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Author Topic: FW: Ponderisms
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

Member Rated:
5
Icon 3 posted July 23, 2005 12:44      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

Posts: 8100 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Frost
Geek
Member # 1267

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted July 24, 2005 23:13      Profile for Frost     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No I never wonder why, because I know why. [Big Grin]

--------------------
Success requires no explanations, Failure permits no alibis.

Posts: 217 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Black Widow
Uber Geek
Member # 3046

Icon 1 posted July 25, 2005 06:34      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
Posts: 931 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
supaboy
SuperFan!
Member # 183

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted July 25, 2005 08:17      Profile for supaboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow...

More detailed records are kept for the cows. If the government attempted to keep records on people like they keep on bovines, civil libertarians would (ahem!) have a cow. [Big Grin]
Posts: 1767 | From: Columbia, SC USA | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted July 25, 2005 08:58      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by supaboy:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow...

More detailed records are kept for the cows. If the government attempted to keep records on people like they keep on bovines, civil libertarians would (ahem!) have a cow. [Big Grin]
Oh great.. now you're steering us into another punfest. I guess since it's just started, I should milk it for all its worth.
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
HalfVast

Member # 3187

Icon 1 posted July 25, 2005 15:55      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I wouldn't steak my reputation on it but I think I could horn in with one or two.

Funny cow link.

Posts: 795 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
supaboy
SuperFan!
Member # 183

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted July 26, 2005 09:24      Profile for supaboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I herd this was the place to make puns. Buchew cudn't resist throwing in a few more.

One might even say I was mooved, neigh inspired! to make this post, but that's a horse of a different color.

All right, throwing the horse joke in was a crock of bull, but I still give myself an A for heifert. It would be udderly ridiculous not to.

Posts: 1767 | From: Columbia, SC USA | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
garlicguy

Member # 3166

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted July 26, 2005 15:50      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have no beef with the whole punning thing, but the range of topics these forums cover is amazing.
Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged


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