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Posted by bookchicky (Member # 4689) on May 09, 2006, 18:50:
 
I started dating again in January after a three year relationship ended. Things are not going well. Since then I have dated one guy a month - all geeks - and each and every experience has been more horrifying than the last. So far, it goes something like this:

January - a computer programmer - and I went out on a date where he complained to me all night that women just weren't attracted to him. As soon as we were finished, he practically sprinted away so he could go home and knit. Never talked to me again.

February was a systems administrator who 'forgot' to tell me he was married.

March was an electrical engineer so hung up on his ex-girlfriend that he left me in a restaurant in the middle of dinner to go pick her up when her car broke down. I paid for dinner AND a cab home.

April was another systems administrator who seemed promising until he drunk-dialed me twice in three days. THEN he got in a car accident while on his cell phone with me while yelling at me for being 'judgmental' about his drunk driving.

May - mechanical engineer - was promising until he removed a layer of clothing and revealed a hygiene deficiency so profound that I can't speak of it without becoming nauseated. I ran for my life and never looked back. This was last Friday night.

I'm a quasi-geek, given more to bouts of marathon crafting and PC RPGs than to mathematics and science. I know enough about computers to build my own and serve as office tech support, but not enough to program them. What in the hell is wrong with me that I'm attracting the lowest common denominator?

I'm so tired now, and so thoroughly depressed. PLEASE, someone give me some words of encouragement. Tell me that there are still single, clean, thoughtful men out there.
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on May 09, 2006, 19:36:
 
Wow, that sounds like a list of winners there. [Wink]

Don't worry there is a single, thoughful, clean man out there. His name is Roger. And he lives in South Dakota.


All joking aside. There are decent folks in the world. Good men and good women. But it is a big world and takes time.

So be patient. It gets better.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on May 09, 2006, 19:51:
 
eHarmony workt for me! [Big Grin]

No, seriously, I have a geeky friend in Newark, DE, who's your age and a really nice guy. I could introduce you if you'd like. He doesn't knit, has excellent hygiene, is fairly cute, and is looking for a quality woman to love. Send me a PM if you want more info.

(And yes, I really did meet my fiancé through eHarmony. [hearts] )
 
Posted by bookchicky (Member # 4689) on May 09, 2006, 20:14:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
eHarmony workt for me! [Big Grin]

And yes, I really did meet my fiancé through eHarmony. [hearts] )

Congratulations!

I took their test a while back. Apparently I'm insane, since I fell into that hopeless group they just couldn't help. Yay me! [Applause]
 
Posted by FireSnake (Member # 1181) on May 09, 2006, 20:17:
 
For a geekier bent, you might want to try okcupid.com too. I've heard of some people having some good results with it.

Or you could hang around here. I'm sure we must have a DC are geek or two, that's not so far from Wilmington, is it?
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on May 09, 2006, 20:29:
 
quote:
Originally posted by bookchicky:
I took their test a while back. Apparently I'm insane, since I fell into that hopeless group they just couldn't help. Yay me! [Applause]

It took me about 1.5 years of using eHarmony until Jonathan signed up, and then it took a few months until he set his matching parameters to include younger people (he's eight years older than I am) and that's when we were matched. The rest, they say, is history.

You're actually the third or fourth person I've met who hasn't been accepted by eHarmony. Did they tell you why?

Maybe I should start a site called eHarmonyRejects.com. I'd include matching capabilities as well as host forums. Now if only I actually knew how to build a Web site...

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the perennial favorite: http://delaware.craigslist.org/
 
Posted by Thorned0Fortress (Member # 4435) on May 09, 2006, 20:30:
 
HeheheheehheHOmyGOOOOOOG!
Lol I am SOOO sorry that those things happened to you, but they should be in a movie hehe.
Best of luck.
 
Posted by supergoo (Member # 2280) on May 09, 2006, 21:06:
 
bookchicky, I am sorry to hear about your dating mishaps, but there is just something funny about the way you describe dating one loser after another. It's like a tragicomedy. Have you considered writing trashy chick-novels? [Wink]

Single, clean, and thoughtful aren't too high of stanards, and I'm sure someone out there has those attributes! I just don't know any in Delaware.

My sincerest sympahties,
goo
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on May 09, 2006, 21:23:
 
Yes Virgina, there is a Santa Claus. You might want to try looking in some different places if all you've managed to dredge up are losers. The charater sketches you've provided are pretty funny though.
 
Posted by magefile (Member # 2918) on May 09, 2006, 22:15:
 
I've never done the web-dating thing (I'm in college - there's enough gals around without that ... although I am single, hmm), but isn't eHarmony the one that occasionally "can't find a match" for you if you specify that you're agnostic or atheist?
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on May 09, 2006, 22:22:
 
Magefile:

I'm not sure. I know Focus on the Family stopped promoting eHarmony because the service was becoming increasingly less Christian-only. In your personal profile there are options to choose your religion, some of which include Buddhist, Sikh (which struck me as odd; I don't know too many Sikhs, but I know plenty of Buddhists and Hindus), Muslim, and a bunch of others.

EDIT: Here's their list:

quote:
With which of the following religions, if any, do you affiliate yourself? / Please indicate what religion(s) your matches should be affiliated with: (check all that apply)

Christian

Jewish

Muslim

Hindu

Buddhist

Sikh

Shinto

Other

Spiritual, but not affiliated with a religious group

Neither religious nor spiritual

You also have the option to select for specific denominations--either for you or for your potential matches--if you'd like.
quote:
Christian
Protestant
Assemblies of God
Baptist
Charismatic
Churches of Christ
Congregational
Episcopal/Anglican
Evangelical Free
Lutheran
Mennonite
Methodist
Nazarene
Non-Denominational
Pentecostal
Presbyterian
7th Day Adventist
Roman Catholic
Eastern/Greek Orthodox
Quaker
Jehovah's Witness
Latter Day Saints
Messianic Jews
Prefer Not to Specify

quote:
Muslim
Sunni
Shi'a
Ahmadiyya
Prefer Not to Specify

Etc. I'll spare you more, but they're very thorough, that's for sure!
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on May 10, 2006, 03:30:
 
bookchicky_______________________Sounds like you have not quite meet your hansom prince, but you do seem to have been frog kissing. I suggest you leave the swamp and try dry ground. I met my wife at a local singles night event that is held monthly, check out the local singles dances. The one we went to pointed out on day one that they mail letters to address of record (drivers license). I guess that is to scare of the possers, any way you have to get back to frog kissing.
 
Posted by Metasquares (Member # 4441) on May 10, 2006, 06:17:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by bookchicky:
I took their test a while back. Apparently I'm insane, since I fell into that hopeless group they just couldn't help. Yay me! [Applause]

It took me about 1.5 years of using eHarmony until Jonathan signed up, and then it took a few months until he set his matching parameters to include younger people (he's eight years older than I am) and that's when we were matched. The rest, they say, is history.

You're actually the third or fourth person I've met who hasn't been accepted by eHarmony. Did they tell you why?

Maybe I should start a site called eHarmonyRejects.com. I'd include matching capabilities as well as host forums. Now if only I actually knew how to build a Web site...

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the perennial favorite: http://delaware.craigslist.org/

eHarmonyRejects.com is already registered [Smile]
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on May 10, 2006, 06:35:
 
Speaking of various religions.. in the 2003 Canadian census, approximately 20,000 Canadians listed their religion as 'jedi'.
 
Posted by bookchicky (Member # 4689) on May 10, 2006, 07:05:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
You're actually the third or fourth person I've met who hasn't been accepted by eHarmony. Did they tell you why?

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the perennial favorite: http://delaware.craigslist.org/

I once worked up the courage to respond to a craigslist ad that sounded nice and literate. The guy wrote back: "Good 2 c u. Wut r yr mesuremints?" So I gave him my old high school locker combination.

eHarmony never did tell me why. I indicated that I'm spiritual but not religious and would appreciate the same, agnostic, or atheist. I got the notice that states "Occasionally, there are individuals we cannot assist..."

This year's stories are the tip of the iceberg. The men I've met throughout my life have all been very intelligent and SEEMINGLY normal right from the outset. I met them all online, in computer labs, through friends, at work (but never coworkers). There was just something, some revelation about each of them that just broke the whole deal. I'm not talking about petty things, either; there are some things one just can't work around (poor hygiene, sexual orientation, compulsive lying, etc).

As much as I can't stand the stuff, I suppose I could write one heck of a chicklit novel just writing what I know. [Razz]
 
Posted by Black Widow (Member # 3046) on May 10, 2006, 12:46:
 
I met my husband through Match.com after a horrifying string of losers and frightening dates. I think there is hope for dating sites, you just have to give it time.
 
Posted by SilverBlade (Member # 3541) on May 10, 2006, 12:53:
 
Tell you the truth bookchicky, I've been in a serious relationship with a geek and all I've found is that they only seem to be able to complain, overtly sarcastic and cynical. I like geeks and their intelligence, and I am in another relationship with another geek, though more of a math one than an IT geek. You just need to carefully sift through the "bad apples" to get a good one. I think your experience is just a serious of unfortunate events and I am really sorry you had to go through that. Perhaps you can begin a relationship as just friendship, that way you have more time to decide whether to just keep him as a friend, or whether he really is boyfriend material.

Good luck, and tell us how you are coming along!
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on May 10, 2006, 13:12:
 
quote:
Originally posted by bookchicky:
The guy wrote back: "Good 2 c u. Wut r yr mesuremints?"

I can't help but laugh my ass off at 'measuremints'. Sounds like a bad candy
 
Posted by Mac D (Member # 2926) on May 10, 2006, 13:38:
 
I met my ex-wife on Lavalife I was on it about 3 days.

Latley I have been NOT looking. But somhow once I stoped trying there is an endless supply of people that want to go on dates with me. I'm trying to enjoy being single. Last weekend alone I went on 3 dates (It was my birthday weekend and I got some "special" gifts I won't get into)

So maybe it would be a good choice to give up. Concentrate on you. Stop looking and let them find you. Kind of like when you loose something and you look every where for it. Once you stop looking you usually come accross it. Happened reacently with my Westerndigital 40Gb HD.
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on May 10, 2006, 14:07:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I met my ex-wife on Lavalife I was on it about 3 days.

/me reads that again.


Umm. Since you met your ex-wife on the site. Is that a thumbsup or a thumbsdown? [Razz]
 
Posted by Mac D (Member # 2926) on May 10, 2006, 14:40:
 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I met my ex-wife on Lavalife I was on it about 3 days.

/me reads that again.


Umm. Since you met your ex-wife on the site. Is that a thumbsup or a thumbsdown? [Razz]

Since we have been seperated we have become best friends. Since we no longer have to worry about having to trust each other.

So I guess I found my best friend on there so it would be a thumbs up
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on May 10, 2006, 15:43:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I'm trying to enjoy being single. Last weekend alone I went on 3 dates (It was my birthday weekend and I got some "special" gifts I won't get into)

bow chica chica bow bow..

quote:
So maybe it would be a good choice to give up. Concentrate on you. Stop looking and let them find you. Kind of like when you loose something and you look every where for it. Once you stop looking you usually come accross it. Happened reacently with my Westerndigital 40Gb HD.
lose, not loose. [Smile]
 
Posted by uilleann (Member # 1297) on May 10, 2006, 15:58:
 
What, you're not picturing him on his knees in the grass looking for his arrow?
 
Posted by HalfVast (Member # 3187) on May 10, 2006, 16:12:
 
quote:
Mac D wrote:

Lately I have been NOT looking. But somehow once I stopped trying there is an endless supply of people that want to go on dates with me. I'm trying to enjoy being single. Last weekend alone I went on 3 dates

Hmmm... I've also been using the Not Looking method. I haven't had a date in 3 years now. (There may be an age factor in there. [Razz] )

Really bookchicky the only advice I can offer is keep your eyes open and continue to be yourself. I try the best I can to be who I am and not to compromise myself. (There is a difference between compromising yourself and accommodating others. The latter makes life interesting.)

Back to your topic line I have given up and I find I'm a much more relaxed person around the fairer sex. If you are unconcerned about how others see you I think your true self comes out and attracts persons who suit you. Sorry, nothing in the way of radical advice here.

Disclaimer: Major edit as I hit 'post' much too soon.
 
Posted by Serenak (Member # 2950) on May 10, 2006, 16:43:
 
Oh Uilleann you are such a wag... and beat me to the punchline to boot... [Smile]

[thumbsup]
 
Posted by Steen (Member # 170) on May 10, 2006, 17:36:
 
bookchicky wrote:
I'm so tired now, and so thoroughly depressed. PLEASE, someone give me some words of encouragement. Tell me that there are still single, clean, thoughtful men out there.

Try not to despair. There are single, clean, thoughtful men out there. Some of them are even interested women.

And you haven't been stabbed or shot at yet, so you're not doing that badly [Smile]
 
Posted by bookchicky (Member # 4689) on May 11, 2006, 06:02:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:

And you haven't been stabbed or shot at yet, so you're not doing that badly [Smile]

No, I haven't, but...funny story!

About nine years ago, a date and I were in my car just driving around. It was somewhere around midnight when we crossed the border into Pennsylvania, just taking the winding valley roads. He seemed to get VERY nervous at one point and started asking me all these questions - "Did we just cross the state line? Did we? Don't you think we should go back?" and on and on until I found a spot to turn around and head back.

I asked him what his problem was and he said that crossing state lines was a violation of his parole. He wouldn't tell me what he had done and after a few minutes of riding in silence he looked over and said, "Are you scared of me? Because maybe it's not such a bad idea."

I dropped his butt off at the nearest Denny's and stayed home a lot for the next couple of years.
 
Posted by uilleann (Member # 1297) on May 11, 2006, 07:58:
 
See, FireSnake, (if you're out there [Wink] you didn't do so badly after all with your luck :]
 
Posted by Stereo (Member # 748) on May 11, 2006, 09:19:
 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Speaking of various religions... in the 2003 Canadian census, approximately 20,000 Canadians listed their religion as 'jedi'.

Pst! Let off the drunken part, Newf. Census is every five years, on years ending by 1 and 6 (we're right in the middle of one: May 16th - count yourself in!). So there was no Canadian Census in 2003.
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on May 11, 2006, 10:09:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Stereo:
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Speaking of various religions... in the 2003 Canadian census, approximately 20,000 Canadians listed their religion as 'jedi'.

Pst! Let off the drunken part, Newf. Census is every five years, on years ending by 1 and 6 (we're right in the middle of one: May 16th - count yourself in!). So there was no Canadian Census in 2003.
Meh. I confused the year with the year the story was posted.
 
Posted by ooby (Member # 2603) on May 11, 2006, 13:31:
 
I've tried online dating through various means, but the pickin's were slim. There seemed to be very few profiles, and even fewer seemed interesting.

One day I called one of my friends up and I was going to invite him and some other people over to hang out. Well, he responded by inviting me to a party hosted by a mutual friend.

I did all of the regular party prep things that guys normally do (showering, putting on clothes, etc.) and went to the party intending to only have a good time (I just happen to like looking nice when I do that sort of thing). I knew about half the people there, so mingling was unusually easy. I actually started chatting with Fiance-to-Be with the initial impression, "This person seems like the party conversation-type, let's get our chat on," not "This girl looks single." I was honestly (and naively) just having a conversation and next thing you know, we're engaged.

Moral of the story: You have to take a somewhat Taoist apporoach to finding special someones. You need to be uninterested in a relationship in order to get yourself into one, either that or drunk.
 
Posted by Steen (Member # 170) on May 11, 2006, 16:28:
 
bookchicky wrote:
I asked him what his problem was and he said that crossing state lines was a violation of his parole. He wouldn't tell me what he had done and after a few minutes of riding in silence he looked over and said, "Are you scared of me? Because maybe it's not such a bad idea."

Yikes!

I have an ex-girlfriend from some years back who'd be a great match for him. She's a very nice girl who holds long conversations with her teddy bear, sincerely believes the teddy bear is talking back to her and only occasionally went completely off the deep end claimed the teddy bear told her it had seen me cheating on her with another woman.

They could spend their days happily scaring the dickens out of each other and everyone around them [Smile]

Isolated horror stories aside, though, for everyone traumatic, life threatening date I've had, I've had half a dozen that were okay. Don't let this run of bad luck get to you you too much. Giving up isn't the answer.


...and for those who know me: Yes, I know full well just how hypocritcal that last statement is, but I'm trying to talk myself into believing it.
 
Posted by Too Cool To Quit (Member # 2217) on May 11, 2006, 19:42:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
I have an ex-girlfriend from some years back who'd be a great match for him. She's a very nice girl who holds long conversations with her teddy bear, sincerely believes the teddy bear is talking back to her and only occasionally went completely off the deep end claimed the teddy bear told her it had seen me cheating on her with another woman.

Wow, is this more common than I first thought? Is there a name for such a... realistical misconstruancy?
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on May 11, 2006, 22:58:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Too Cool To Quit:
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
I have an ex-girlfriend from some years back who'd be a great match for him. She's a very nice girl who holds long conversations with her teddy bear, sincerely believes the teddy bear is talking back to her and only occasionally went completely off the deep end claimed the teddy bear told her it had seen me cheating on her with another woman.

Wow, is this more common than I first thought? Is there a name for such a... realistical misconstruancy?
I had an ex who had conversations with her soft-toy dog. That's the same ex who taught me (the hard way) how to disarm an assailant armed with a knife.

Run away. Very fast.
 
Posted by Too Cool To Quit (Member # 2217) on May 13, 2006, 08:42:
 
I did, 6 months and a week ago, and I never looked back.
 


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