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Author Topic: I can but try
punkpixie1984
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Icon 7 posted September 01, 2004 10:36      Profile for punkpixie1984     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have studied and am studying the wonderfully tricky world of English Literature, and recently I have written a few short stories. I do not have much talent in this field yet. I'm hoping it is not one of those skills that is natural; let me be able to learn how. [Smile]

Anyway, this is my first attempt. It is from about two months ago, and is exceedingly short, but I would be so grateful if you could offer up criticisms, however trivial. Thanking you.

quote:

The frost bit into the statue as it shivered in the driving gales. An unexpected chill had fallen upon the forest, very early this year. Sophia gazed at the figure, transfixed by it‘s poetry. She had moved to the cabin to experience such moments as this. Her hand automatically reached out for the notebook that she kept always close.

‘How can a creation of such beauty be turned to such violent acts?’ She dictated aloud to herself as she wrote, not sure if she meant the wind, or the darkness she had seen in herself. ‘Why should it be forced to endure that? And yet, if it is moved, that will surely destroy it.’


Her eyes suddenly heavy, she closed the notebook, promising that she would continue these musings tomorrow. Sophia retired to her room, alone.

The statue remained, ever-freezing, alone.



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Weebles wobble but they don't fall down? Why, sir, I believe if you take a blowtorch to them you can melt them over. Proof that your product is faulty...

Posts: 16 | From: Merrie olde England | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
Number 2608
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Icon 1 posted September 01, 2004 12:16      Profile for Number 2608     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm not much of a reader of fiction myself, so I have little to compare this against, but that seems pretty good to me. I'm only good at concise technical writing, and always failed miserably at creative writing.

Now for the grammar nazi bit:

"it's" is a contraction of "it is". If you want to denote something as belonging to "it" then it is "its". Illogical, I know, but English is strange like that.

Posts: 82 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted September 01, 2004 13:47      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Actually, it's perfectly logical.

An apostrophe is used to join 'it' and 'is', or to show possession, except in the case of pronouns.

As such, there's no apostrophe in "its", "hers", "his", "theirs", etc.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
d3m057h3n35
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Icon 1 posted September 01, 2004 14:14      Profile for d3m057h3n35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I like the idea. It stands alone pretty well, or could easily be part of a larger work. How I would have written it (I'm no expert either):

Winter's chill had congealed the forest very early this year, and the frozen trees creaked in the wind, brittle and nude. Frost bit into the statue, and it seemed to shiver in the driving gale. Sophia gazed at the figure, transfixed by its poetry. She moved to the cabin every year to experience the inspiration of moments such as this. Her hand reflexively reached for the notebook that she always kept at her side.

‘How can a creation of such beauty be so cruelly abused?’ She dictated aloud to herself as she wrote, not sure if she meant the statue, with the wind slowly eroding it, or her soul, wasting away within the darkness she had discovered in herself enveloping it. ‘Why should it be forced to endure such pain? And yet, moving it would certainly destroy it.'

Her eyes suddenly heavy, she set aside her pen, promising herself that she would resolve something tomorrow. Sophia retired to her room, alone.

The statue remained, cold and worn, alone.


Very nice, in general. I guess I did change the content and style quite a bit. I think your sentences were more terse, which I liked. Once again, I do not claim to be an authority.

Posts: 54 | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged


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