This is topic Addicted to Love.....and WoW in forum Guys, Guys, Guys! at The Geek Culture Forums!.


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Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 18, 2007, 16:24:
 
So, I think I may have made a booboo. I've been seeing this guy that I really awfully horribly like. We have been spending a lot of time together lately and I'm really enjoying every bit of it. He is just the right balance of geek and normal (for me anyway) and we like a lot of the same stuff. Well, about a week ago I kind of pushed him in a direction that he was already kind of leaning.......WORLD OF WARCRAFT. I've been playing for awhile cause some of my friends turned me on to it and I really like it (mainly because I don't totally suck at it) and I thought it would be fun for us to play together and do quests and stuff. But........I think this was a BIG mistake. Of course, being the slightly OCD person that he is.....it's just about all he does. I'll be really afraid when he starts turning down sex for WoW (which actually has entered my mind.....scary). Anyway, I'm sure he'll get bored of it and after awhile it won't be a big deal anymore but I still kind of miss the old, slightly attentive guy. Well, I'm just kind of ranting about this but ultimately.......I do have an advice-type question. We have been seeing each other for like 5 or 6 weeks now. It's not officially exclusive but we kind of are by default (neither of us is seeing someone else). I kind of want a relationship but I don't want to freak him out by supposedly moving to fast. So, do I talk about it with him or just keep to myself for awhile? And if so, how long? I know I'm probably going to get differing subjective opinions on this but I'm not usually in this position and I really don't want to scare him off (if its possible to do so). He's a bit of a geek so I thought I'd ask you guys what you think. So......................?
 
Posted by WinterSolstice (Member # 934) on June 18, 2007, 16:33:
 
Just make sure to ask him in game [Smile]


But seriously - the WoW addiction might fade, might not. If it's a real problem, you may need to encourage him to do other stuff.
 
Posted by zesovietrussian (Member # 1177) on June 18, 2007, 17:28:
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=til2YR_00B4 [Smile]
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 18, 2007, 17:36:
 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=til2YR_00B4 [Smile]

lol. yea...I've seen that episode. It was hilarious. He's not quite that bad though. More worried about the other stuff.
 
Posted by The Famous Druid (Member # 1769) on June 18, 2007, 17:45:
 
Sounds familiar [Wink]
 
Posted by stevenback7 (Member # 5114) on June 18, 2007, 18:32:
 
Like if u want a relationship and a relationship is possible then talk to the guy. The same questions which are going through your mind are probably going through his. But you are just slowly killing him by not telling him how you feel. And even if he doesn't feel ready right now- just putting the idea in his mind will speed things up a lot.
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 18, 2007, 18:42:
 
quote:
Originally posted by stevenback7:
Like if u want a relationship and a relationship is possible then talk to the guy. The same questions which are going through your mind are probably going through his. But you are just slowly killing him by not telling him how you feel. And even if he doesn't feel ready right now- just putting the idea in his mind will speed things up a lot.

I appreciate the advice.....it was kind of what I expected. I just know that both of us have been hurt in the past and we don't want to get hurt again.....or rush anything. I don't want to rush things with him but I can't help how I feel.
 
Posted by stevenback7 (Member # 5114) on June 18, 2007, 20:16:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lost1soul:
quote:
Originally posted by stevenback7:
Like if u want a relationship and a relationship is possible then talk to the guy. The same questions which are going through your mind are probably going through his. But you are just slowly killing him by not telling him how you feel. And even if he doesn't feel ready right now- just putting the idea in his mind will speed things up a lot.

I appreciate the advice.....it was kind of what I expected. I just know that both of us have been hurt in the past and we don't want to get hurt again.....or rush anything. I don't want to rush things with him but I can't help how I feel.
Trust me - if you known each other for over a month its not going to hurt the relationship. The worst and obsolutly the worst response you can get is that he is totally taken back and he never wants a relationship with you - but even that response is good because then you know not to waste your time trying to impress him. But more then likely he is going to agree with you and want to work towards a relationship.
 
Posted by Just_Jess_B (Member # 2161) on June 18, 2007, 20:29:
 
Okay, I played WoW for a very long time.

Here's what you do:

Take him up to a room on the second floor in an inn in a zone near/where you guys want to hunt. Explain to him what you want via /tell. Don't do it in general /say because people can hear your conversations outside (Gah, I made that mistake only once).

Be blunt and remember that if you're so easily replaced, maybe you want to reconsider your choice of boyfriends. I had a boyfriend in college who chose his education (which was fine), his computer, his fish, and his pet rat over me. The pet rat was sweet and had been around a year longer than I had, but the fish and the computer pissed me off some. I was too immature (as he was) to even be in a relationship, despite the fact that we "loved each other desperately". That was the problem: the desperately part.

I suggest you enjoy the things you can do on your own or "with the girls". Travel, go out and have fun, just enjoy your freedom. Soon enough, you will be shackled to a plodding existence, waiting for either the sweet release of death or the moment your kid(s) can stay home alone until midnight or so.

To recap:

Boyfriends suck; boyfriends who ignore you suck worse; feeling insecure sucks worse than that. Why torture yourself when there's a big beautiful world filled with so many amazing things to do and see?

If you must Boyfriend? Look here.
 
Posted by TSG (Member # 8350) on June 19, 2007, 05:48:
 
quote:

Boyfriends suck; boyfriends who ignore you suck worse; feeling insecure sucks worse than that. Why torture yourself when there's a big beautiful world filled with so many amazing things to do and see?

*quiet applause*
 
Posted by BooBooKitty (Member # 5566) on June 19, 2007, 10:35:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Just_Jess_B:

Boyfriends suck; boyfriends who ignore you suck worse; feeling insecure sucks worse than that. Why torture yourself when there's a big beautiful world filled with so many amazing things to do and see?

[thumbsup] [Applause]

That's why I decided to hell with that and went ahead and booked my May trip. :-) Boyfriend or not, it should stop me from doing what I want to do!
 
Posted by Slack User (Member # 9196) on June 20, 2007, 23:40:
 
WoW sucks. Haha. Kidding aside, this type of decision making will be found in any relationship and constantly will be a debate with many different topics. Life is full of choices and right now he seems to be leaning towards WoW over a girl (I don't know you so I will refer generally about his actions). Which, sadly looks very bad on his part. He may just be innocently forgetting about his girl (due to OCD or other reasons) and may need a friendly reminder. Hopefully with subtleties he will remember his feelings for the girl and try to prioritize the relationship over the game.

Just remember, if anyone is concerned about the relationship, it is a noteworthy concern. Communication is vital to any relationship, be it in the second floor of an inn in game, or taking a few minutes every month before sleeping to review current issues.. You notice it, so it should be noted.

(I had a friend who dated a girl for like 7 years and one day got dumped. He later found out it was because he was gaining weight and this really bothered his girlfriend. She didn't want to seem shallow so she just dumped him and never told him why until it was too late to fix. The whole problem could have been remedied if she simply voiced her concerns. Now they're both single!)
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 21, 2007, 06:31:
 
I think you've just started dating him (I think)...

But the most effective thing I've ever done to get a guy off the computer and paying attention to me... was to just strip behind his back and then say something completely innocuous.


"hey... "
"yeah? *turns around*"
"I'm going to go get a glass of water, want some?"

and then go get the water before he answers.
If he doesn't follow you... dump his ass.


then again, like I said, you haven't been seeing him that long I think.
 
Posted by Slack User (Member # 9196) on June 21, 2007, 07:52:
 
Business Attire <3
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 21, 2007, 08:08:
 
thats the general response around here... [hearts] [blush] [Roll Eyes]
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 21, 2007, 08:20:
 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
I think you've just started dating him (I think)...

But the most effective thing I've ever done to get a guy off the computer and paying attention to me... was to just strip behind his back and then say something completely innocuous.


"hey... "
"yeah? *turns around*"
"I'm going to go get a glass of water, want some?"

and then go get the water before he answers.
If he doesn't follow you... dump his ass.


then again, like I said, you haven't been seeing him that long I think.

That's amazing! I was thinking about doing that! LOL. I think he's enough of a guy that he wouldn't turn down sex for WoW.....but then, he's weird about sex to.........(long story)
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 21, 2007, 08:31:
 
weird about sex how? If you'd rather not broadcast info you can PM me or something, but I'm nosy and I love gossip. Oh and theres little I consider taboo which makes me fun to girl talk with [Smile]

but yeah. weird about sex how? waiting for marriage weird? 40 year old virgin weird? thinks it feels 'yucky' weird?
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 21, 2007, 08:38:
 
I don't know what it is with guys I date but it seems that lately, the guys I've dated are not like sex-obsessed (which is weird) They seem to want sex less than I do. When I say he's weird maybe it's cause he's.........not weird. He's very traditional. Doesn't really experiement a lot. I'm the one that always starts something, kisses him first, etc. He also doesn't like.......how should I say this.....using his mouth? And vice versa (if u get what I mean). Anyway, it just seems weird to me that I would be happy having more sex than we actually do.
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 21, 2007, 08:41:
 
The guy doesn't like blowjobs? Weeeeeeeeird. Maybe you're bad at it... [evil]

If he's actually consenting to sex with you, you have a good start. Now you just need to start moving him out of his comfort zone sloooooooowly. No need to borrow boobookittys handcuffs yet.

Unfortuntely I have no suggestions for the comfort-zone-moving that are... appropriate for public display.
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 21, 2007, 08:46:
 
well actually, I've never given him one.....he just doesn't like them in general. I actually already have my own comfy cuffs and a few.....other fun things but I doubt I would ever get him to use them. I have a few of my own ideas to get him out of his comfort zone but I would appreciate any new ones (if u want to PM me...lol). He kind of likes slightly aggressive women so that does help with the process but I don't know how far I can push before he shuts down.
 
Posted by nerdwithnofriends (Member # 3773) on June 21, 2007, 08:48:
 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
The guy doesn't like blowjobs? Weeeeeeeeird. Maybe you're bad at it... [evil]

L1S, you don't have braces, do you?

That'll do it every time
[tired] [cry baby]
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 21, 2007, 08:50:
 
ha, you may want to slow down a little.

Have you tested how aggressive you can get? Light neck biting and hair pulling. Start there if you haven't already. And from the sound of it, you'll have to stay there for A WHILE until he gets used to it. When that kind of stuff is commonplace to him, and he expects and *more importantly* enjoys it, move on to something a little further.

Also, try playful. Playful kisses all over... chest, legs, stomach, approaching ever closer... if you know what I mean... may get him used to the idea -- especially if it turns out it excites him the closer you get. Again, stick with teasing until he's completely accustomed to it, then move further.
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 21, 2007, 09:02:
 
well, he told me a bit of what he likes in an aggressive woman (ie. women on top, pinning down his hands, nothing to extreme). I'd like to try giving him a blow job and see what happens cause you never know. What I'd really like to have is just a whole day with nothing else to do but spend time together......and then see what happens.
 
Posted by TSG (Member # 8350) on June 21, 2007, 09:02:
 
It's been my experience that teasing is the answer *smirk*

Then again, I'm the girl who likes to tease and be teased so maybe I just pick 'em that way to start with.
 
Posted by Just_Jess_B (Member # 2161) on June 21, 2007, 12:12:
 
Okay, I'm telling you now there are red flags all over on this guy, okay? He doesn't share your zeal for sampling life, he doesn't seem really interested in you . . . he's really not the type of guy you can rely on to hold you up when you need him to be responsible.

Speaking from experience, why would anyone want a lover who was unenthused? A sexy smirk and a well-placed comment should make him want you no matter what he has to do. If you have to fight to get him interested? Your drives don't match. I'm not saying to find a sleaze-bucket who sleeps with anything that has legs (including tables and chairs), but you certainly want a partner you could grow with.

But you love him, right? Love is the thing that moves all mountains and changes the courses of rivers and . . . no, that's erosion and time.

You're young, so this will be a lesson you get to learn the hard way: You cannot change any person who does not wish to change on his or her own. The choice is yours as to how long you're willing to put up with being treated like a part-time real doll for crumbs of affection. This I offer you from my own experience.

Get out before you're more invested in him. It's time to stop calling him and move on. He loves WoW. He loves his freedom. What he does not love is you. You deserve more than being disdained like this little prick is doing to you. And I don't particularly care about his "good parts", because where it matters is where he's failing.

That said, it's only my opinion and I didn't listen when I was warned, either. Now, I have a 14.5-year-old from an ugly divorce that is finally amicable (after 10 years), but only because my ex came to terms with personal issues.
 
Posted by Lost1soul (Member # 8387) on June 21, 2007, 12:55:
 
I get what you're saying......but you also don't know the whole story. We are still getting to know each other and I DON'T love him.......I mean, not yet. I like him and he likes me and that is it so far. I've had a lot of experiences with different kind of guys and, while I know I am still young and naive and stuff, I have learned many of those lessons the hard way. I've dated incredibly overly borderline stalker affectionate guys and then I've guys who, as you said, don't seem really interested in me. He is neither. He has a hard time expressing his feelings (and that's not just an excuse for him......it's true) but I have had some really good deep conversations with him as well. I have no wish to change him as I know from personal experience that it neither helps nor works. The jury is still out on whether I want to make him a permanent addition to my life and it may be that way for awhile. Who knows what will happen.
 
Posted by Lady_Christy (Member # 7103) on June 21, 2007, 13:11:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Just_Jess_B:
You cannot change any person who does not wish to change on his or her own.

I concur...this is oh so very true! He's happy with his WoWing and his freedom...and doesn't show any signs of changing that, you can definitely try talking to him, you might stir something back up there, but until he realizes there's an issue, and sincerely wants to change, he won't.

You are still early in your relationship and there is opportunity for growth and change, but you BOTH need to be willing to make it happen.

As an aside, if WoW is something you're passionate about, fantastic! You should definitely try and find guys that share your passion, however, try and gauge how into the game a guy is. If you're a hardcore WoWer, awesome, date other hardcore players, but if you play on a more casual level (as I believe you do) try and find other casual players...it just makes things easier in the long run.
 
Posted by TSG (Member # 8350) on June 21, 2007, 13:17:
 
quote:
but until he realizes there's an issue,
Here's where we (women) get hung up I think.

We see an issue. We expect *them* to see an issue, too. But unless we verbalize it in simple terms for them (ie, don't try dropping a hint - spell it out) it's likely not going to be addressed. They don't see a problem, usually, until it's brought to their attention in a way they can understand.

I've made many relationship mistakes in the past and usually they revolved around that one single point.

Learn from my mistakes lol.

S P E L L it out.
 
Posted by Slack User (Member # 9196) on June 21, 2007, 18:49:
 
Life isn't all about sex. If it was, viagra would be the best selling drug on the market. Or guys would kill themselves when they went impudent.
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on June 21, 2007, 19:09:
 
I wish my boyfriend would kill himself for being impudent. It would save me the trouble. Nothing more annoying than a back-talking boyfriend. ;P

Seriously though, sex and other forms of physical intimacy aren't everything in a relationship, but they are an important part and a lot of problems can start here (and problems from other parts of a relationship can/do spill over into the sexual parts as well).
 
Posted by Slack User (Member # 9196) on June 21, 2007, 21:35:
 
Xanthine your quote makes me cry in pain.
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 22, 2007, 06:28:
 
I think you said Impudent when you MEANT Impotent.

m·pu·dent -- /ˈɪmpyədənt/
–adjective

1. of, pertaining to, or characterized by impertinence or effrontery: The student was kept late for impudent behavior.

2. Obsolete. shameless or brazenly immodest.
 
Posted by Steen (Member # 170) on June 22, 2007, 06:31:
 
business attire wrote:
2. Obsolete. shameless or brazenly immodest.

It's too bad that meaning is obsolete. I know someone who would be described perfectly that way...
 
Posted by business attire (Member # 6102) on June 22, 2007, 06:47:
 
Like me!!!

Remember the black dress? That dress was SUPER impudent.
 
Posted by Steen (Member # 170) on June 22, 2007, 07:00:
 
Exactly like you! ... and I don't think I'll be forgetting that little black dress anytime soon. [Big Grin]
 


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