This is topic WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT!? in forum All about Love! at The Geek Culture Forums!.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.geekculture.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=6;t=000505

Posted by Zim'et (Member # 2448) on March 03, 2005, 17:33:
 
Okay, so I was just getting coffee with my new boyfriend and my friend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two weeks now, so it's a REALLY new relationship. We get along great and everything so it's all good but during coffee I made a reference to Cowboy Bebop or a comic book or something and he smiled at me and said "I love you so much". WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT!? I just smiled and went on with the conversation, but if that happens again when there isn't another person around what do I do? I don't want him to think I'm not crazy about him, but I definitely DO NOT love him. Suggestions, please!
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on March 03, 2005, 17:54:
 
Well, I suppose you could just say "I'm crazy about you too," but in all honesty, I have no idea how to handle one of those awkward situations. I get jittery when someone says that to me too.

What's really scary is when he says "I need you." Or maybe I just find it scary because I had a very bad experience with someone wo used that phrase a lot...sometimes in an accusatory way ("I need you but you don't need me, therefore you don't really love me.").
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on March 03, 2005, 18:35:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Zim'et:
Okay, so I was just getting coffee with my new boyfriend and my friend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two weeks now, so it's a REALLY new relationship. We get along great and everything so it's all good but during coffee I made a reference to Cowboy Bebop or a comic book or something and he smiled at me and said "I love you so much". WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT!? I just smiled and went on with the conversation, but if that happens again when there isn't another person around what do I do? I don't want him to think I'm not crazy about him, but I definitely DO NOT love him. Suggestions, please!

OK, one of two approaches (or use both, if you want). Firstly, ask him for clarification of what he means when he says it. It might be guy speak for "Wow, it's so cool to have met a girl who likes the same sort of stuff I do". Or it could be that he really loves you in the way you think he means it. To be honest, from the context, I think it's more likely to be the former.

Now, if it's "twoo wove", to quote TPB, then being honest yet gentle is probably the way to go. "That's cool that you feel that way, and I'm really enjoying the time we're spending together and will spend together, but it's too soon for me to make that sort of emotional call yet". Why does "I love you" automatically have to be followed by "I love you too", anyway.

Or, geeky option. He says "I love you", you say "I know". If he's watched a certain DVD commentary this will be sure to deflect attention away from the core issues [Wink]
 
Posted by TMBWITW,PB (Member # 1734) on March 03, 2005, 18:56:
 
"I know" is a good response. One person I know when she wasn't ready to say "I love you too" would say to him, "I love me too."

What I did when I was dating Josh is I picked a time when I felt particularly affectionate (standing in line at Subway, if you can believe that) and gave him a hug, looked in his eyes and said, "You know what? I really like you."

Say what you feel, and don't be pressured into saying it before you're ready. He might be feeling kind of vulnerable right now, since he didn't get the response he might have been expecting, so telling him that you enjoy spending time with him will probably make him feel better. (And even better, it's true!)
 
Posted by Cap'n Vic (Member # 1477) on March 03, 2005, 19:18:
 
In your bfs defense. I seriously doubt he just blurted it out......this is something he has thought about for sometime (in relation to such a short relationship) He has been wanting to say it for a while and was looking for an opening.

The fact that you didn't acknowledge probably hurt him deeply [Frown] . Having been in his shoes before, I bet he steps back from that statement and waits for you to say something....he way even act uninterested.

You're both in a tough spot and a crossroads in the relationship. I hope it all works out.
 
Posted by jordanv (Member # 3189) on March 03, 2005, 20:43:
 
If he says it again and you don't know what to do, hug him. The warm fuzziness he feels will let him forget about it until he realised you didn't respond. It will also give you more time to think about it.
 
Posted by garlicguy (Member # 3166) on March 03, 2005, 21:17:
 
How about smiling and saying, "And who could blame you? I'm adorable."

Then just go about your business as though nothing unusual had happened.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on March 03, 2005, 21:57:
 
I agree with the Cap'n. It's usually no small feat for a guy to use those words unless he really means it (or wants to sleep with her). Assuming the real thing, it's non-trivial. This is why guys often do exactly what's being said in this thread, and respond to such phrases being thrown at them with other words. Generally, I think the other person needs to be sure they've found that love before they acknowledge it, but it can leave the "ILY" person hanging - bleh.

I can't believe I was writing this up until that last sentence, switched to another tab, and did nearly an hour's research on completely random stuff. Whoops...and now I'm too tired to complete this coherently...doh! I did find this, which I read ages ago off a /. comment, and wanted to show someone.
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on March 04, 2005, 02:55:
 
No, you're all wrong. The correct response is " - then buy me a car, you deadbeat!"

Why don't you just use the situation to your financial advantage? That's what I'd do. (Damn - I never thought I'd ever have to explain that to a chick! ) [Wink]
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on March 04, 2005, 06:35:
 
I've personally never said it first for fear of the person not saying it back.

I have had it said to me when I didn't feel it, and I used one of the lines above, "I love me too!" -- maybe mean, though.

Judging by the sound of it, I'd have to go against what the Cap'n is saying and suggest that maybe it's just a phrase he tossed out with the excitement of realising he's with a girl that likes the same stuff he does (because it is seemingly rare).
 
Posted by Grey_girl (Member # 2172) on March 04, 2005, 07:24:
 
As DNM suggested, could it have been totally innocent and not an indication of deep, scary at this point feelings? I've said "Sometimes, I really love you!" to a few male friends, but I meant it sort of in jest, after they've said something rather off the wall or amusing. Granted, I do love them, but the comment is not meant that way. Maybe your boyfriend made the comment in the same manner, because of the Cowboy Bebop reference?

However, if he says it when no one else is around and very much in a sentimental fashion, I would tell him gently and respectfully that while you are crazy about him and want the relationship to continue (if you do feel those things), it is soon to be having such strong sentiments.
 
Posted by Demosthenes (Member # 530) on March 04, 2005, 12:57:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Grey_girl:
As DNM suggested, could it have been totally innocent and not an indication of deep, scary at this point feelings? I've said "Sometimes, I really love you!" to a few male friends, but I meant it sort of in jest, after they've said something rather off the wall or amusing. Granted, I do love them, but the comment is not meant that way. Maybe your boyfriend made the comment in the same manner, because of the Cowboy Bebop reference?

However, if he says it when no one else is around and very much in a sentimental fashion, I would tell him gently and respectfully that while you are crazy about him and want the relationship to continue (if you do feel those things), it is soon to be having such strong sentiments.

First sensible reply yet.

Don't fuck around with this kid's feelings; it's a great way to leave him hurt when it may have taken a lot of courage for him to say that. Explain to him how you feel about it, straight-up, and if it makes you uncomfortable...ask him not to repeat it until you're both comfortable saying it.
 
Posted by Serenak (Member # 2950) on March 04, 2005, 15:41:
 
I'm with Shroom and Dem on this,

It may have been a "wow this is great" kind of comment but to be honest I'd consider it unlikely...

Tread lightly but at the same time you have to be true to yourself. Take your time and treat it carefully but you probably do need to address it. Love can grow slowly over time or strike you down like lightning. Unfortunately if you have never known "real" love infatuation is easily mistaken for it (to be truthful they both start off much the same and one can be hard to tell from the other in the early stages....) Old fart speaking... OK

Don't blow what could be a beautiful relationship (friends or lovers) by ignoring what you and he are going through... It is an important point in your life, and whatever happens will shape the way you view life and handle relationships in the future for good or ill, (Ooh err, that sounds really "heavy") - don't panic, like so mahy things it is a natural part of life and I think you'll deal with it OK...

You can take what I say or cast it aside as is your right, it's your life, not mine...

But like all old farts I want to *try* and help you sidestep the stupid mistakes I've made - that may be impossible, the impetuousness and self righteousness of youth may prevent it..

Then again we've never had a worldwide 'age neutral' forum like the interweb in the history of humankind before - where older people can offer advice to younger people effectively anonymously without prejudice of prior knowledge or "social ties"

Sorry, I think i may be rambling a bit here but I hope that you can get what I *really* am trying to get at...

Go do whatever seems *right* for you - just remember the guy has feelings too (not that I think you don't...)

The box says "Shut up Serenak!" (Stupid UK TV ad reference - apply within for details)
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on March 04, 2005, 16:04:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
First sensible reply yet.

Hey, I said sort of the same thing in my second paragraph. But on reflection, yes, honesty is probably the best policy here.
 
Posted by Zim'et (Member # 2448) on March 04, 2005, 19:01:
 
Well, I just saw him tonight and related my feelings towards him in analogy while we snuggled in a big cushy chair at the mall. Here's my story: "It's like when you're doing a jigsaw puzzle and you keep searching for that one piece that pulls the whole picture together, and you try to put a bunch of pieces in that spot. You try to force them and they won't go and they bend and cut you with their edges, so eventually you just stop looking. Then, one day, you walk past the table and you see the piece, sitting there like it was there the whole time." That was my story and he took it as a sign of my affection and that was that. So, things are okay.
 
Posted by SupportGoddess (Member # 822) on March 04, 2005, 20:09:
 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
No, you're all wrong. The correct response is " - then buy me a car, you deadbeat!"

Why don't you just use the situation to your financial advantage? That's what I'd do. (Damn - I never thought I'd ever have to explain that to a chick! ) [Wink]

My mom's friend gave this advice to my baby sister (who is 16): "You're sitting on a goldmine. Don't give it away for free."
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on March 04, 2005, 20:12:
 
quote:
Originally posted by SupportGoddess:
My mom's friend gave this advice to my baby sister (who is 16): "You're sitting on a goldmine. Don't give it away for free."

Wow. Just, wow.
 
Posted by magefile (Member # 2918) on March 04, 2005, 20:49:
 
That could be taken so many ways ...
 
Posted by ewomack (Member # 3225) on March 04, 2005, 22:10:
 
Yeah... what's the exchange rate on a good pelvic region?!?! [Confused]
 
Posted by californiarockr (Member # 1986) on March 05, 2005, 09:55:
 
three weeks into my current relationship, I let it fly. I didnt mean to, it just kinda fell out of my mouth. My gf looked up at me, smiled, and said "awe you are too sweet". I wasnt sure if I actually felt it at the time, but if not I was damn close, and I was a little upset that she didnt say it back, but I totally understood that it was too soon. I didnt say it again for awhile, and that worked out fine. I dont think she could have said anything better, she made me feel good whilst avoiding "the word".

So basically just say something sweet, and he will be fine. he wont like it as much as the L word, but he will live
 
Posted by garlicguy (Member # 3166) on March 05, 2005, 18:15:
 
quote:
Originally posted by ewomack:
Yeah... what's the exchange rate on a good pelvic region?!?! [Confused]

Define: "good", so we can narrow down the price range a bit. I believe spungo has the current Bartholomew's Blue Book of Bottoms right there at his fingertips.
 
Posted by wolverine (Member # 4281) on September 09, 2005, 14:20:
 
I'm really bumping this.. but in the Empire Strikes Back, Han Solo replies 'I know..' to the same question. Just thought you'd like to know that. [Applause]
 
Posted by Footsie (Member # 3444) on September 09, 2005, 14:39:
 
be your self and try to take it slow very slow.Ive been with my bloke 6 and a half years then in july this year we got married .And boy i love my husband to bits we have two lovley girls . So there will be the perfect man out there for you so take it easy
 
Posted by v01d (Member # 2272) on September 29, 2005, 23:55:
 
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
quote:
Originally posted by ewomack:
Yeah... what's the exchange rate on a good pelvic region?!?! [Confused]

Define: "good", so we can narrow down the price range a bit. I believe spungo has the current Bartholomew's Blue Book of Bottoms right there at his fingertips.
she should've compared it to car market instead,
the thing with gold is --- there's no wear'n'tear, it will still be gold 100 years from now.
As for the Blue Book, does it rate 'em new or used?

/ducks [evil]

(as for original poster's woes: girl, I wonder if you'd still care about this stuff when you're 30...)
 
Posted by serishema (Member # 4481) on October 15, 2005, 21:24:
 
Run.
 
Posted by agbullett (Member # 4426) on October 24, 2005, 11:30:
 
Not all people define the word LOVE in the same way. Many can't use the word at all, and others were raised in families where the word was used continually. If in doubt ask them to explain their LOVE, this is the only way you will know. This information you obtain will be necessary for you to make your decisions.

In high school I was usually the first to put the word out there for real, sometimes all I got back was silence. With a great sence of humor you can always escape. In college I used the word a couple times I should not have, because I sure did not mean it.

Now I use the word with close friends who happen to be female, but it is not meant as a sexual term.

However,I prefer to only use the word in places where I am absolutely sure of my emotions. Examples:
I love a great cheese burger.
I love Dominos Pizza.
I love OLD cars.
I love playing golf.
I love my computers (but only when they work).
 


© 2018 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0