This is topic Do you just "know" when it is right? in forum All about Love! at The Geek Culture Forums.


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Posted by geekygoddess (Member # 15702) on April 21, 2009, 19:14:
 
OK, I have this friend, he was dating a girl for almost three years, and never proposed to her, a couple weeks ago, he made her move out of the house, and moved his new girlfriend in one week after she moved out. I keep telling him he is rushing it, he says he knew the moment he saw her she was the one, he asked her to marry him already, she said yes! They have known each other all of one month....So, I guess I am going to a Vegas wedding this summer!!! Do you know that soon if it is right or not?
 
Posted by TMBWITW,PB (Member # 1734) on April 21, 2009, 19:22:
 
I knew a couple that got married a week after they met. It was a rough first year, but they're still married 20 years later. So it definitely works out at least sometimes.
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on April 21, 2009, 20:45:
 
Some couples do, I guess. I know a woman who had the question popped on her less than a month in. She said yes. They have two kids and they've made it past that fateful 7 year mark when apparently things go to hell.

When I got serious with kreziserb, I knew about two weeks in that this relationship would result in wedding vows and god knows what after that. Of course, me being me and him being him, it took ~3 years for us to come to grips with the blazing obvious and move in together and another year and a half to get engaged (wedding's this summer), but I knew two weeks in that this was The Guy for Me. It wasn't like it was some whirlwind, massive romance either. Okay, there was definitely some pursuing and courtship on his part, but it wasn't the fairytale at all. We were both grad students when we met (he graduated three years before me) and grad students don't do fairytales. Unless, of course, they're studying them. [Razz]
 
Posted by quantumfluff (Member # 450) on April 21, 2009, 20:47:
 
You "know" because the right person just feels different than all the others. I wish I could quantify it, but that's not possible.
 
Posted by Stibbons (Member # 2515) on April 22, 2009, 00:25:
 
I'm kind of gg's mate - until a month ago I was with a girl for almost four years, been living with her for most of that, but never proposed. At first I thought she was "the one", but as the honeymoon period wore of I realised that she wasn't. I'm glad I didn't relent to her "let's get married!" pleas sooner in the relationship.

So I don't know if you can spot "the one" at first sight like that - I need that time to figure out if they really are, if I could really put up with them for that long.
 
Posted by Callipygous (Member # 2071) on April 22, 2009, 01:16:
 
I knew immediately, pretty much on the first kiss, and I didn't wait around for that either. I remember telling a stranger in a bar the next day that I had just met the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. At the time I was 31, so old enough to know myself, and had been around the block a few times. Before I met her, I genuinely believed I would never marry and was quite reconciled to that notion. Like qf I could not really say what was different about her, but something told me we would never get bored with each other. I suppose that also means that we would also never understand each other too! In both cases, that's pretty much how things have turned out. I also remember thinking at the time that I didn't know that they still made girls like that any more, and also how miraculous it was that she found me attractive.

I am a lucky man.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on April 22, 2009, 11:55:
 
Is it possible he's on a scavenger hunt? [evil]
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on April 22, 2009, 12:11:
 
Yeah, it's totally possible.

And then again, she could be the only person he ever met that was into the kinky stuff he's into and he isn't letting her go.
 
Posted by geekygoddess (Member # 15702) on April 22, 2009, 17:33:
 
So, do you think it would be fair to say that if you are together for years and years and he never pops the question, that he never will? I don't know...I have taken several psychology classes and they all say wait at least three years till you even consider marriage because that is how long it takes for the "euphoria" to wear off! [crazy]
 
Posted by TMBWITW,PB (Member # 1734) on April 22, 2009, 19:02:
 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
I have taken several psychology classes and they all say wait at least three years till you even consider marriage because that is how long it takes for the "euphoria" to wear off! [crazy]

8 1/2 years into it I still get butterflies in my stomach when I'm with Josh. [hearts]
 
Posted by Callipygous (Member # 2071) on April 22, 2009, 19:29:
 
gg there are no golden rules, everyone and every relationship is different, so in the end you can only trust your intuition as to whether this one might fly. All anyone else can do is offer pointers.

My girlfriends before I met my wife were either people I felt very comfortable with, but then after a short while we would get bored with one another, or girls that were exciting but with whom I never felt comfortable, and we would drift apart because of mutual incomprehension. She was the first person that I felt truly comfortable with, but excited by at the same time. We have values in common, but are actually very different people. I hope that our talents are complementary. It is also possible that meeting her had something to do with me being in the right mental place at the time to be open to such a thing happening. I was fairly happy with myself, with plenty of interesting things in my life, and not really actively looking for, (or indeed ever expecting to find), a life partner. If you have an interesting life to share, and a degree of self confidence, and are bright eyed and open to adventure, good things will tend to come in your direction.

Well that's what worked for me then, anyway.
 
Posted by geekygoddess (Member # 15702) on April 22, 2009, 19:54:
 
Cali, Cali, Cali...pipe down, I was speaking hypothetically here. Whew! You already got me going down the aisle...bite your tongue!!! As much as I want to believe it will work out for my friends, my intuition tells me they are being idiots! But hey, free hors d'oevures, who am I to argue? [Big Grin]
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on April 22, 2009, 21:32:
 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
So, do you think it would be fair to say that if you are together for years and years and he never pops the question, that he never will? I don't know...I have taken several psychology classes and they all say wait at least three years till you even consider marriage because that is how long it takes for the "euphoria" to wear off! [crazy]

Good question. For one thing, some guys are scared sh*tless of such things. I'm a bit tossed about it - but I could see it someday with the 'right' person. But speaking of those guys...a good friend of mine has been going out with this girl about as long as I've known him -- something like 6 years or so. Just this fall they got a house (taking advantage of the buyers' market), but if/when they'll get married? Who knows?! Does it really matter, though? I doubt it - I'm quite certain they love each other, and that's what really counts. The rest is pretty much paperwork. (And I *hate* paperwork!)

Also by you:
quote:
As much as I want to believe it will work out for my friends, my intuition tells me they are being idiots! But hey, free hors d'oevures, who am I to argue?:-D
Ugh...I also have a [girl] friend who's engaged in this sort of deal (engaged less than a year after dating -- he 'knew'), and most of us are quite leery of it all, as we see him as less than a gem. Based on stories of his behavior as another friend's wedding, I can only wonder what their wedding will be like. If I go (I only like weddings marginally more than paperwork), it will be quite the sight to behold. :/
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on April 22, 2009, 21:44:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
I also have a [girl] friend who's engaged in this sort of deal (engaged less than a year after dating -- he 'knew')

I proposed to Mrs Druid after we'd been dating for 10 months, yes, I 'just knew'.
We recently celebrated our 25th anniversary.
 
Posted by fs (Member # 1181) on April 23, 2009, 02:40:
 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
As much as I want to believe it will work out for my friends, my intuition tells me they are being idiots! But hey, free hors d'oevures, who am I to argue? [Big Grin]

My sister married her husband after dating for six weeks. (As in, that's when the wedding took place.) They're still together, coming up on six years. Obviously, I'm not psychic and can't say with any authority that it'll last forever, but they seem to be happy together.

The only thing you can do is accept it for what it is--their decision. You haven't mentioned anything that makes it sound like an unhealthy relationship, so just go with the flow. (That's the one that really gets me--people who have problem relationships already and decide that they'll "fix" it by getting married.)
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on April 23, 2009, 07:39:
 
sings

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes I am certain that it happens all the time...

[Smile]

Really who is to judge. Sometimes our friends make terrible mistakes, and we are there to help them pick up the pieces. And other times they surprise you, even when you were doubting the outcome.

Be a friend, and enjoy the hell out of that trip to Vegas. And if it doesn't work out, buy him one of these!
 
Posted by tweety (Member # 3890) on April 27, 2009, 08:47:
 
<lurking>
<popping-head-out-from-lurking>

Mrs Tweety picked me out of a crowded mall and told her workmate "That's the guy I'm going to marry." We hadn't even met yet. We've been together coming up on 13 years. (There really is a much longer, very interesting story here, but it would take 4 or 5 volumes to share.)

Another couple we knew got married because they'd been together for 3 years and the guy (lawyer) said he owed it to her. WTF? Anyway, we went to the wedding, but I called the marriage lasting no more than 2 years. I was right. Good thing we skimped on the present. Frankly, I wanted a refund. The girl is now getting remarried, but we're skipping the wedding.

<\popping-head-out-from-lurking>
<\lurking>
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on April 27, 2009, 10:46:
 
All that is, ends in bitterness. Consider the sparrow...

Life is a cookie.
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on April 28, 2009, 02:30:
 
________________ geekygoddess __

OK, I have this friend, he was dating a girl for almost three years, and never proposed to her, a couple weeks ago, he made her move out of the house,

So have you found a new place to live?

How did you get the Future Bride to allow you to the wedding?

Me has many more questions.
 
Posted by geekygoddess (Member # 15702) on April 28, 2009, 04:11:
 
Ummmm...Mo-Man...I am confused.
I do not need a place to live, I have one...
The future wife likes me right now because we are very close friends, him and I, and she will probably only start hating me after the wedding...you know that story..
I guess you guys on here all think I am talking about myself in this situation, well, I am not...I know we have all heard the story start out before.... "I have this friend"....for real, I really do:)

As for a recap, they are still going strong, he moved her into the house and all seems well, who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???
 
Posted by HalfVast (Member # 3187) on April 28, 2009, 04:21:
 
quote:
who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

Me raises hand... [Razz] See, I have this 'friend' who has a 'friend' who is getting married...
Nah, it's too tough to explain [Big Grin]
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on April 28, 2009, 05:34:
 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

Last time someone said that to me, I woke up in a bath full of ice-cubes, missing a kidney.
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on April 28, 2009, 09:06:
 
__________________________- ME- __

Me thinks she doth protest too much!!
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on April 28, 2009, 10:57:
 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:

As for a recap, they are still going strong, he moved her into the house and all seems well, who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

Vegas is only an afternoon trip for me. But I think it would be a bit tough to explain my S.O.
 
Posted by geekygoddess (Member # 15702) on May 04, 2009, 18:59:
 
OK, wedding is in three weeks...they are going through with it!

All I can do is wish them luck from a far...can't get there in that short notice...So, Steen...we shall find another road trip to plan:)

What should I send them as a wedding present?
 
Posted by GrumpySteen (Member # 170) on May 04, 2009, 19:04:
 
geekygoddess wrote:
What should I send them as a wedding present?

A gift certificate for a marriage counseling service.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on May 05, 2009, 04:34:
 
quote:
Originally posted by GrumpySteen:
geekygoddess wrote:
What should I send them as a wedding present?

A gift certificate for a marriage counseling service.

That's actually a really great idea for anyone who gets married. Counseling has a stigma attached to it, but really, it's so helpful in maintaining a healthy marriage.
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on May 05, 2009, 09:34:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by GrumpySteen:
geekygoddess wrote:
What should I send them as a wedding present?

A gift certificate for a marriage counseling service.

That's actually a really great idea for anyone who gets married. Counseling has a stigma attached to it, but really, it's so helpful in maintaining a healthy marriage.
While it may be a considerate gift. It is kinda like buying your wife a new apron for an anniversary gift. It may be useful, but it certainly isn't smart.
 
Posted by Cap'n Vic (Member # 1477) on May 05, 2009, 14:48:
 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
Do you know that soon if it is right or not?

I use the following Cap'n Vic™ sliding scale:

Spit------->Like
Swallow---->Love
Gargle----->Lust

It has never been proven to fail.

Try it at home for yourself.
 
Posted by GrumpySteen (Member # 170) on May 05, 2009, 15:03:
 
So... I like and lust after my mouthwash, but I don't love it [crazy]
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on May 05, 2009, 15:18:
 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by GrumpySteen:
geekygoddess wrote:
What should I send them as a wedding present?

A gift certificate for a marriage counseling service.

That's actually a really great idea for anyone who gets married. Counseling has a stigma attached to it, but really, it's so helpful in maintaining a healthy marriage.
While it may be a considerate gift. It is kinda like buying your wife a new apron for an anniversary gift. It may be useful, but it certainly isn't smart.
True story. I graduated right before Christmas and while my parents were out for that my then-boyfriend now-fiance put his arm around me and told them that he had bought me a Very Special Christmas Present. You can guess what we all thought I was getting. You can guess the general family reaction when my Very Special Present turned out to be a replacement duffel bag.

I'm surprised my sisters didn't beat him to death with spent wrapping paper tubes. My parents privately expressed their annoyance and I just sighed and shook my head. Our friends back in CO all told him he was a dork, including the men. He still doesn't understand why.

It's a nice duffel, I'll give him that. And about a month later he presented me with a ring and carried it off in such a way that he whole family forgave him for the Very Special Duffel Bag.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on May 05, 2009, 16:24:
 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
While it may be a considerate gift. It is kinda like buying your wife a new apron for an anniversary gift. It may be useful, but it certainly isn't smart.

I don't understand what's wrong with an apron at that juncture if she likes to cook and does a lot of it? It would be a practical and economical gift and something she'll use for years to come. What's wrong with that?

ETA: Or am I the only women in the world who doesn't like being showered with expensive gifts?
 
Posted by Grummash (Member # 4289) on May 05, 2009, 16:28:
 
Xanth - in an effort to bring a little "guy perspective" to your bittersweet story, I would like to offer an observation.

It seems to me that when a bloke chooses a really stoopid gift, that is when he has thought longest and hardest about what would would be the most special, most individual, and most personal gift.

It is just a shame that on each such occasion, the gift the bloke chooses is guaranteed to be about as wide of the mark as is physically possible.

Don't be too harsh on us, we do our feeble-minded best.

And really......our lives would be so much easier if our female counterparts were not, without exception, walking, talking, definitions of capriciousness, contrariness, and obfuscation. [Razz]

As Spungo might say (if he hasn't already)....

"Women! - can't live with 'em.....

can't bury 'em under the patio!"
[evil]
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on May 05, 2009, 16:52:
 
Xanthine: I'll see your duffel-bag, and raise you an anvil.

Mrs Druid (a metalsmith) really liked it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to buy an anvil these days?

Oh, and I got some really strange looks lugging it home on the tram.
 
Posted by GrumpySteen (Member # 170) on May 05, 2009, 17:10:
 
Grummash wrote (in imitation of spungo's style):
"Women! - can't live with 'em.....

can't bury 'em under the patio!"


Sure you can. Just the other day, I... uh...

Went out for pizza.

Yeah. Pizza.

Dunno why I thought that would be related.
 
Posted by geekygoddess (Member # 15702) on May 05, 2009, 19:17:
 
And you see Steen, this is why whenever we meet it is ALWAYS in a public place...just sayin'...
 
Posted by GrumpySteen (Member # 170) on May 05, 2009, 19:49:
 
And that's why, if I ever buy GG a gift, it's gonna be a vacuum cleaner. Just sayin' [Smile]
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on May 05, 2009, 21:03:
 
Xanthine: Well...they ought to know that it was the perfect present for you. [Razz]
And also that it's totally in your style and all, so...yeah.

Silly women wanting to kill men - this sexism is just so wrong!
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on May 05, 2009, 22:19:
 
Well, to put this in further perspective, he's been telling me for years that I need to hury up and graduate so we can get married (not sure why I had to graduate first but whatever) and then he told my parents about teh anticipated Very Special Present in the context of explaining why they should get me a motorcycle helmet so I could go riding with him. Considering how much money he makes, they assumed that the reason he was asking them to get me a motorcycle helmet was because my Very Special Present was also very pricey, not a $30 duffel bag (or, at least, I hope it wasn't much more than that...it's a nice duffel bag but it's not that nice). I wasn't even the person who decided I needed the new duffel. My old one and I were getting on just fine. It was just looking really ratty.

Usually he is not such a dumbass. The ring that eventually appeared was very well thought out and tastefully chosen so as best to ensure I'd actually wear it and not just put it away in a drawer (and I really wish people would stop making stupid assumptions because the stone is so tiny...big fscking rocks slice up gloves and just scare me - I'm supposed to wear how much of a guy's salary on my finger??). But when he decides to be stupid, he goes the whole hog. To compound my frustration, when I've asked him for something practical he's whined and complained. Laser pointer? He howled like a dying wolf, but he got it for me. Laptop case? Only after he saw me wrapping my lappy in a t-shirt. And he flat out refused to get me an apron. So my mom sewed one for me. And then he got all covetous so she made him one too. [Razz]

I didn't get the motorcycle helmet either. I think my parents were sending him a message. So I'm saving up for that in addition to a bike (kreziserb got me lessons for my birthday and I passed the test so you can fill in the blanks).

ETA: a new vacuum would go over very nicely at this point. But both of us are strangely horrified at the prospect of vacuum shopping. Word on the street is it sucks.
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on May 06, 2009, 03:43:
 
_________________ Xanthine __ Vacuum cleaner, Go bag less. Do you know how hard it is to get the correct bag for an orphan Vacuum.
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on May 06, 2009, 09:30:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:

ETA: a new vacuum would go over very nicely at this point. But both of us are strangely horrified at the prospect of vacuum shopping. Word on the street is it sucks.

Yeah, and buying a fan blows.

Congrats on the two-wheel endorsement. I want pics of the bike when you get it.
 
Posted by Stereo (Member # 748) on May 06, 2009, 09:45:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
ETA: Or am I the only women in the world who doesn't like being showered with expensive gifts?

I will prefer a well-thought (and I mean something that shows that the giver knows my tastes and cares enough to acknoledge them) but cheap gift over an expensive but generic one. Every time. But I wouldn't say no to a well-thought and expensive gift. [evil]

(So guys: I prefer fiery opals - ooooh! colors! - and amethists - violet is my favorite color - over diamonds. Mystic topaz are nice too. Got it? [crazy] [Angel] )
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on May 06, 2009, 11:00:
 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:

ETA: a new vacuum would go over very nicely at this point. But both of us are strangely horrified at the prospect of vacuum shopping. Word on the street is it sucks.

Yeah, and buying a fan blows.

Congrats on the two-wheel endorsement. I want pics of the bike when you get it.

It might be a while. I just bought some $$ plane tickets. Unless kreziserb makes good on his threats to buy a bigger bike and give me his old one. [Razz]
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on May 07, 2009, 10:10:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
It might be a while. I just bought some $$ plane tickets. Unless kreziserb makes good on his threats to buy a bigger bike and give me his old one. [Razz]

I have only been threatening to get mine running for two years now.

And currently it is in pieces at a storage unit.

Three (Three!!!) moves and now a truck project have kinda put that on the backburner. And now the thought it to take it back down to pieces and build a new frame from scratch. So perhaps when I celebrate my 50th I will take it out for a ride...
 


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