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Author Topic: Things you shouldn't hear from a tech.
Titanium Warrior
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Icon 12 posted March 17, 2004 13:26      Profile for Titanium Warrior   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just had a tech come by my colour printer today and heard him utter a "hmmm". It made me laugh a little as I thought about things you don't want to hear your tech say.

Here's my list:

"That shouldn't be happening?"
"What the hell?"
"I don't know"
"Yep, it's broken, want me to call someone?"
"Did it work before this happened?"
"Do you have the manual?"
"Did you do anything different (than what you usually do)?"
"I hate it when it does this!"
"I thought I fixed this already"
"(insert popular explicative) machine!"
"Can you work with it like this for now?" (I hate this one)
"How do you turn this on? (where's the power button)"
"Oh, that can't be good"
"You did what?!"
"I heard about this problem somewhere once"


What have you heard or what do you say as a tech to frighten people by?

TiW

--------------------
I used to have super powers until my therapist took them away.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 13:31      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oops, I've said a lot of those before [Big Grin] .

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Aditu
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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 13:52      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My personal favourite - "This is still under warranty isn't it?" Did not make me feel good about his abilities.
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Tut-an-Geek

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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 14:01      Profile for Tut-an-Geek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Aditu:
My personal favourite - "This is still under warranty isn't it?" Did not make me feel good about his abilities.

Well if it comes down to a hardware issue, and you're not a certified tech by the manufacturer, then you'd void the waranty in fixing the problem. Hence one would question if it were still under warranty
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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 14:17      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Something you never want to hear from a 'medical imaging' tech ...

"Wow !"

Happened to me [Wink]
(but I'm all better now)

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Gibbonboy
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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 17:23      Profile for Gibbonboy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My personal favorites, or at least most-used are:

"What's this button for?" and

"You do have sprinklers in this building, right?"

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Slurpy
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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 20:29      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gibbonboy:
"You do have sprinklers in this building, right?"

[Big Grin]

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hey-U
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Icon 1 posted March 17, 2004 22:55      Profile for hey-U     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Uh-oh.....
Shit!!
What the hell!?
I'll get the backup tape.
That's SOOOOO bizarre.
Wow!! Look at this.....
What software license?
Well, it's doing something.....
Wow....that seemed fast.....
I got a better job at Lockheed...
Management says...
Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted.
What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
It didn't do that a minute ago...
Damn, and I just got that coffee...
The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
Do you smell something?
What's that grinding sound?
I have never seen it do *that* before...
I don't think it should be doing that...
I remember the last time I saw it do that...
You might as well all go home early today ...
My leave starts tomorrow.
Ooops.
Hmm, maybe if I do this...
Hmmm, curious...
Well, my files were backed up.
What do you mean you needed that directory?
Do you really need the network to do any work?
The Server will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I shut down the network.
Yes, I changed all the files to read-only. Is that a problem to you?
Wonder what this command does?
What did you say your (l)user name was...?
You did what to the floppy???
Sorry, we deleted that last week...
NO! Not that button!
[looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"
Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
What's this switch for anyway...?
If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
Was that your directory?
System coming down in 1 minute....
The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
OH, SH*T! (scrabbling at the keyboard for ^c).
The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
It's only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a Monday afternoon.)
I think we can plug just one more thing in to this without tripping the circuit breaker.
What is all this I hear about static charges destroying computers?
Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after dinner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before deadline...)
Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
I hate it when that happens.
Nobody was using that file, were they?
You can apply this patch with the system up...
What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
The only copy was on THAT disk???
Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
What do you mean by "fired"?
Where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
Don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
Now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
I don't care what s/he says, I'm not having it on my network
We don't support that. We won't support that.
...and after I patched the microcode...
We prefer not to change the password, it's a nice easy one
Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...
I don't care if your machine's crashed! I just lost another life!
When I were a lad I'd have given an arm and a leg for that much storage space/memory/processing power...

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Lumina Manson
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Icon 11 posted March 17, 2004 23:28      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey-U, you had a lot of time on your hands, no?
A few I've heard from my hopeless ex who tried to fix my comp and at the same time spend time with me in hopes to get back with me. He's a wanna-be comp tech, and my comp is pretty old so why not let it be a guinea pig? It's free if it works...

Whoever did your computer before didn't know what he was doing. (It was him, duh!)
You don't have to go anywhere for a while, do you?
What's your serial number?
What kind of computer is this?
Oh, Gosh, no!
I'm going to restart the computer...(turns it off by the power strip instead of the control/alt/delete, thus eating away at the hard drive)
Why won't this work? (Pressing escape many a time)
Maybe this is the problem (Turns off Media Player)

He "fixed" it once before, but he diliberatly gave it a virus (which was, ironically, in the anti-virus) so he could come back and fix it. What a nerd!

--Is there a doc here?, C.P.

--------------------
ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!

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hey-U
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 00:05      Profile for hey-U     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
But, as we all know, there are two sides to every story...

How to Please Your IT Department

[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When IT support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

6. When an IT person is eating lunch at their desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an IT person tells you that s/he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

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Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 00:46      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A couple of these have happened to me, here were my responces.

3. When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
I just left, I didn't even try and i put her at the bottom of my todo list, it obvisously wasn't that important if she left.


6. When an IT person is eating lunch at their desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
You have no idea how much that pisses me off. I'm sitting there durring my lunch getting some work done instead of leaving to eat, and in comes someone:
"Instead of my [really old] mac starting up normally, it keeps giving me a disc with a question mark on it, can you come have a look at it."
"Uh..sure, I will be there ASAP"
"Ok, So I will se you in 5 Min?"
"Uh...NO. I'm eating"
"Well I think that this is a little more important than you food right now!"
"Well I dont!"


10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

This doesn't bother me so much because sometimes you need more hardware, but then again, sometimes you dont...

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
These I just stuff in my store room. If they return i let them in to find it themselves. I hope the like Hide and GO Seek.

13. When an IT person tells you that s/he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

I think I can pencil you in in about....6months.


14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

This is just a pain in the Ass. Oh, and when they prefer to print 100 Coppies of the same thing instead of using a COPY MACHINE, that just makes my day. All that toner and paper... [shake head]

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littlefish
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 01:34      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"I'm glad I'm on holiday next week!"
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Aditu
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 09:31      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Tut-an-Geek:
quote:
Originally posted by Aditu:
My personal favourite - "This is still under warranty isn't it?" Did not make me feel good about his abilities.

Well if it comes down to a hardware issue, and you're not a certified tech by the manufacturer, then you'd void the waranty in fixing the problem. Hence one would question if it were still under warranty
Actually his statement was preceded by a cracking noise. He'd tried to take a piece out of the printer.
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macmcseboy

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Icon 12 posted March 18, 2004 10:14      Profile for macmcseboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Did I ever say things like that to you TiW??? I think I did, not too long ago. Was it not a Hard drive, or was it a top case. I don't remeber... I guess I'll hve to lookup the repair history. [ohwell]

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Live long and prosper.

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Titanium Warrior
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 11:21      Profile for Titanium Warrior   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by macmcseboy:
Did I ever say things like that to you TiW??? I think I did, not too long ago. Was it not a Hard drive, or was it a top case. I don't remeber... I guess I'll hve to lookup the repair history. [ohwell]

Not that I recall, but I'll giggle the next time you do [Wink]

TiW

--------------------
I used to have super powers until my therapist took them away.

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Katie
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 12:43      Profile for Katie   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Titanium Warrior:
Just had a tech come by my colour printer today and heard him utter a "hmmm". It made me laugh a little as I thought about things you don't want to hear your tech say.

Here's my list:

"That shouldn't be happening?"
"What the hell?"
"I don't know"
"Yep, it's broken, want me to call someone?"
"Did it work before this happened?"
"Do you have the manual?"
"Did you do anything different (than what you usually do)?"
"I hate it when it does this!"
"I thought I fixed this already"
"(insert popular explicative) machine!"
"Can you work with it like this for now?" (I hate this one)
"How do you turn this on? (where's the power button)"
"Oh, that can't be good"
"You did what?!"
"I heard about this problem somewhere once"


What have you heard or what do you say as a tech to frighten people by?

TiW

Some I have heard are
"Oh...dude" and "I didn't know it could do that!"

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 12:49      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Oops, I've said a lot of those before [Big Grin] .

No shit. I didn't notice.

I think the worst any tech of any variety can say is "Interesting," or a very soft and gentle "Oh shit." When I rode ambulances the "Oh shit" was usually prefaced by a slow blink. You never, ever, want to be in a position where you can make an EMT blink. Trust me.

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Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 13:07      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Oops, I've said a lot of those before [Big Grin] .

No shit. I didn't notice.

I think the worst any tech of any variety can say is "Interesting," or a very soft and gentle "Oh shit." When I rode ambulances the "Oh shit" was usually prefaced by a slow blink. You never, ever, want to be in a position where you can make an EMT blink. Trust me.

Now, were you the one they were transporting?
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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 13:14      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No. I was doing the transporting. The patient was too far gone to notice though. We didn't cuss out loud if the patient was capable of hearing.

I did make a national park ranger blink, but that story is posted elsewhere. That's another one...you really don't want to hear a ranger say "I didn't realize anyone could get through there."

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Flashfire
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 13:37      Profile for Flashfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
No. I was doing the transporting. The patient was too far gone to notice though. We didn't cuss out loud if the patient was capable of hearing.

Wow, kinda puts our little computer problems in perspective, doesn't it? [Frown]

Still -- worst I've ever heard from a (computer) tech:

"Let's try that again, without the oops..."
and
"There are no living partitions on that drive."

"That drive", of course, was the hard drive with all my data on it. Silly me, thinking that putting on a different partition from my system stuff would protect it. Both of these occurred when I was attempting to recover from my Norton Anti-Virus-induced crash -- maybe no one died, but it sure felt like it... [ohwell]

--------------------
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Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
-------------------------------
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Alephcat
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 14:32      Profile for Alephcat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Flashfire:
"There are no living partitions on that drive."

"That drive", of course, was the hard drive with all my data on it.

any tech who is worth his/her salt imediatly stores any/all data in at least 2 places (other than the computer being worked on) and images the machine, if possible.

--------------------
"You have the right to search in silence. If you give up the right to search in silence, anything you say can and will be modded down in a court of public opinion."

Posts: 300 | From: Chester | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
-ct-
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Icon 4 posted March 18, 2004 15:40      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
lol, muiltiple partitions on a single drive, lol, lol, AHAAAA *snicker* [Happytears]

i learned that the hard way many many years ago

most people still think "oh, i'll just make 2 partitions that way of one dies, i can still use the other"
lolololol

Alephcat is exactly right, copy the drive before you do *anything* to it

you wouldn't believe the kind of porn most people have on their machines [Eek!] [crazy]

--------------------
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littlefish
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 15:43      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ct, are you surprised by the kind (ie transvestite midget bondage) of porn they have on their computers, or the quantiy?
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csk

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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 16:03      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by -ct-:
Alephcat is exactly right, copy the drive before you do *anything* to it

you wouldn't believe the kind of porn most people have on their machines

So that's why techs insist on copying the drive before doing anything, it's all about the pron [Wink]

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

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SpikeSpiegel
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Icon 1 posted March 18, 2004 16:11      Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by littlefish:
ct, are you surprised by the kind (ie transvestite midget bondage) of porn they have on their computers, or the quantiy?

judging by some of the links ct has posted im assuming its the quantity

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its been a while

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