This is topic Discouraging a Geek Stalker in forum Guys, Guys, Guys! at The Geek Culture Forums!.


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Posted by ishy (Member # 6043) on October 24, 2006, 21:13:
 
Most people would not consider me a shrinking violet. I tend to say what's on my mind, straight up. But at least once a year I get a geek guy who stalks me. Telling them "I'm not interested" seems to have no effect. Turning them down when they ask me out has no effect. Not returning their calls has no effect. Blocking them from AIM/email has no effect. Making myself hidden on forums has no effect.

I kid you not - this one guy was telling his friend about 'the girl' he's going after and how they've 'started a relationship'. Everyone in the room knew he was talking about me, and that I've turned him down at least 20 times. Oh, and that he 'calls me', because he got my phone number out of the phone book and leaves messages I don't return. I'm like "Hello?? I'm sitting right here!?! You can't even get me to have a whole conversation with you!"

Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!
 
Posted by Steen (Member # 170) on October 24, 2006, 21:18:
 
ishy wrote:
Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!

Gain 200lbs and stop bathing.

Of course, there's still a very small possibility that even that won't work.
 
Posted by zesovietrussian (Member # 1177) on October 24, 2006, 21:44:
 
Talk to him; make sure you stick a "damn, i sure as hell miss being a dude, maybe I shouldn't have had that operation" line somewhere in the conversation. If that doesn't make him break the world land speed record, nothing will.
 
Posted by littlefish (Member # 966) on October 25, 2006, 01:01:
 
Mmm. A bit out of the ordinary. Wear clothes and take Perrier?
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on October 25, 2006, 05:35:
 
ishy__________________________You don't want to get him revengeful, but if you don't mind the gossip go with how your new girl friend just drives you wild.
 
Posted by boo (Member # 5991) on October 25, 2006, 06:51:
 
ishy wrote:
quote:
Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!
Originally posted by Steen:
quote:
Gain 200lbs and stop bathing.

Of course, there's still a very small possibility that even that won't work.

Rotfl. [Big Grin]

Ishy, it's hard, I know. Some people are just so socially unaware they don't seem to get it unless you're very mean to them, which sucks. On the other hand, some guys think, with persistence, they will win you over.

And I hate to lie about stuff, but I know that sometimes it seems like the only resort. Maybe Moman is right. Something about a guy you're seeing or even that you're a lesbian? In a perfect world you should be able to simply say, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm really not interested," and that should be enough. Lieing to someone or hurting their feelings just to get them to leave you alone is an awful position in which to find yourself. [Frown]
 
Posted by Astronomer Jedi (Member # 4699) on October 25, 2006, 07:24:
 
Why are people presuming that telling this guy that she's bisexual or a lesbian will turn him off? [Wink]

Oooh, said too much now... [Razz]
 
Posted by boo (Member # 5991) on October 25, 2006, 07:40:
 
Haha! Now I'm starting to see the humor I love in geeks.

I've never understood why men are so turned on by the thought of two women being together, though. [Confused] Actually, it seems quite insulting to men. Just another of those mysteries between the sexes, I guess.
 
Posted by Astronomer Jedi (Member # 4699) on October 25, 2006, 08:52:
 
I don't understand it either. How does the old saying go...ignorance is bliss? [evil]
 
Posted by chromatic (Member # 164) on October 25, 2006, 09:18:
 
quote:
Originally posted by ishy:
Most people would not consider me a shrinking violet. I tend to say what's on my mind, straight up. But at least once a year I get a geek guy who stalks me. Telling them "I'm not interested" seems to have no effect.

Did you actually say, in those exact words, "I am not interested"?

In my experience as a man, we don't pick up on subtlety very well or often. Unless you said explicitly that you are not interested and you are not going to change your mind, you may not have been direct enough.

Even so, that's not a guarantee, but it's a common mistake many of my female friends have made.
 
Posted by ishy (Member # 6043) on October 25, 2006, 09:42:
 
quote:
Originally posted by chromatic:
Did you actually say, in those exact words, "I am not interested"?

Oh yes. More than once. Along with "No", "I'm seeing someone", and "I'm not going to change my mind."

This isn't just this guy, but there's been a string of them. It's like they all live in a fantasy world. BTW, I've seen normal guys do this over some girl, even if she has a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or kicks him in the nuts. What's up with that...?
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on October 25, 2006, 09:46:
 
It's a game. They are the hunter, you are the prey. Clever guys can make a relentless pursuit appear flattering and sweet. Not-so clever guys just try to annoy you into submission.
 
Posted by LoneWolf (Member # 4966) on October 25, 2006, 13:26:
 
Get him in a public space and knee him in the nards. 'Nuff said.
 
Posted by stevenback7 (Member # 5114) on October 25, 2006, 15:10:
 
If your not shy, then just make a big scene somewhere in front of a whole bunch of people. And the great thing about making a scene is that you can decide if you want this guy to never be able to go out in public or if you just want to get the point across.

Also on the whole telling him straight up thing. Some guys might think that when you tell him you don't like him it actually translates into you do.

And some guys just make want to make you as conffused as hell. I'm one of those guys who like to mess with certain ppl's heads. Just be carefull that he dosn't turn against you and make you not be able to go out in public.
 
Posted by Sxeptomaniac (Member # 3698) on October 25, 2006, 16:00:
 
I'm certainly no expert in getting rid of stalkers, but I would think having a male friend talk to the guy might help if telling him yourself isn't. I'm not thinking of trying to intimidate him, but it seems that he might be less likely to interpret "no" as "yes" when it's coming from a guy.

Failing that, a good OC/CS pepper spray might be a good investment. [Wink]
 
Posted by Demosthenes (Member # 530) on October 26, 2006, 06:41:
 
quote:
Originally posted by ishy:
Good grief, what does a girl have to do to get a guy to leave her alone?!

I find cattle prods to be rather effective. The trick is to shock 'em to the ground, then bludgeon them with the handle. (They're quite hefty, much like MagLites.)

If you don't want to fork over the money, a spinning backfist to the teeth usually gets the message across, too.
 
Posted by ishy (Member # 6043) on October 26, 2006, 19:16:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Sxeptomaniac:
I'm certainly no expert in getting rid of stalkers, but I would think having a male friend talk to the guy might help if telling him yourself isn't. I'm not thinking of trying to intimidate him, but it seems that he might be less likely to interpret "no" as "yes" when it's coming from a guy.

Actually, my guy friends who know both of us have been little help. Two of them refuse to believe he's that annoying, despite what me (and my other female friends) keep saying. One's response to everything is "But he's a nice guy. You should go out with him." when obviously the stalker-guy has severe issues.

My other guy friend who knows both of us hates confrontation and doesn't want to be involved.
 
Posted by Rhonwyyn (Member # 2854) on October 26, 2006, 22:45:
 
If you're desperate enough to get rid of this guy and you're on speaking terms with your parents, ask them to step in and get rid of the guy. Parental involvement is usually enough to send guys running.
 
Posted by chicgeek (Member # 1556) on November 15, 2006, 16:50:
 
You never owe it to anyone to go out on a date with him. I feel your pain; during a time in my life when I hated men, I had some stalkers that tried to "annoy me into submission". Now that I'm ready to settle down, though, I find myself in No Man's Land. [Eek!]
Maybe it's the message we all subconsciously send out: The "I hate men" vibe seems to attract them like moths to a flame, while the "I need a husband, stat!" vibe sends them running in the opposite direction. [cry baby] [shake head] [weep]
 
Posted by garlicguy (Member # 3166) on November 16, 2006, 08:10:
 
Warning! Warning! Warning!

NSFW and highly offensive photo link ahead!!!

As a last resort, you could send him this picture and explain that your doctor thinks that the improvement you've shown means you'll be almost totally cured within 3 to 5 years.

Just trying to be helpful... [devil wand]
 
Posted by JulioC (Member # 4370) on November 16, 2006, 15:58:
 
Garlic guy is wise beyond his years.

Follow his advice. [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]
 
Posted by never_ask_why333 (Member # 6340) on November 23, 2006, 23:18:
 
This actually happened to me very recently. And no matter how very clear I was to him, he just would not back down. I started out nice, then slowly became more hostile as he became more persistent.
After a while, i got really fed up with it. He was starting to be really creepy, and even possessive. It had escalated so much....so I decided to take a step above hostile.So finally, on one of the many occasions that I caught him following me, I turned around to square him in the face. And then I threatened him. I told him that if he didn't stop right there, right then, that I was personally going to kick his butt.( to be perfectly honest, there was alot of cussing and screaming involved on my part when I told him this
From that moment on, I never had a problem with him again.

Now I'm not trying to promote violence/threats here, but it sure did work for me.
 


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