This is topic What is Love? in forum Girls, Girls, Girls! at The Geek Culture Forums!.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.geekculture.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000097

Posted by fool6000000001 (Member # 2761) on June 06, 2004, 08:07:
 
I am a geek. Quite a terrible one - I know about C/C++, but nothing I write of any reasonable size will compile.
I have all the same problems with lust as every other fallible human, but I have NO idea what love is, or how anyone could ever stand another human. I hate most people, and hate everyone in general, especially myself.
I am pretty ugly in my opinion, and I am extremely afraid of females, although I don't show it. Anyone claiming to like me is obviously testing my gullibility and if anyone truly did like me, they are obviously so stupid I wouldn't like them anyway.
Being 15 going on 16, I think my world view has changed a lot going through school, including becoming very cynical and learning that most people are fools and attention-seekers, including me, with my quirks and manic-depressive behaviour. I chose my nick as a statement of how the planet's population is misguided.
Perhaps later I will become more 'mature' if you will, or start to actually care what people think of me. I have come to believe from the numerous stupid films I have seen that College or University is where everyone suddenly extremely interested in the opposite gender (not opposite sex, whatever that is), and stops just dating in school for social status.
This should probably go in the rants section, but what is love? I don't think I have any, and as I'm a christian I am worried by the verse that goes something like "He that hath not love is nothing." But yeah, I guess I already knew that.
Any other geeks like me? What's your world-view?
 
Posted by sconzey (Member # 2347) on June 06, 2004, 11:21:
 
Heh.

Love is not love.

There are many different types of love. The hebrew/greek in the bible refers to them in different ways.

Eros is sexual love or attraction.
Another one which I forget the word for is love of a thing.
Agape is God-type love. Undeserved love.

Is is this last type which the Bible exhorts you to have. Love thy neighbour. Love thy enemies. etc.

There is another kind of love which I failed to mention, friend-love. The love you can have of a good friend.

If you haven't got them in real life, find them online. GeekCulture contains many helpful, kind, thoughtful, passionate people (and modest too!). Just make thoughtful, witty posts and you'll do fine.

As to the C/C++. I'd have to see your code to help.
 
Posted by Orpheus (Member # 2397) on June 06, 2004, 11:47:
 
Aside from the christian bit you sort of remind me of myself at that age. I didn't much like highschool, I felt alone and estranged from the world around me and to some extent still do. Alone in the crowd, amazed at the glorification of self-imposed ignorance and general frivolous nature of pop culture. Still, people need to have fun. Love is just one of those things that you have to experience for yourself. But you have to be open to it, its a dangerous risk to take. Its strange that the strength you can recieve from it requires you to be at your most vulnerable.

Just relax, learn, grow. And to quote Gandhi 'You must be the change you wish to
see in the world.'
 
Posted by pakicetus (Member # 2763) on June 06, 2004, 12:01:
 
Well, I won't be any help with the C++ but I have a few ideas about lust and college.

People seem unlovable in high school for the same reason that food seems disgusting in the cafeteria--you are not being exposed to a wide enough sample. College usually helps with that.

I do think love of others, particularly agape, has to start with love for yourself, and as you are a Christian there should be plenty to encourage you in that direction. Healthy self-love also makes a person attactive to those around them. Then sooner or later you will find that lust is terrific.

My world view is that life is a lot better as part of a social web, and that the human race is worth saving.
 
Posted by sconzey (Member # 2347) on June 06, 2004, 13:02:
 
Ha, being a Christian and talking to a Christian I can't condone the lust bit.

I do however agree with the self-love bit. I feel everything in life is like a road, with two gutters on either side. With this, on one side there's self-hatred, which God does not condone. Then humility, where you should be, and then there's self adoration and pride. Be proud of who you are, what you look like, the choices you make, but never to the dwarfing of those around you.
 
Posted by Ivan (Member # 2622) on June 06, 2004, 13:28:
 
quote:
Alone in the crowd, amazed at the glorification of self-imposed ignorance and general frivolous nature of pop culture. Still, people need to have fun.
Add in a bit of healthy apathy and you have myself. Sometimes I feel the exact same way, but then I stop and think, "What the hell does it matter how they act. It doesn't affect me at all. I can always escape to the ethereal or go read a book." Then I feel better and resume my apathetic state. The key to making it through highschool w/o a nervous breakdown is definetely being apathetic. It's working for me.
 
Posted by v01d (Member # 2272) on June 06, 2004, 14:53:
 
Love is an extreme sport, man.
You gotta sign a disclaimer before you begin.
"In case of injury or premature demise nobody's held responsible except for myself".
Sign. And you don't even know if you'd enjoy it.

Why do you even think that it's worth trying?

Every time it feels like my life sucks, the days drag along and nobody's up for a trip to Starbucks, every single time at least once there's a foggy thought of "how nice it must be to be in love". Heh, yeah, very nice indeed --- it would be so nice to refresh the memory of what "miserable" is, to remind myself how much more so it sucks to be with the wrong person than to be *alone*.

I sure will get some flak for questioning the popular misconception that "romantic love is worth having"(no matter how bad it turns out to be in the end). That's just because at any given moment in time there's always somebody in the state of romantic delusion, moreover, the closer the moment of truth - the more defensive the arguments - it's like healing cancer with denial. Sad.
Face it: the bottomline is the same - wasted time, credit card debth and emotional ditress.
Well, that's about all you get, really.
 
Posted by littlefish (Member # 966) on June 07, 2004, 01:41:
 
\sings
Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me no more.
 
Posted by fool6000000001 (Member # 2761) on June 07, 2004, 04:02:
 
I think you're right about the apathy bit. Without some degree of apathy life becomes unbearable. Yet although I've been brought up as a christian I still suffer most of the traits of the non-christian - I always like to quote Ecclesiastes 1:2 - "Everything is meaningless." If Solomon was the wisest guy in the world, he got one thing right.
I learnt about love in RE/RS but I'm still not convinced. I always feel really guilty about my "selfish belief", meaning that I am a christian only so I go to Heaven! Yeah, there's the possibility that it's all a scam, but there's no proof either way, its all a matter of belief. You either believe an ape-man that raves about survival of the fittest (NOOO! The geek shall inherit the earth!), or you believe there's a guy that doesn't care how pathetic you are, but loves you anyway. Surely it's only natural you choose the second!
Anyway, 'scuse me for preaching. I don't believe that "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" rubbish. It's spoonfed to you in films and magazines, but beneath the glossy exterior it's all a sham.
Thanks for your encouraging bit about finding friends online! I thought it might be just a bit of a joke when I did the geek test, read Joy of Tech and so on, but I think I won't be leaving Geek Culture for quite some time.

Me, I'm a failed computer geek, like I said. I used to like English, but then I went to school. English at school is only good for a nice nap. Being the youngest in a family of nine (yeah, I know), being a geek and being a christian, there are few people that seem to relate to me.
Ne'er moind. I've got to go to a science exam soon so peace out.

Please excuse any poor vocabulary usage and uses of colloqial clichés within this post. For examples of stupid english usage, see http://www.stewartsplace.org.uk/humour/language.html. It made me laugh, but then I'm around 78% geek.
 
Posted by Ivan (Member # 2622) on June 07, 2004, 09:22:
 
quote:
Originally posted by littlefish:
\sings
Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me no more.

/me bobs his head to littlefish's singing
 
Posted by Alan! (Member # 1261) on June 07, 2004, 11:02:
 
littlefish, that was my line!!

where did all these people come from? it feels like a new place in here. we've evolved, new lifeforms, some old and wise disciples. i love it!
 
Posted by Katie (Member # 2502) on June 07, 2004, 11:34:
 
Actually I view love as more as a tendency not emotion.Humans naturally enjoy the company of another human(or lifeform,object,whatever your into [Wink] )So the idea of "love"=someone who is perfect for you and will never leave you seems rather appealing.It's all about dependency...and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside [Big Grin]
 
Posted by sconzey (Member # 2347) on June 07, 2004, 12:06:
 
I prefer to quote Don Francisco, "Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will."

You can love anybody. If you want to. How else do you think God loves us? [Wink]
 
Posted by priscilch (Member # 2727) on June 07, 2004, 14:19:
 
Well, aside from the religious bit - I can tell you what I've observed over the years. Being the geek that I am, I've observed that geeks I know don't start dating until they go to college. Looking back, high school doesn't offer the same depth of people as the ones found in university. I like to think that college weed out the "dummies" from high school. And what is left, a population more likely to think for themselves.

As a social species that we are, we look for interaction, love and what nots. And one thing I've learned over time - people feed off of other people's moods. A confident person is more likely to attract someone than one who is not. Physical attractiveness is only skin deep. If you're confident, relaxed and happy as who you are, you'll attract people - be fantastically magnetic. Low self esteem shows.

Besides you're only 16. You have a lot of time. I didnt' start dating until I was 18. Just have fun wiht your friends, and focus on being happy. I bet there's a lot of things you have that you can look at and go "Wow, I have awesome friends". Be positive and strong.
 
Posted by i_need_a_pillow (Member # 2765) on June 08, 2004, 04:39:
 
I recently (about a year ago) had a similar problem finishing my freshman year in high school: I had done nothing for the past three years but do all my work, participate in various school activities, worry about women (who I never got (and still don't)), eat, sleep, code HTML, and frag.

I eventually realized that that sort of life just sucked. Here were my reasons:
0. That sort of routine gets boring (except for the LAN parties ^_______^).
1. If I die, I'll have contributed nothing to this world, which is not how I would like to be remembered.
2. Simply worrying about women wasn't helping. In fact, it was distancing me even more from some friends I had at some point.
3. Trying to get straight As was a pain in the ass, just like it had been for the past ten years.

Because of all that, I changed. Now, I still do all that stuff (except the worrying, which I'll address later), but not as often, so I have more time to myself (or friends and such).

As for the worrying, I decided that since worrying and actively looking for someone wasn't working, I wouldn't do that. My new philosophy on that is more of one of apathy (as some advocate). I say that if there's someone out there for me, then we'll both know it sooner or later. Of course, it doesn't hurt to help it along with a few jokes, a bit of flirting, and helping out some of the ladies in my journalism class (more than some of our editors even though I've only done this one year).

Meh. As has been said, then, apathy helps. It's the only way I haven't burned out entirely from high school.

One other thing: Good friends seem to help out a lot more than girlfriends do (you're not as obligated to spend metric asstons of money on them...).
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on June 08, 2004, 06:24:
 
quote:
Originally posted by sconzey:
I prefer to quote Don Francisco, "Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will."

Or to quote DC Talk, Luv is a verb [Big Grin]

Seriously, I think that the "feeling sort of love" is more a consequence of the "acts of your will" sort of love than a sort of love in itself. Let me explain with a real life example. For those who don't know, my wife and I have been separated since March, and it's looking to be heading towards divorce. I've come to the point where I don't have measurable levels of loving feelings for her. However, if the opportunity presented itself to get back together, I'd be happy to do so, and to put in 100% effort into making the relationship work. If I thought romantic love (or any sort) depended on the feeling, then there's no way I'd even consider reconciliation[1], because it's just gone.

Mind you, my counseller, who's also a Christian, thinks that there's no point if I don't still have the feeling(s).

[1] I've effectively given up on reconciliation, but if Mrs csk ever changes her mind, then I'm going to remain open to giving it another try.
 
Posted by Aditu (Member # 2340) on June 08, 2004, 06:51:
 
Finding love in high school is very unusual. Most people find attraction and may be strong like. I do agree that it is easier for "geeks" to find love in college. At least from what I've seen. It also seems to have less to do with thinking about yourself than thinking about the other person.
 
Posted by fool6000000001 (Member # 2761) on June 08, 2004, 12:39:
 
If that is the case - that love is an act of will, then why is it portrayed so widely as a form of "cupidian" uncontrollable force? I don't know but it seems to me that people like me have perhaps been immunised against this, or subconsciously switch it off somehow.
I think the main problem is the vast difference between the genders, especially in upbringing. I have not met anyone that I remotely understand (but then again I haven't met many!).
However, despite my own views, many seem to be completely fine with the whole thing - I've even got a geeky friend who actually dated somebody from school for a while.
It must just be the way I act that shows people that I really am rather strange. Never mind, I guess that's the way I like it. And I honestly don't think college/university will be any different.
I go into "sixth form" college next year, so many of the other fools in my year will have left. I doubt it will make much difference - there will be many people that stay on that I really hate for being so successful and intelligent.
I don't really want a girlfriend. People always say they don't like girls from an early age and then mock those who don't change their mind as they become a teenager. And then as a teenager you are mocked by other teenagers and adults that seem to think they are better than you. But THEY don't have a Debian t-shirt (Mwa ha ha), and they are the hypocrites for saying one thing and doing another.
If any females here could enlighten me as to what on earth they see in men, please do. I really think we are all as bad as each other, but that probably sounds really insulting. I've always believed that calling someone a human is the worst insult you could ever give.
So. Am I weird? No, in school they thought I was strange for singing SOAD lyrics, whistling "Eine kleine Nachtmusik" and glaring at everyone, but in truth I think most of it was just my developed defense mechanism - a front to protect myself from the "others".
Am I rambling? Yes. I have a deep desire to understand the world that tortures me and I will go to any length to put it accross to anyone that may understand.
Even if I am a christian, I still have the same problems as everyone else. I am quite interested in epistemology (I like The Matrix!) and I don't think just being a christian and the content of the Bible truly explain some aspects of the world. All the philosophy I have studied has completely baffled me in that I don't understand how so many years and so many philosophers have not really surpassed the original genius of Plato.
I'm sure even several lifetimes of studying psychology, religion and philosophy could not bring anyone close the the wisdom of Solomon. Apologies, but he really seems to be the brightest chap I've heard of (except perhaps the almighty dude Einstein).
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on June 08, 2004, 13:01:
 
Supprised that nobody has quoted Corithians Chapter 13 yet... It is a pretty passage.

As far as the "'It is better to have loved and lost' crap" I'd just like to say that it is true, but you won't really know that until you try.

"... [I]f I asked you about
love I'd get a sonnet, but you've never
looked at a woman and been truly
vulnerable. Known that someone could
kill you with a look. That someone
could rescue you from grief.
That God had put an angel on Earth
just for you. And you wouldn't know
how it felt to be her angel. To have
the love be there for her forever.
Through anything...
And you wouldn't know
about real loss, because that only
occurs when you lose something you
love more than yourself, and you've
never dared to love anything that much."

There is only one way that you can really know that ansswer to the question you posed, and that is to try it. In all likely hood, you'll get hurt a few times and hurt people a few times, and you may become a little more cynical and maybe feel a little more alienated from this cruel world than do already at times; but until you take risk, until you stand out on a limb and give your heart over to someone, you'll never know what love really is.
 
Posted by fool6000000001 (Member # 2761) on June 09, 2004, 08:29:
 
I guess you're right, but I ain't gonna!

But I’ll take my time anywhere
Free to speak my mind anywhere
And I’ll redefine anywhere
Anywhere I may roam
Where I lay my head is home

Yeah!
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on June 09, 2004, 08:47:
 
"Piff paff poff
I wanna have it off
piff paff poff
'til I cough"

 
Posted by GMx (Member # 1523) on June 09, 2004, 09:01:
 
"Bang a gong
Get it on
Right on!"
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on June 09, 2004, 09:06:
 
I've said this before but what the hell.

My bro and I got ourselves into a bit of an epic last summer, an epic that resulted in the loss of my contacts and him very nobly leading my blind and bleeding ass up one glacier and across another so we could find a ranger with the gear to clean me up (our first aid kit wasn't going to cut it). We made it to the camp at nightfall and decided we'd rather sleep than get me cleaned up. So the next morning we woke up stiff and sore and my bro looks at me and says "I feel like shit and you look like hell," or something to that effect. That's love.
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on June 09, 2004, 09:20:
 
Love is: warming the blade before it's time for her to say 'hello' to Mr Scalpel.
 
Posted by mephisto (Member # 666) on June 09, 2004, 23:36:
 
Love? As i described it to someone recently, it is that which you know you have achieved when you finally find someone that you can feel about the same way you do about your work. That is of course if you are like me, a pure workaholic. since that aint gonna happen, forget about it and go back to work [Smile] and as for the lust part, you will confuse lust and love a lot during your life.....my advice, enjoy the lust and when it ends, move on, forget it existed and get back to work [Big Grin] .....
and last but not least, i have to agree with vo1d's post.
 
Posted by sconzey (Member # 2347) on June 11, 2004, 11:15:
 
"What is loooooooove anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?"

Howard Jones, probably a distant relative [Wink] . Brilliant song.
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on June 11, 2004, 11:32:
 
quote:
Originally posted by sconzey:
Howard Jones, probably a distant relative [Wink]

I'd have kept that one quiet. [Wink]
 
Posted by sconzey (Member # 2347) on June 13, 2004, 15:11:
 
What's wrong with having a welsh surname? [Wink]
 
Posted by GMx (Member # 1523) on June 13, 2004, 15:33:
 
Yeah! My last name's Welsh. [Razz] Tom Jones is the greatest Welshman that ever lived. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on June 13, 2004, 18:41:
 
quote:
Originally posted by GMx:
Tom Jones is the greatest Welshman that ever lived. [Big Grin]

It's not unusual ... for Welsh folk to say that. [Smile]
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on June 13, 2004, 21:25:
 
The good thing about being Welsh is ....

... you can take a leek anywhere you want.
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on June 14, 2004, 07:27:
 
Yeah, but you could never make it as a bookie.
 
Posted by nekomatic (Member # 376) on June 14, 2004, 07:51:
 
I dunno, I'd have thought 'Done Bookmakers' would be a pretty crap business proposition but they seem to be doing OK...

(end local reference)
 
Posted by Desteny (Member # 2791) on June 16, 2004, 13:05:
 
I was in a similar situation as you. I think that high school wants to play some kind of mind warp on most people. Cliques are the main points of it, when it should be learning and such. That is restricted and people become segregated, some worse than others. People in high school are just...not nice. My solution was to get out early. Yes...heh. The best thing is to be patient and wait it out, though. People are going to be self centered and close minded for the rest of their lives. You obviously have some motivation and love for something...you've taken the time to learn a programming language. :-p

Don't let people get you down in high school. They aren't worth it, and a lot of the time their jokes backfire on them. Ah yes...the geekiest geek at my school was on prom court. It was a good day.

Anyways, getting off the topic. People suck. There are a ton of people that you can relate to out there, unfortunatly, nice and caring people seem to be the minority.
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on June 16, 2004, 20:26:
 
From THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY ((C)1911 Released April 15 1993) [devils]:

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like _caries_ and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on June 16, 2004, 20:52:
 
Ahh, I love dict - two can play at that game [Wink]

quote:
From The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing (27 SEP 03) [foldoc]:

love

What many users feel for computers.

"I don't really love computers, I just say that to get them
into bed with me". (Terry Pratchet)

[What did you expect in a computing dictionary?]

(1995-05-10)


 
Posted by cbouncey (Member # 2809) on June 24, 2004, 12:19:
 
Love? What is love? It is that special feeling you get when you can hang out with someone and be yourself and not feel self concious about anything. And totally wanting to attack that person and devour them with your kisses. Ok, perhaps, that is more like rape. Well, I'm a girl and we can get away with stuff like that.

I want a geek...they are awesomely special. I like everything about your type. So smart, kind, funny, generous, bizarre yet unique, some shy, most not realizing how cute they really are. Behind the Clark Kent exterior, lies a gorgeous Superman in all of you.

You think girls are tough, hell, you have no clue what we want. It is NOT the gorgeous type...woman like that are stupid and suck. Screw Them (sure I know you would) what I mean is..they are not worthy of you guys. There are a lot of dumb woman with big breasts but no brains. Trust me after that night, by the morning after...you just sit there bored at their stupidity. Not all woman that are beautiful are dumb. Of course not, I would consider myself cute and pretty smart but that is just an opinion. Some are attracted to me, some aren't. Thats life and that is always the case, no matter what you look like. TV is not the real world. Don't try to be what you aren't, be happy with what you are and I promise you, you will get plenty of sex and love because there are plenty of woman that desire the same things as you.

Ok, I just wrote too much here. I better stop now. Say hi if you want.
 
Posted by Stibbons (Member # 2515) on June 25, 2004, 02:04:
 
Hi and welcome to GC! Don't worry, you didn't write too much, keep going if you want. Some of that stuff was really nice, might pass it on as a hint [Wink]

Oh, and I'm going to steal your .sig for my quotes file [Big Grin]
 
Posted by neotatsu (Member # 1429) on June 25, 2004, 02:44:
 
Hehe, that original post sounds like me.. MMmmah, it's been such a long time since I've been around quiggy geeks.. *cough* Anywho, umm.. yes, love.. Whew, emotions are tough for me, I don't feel much other than anger, except when I'm around me special geekette, Twinkle Toes. Uhh.. That whole schtick aboot the cuteness of geeks made me smile, heh.. Only person to ever say I, in particular, am cute is my Geekette..
 
Posted by Drasca (Member # 276) on June 25, 2004, 06:45:
 
Love ain't marriage.
Love ain't sex.
Love isn't mood rings.

Love is utterly impractical. Cherish it.
 
Posted by frostgard (Member # 2810) on July 05, 2004, 21:46:
 
I'm going to get trashed for this one, but here goes...

I personally am of the unpopular opinion that men and women aren't all that different. It mostly seems to be a difference of scale-- men are encouraged to like big things (cars, sports arenas, war) and women are encouraged to like littler things (shoes, kids, rumors). Now that we have reliable birth control and are allowed to own property, biology is no longer destiny. [Wink] Both genders would like the same things if they were allowed to. I should know; I have guns.

I won't give you a big thing on love, since I don't consider myself to be an expert, but I do have a couple things to help you understand other people. Try studying communications instead of philosophy (we won't go into my opinion of Socrates), and study sign language to improve your grasp of body language (ASL, not SEE, please).

If you really are manic-depressive, get help. There are decent meds for it that won't make you sick, and may help with your self-loathing. Or you could just try doing something to be proud of. You can't have high self-esteem until you have something to hook it to.

As to Christianity, all that "loving god" imagery is fairly recent. If you read much of the Bible, it is full of killing and vengence. And dietary guidelines, for some reason. Exodus 34:26 "Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk."

OK, I guess I have offended enough people for one post.
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on July 06, 2004, 06:14:
 
As soon as I read this topic name, I got that damned "what is love?" song stuck in my head. You know, the one featured in "A Night at the Roxbury" with Will Ferrill and Chris Kattan.

I will have to disagree with the last post. I think men and women are very different.

Men operate on logic.
Women operate on emotion.

Most of the time, logic and emotion share a common goal/belief. Other times, they're complete opposites. I'm not saying that men possess no emotional traits, and women possess no logic, but I believe, for the most part, that's how it goes.

But I'll have to also agree with one of the previous posts. Love is looking at someone, and realising you are very interested in spending the rest of your life with them. Realising that you don't have to pretend, lie, or act different from your real self around them to be accepted. Love is feeling comfort in their very presence.

That's all I have to say about that.
 
Posted by frostgard (Member # 2810) on July 06, 2004, 18:08:
 
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Good one, Newfie!! I have 3 brothers, and I have yet to see them operate by logic! Not to mention my ex-husband, several friends' husbands, and even the genius-level-IQ guys I have known. Just because your system of making decisions makes sense to you, and not to us (and vice versa), doesn't mean that either gender is or is not logical. In fact, I would go with NEITHER gender being logical, any more than any other creature.

...I wonder if anyone has ever researched gender differences in decision-making processes of lab rats?...
 
Posted by snupy (Member # 1211) on July 06, 2004, 20:08:
 
Heh...I'll still never forget Nemo's response in a similar thread years ago, when I first signed on:

love leaves you bleeding at the side of the road (not sure exactly, but that's close)

I tended to agree with her, but what a difference 2 years makes. Now I'd say it's....magic. [Happytears]
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on July 06, 2004, 20:53:
 
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
...I wonder if anyone has ever researched gender differences in decision-making processes of lab rats?...

After careful study of myself and my colleagues, all I can say is female lab rats tend to focus a little bit more on how people are going to feel about the situation, but just a little bit.

However, we lab rats aren't exactly normal people so any data that comes from studying us should be taken with a grain of salt. Unless your interested in seeing what happens when you throw a bunch of nerd together and let them nerd away into oblivion. [Razz]
 
Posted by TMBWITW,PB (Member # 1734) on July 06, 2004, 21:09:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Unless your interested in seeing what happens when you throw a bunch of nerd together and let them nerd away into oblivion. [Razz]

That might get you some kind of crazy website. [crazy]

[Razz]
 
Posted by Oz, the Wizard of (Member # 1454) on July 19, 2004, 01:29:
 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Heh...I'll still never forget Nemo's response in a similar thread years ago, when I first signed on:

love leaves you bleeding at the side of the road (not sure exactly, but that's close)

I tended to agree with her, but what a difference 2 years makes. Now I'd say it's....magic. [Happytears]

Magic, aye.

But a well-placed hex can leave you bleeding at the side of the road. [Wink]
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on July 19, 2004, 01:32:
 
Or as someone said once (I can't remember who)

quote:
It's better to have loved and lost, than to have fallen through the blades of a combine harvester

 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on July 19, 2004, 08:58:
 
I still find myself hearing that damn 'a night at the roxbury' song when I read this thread name.
 
Posted by angryjungman (Member # 2434) on July 19, 2004, 19:50:
 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
I still find myself hearing that damn 'a night at the roxbury' song when I read this thread name.

You know what, so do I. Weird.... [Geek]
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on July 20, 2004, 07:02:
 
/me begins doing the head bobbing action seen in A night at the roxbury.
 
Posted by fanboy_uk (Member # 2132) on July 20, 2004, 07:10:
 
Is that the same sort of headbobbing scene as may be found in 'Debbie Does Dallas"?
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on July 20, 2004, 07:21:
 
No. That would be moderately unsettling. Nor is it the same head bobbing as found in Debbie Does Dallas 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, OR 7!
 
Posted by typographer (Member # 2852) on July 22, 2004, 23:24:
 
I'm a girl with pretty much the same problem.
Besides being younger than you and therefore possibly more naive than most people here.
2p anyway.

I have zits.
A lot of them.

There. I said it.

I think it's more a matter of finding the right person, the school environment is not the place when it's a cutthroat socio-political battlefield and everyone's just so.... materialistic. Immature. Puerile. Et cetera.
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on July 23, 2004, 06:22:
 
I did as a teenager. My dermatologist gave me these pills, 'tetracycline'. Wasn't a problem anymore. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on July 23, 2004, 10:19:
 
quote:
Originally posted by typographer:

I have zits.
A lot of them.

There. I said it.

I think it's more a matter of finding the right person, the school environment is not the place when it's a cutthroat socio-political battlefield and everyone's just so.... materialistic. Immature. Puerile. Et cetera.

I had a lot of them too. The dermatologist tried everything in their bag o' tricks and nothing helped. I gave up after a while. But, they ended up curing themselves. Just do your best to take care of your skin to avoid too many marks.

As far as school goes. You are right about every bit of it. Don't worry it gets worse. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on July 23, 2004, 10:55:
 
Wow. After reading all of your posts, I'm really impressed. Practically all of the comments have been intelligent and thoughtful--rare qualities online nowadays.

As to the question, love is hard to define in post-college life, let alone in high school. My parents' marriage dissolved when I was 12; for a few years I detested the thought of marriage because of the potential for great hurt.
By the time I reached college I looked forward to
marriage. I went on a few dates but didn't have any good prospects. Meanwhile, my friends met--and later married--great people. I tried hard to outweigh my jealousy of them with my joy for them. I longed--and still long--for that most intimate of relationships.

I want to hold and be held. I want to meet my
husband's needs. I want to experience the ups and
downs of growing intimately acquainted with another person. I don't want to be the only source of happiness for a man (happiness is a choice, after all), but I do want to be his helpmeet and his partner. If that means listening to him tell me about his futile efforts to debug source code for his latest project when I'd prefer to talk about what's on my mind, then so be it. My time will come, and if it doesn't, then I will be content that my husband feels admired and able to trust me.

I try to quell my desires with "all in God's time" and "God is everything I need," but somehow that doesn't always seem to cut the mustard. It doesn't eliminate the ache inside of me to be the one exchanging private looks with her husband at family dinners; the one whose hand is held during scary movies; the one who has a reason to cook more than single-serving meals. Yes, I know marriage has its difficulties, but the benefits far outweight them.

I've equated love with marriage and being in high school you may not be ready for that. I sure wasn't! I never dated in high school and really didn't date much in college--not because I didn't have the opportunities--but no one really appealed to me...which is frustrating because now that I'm out in the "Real World," I want to date and develop an intimate relationship with an intelligent, interesting, humorous Christian man and they seem hard to find.

The best decision I ever made in high school was to focus on my studies and my extracurriculars (Quiz Bowl, newspaper, FFA, band/orchestra). The best decision in college was to find a small group of Christians who accepted me with all of my glaring flaws (now that's love!) and concentrate on developing relationships with them (and get decent but not spectacular grades in the process). I graduated from college with a good GPA and a few best friends.

All that to say, don't push yourself. If you feel like you need to change, focus on one small thing at a time. Keep in mind that for many people, it's better to have one best friend than 10 acquaintances. And hey, if that best friend turns out to be of the opposite gender, that friendship may grow into something more.

Confused? Ask for clarification. [Smile]
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on July 23, 2004, 11:12:
 
Look everybody - she doth use good grammar and cogent argument... she maketh whole sentences with correct shift key usage... persecute the unbeliever!! [Wink]

Hello, and Welcome. [Smile]
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on July 23, 2004, 12:21:
 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
Look everybody - she doth use good grammar and cogent argument... she maketh whole sentences with correct shift key usage... persecute the unbeliever!! [Wink]

Hello, and Welcome. [Smile]

After reading some of your posts and shrinking from your avatar every time I see it, I never thought you'd be the first to make me laugh. (Hmm... that blows my entire argument of not pre-judging based on appearances... or maybe it makes it!) Way to go, Spungo!! [Big Grin]
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on July 23, 2004, 15:56:
 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
Look everybody - she doth use good grammar and cogent argument... she maketh whole sentences with correct shift key usage... persecute the unbeliever!! [Wink]

Hello, and Welcome. [Smile]

This is Illogical. She cannot be so good. I am somehow Persuaded to Follow Your Assessment of her seemingly fine qualities.
 
Posted by Cap'n Vic (Member # 1477) on July 23, 2004, 16:16:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
After reading some of your posts and shrinking from your avatar every time I see it, I never thought you'd be the first to make me laugh. (Hmm... that blows my entire argument of not pre-judging based on appearances... or maybe it makes it!) Way to go, Spungo!! [Big Grin]

Spungo getting a compliment [Eek!]

/me trying to hide sheep in back corner of GC
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on July 24, 2004, 07:28:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
Look everybody - she doth use good grammar and cogent argument... she maketh whole sentences with correct shift key usage... persecute the unbeliever!! [Wink]

Hello, and Welcome. [Smile]

This is Illogical. She cannot be so good. I am somehow Persuaded to Follow Your Assessment of her seemingly fine qualities.
Hot damn, dman, that cracked me up big time! I literally laughed out loud with that one [Big Grin]
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on July 24, 2004, 07:45:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Wow. After reading all of your posts, I'm really impressed. Practically all of the comments have been intelligent and thoughtful--rare qualities online nowadays.

As to the question, love is hard to define in post-college life, let alone in high school. My parents' marriage dissolved when I was 12; for a few years I detested the thought of marriage because of the potential for great hurt.
By the time I reached college I looked forward to
marriage. I went on a few dates but didn't have any good prospects. Meanwhile, my friends met--and later married--great people. I tried hard to outweigh my jealousy of them with my joy for them. I longed--and still long--for that most intimate of relationships.

Yeah, I know that feeling only too well. There's a bit of grass is greener aspect, but the intimacy of a marital relationship is a wonderful thing.

quote:

I want to hold and be held. I want to meet my
husband's needs. I want to experience the ups and
downs of growing intimately acquainted with another person. I don't want to be the only source of happiness for a man (happiness is a choice, after all), but I do want to be his helpmeet and his partner. If that means listening to him tell me about his futile efforts to debug source code for his latest project when I'd prefer to talk about what's on my mind, then so be it. My time will come, and if it doesn't, then I will be content that my husband feels admired and able to trust me.

Wow. You are already far more equipped for marriage than most single Christians I know. Are you sure you haven't secretly been married before [Wink]

quote:

I try to quell my desires with "all in God's time" and "God is everything I need," but somehow that doesn't always seem to cut the mustard. It doesn't eliminate the ache inside of me to be the one exchanging private looks with her husband at family dinners; the one whose hand is held during scary movies; the one who has a reason to cook more than single-serving meals. Yes, I know marriage has its difficulties, but the benefits far outweight them.

Hmm, you're thinking about similar issues to what I am, but from the opposite direction. To put it another way, I'm a married Christian on the way into singleness (long story). I think there is a place for God in our lives, and a place for friends, and a place for a partner. The trick is to not let one take the place of the other(s). It's all too easy to let the spouse become all important, which is a serious mistake IMHO.

quote:

I've equated love with marriage and being in high school you may not be ready for that. I sure wasn't! I never dated in high school and really didn't date much in college--not because I didn't have the opportunities--but no one really appealed to me...which is frustrating because now that I'm out in the "Real World," I want to date and develop an intimate relationship with an intelligent, interesting, humorous Christian man and they seem hard to find.

Sorry, I'm too far away. And married [Wink]

Seriously, you're right, it's hard. From what I've seen, females are usually more drawn to churches than males, so it's a bit of a fight to get the good ones early. Mind you, I know a few single and looking Christian guys, but you're probably too far away, and they don't match some of your characteristics. Only looking for a Christian partner (a good move if you're a Christian, IMHO) makes it a lot harder to find someone, too.

quote:

The best decision I ever made in high school was to focus on my studies and my extracurriculars (Quiz Bowl, newspaper, FFA, band/orchestra). The best decision in college was to find a small group of Christians who accepted me with all of my glaring flaws (now that's love!) and concentrate on developing relationships with them (and get decent but not spectacular grades in the process). I graduated from college with a good GPA and a few best friends.

Yep, pursue your passions, and if anything else follows, then that's a blessing. Wise lady [thumbsup]

quote:

All that to say, don't push yourself. If you feel like you need to change, focus on one small thing at a time. Keep in mind that for many people, it's better to have one best friend than 10 acquaintances. And hey, if that best friend turns out to be of the opposite gender, that friendship may grow into something more.

Right on the mark once again, the best relationships come out of friendships. Another tip, make sure you have some close friends of the same sex, as inevitably you'll need to talk to them about something you can't talk to an opposite sex person about (even if that's a girlfriend/wife)
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on July 25, 2004, 16:40:
 
Thanks for the encouragement, CSK. I was away with my Sunday School class this weekend and my van of girls talked about this very subject. Only one of us is dating anyone (same man for two years), but she doesn't know that she wants to get married. I should have asked her why she's been dating him for so long (he's definitely marriage-minded and knows that she isn't) if she isn't seriously considering marriage. I offered to switch places with her. [Razz]

You're right, though: girls need girl friends and guys need guy friends. Someone once put it that when you break up with your SO, you need same sex friendships to help you pick up the pieces and/or continue to provide a life for you. Really, you should maintain same-sex friendship continuity. [Smile]

I endeavor to develop strong friendships with girls, but sometimes it's just so much easier to be friends with men. (Is this the inner-geek rearing it's head?) Girls talk about boys and clothes and who-knows-who whereas men tend to relay information. I thrive on knowledge-challenging interactions and find that most girls tend to back off from factual discussions. Too often I find myself hanging out with guys, then calling my girl friends for emotional support related to my interactions with the guys.

It's easy to strike up friendships with guys, but somehow it's harder with girls. In all of my communication studies in university, we never discussed why that happens. It's not like I'm a guy-magnet and thus competition for girls who want to attract men's attention.

Thank God for my fellowship group at my university church where the guys interacted with guys and girls with girls, forcing me to concentrate on my girl-girl friendships. I graduated with three good girl friends whom I dearly miss. Yay for e-mail and cell phones. [Smile]
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on July 26, 2004, 03:19:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
shrinking from your avatar every time I see it...

Why does everyone say that? I don't understand it - and if you only knew how long it took me to wash out the mud and sacrificial entrails...
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on July 26, 2004, 04:40:
 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
shrinking from your avatar every time I see it...

Why does everyone say that? I don't understand it - and if you only knew how long it took me to wash out the mud and sacrificial entrails...
Yeah, I bet you get a fair bit of "What's a nice guy like you doing with a face like this" [Wink]
 
Posted by ooby (Member # 2603) on July 26, 2004, 12:07:
 
I don't know about you guys, but I pretty much never talk to my male friends about relationship stuff. I dump it all on my female friends (and half the time, they are eager to know).
 
Posted by Stibbons (Member # 2515) on July 26, 2004, 13:07:
 
quote:
Originally posted by ooby:
I don't know about you guys, but I pretty much never talk to my male friends about relationship stuff. I dump it all on my female friends

There's one guy who I always talk to about relationship stuff, but he's the only one of my male friends who I do it to. But then I only chat about relationships with two of my female friends too, so it's probably just that I keep my feelings pretty close to my chest. Not that people don't try and get me to talk about them [shake head]
 
Posted by fool6000000001 (Member # 2761) on August 13, 2004, 07:23:
 
Hey, I'm back. Dialup really sucks so this reply is brought to you through the use of notepad.
Desteny, I agree, people suck. My opinion is even if the cliche that your soul mate is out there somewhere is true, they will inevitably be in another country with the wrong person, and would hate me if they met me.

quote:

Ahh, I love dict - two can play at that game [Wink]

geek n (pl geeks) a technologically minded person; an intentional non-conformist; a small spherical duck by the name of Fred (see insanity); (offens) a nerd. * vt (geeking, geeked) (inf) to fool around in a geeky manner; to converse in pure computer jargon (esp role-playing). * interj (sl) (with on) well done; long live the geek.--geeky adj.--geekily adv.--also techie.

nerd n (pl nerds) (vulg) a boring socially inept person; a wannabe geek; a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. * vt (inf) to babble incoherently.--nerdy adj.--nerdily adv.--also convention.

techie n (pl techies) usu. a sound or lighting technician; a geek.

I love that quote from Terry Pratchet, it really cracked me up.

Hi cbouncey, I agree with pretty much everything you said. But as I've probably said before here, anyone who did like me in that way I would immediately dislike for precisely that reason. Of course, being human (which I struggle with to this day), that would probably go out the window if there was even a chance that I might get a girlfriend. I hope not. I don't think all girls like "the gorgeous type", but I don't think enough of them want the opposite extreme. Sure, there are loads of people every day who get together, but approximately 68.94% of them break up in the next 3 weeks, and a further 15.26% break up before they get married.

I was thinking recently about why people are so against arranged marriages, after all, otherwise some of them wouldn't be married at all, and most of them develop at least a healthy respect for their partner anyway.

quote:

Love ain't marriage.
Love ain't sex.
Love isn't mood rings.

Love is utterly impractical. Cherish it.

Where have I heard that before? Or is it original? Seems to ring true, though.

So frostgard, drunkennewfiemidget, I think men and women vary in very small ways. All humans have little understanding of the world around them, of why they are here. Any consolation - something to cling onto for dear life - will help them to find a purpose. After all, if we rule out the spiritual for a moment, we find our one and only purpose is to propogate the species. Therefore we go about our task with (ehem) great vigour. Whether love is a gift from God or not is your decision to make. And drunkennewfiemidget, what on earth is that song?

typographer, I have had quite a few spots, and I'm not over them yet, I just hope I'm past the worst of them. I've used minocycline, tetracycline, and lymecycline, plus some cream, but none if it worked that well because I have a small problem fitting washing my face and hair into my busy schedule of moaning about life and failing to write programs, books, and songs. But hey, how can you help yourself, right? It isn't my fault. They will on the whole settle down after you have suffered the ordeal of being a teenager.

Now before I start to feel like an agony aunt, Rhonwyyn - well said. I always try to use good grammar, because it makes me wince to look at the posts of some members, not mentioning any names. Most are on other forums, mind. Of course marriage is the only place in which love can flourish, but there is often considerable difficulty finding someone willing to marry you that you haven't scared off.

I don't have any girls as friends. My guy friends are all like me I think, concerned with the superficial and making jokes, because they have no reason to want to be a real friend. They put up a front to the world as a protection from getting hurt. Hey, who doesn't? It just means you can't hold a conversation with them without it degenerating into a farce. As ooby says, you can't really talk to males about stuff, unless perhaps they were gay, but let's not go there. But your stuck with fellow geeks on the good ole' internet if you don't have any female friends. Girls are usually fearfully good gossips anyway, and you are advised never to give them any whiff of information or they will chase it like bloodhounds, and tear it to shreds until it is unrecognisable and spread over a very large area.

My most recent thoughts on love are that hey, it isn't so bad if you just happen to bump into someone you really hit it off with, but more frequently people either make feeble attempts to ask girls out that they think are pretty and look like a major idiot when they get rejected, or they for example have to cooperate in a task and actually find they like each other, and then break up and vow never to love again, before repeating the experience several times. It seems to me it is more about physical attraction, and finding a mate just like an animal. Pathetic, really. But hey that's IMNSHO!

I'd like to get married just for the financial benefit, and maybe an added bonus. [Razz]
Exactly. Stupid.
 
Posted by highonrice4ever (Member # 2988) on September 30, 2004, 21:08:
 
I think love is something made up by the government to make money and control our mind. lol. jk. (9 out of 10 that excuse is correct though). What is love? You can't capture it in a pickle jar and sell it on Ebay thats for damn sure. I do believe it is more of a survival thing. Allow me to explain. If one had no "love" then a tribe can just split ways without caring. This would lead to smaller packs or isolation which can make you an easier target for hungry predators (damn those man-eating hamsters). So to survive we learn to "need"/"love" others.

Either that or i'm full of crap sauce and I just wasted calories typing that. lol. Oh well.

22/m (my b-day was 09/28 so buy me something for my computer already)
 
Posted by Cap'n Vic (Member # 1477) on September 30, 2004, 21:14:
 
Is there a worm hole open somewhere?
 


© 2018 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0