thought you were going to talk about bean curd or Cream of wheat. [Razz]

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 01:42      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It is not a joke that makes fun of both sides but one which demonstrates the how deeply Republicans despise Democrats and as a bonus reinforces religious and racial prejudice.

You can probably guess that I find it too depressing to be funny. When will you Americans ever grow up?

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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ChildeRoland
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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 04:18      Profile for ChildeRoland     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
It is not a joke that makes fun of both sides but one which demonstrates the how deeply Republicans despise Democrats and as a bonus reinforces religious and racial prejudice.

You can probably guess that I find it too depressing to be funny. When will you Americans ever grow up?

Actually, it does make fun of both Democrats and Southern Republicans. And where can you find a single "religious and racial prejudice" reinforced in that joke? If you can find one let me know, because I read the joke twice and I can't seem to find ONE SINGLE REFERENCE to race in the entire post.

--------------------
=====================
Childe Roland

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 05:33      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kid Rolly try not to use caps lock. It makes you look insecure.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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greycat

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 07:34      Profile for greycat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
REPUBLICAN:

BANG! By jove! We need more Homeland Security! And look, Buffy, I've sprained my little pinky! I'm going to need another tax cut to pay for my medical bills. I'd better call Senator Porkenbarrel!

RING! Yes, Senator? Reginald here. I've got a sprained pinky from a fight with another terrorist. Can you do something about the outrageous behavior of these darkies? We need to double the police... no, no, of course not everywhere -- just where we live. And double the border patrols, too -- we don't want any more of these darkies coming in to our nation!

And I'm going to need another tax cut to pay for the hospital bill for my sprained pinky. Yes, certainly, you can raise the income tax on the middle classes all you want! A-ha-ha.

Good luck with the bombings, Senator! Glad to see you're trying your hardest to keep the world safe from terrorism by killing ragheads over in Iraq! Give my love to Rachel. Toodles!

LIBERTARIAN:

BANG!

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Doco

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 08:00      Profile for Doco   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
GG - great joke. Tasteless - just the way I like it.

And Erbo - I wish I could come up with a good reply, but I can't so I'll just say "Amen!"

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 09:02      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kid Rolly, to give you a more complete reply I trust the notion of subtext or implicit racism is not beyond you. No point in arguing about it though as you lot think the sun is green, the moon is cheese, day is night, and black is white. You follow a political philosophy that has hatred anger and deception at its very core, so this is not surprising.

You are going to have a rude awakening one day though, when this particular madness of the crowd abates. You can't fool all the people all the time.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 09:24      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
It is not a joke that makes fun of both sides but one which demonstrates the how deeply Republicans despise Democrats and as a bonus reinforces religious and racial prejudice.

You can probably guess that I find it too depressing to be funny. When will you Americans ever grow up?

Actually, I don't find anything particularly vicious regarding Democrats in the joke. It pokes fun, but is nowhere near as mean-spirited as a lot of political jokes I've heard in the last few years.

It's just a little tasteless, but funny, nonetheless. [Smile]

--------------------
Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 10:31      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Kid Rolly, to give you a more complete reply I trust the notion of subtext or implicit racism is not beyond you. No point in arguing about it though as you lot think the sun is green, the moon is cheese, day is night, and black is white. You follow a political philosophy that has hatred anger and deception at its very core, so this is not surprising.
Wait a minute, the moon isn't made of cheese??? [Frown]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 12:03      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Eric Idle, seated at his little desk, looks up at Callipygous with his best patronizing government clerk look and says,

"That would be a check in the Democrat column for you then, Mr. Calli?" [Big Grin]

--------------------
I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged


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