This is topic Ahhh, the eternal question, but should it be asked? in forum All about Love! at The Geek Culture Forums.


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Posted by Mr.Gone (Member # 3543) on March 01, 2005, 09:52:
 
Well, like any self respecting geek, I have gone down the path, the path that I hoped eventually leads to a woman. There are the rare instances when one may find a female that will actually appreciate you for who you are, but most likely them will use you for a ride, or a place to live. Worse yet, you expose your geekitude, and they run.
What we geeks need to ask ourselves is: Is this really worth it? Are the promises of a relationship really worth losing a little piece of what makes us who we are?
I say no. If you have trouble finding a girlfriend because they don't like your habits, they aren't worth having. Women are fun, but seldom fun in a relationship. Keep them as friends, and keep them at a distance. Never be that shoulder to cry on, or that is all you will be. Never give them the opportunity to say "you're too good a friend".
What I am saying is, keep you group of geek friends close, but make sure any girl you would like to date stays far out of that group.
 
Posted by spungo (Member # 1089) on March 01, 2005, 10:20:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Mr.Gone:
Women are fun, but seldom fun in a relationship.

I'd re-phrase that: being with women can be fun... until the attendant finds out.
 
Posted by Zim'et (Member # 2448) on March 01, 2005, 11:30:
 
Everyone has to make compromises in relationships, but if your partner expects you to change something that defines who you are, run for the hills. Such a relationship is based on need, not giving and experience, like relationships should be. Just keep waiting and the right girl will come around. Believe me, we're looking for the right guy too.
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on March 01, 2005, 11:31:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Zim'et:
Just keep waiting and the right girl will come around.

Either that or she'll notice you looking in her window and call the cops and have you arrested for stalking her. [blush]
[devil wand]
 
Posted by Mr.Gone (Member # 3543) on March 01, 2005, 11:49:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Zim'et:
Everyone has to make compromises in relationships, but if your partner expects you to change something that defines who you are, run for the hills. Such a relationship is based on need, not giving and experience, like relationships should be. Just keep waiting and the right girl will come around. Believe me, we're looking for the right guy too.

Lower your expectations and you will find him.
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on March 01, 2005, 13:37:
 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by Zim'et:
Just keep waiting and the right girl will come around.

Either that or she'll notice you looking in her window and call the cops and have you arrested for stalking her. [blush]
[devil wand]

That happened to me...I didn't call the cops though. I just screamed loud enough to be heard in the next county.

That said, he was not a potential Mr. Right. He was my psycho ex and first boyfriend. Now that was a learning experience if ever there was one... I learned that, among other things, if you try to change something fundamental about yourself in order to satisfy someone else, you're only going to make yourself very depressed and maybe even a little bit crazy. Better to lose the man (or woman - this sorta shit goes both ways) than destroy who you are.

I still wonder why he didn't just knock on the door. He said he didn't want to disturb my landlady (I was renting a room in a house) but scaring the crap out of me like that disturbed her and my other housemate far more than a knock on the door would have.

Lowering your expectations and/or standards can get you into a lot of trouble. I don't recommend it. That said, it isn't very fair to anyone if you've set a standard that you yourself can't attain (which might be why I'm not impressed with boys that are prettier than me [Razz] ).

Anyways, Zi'met, I thought you'd hit it off with Mr. Comic Books.

If you want a girl, Mr. Gone, I suggest you lose the attitude.
 
Posted by drunkennewfiemidget (Member # 2814) on March 01, 2005, 13:46:
 
Yes. I am the poster-boy for DONT LOWER YOUR FSCKING STANDARDS.

.. perhaps I should elaborate before anyone else draws their own conclusions. [Wink]

I've been in far too many relationships where I wasn't happy or even slightly interested, I just thought I was being too picky, and that I would be able to find the good in everyone.

They all turned out horribly (obviously) -- one of them we at least ended amicably and I moved on.

The other turned out to be a psycho hose beast who I wish was never born.

Don't lower your standards. If you have high standards, they're there for a reason.
 
Posted by csk (Member # 1941) on March 01, 2005, 14:30:
 
Yep, don't lower your standards, and don't change yourself for the other person. Two little rules that will help immensely in relationship.

Although, of course, if you've got some moral issue like cheating,lying, whatever then I think that's worth changing. And relationships will change you as a person even if you aren't trying for that. But it's important to have a solid sense of who you are as a person, which gives a stable grounding to any relationship.

And standards should be realistic, and to the benefit of a relationship. You don't necessarily want someone that is so geeky that they can do everything with you, but having nothing in common is obviously bad too. Don't forget the "opposites attract" thing, which means in practise that your strengths and weaknesses will complement each other more if they are different strengths and weaknesses.

OK, I've rambled on. But hopefully something in that lot is useful to someone [Wink]
 
Posted by n4dmx (Member # 3177) on March 01, 2005, 23:59:
 
Lighten up, it's easier to get into a relationship than it used to be. [Big Grin]

 -
 
Posted by Mr. Saturn (Member # 3529) on March 02, 2005, 08:39:
 
well, at least we don't have to do that, hmm...
and in the argument between vick and Mr. Gone, i agree with vic, and standards should be flexable, but some things should not be (I.E., morality)
 


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