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Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on April 27, 2005, 14:30:
 
If anyone ever expected Christians to have hunky-dory, perfect lives, you were wrong. In fact, sometimes it seems more challenging because of the higher standard to which I hold myself. EDIT: By that I mean, I really wanted to just curse Mom out to shut her up or get rather violent to let out all of my anger, but that wouldn't be morally right... because I'm a Christian I can't take the easy way out. Does that make sense?

Anyways, that caveat aside, ARGH!!! I am so frustrated right now. I'm not sure what started it, but I broke down crying on the phone talking to my college loan officer today. I misunderstood how to repay my loans so I paid on some but not on the others and incurred a late fee of US$1.74. Yeah, it's not much money, but I hate misunderstandings like that.

Then I showed Mom my new webpage and she read my Xanga (all of three posts) and was like, "What do you have to be stressed about?"

I should've told her that it's been super-busy at work, but I told her instead that I'm feeling trapped in a dead-end job, I'm losing what I learned in college, and I want to do more. (I also have grad school applications and work for Dream Ride Projects to do.) Instead of hearing me, she started lecturing me on why I need to stay where I'm working and not take out anymore loans. Then she really drove in the knife, "So what if you get your Master's? Remember how long it took you to find a job? What if no one wants you?" Coming from a parent who doesn't love me unconditionally, that really hurt.

I've been going to counseling to learn to reconcile the stuff in my life with my mother's expectations and conditions because I've been forced to live at home due to the economy. She doesn't understand that going back to school for my Master's will make me eligible for more jobs (hopefully higher paying ones) than with just my Bachelor's. She doesn't understand that moving away to college is my opportunity to move out and to continue growing as a person and at a faster/safer rate than I am now. She doesn't understand that loans are necessary in this day-and-age, that it isn't a bad thing to have school loans. Instead, she says that I'm doing something "grandiose." Instead of respecting the fact that I'm intelligent enough to go to grad school, she's looking at the small stuff and giving me heck about it.

Any one else going/gone through this? Anyone want to lend me a shoulder so I can cry out my anger and frustrations?
 
Posted by n4dmx (Member # 3177) on April 27, 2005, 15:03:
 
Cheer up! Things will get better.

I'm not a christian, but life can be shi**y at times for everyone I suppose. [Frown]

I am the first person in my family to have attended college, and I did not garner any support from them. I just got all the financial aid I could, as well as loans and crappy jobs to barely scrape by.

I wish I was still there. [Smile]

I would like to go on to get my master's someday, maybe before I get alzheimer's. [Razz]
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on April 27, 2005, 15:26:
 
Well, I'll be brief, but I seem to remember someone quoting a favourite verse of theirs, "this too shall pass". This would seem relevant to this situation.

The thing about parenting, is that it's hard, and easy to get "wrong". On the bright side, it seems like your mother cares about you and your welfare, since she wouldn't have an opinion at all if she was disinterested. On the other hand, she doesn't seem to be realising that this is (well past) the stage of your life where she needs to fully hand over the reins of responsibility to you. I have a feeling that things will get easier over time as she trusts you to make wise decisions, and as you demonstrate that your decisions are better than she gives you credit for now.
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on April 27, 2005, 15:43:
 
I don't mean to come off as hard as I think I am going to...

If anyone ever expected Christians to have hunky-dory, perfect lives, you were wrong. In fact, sometimes it seems more challenging because of the higher standard to which I hold myself.
<sarcasm>
Oh, yes, we Heathen have it much easier not having a moral bar by which to judge our actions.
</sarcasm>
I am a pagan, and more moral than most christians I know. My rule is probably even more difficult to follow than your ten. Wiccans believe in the law "Ye harm none, do as ye will," but I'm not even Wiccian, I'm a tradecraft witch. No, my moral law is Kant's imparative:
"Follow a maxium such that you can reasonably perscribe as the universal legislative."

Yep, that makes everything so cut and dried.... *eesh*

(Sorry, you just came off as so holier than thou)

Anyways, that caveat aside, ARGH!!! I am so frustrated right now. I'm not sure what started it, but I broke down crying on the phone talking to my college loan officer today. I misunderstood how to repay my loans so I paid on some but not on the others and incurred a late fee of US$1.74. Yeah, it's not much money, but I hate misunderstandings like that.
Alright, so talk to whom you need to, and figgure out what you are supposed to do, so it doesn't happen again. Life moves on.

Then I showed Mom my new webpage and she read my Xanga (all of three posts) and was like, "What do you have to be stressed about?"

I should've told her that it's been super-busy at work,

Would that have been completely open and honest though?

but I told her instead that I'm feeling trapped in a dead-end job, I'm losing what I learned in college, and I want to do more. (I also have grad school applications and work for Dream Ride Projects to do.) Instead of hearing me, she started lecturing me on why I need to stay where I'm working and not take out anymore loans.
No reason you couldn't do gradschool and work -- granted it'd be more stuff to do, but it'd keep you from having more stuff to pay off when you were done.

Then she really drove in the knife, "So what if you get your Master's? Remember how long it took you to find a job? What if no one wants you?" Coming from a parent who doesn't love me unconditionally, that really hurt.
Is that she really doesn't love you unconditionally, or is it that she thinks you need tough love right now. Just because she doesn't always agree, doesn't mean her love is conditional. If it really is that her love is conditional, realize that it isn't your fault, and find ways to deal with it.

I've been going to counseling to learn to reconcile the stuff in my life with my mother's expectations and conditions because I've been forced to live at home due to the economy. She doesn't understand that going back to school for my Master's will make me eligible for more jobs (hopefully higher paying ones) than with just my Bachelor's. She doesn't understand that moving away to college is my opportunity to move out and to continue growing as a person and at a faster/safer rate than I am now.
Yes, a masters will earn you more money, but work expreince is quite valuable, even if it's not the dream job -- even if it's not related to your area of intrest. The economy is doing fine, there are jobs a pleanty, just not in all markets. When in doubt, don't be afraid to settle for a JOB, just never settle for a carreer. I've currently have 2 jobs, making peanuts trying to pay off debit that I was stupid enough to let grow, and to make enough to strike out on my own. I'm working 12 hour days, between the two, and one of them is really starting to become a drag... But, I've started looking for something to replace it, and I'm sure I'll find something soon.

She doesn't understand that loans are necessary in this day-and-age, that it isn't a bad thing to have school loans. Instead, she says that I'm doing something "grandiose." Instead of respecting the fact that I'm intelligent enough to go to grad school, she's looking at the small stuff and giving me heck about it.
Did she ever say that you could handle grad school, or are you just assuming that was her meaning. I personally have no problem doing small stuff on the way to bigger stuff. I'd wash toliets and kiss corprate ..., in a heart beat, if it made me one step closer to getting to big stuff. Don't look at what your doing now like it's going to last forrever, and look at it as a way to get where you want to go. Don't be so proud. There are lots of intelligent people, but there are few motivated intelligent people who are willing to work. I know, I'm plenty intelligent -- but if I don't HAVE to a menial task, I won't. But, I will do what I have to, and do it as well as I can.

Any one else going/gone through this? Anyone want to lend me a shoulder so I can cry out my anger and frustrations?
Like I said, I'm working doing sales again at the rep, but now it's through another company. It's lost it's fun. We've lost really good people, and we're not making the money (for us or The Rep) that we used to make. It's frustrating to see the atmosphere I loved turn into a slave labor "boiler room" but the new boss doesn't let us "get away with" the fun and games we had while waiting for "Mr Jones" to pick up. We used to say "smile and dial" but the "dial" part has overtaken the "smile" part. So, I just started looking for internships in the feild, and if there aren't any at this time, I'll find some place that's more fun. In the mean time, I will suck it up and keep marching.

Carpe Geekium.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on April 27, 2005, 16:11:
 
Thanks for your insight, GM. I was a good kid in high school 'cause of my parents' divorce, so I never went through the rebellion stage. I feel like I'm doing that now and I have to justify it with my Christianity. I feel like because I'm a Christian, I'm expected to get everything right the first time... that maybe I'm not always holding myself to higher standards but that other people expect them of me because I'm a Christian. That's what I meant by my first paragraph... not to be "holier than thou," but to vent my frustration that I'm definitely NOT holier than thou but I feel like I'm supposed to be. Does that make more sense now?

And yeah, I'm grateful for this job 'cause it's helping me pay off bills and get work experience, but is that all life/work is? Work so you can pay off bills, incur bills, work some more. Isn't there another way? Somehow else to keep learning/contributing than this? I'm already maxed out with my civic involvement (in the community and at church), so there's no time to add a part-time job or school to this. I feel like I'm at my whit's end and grad school is the bright light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on April 27, 2005, 16:26:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:

And yeah, I'm grateful for this job 'cause it's helping me pay off bills and get work experience, but is that all life/work is? Work so you can pay off bills, incur bills, work some more. Isn't there another way?

Well Rhonnie,
Answer to number 1. Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

Answer to number 2. I haven't found it yet. If you find it first can I get dibs?

Life can get very frustrating at times. So long as you don't let the s*&t times drag you down, it can get better. Right now you are feeling that pressure for success. Everyone does. But unless you were born into wealth success is usually a long hard fought road.
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on April 27, 2005, 17:37:
 
And yeah, I'm grateful for this job 'cause it's helping me pay off bills and get work experience, but is that all life/work is?
Until you find a job you love, which in most cases you have to work up to. When you do something that you love "work" becomes "play"

Work so you can pay off bills, incur bills, work some more. Isn't there another way?
Ideally:
Work to pay of bills, incur more bills, get better job, incur bigger bills, get better job, incur bills, start own bissness and cut bills as much as possible, become popluar and useful, take over world.

The big leap is comes after you get an idea that would be a good bussiness and your finding a way to get it off the ground. I have ideas... Now, I just need a way to gain capital to get started and find a working business model. Ah, will come in time....
 
Posted by Serenak (Member # 2950) on April 27, 2005, 17:48:
 
I wrote a long post in reply to GM's original post but somehow I accidentally clicked out of the window and *damn* if the whole thing didn't vanish...

Too late to bother rewriting it so hell...

Life goes up and sometimes down.. but remember it beats the fsck out of the alternatives (at least form where I sit...

g'night all
 
Posted by Sxeptomaniac (Member # 3698) on April 27, 2005, 17:48:
 
Sounds like a lot of what made it worse is when you just tried to vent to your mom and she ended up giving you advice.

I can sympathize there. It hurts when people dispense trite advice in the face of real struggles.
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on April 27, 2005, 20:36:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:

And yeah, I'm grateful for this job 'cause it's helping me pay off bills and get work experience, but is that all life/work is? Work so you can pay off bills, incur bills, work some more. Isn't there another way? Somehow else to keep learning/contributing than this? I'm already maxed out with my civic involvement (in the community and at church), so there's no time to add a part-time job or school to this. I feel like I'm at my whit's end and grad school is the bright light at the end of the tunnel.

Grad school is a bright light at the end of the tunnel? Eeks. Well, I won't feel like I'm missing out by staying in school then...

Your work can take on meaning beyond steady pay, but you have to either find work that gives meaning or find a meaning in your work. People who do jobs like teaching are definitely in it for more than the money. The other alternative is just letting your work be your meal ticket and letting your life's meaning lie elsewhere, such as in the volunteer work you're already doing.

I've had my own quiet struggle with the issues you raised, and that's why I went to grad school. In the field I wish to work in, a you can't do anything really creative or advance very far without a doctorate. Kind of a pain, but hey, doctoral programs are free in the sciences, so at least I'm not going head over heels in debt to do this. My dad was very skeptical of my decision, but it's not his life or his money, and, anyways, I knew in myself that this choice was the right one for me.
 
Posted by Relativistic (Member # 3876) on April 27, 2005, 21:30:
 
Wow, yes, that is frustrating. [Frown] Others have said, "life has ups and downs" and they're right, but if you're in the middle of a down the ups often seem far away. A shoulder to lean on is very nice at those times.

So, yes, we're here for that.

You also asked if there was another way outside of being a slave to your bills. Yes, there is. But you have to have something else you're working for. If you're working so you can have money to do things you're interested in, then it's part of the trade. It's a better trade if your work is something you're interested in too. But if all your work is going to barely covering the bottom line, maybe you ought to take measures to quickly address the bottom line and make it smaller. Or find things that matter to you that require little or no investment.

For myself, I've found that I have to establish myself. I have to have my own little personal rebellions against the system just to remind myself that I still have a choice. There has to be something we're living for beyond the consumerism, wage slavery, and false capitalism we live in. It's a struggle to hold on to yourself, no doubt. (Maybe I'm reading too much into your frustration, but that's a frustration of my own...)

----- Make Yourself - Incubus

If I hadn't made me
I would've been made somehow
If I hadn't assembled myself
I'dve fallen apart by now
If I hadn't made me
I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow

If you let them make you
They'll make you papier-mache
At a distance you're strong
Until the wind comes
Then you crumble and blow away

If you let them f*** you
There will be no foreplay
But rest assured
They'll screw you complete
Til' your a** is blue and grey

You should make amends with you
If only for better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try and Make Yourself?

If I hadn't made me
I'dve fallen apart by now
I won't let em' make me
It's more than I can allow
So when I make me
I won't be papier-mache
And if I f*** me
I'll f*** me in my own way
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on April 27, 2005, 22:27:
 
That reminds me of a discussion I had with my boyfriend a while back concerning the aquarium he started up. For some reason he felt like he had to explain his motivations to me, even though I admire his fish, respect the effort he puts into it, and don't tease him about it or get jealous over it (though I did get pissy last week when he was too busy to let me come over and look at the fish). It's a lovely freshwater aquarium, but maintianing the things seems rather complicated. I'd rather just keep something simple like a guinea pig and save the more complicated biological stuff for work.

The gist of our conversation was this. Grad school eats your soul. It wears you down. You get locked up into a routine: get up, go to work, maybe escape for a hobby if you're lucky enough to have one (and there are people who don't), go back to work if you need to, go home, sleep, rinse and repeat. You turn into a machine or a lab rat (uh oh [Razz] ). You lose what made you you. So you have to force yourself away from the grind and try new things, or spend time with things you enjoy. His aquarium is one of the ways he's keeping his claim on his soul. He also keeps a carnivorous plant (but not in the aquarium). According to him I'm the only one who doesn't think he's crazy.

This converstaion made me reflect on my own life since starting grad school and I've decided that I need to start volunteering again. So I'm going to go to the orientation at the Humane Society next week. Yeah, it's not as hard core as the ambulance stuff I used to do but we'll see how it goes. If I think I can balance it, I may go further. But playing with cats and dogs will be good enough for now. I suppose I could get a similar routine-breaking effect by chopping my hair or tie-dying some more clothes but I miss volunteering.
 
Posted by Zargof McBain (Member # 3856) on April 28, 2005, 00:03:
 
Being a devout Atheist I'm not going to comment on the Christian stuff, but I can certainly empathise about grad school.

I don't know if you saw my post the other day about being accepted into Georgia Tech, so now I'm almost there, just a couple of hurdles left with visas, housing and the big one funding! Thankfully my family have been supportive, they have always been like that. It's my life and my decision.

But yes applying for grad school can be very stressful. It was probably around this time last year that I decided I was going to quit my job and go back to school. But for me it's more than that as I'm moving to a different country to do it. All the forms and research and tough decisions has been hard. They say the personal statement is the hardest thing you'll ever have to write, for me it was close, but I think the first real report I wrote was worse.

Of course you could question why I would want to quit a good job doing the sort of work I'm interested in to get into debt by going back to Uni and moving to a different country. Well the job isn't so great, particularly when the work I do just doesn't get used. It's very frustrating to work on something for several months for someone to say "Very nice" and then it just gathers dust. Plus I find there is no direction, I'm just drifting from one project to the next with no goal in sight. Oh and I'm not sure when it happened, but working there has totally destroyed my confidence. So, I thought a change was in order. Having visited America I really loved it over there and want to spend more time there. So I put it all together and came up with this. Your Mum said what you were doing was grandiose, but I think this tops it. [Wink]

Hmm... I guess I sort of took the opportunity to vent there as well...

Anyway, my advice would be, if you know in your own mind that this is what you really want to do, and you know you can cope with grad school, the lifestyle change, the debt and everything else, it should not matter what anyone else thinks. Remember it's your life and your choice, don't keep doing something that you don't like because it's the 'safe' choice.

Good luck. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by neotatsu (Member # 1429) on April 28, 2005, 00:20:
 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
Well, I'll be brief, but I seem to remember someone quoting a favourite verse of theirs, "this too shall pass". This would seem relevant to this situation.

Yes, that was me, unless you're talkin about someone saying that recently, of course...

A Christian comedian named Mark Lowry says it in one of his stand up bits... "My favorite verse in the bible goes like this 'And it came to pass...' That's it. And it came, to pass. It didn't come to stay, it came to pass." He says a bit more, but, that's the jist of it...

A parent who seems to care *too* much can be about as bad as one who dosn't care at all... Having one of each, I'd know, heh...

In the end, it's you're life, so, do what you know to be right for you. No one ever said life would be perfect, or that you wouldn't make mistakes, so, don't let that hold you back.

"Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not being afraid to be wrong"
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on April 28, 2005, 06:48:
 
quote:
Originally posted by neotatsu:
Yes, that was me, unless you're talkin about someone saying that recently, of course...

Actually, I was referring to Rhonwyyn, but you may well have said it, too [Wink]
 
Posted by CrawGator (Member # 392) on April 28, 2005, 12:58:
 
Sorry to hear you are feeling down about your life. I can't tell you why you have to go through this, but if it helps you do have friends so you are not alone.

P.S. Check your private messages
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on April 28, 2005, 21:41:
 
Hah. So after typing that sob story yesterday, I ended up putting in 11.5 hours at work. Argh.

Anyways, thank you so much for all of your encouragement (and the kick in the pants, GameMaster). I heard from my third professor today who informed me that it's too late to get into grad school in my desired department at PSU, but someone from the grad department said I should apply anyway. So, we'll see what happens. That same professor wants copies of papers I wrote for him, but I'm not sure that I still have them. Eek! I'll give him what I have and tell him what he graded me on some of the others/what I'd do differently the second time around. (I got mostly Bs in his class 'cause I wasn't an Honors student but took Honors classes anyway... slight bias toward Honors students in those classes. Still, on one assignment in particular now that I've actually taught elementary age students, I would've structured my hypothetical lesson differently.)

Thus, the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting smaller, but at least I know the option is still there, just maybe not as close as I had hoped. Now I just need the strength and wherewhithal to finish my applications and do a stellar job with Dream Ride Projects.

Thank you all so much. Serenak, your PM really touched me. I'll send you a response as soon as I have a few minutes. Same to you, CrawGator. Your PM was really deep, so I have to take some time to read it thoroughly and respond.

I love and respect you all!
 
Posted by maia (Member # 3778) on April 28, 2005, 22:10:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
I heard from my third professor today who informed me that it's too late to get into grad school in my desired department at PSU, but someone from the grad department said I should apply anyway. So, we'll see what happens.

Rhonwynn, I applied to my program in July and started in September. Anything is possible. Even so, don't give up if you have to wait another year. Just keep your goals in mind. I am sure that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Take care.
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on April 28, 2005, 23:00:
 
I am sorry if I came off harsh... I was just trying to say that everything you do is just a stepping stone to the next. Sometimes you have to be chained into a job you don't like for a while. Remember, it's just a job... You'll eventually find the dream job, and settle in to make it a carreer.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on April 29, 2005, 01:03:
 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
I am sorry if I came off harsh...

Hehe... I thanked you for that kick-in-the-pants, remember? So you sounded a bit like my mom..... [Wink]

No, seriously, I wonder sometimes if I should "settle," or at least what feels like settling and I wonder if I'm being prideful by thinking there should be more/I should do more. It's good to have a shot of reality that yeah, sometimes we have to do what needs to be done, not what we want to do. The thing I have to remember is that I'm only responsible for myself (I don't have a spouse or children to support), so working will help me pay off my car and school loans, then I can take the extra money and move out of my house and/or travel wherever I want. There are good things to being gainfully employed, even if it's not the place where I want to spend the rest of my life.

Thanks for reminding me of that, GM.
 
Posted by Stereo (Member # 748) on April 29, 2005, 07:07:
 
quote:
Originally posted by maia:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
I heard from my third professor today who informed me that it's too late to get into grad school in my desired department at PSU, but someone from the grad department said I should apply anyway. So, we'll see what happens.

Rhonwynn, I applied to my program in July and started in September. Anything is possible. Even so, don't give up if you have to wait another year. Just keep your goals in mind. I am sure that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Take care.
I applied in October 2003, got accepted in November, and started January 2004. I'm now thinking about wheter I start my project this summer or if I wait a little more. [Big Grin]

Rhonwyyn, sometimes, it's just about seizing the opportunity. Doing something to steer away from what we don't like to head for some place that looks better. The feeling of empowerment you will get from taking control of your life will show up at some point, and you mother will notice it.

It is well known that some parents who don't have advanced education not only don't see the point for their children to get some, but will try to pull them away from it, in a "I manage to live without much education, so can you" mindset. I believe their hardship pretty much killed their hope for a better life, and probably suffered trhough it. I believe that in their mind, by keeping their offsprings' expectations low, they protect them from the same disappointment.

Is it the case for your mother? I can't tell. But don't let her - or anyone else - prevent you from chasing your dreams. I know I would have a pretty sad life if I couldn't dream. Even if I know most of them won't ever happen, that's no reason to give up. My motto is: "it's not because Utopia can't be reach that one cannot try to get closer."

Ok, now I start sounding like a low-level motivator. So what I'm really trying to say is: go for it, girl!
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on April 29, 2005, 08:05:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
[QUOTE
No, seriously, I wonder sometimes if I should "settle," or at least what feels like settling and I wonder if I'm being prideful by thinking there should be more/I should do more.

You shouldn't settle for anything. Sometimes you have to accept where you are. But to accept does not mean you can't still strive for more.

I understand that the mistakes I made when I was younger have put me in a position that I cannot climb the ladder of life effortlessly. I have to work twice(sometimes 3X) as hard to get there. That's all.

It is not prideful at all to seek something greater than what you have. It is prideful to not acknowledge the good in what you currently have.

Just keep at it. If you can't get in now. Try again, and again, and again.
 
Posted by crazyarlo (Member # 1226) on April 29, 2005, 10:05:
 
YES! There ARE other people who feel like you do! I am 50, and still suffering the effects of my "put down" "you will never amount to anything", "you can't do that", "there is not use in trying" parents. My parents were completely discouraging and derogatory, and it scarred me for many years.

Here's my advice, the same I give my son and daughter: YOU CAN DO IT! GIVE IT A SHOT! YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH, GIVE IT A GO! GET AS MUCH EDUCATION AS YOU CAN! OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! WE BELIEVE IN YOU!


And of course quoting Stewart Smalley: "You are good enough, and smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!" ROFL

Ignore people who put you down and think you are not capable, even if they are loved ones. They are dealing with their own demons. Find your OWN path that goes AROUND them!!!
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on April 29, 2005, 10:43:
 
Ronnie

How does a Christian deal with life's tribulations, by prayer. You are who you are because you set your self outside of the secular world. Is there more yes, do you need it, you be the judge.. I am almost three times your age so I have decided to help you in your spiritual journey, You asked for help in understanding life's trials.

Think of this Sermon I heard, Liken Christ to a Silversmith (I know he might not like silver traders) think of yourself as the silver that the smith is refining, as the process draws near its end the smithy will turn up the heat to drive the slag (read as impurities) to the top, he will take a stick and brush them off of the molten silver. Each time he looks into the ladle to see if he can see himself. When he can see himself in the surface of the ladle, he knows that he has accomplished his goal, will you be in the ladle, or will you be cast off as slag?

Be thankful that you are being tested, it means he has not forgotten you. Pray for thankfulness of all that you have and for the temptations that you have passed, for you are closer to your goal of being Christ like. Remember that Christians are not better, but that they know how to ask to be forgiven.
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on April 29, 2005, 14:56:
 
Rhonwyyn: I stopped listening to what my parents say when I was 16.

Sounds to me like you need to do the same.

You're a big grown-up now, if you wanted, you could be a mother yourself. It's time to cut those apron-strings and live your own life the way you want to.
 
Posted by HalfVast (Member # 3187) on April 29, 2005, 18:34:
 
Rho, I'll second TFD on this. Being away at school is still not
quite the same a being on your own. Coming back to live with a
parent can be worse, (my brother has vehemently confirmed this
for me.) When I moved out I knew nothing about life and being
on my own (but I didn't know that I didn't know...). I had to go
before I could really get it and fully understand where my parents
were coming from.

They underwent an amazing transformation.
When I was 21 my parents didn't know a thing about life. By the time
I was 26 they had become absolutely brilliant in the subject and I sought
their advice and aproval in many things. Of course it helped that
we didn't share a house anymore. [Wink]

As for not getting good employment out of college I'm reminded of
a buhdist maxim. "Before enlightenment, cut wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, cut wood, carry water." Rewards are not always
swift or certain and sometimes the best thing you can do is make
sure the bills are paid and there's food on the table. That in itself
is somthing to take pride in. (and I haven't forgotten I owe you a
PM. Had an interesting work week myself [crazy] )
 
Posted by maia (Member # 3778) on April 29, 2005, 19:50:
 
My mom and I are best friends as long as I don't live with her. I moved back home for a few months in college after being on my own for a few years. She would tell me when to clean my room and when to brush my teeth. She even put a curfew on me. It drove me crazy that she couldn't accept that I was an adult. We would constantly argue about the details of my life. Needless to say, I quickly got out of there. Now, we get along great.
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on April 30, 2005, 08:28:
 
I, too, get along better with my parents when I don't live with them. I'm fortunate enough to have never been in a position to have been put down by them or really really mad at them as others, but they do get on my nerves when I live there. I moved back for a few months in late 2003 before I moved out to Ottawa just to catch up on some bills and work out the move and stuff, and they got on my nerves a bit. They've pretty much let me do my own thing and not told me what to do since I was about 15 or so, but the freedom is definitely a good thing. And I get along better with them when I don't live there.
 
Posted by TMBWITW,PB (Member # 1734) on April 30, 2005, 12:49:
 
I guess I've been pretty lucky with my parents. One of them at least. My mother is wonderful. We have always gotten along, even when we lived together, even when I was a teenager. We can talk about anything at all, and growing up I never had to wonder if she was proud of me. My father, on the other hand, is a different story. When I was young and cute he played with me a lot. I remember naps on the couch, tickle fights, wrestling, and lots of good fun. Then I got older and the only things he wanted to do together were for me to help him out with a music gig. And strangely enough, he wasn't really supportive of me going into music for a career. One time in my freshman year of high school he told me he was ashamed of me and our relationship hasn't been the same since. We didn't get along for the last few years we lived together, and even after I had lived on my own for a year and moved back in temporarily he still treated me as though I was fifteen. I don't dislike the man, but I feel like I don't know him and don't really feel safe discussing my opinions with him. He's more like a distant uncle to me now than a dad. And it doesn't help that he moved to Michigan.

Sorry, this is becoming a pity fest. [blush] It's not easy when you want comfort and support but you don't know where to get it. Maybe try looking to a sibling, cousin, or friend for the venting you need to do. I'm lucky enough to have a mom that I can complain to. If you can't complain to yours, then you just need a substitute. It probably will never get easier to know that you can't confide in someone you want to, but having someone else to fill the gap can help.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on April 30, 2005, 14:34:
 
I'm mostly going to keep my mouth shut on this matter and just wish you luck, and recommending taking the sage advice of the others who have posted before me.

I did wish to reply to one comment above:
Xanthine: Chopping off your hair would certainly be a change, but I don't think it'd be a change for the good. [Smile]
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on April 30, 2005, 18:40:
 
TFD hit the nail on the head, very succintly too. As a person recovering from an unhealthy relationship with my parents, it's so much better to be in control of your own life rather than someone else controlling it.

Now, if only a certain 32 year old single mother who's living at home with her mother for an indefinite length of time would take this on board.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on May 03, 2005, 20:47:
 
So I got the official word today that it's too late to get funding for Fall 2005 so I should apply for Fall 2006. In the meantime, the International Guest House in Washington, DC, wants me to work for them for a year. I'd love to go... free room and board and meeting many brilliant people from all over the world. The only catch is that it's Voluntary Service, which means I wouldn't make any money doing it. That bites 'cause I have a bit under US$7000 to pay off on my car. Any suggestions on what to do with my car during the year I would be gone? I won't go if I can't figure out how to make payments on my car.
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on May 03, 2005, 21:02:
 
Ideas:
1.) Sell it? Use the money you get to pay it off and the rest to cover the move?

2.) Get an additional part time job to pay down the car and give you a little spending money.

3.) Rob a bank. Naked. And with a beer. I figgure they give the latter half for anything else... So why not?
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on May 03, 2005, 21:28:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:

Xanthine: Chopping off your hair would certainly be a change, but I don't think it'd be a change for the good. [Smile]

Don't worry. I'm not getting rid of my trademark ponytail anytime soon.
 
Posted by Serenak (Member # 2950) on May 04, 2005, 04:52:
 
Peebs,

This might not be relevant but do you know any reason why your Dad might have been like that?

You see my Dad was a wonderful father until I turned about 12/13 and then he just didn't seem to be able to connect with me anymore, (and not just in the usual teenager-adult "you don't understand" sense either).

So from about 13 to 19 I hardly really knew my Dad, he was there but I seemed to somehow grate on him and yet be half invisible at the same time. Once I was 17 he bought me a motorcycle so I could be independent and from 18 we would go to the pub (bar) and have a drink and gradually through my 20's and 30's things gradually worked back to a "normal" father/son state.

Now what I didn't know at 13 but found out later was that my Dad's father died of a brain haemorrhage when my Dad was 11 - he went to live with his aunt for many years and only moved back in with his mother as a late teenager when she remarried.

So my Dad had no frame of reference as to how a father and son should be together between about 11 and 20 something (apparently he didn't get on with his stepfather at first and my dad and his brother made the man's life hell, over the years though my Dad told me he learned first to respect him and then to like him.)

Oh yes - when I was in my teens my Dad was in his 40s and his father died at 46 - when my Dad was 50 he had a huge party. He told me afterwards that he spent most of his 40s afraid that he would never see 50... Rationally a totally foolish fear, emotionally totally understandable I think...

Sorry, probably of no help to anyone, (except maybe me...).

Maybe you should see if you can't connect up a few dots and see a picture that you weren't aware of Peebs.

Was your father nervous or intimidated by your puberty? (Many men are you know, they find it hard to accept that their "little girl" is going to turn into a fully fledged sexually attractive woman...)

With my Dad it was Steam Rallies, he wanted to go so I *must* want to go and look at the steam traction too. Sometimes it was OK but at 14 one traction engine soon starts to look much like another... With your dad it was gigs.... Plus ça change...

As to the music career thing - I wouldn't take that too much to heart (though I expect you did at the time). Many musicians/actors/artists etc. wouldn't recommend their career to their children and/or try to actively discourage them from pursuing it (usually fruitlessly I might add...)

Just my meaningless tuppenceworth...
 
Posted by TMBWITW,PB (Member # 1734) on May 04, 2005, 08:30:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Serenak:
Peebs,

This might not be relevant but do you know any reason why your Dad might have been like that?

Absolutely. Prior to that he was the primary breadwinner for the family and fixed copy machines. Then he got carpal tunnel syndrome and had to quit that job. Mom went to work to support the family and Dad got to finally pursue his dream of being a full-time musician. (Why playing keyboards doesn't aggravate carpal tunnel I'll never know. [Roll Eyes] ) Once he got to do nothing but play his music everything took second place. That is a major reason why Mom and Dad are in counseling right now, but even that doesn't seem to be helping...
 


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