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Posted by SaSa (Member # 4494) on December 16, 2005, 23:31:
 
How can a girl tell if a shy guy likes her if he's so shy he doesn't seem interested?
 
Posted by dp004i (Member # 1177) on December 16, 2005, 23:42:
 
asking you to remove your clothes and bring him some beer would be a pretty damn good indication that he might like you...
 
Posted by TheMoMan (Member # 1659) on December 17, 2005, 04:04:
 
SaSa_________________You may be confusing shyness with lack of courage, fear of rejection. You may have to watch him out of the corner of your eye to see if he is watching you.
 
Posted by Demosthenes (Member # 530) on December 17, 2005, 05:22:
 
Make a move and watch him break out in the most horrific sweat you've ever seen. [Wink]
 
Posted by Wick (Member # 4608) on December 17, 2005, 11:39:
 
quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
How can a girl tell if a shy guy likes her if he's so shy he doesn't seem interested?

My best advice would be to keep talking to him. Don't count on him to make any real conversations.

If he is shy he is probably already uncertain about your intentions. Shy folk are more catious about everything they do. They won't poor themselves out just to be hurt in the end...they need hard evidence that something is there.

You must have the hots for a shy guy then? If not don't worry about a shy guy liking you and concentrate on the ones that are letting you know....if you do then just keep bugging him...maybe even try being straight forward.

If you think that is a scary dilemma ...then try liking a shy girl and being shy yourself....now that is sucky. It's like running and getting nowhere. [shake head]
 
Posted by Steen (Member # 170) on December 17, 2005, 13:55:
 
Sit on him.

If he seems embarrassed, but doesn't try to get away, he's interested.
 
Posted by Maggs (Member # 4682) on December 17, 2005, 15:59:
 
quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
How can a girl tell if a shy guy likes her if he's so shy he doesn't seem interested?

Shy guy suffer from many things:

- Fear of Rejection
- Akwardness

I would consider myself a shy guy, I was with this girl, and I didn't think she was interested in me. But, we got to talking, and we were walking along, I was holding her slightly, she didn't pull away, groping her... both up and down... I was waiting for "Hey, what the hell are you doing?", or a really hard slap across the face. No go.

My reaction was like "WTF".. So I figured hey why not try my luck. I asked her if she wanted to have sex with me sometime. Sure enough 7 days later, she was naked in my bed. Still I was like "WTF!, I have to be dreaming or something".

Let's just say... it was a boring night. Should have read the fine manual. Oh well, such is life.

Sometimes things in life, come full circle. There is this girl I helped at work and she called me recently, after leaving her number and photo with a coworker of mine, who was told to give it to me.

The skeptic in me, was like this is not happening. It must be a joke, lo and behold she calls me a couple of days later at work, and asks me if I want to "hook up" sometime. I was like sure, I gave her my number, and left it at that.

The whole scenario of these past few months were wild. It was like a feeling of this can't be happening to me.

I still have to call her back though. I wonder why she hasn't called me. Gotta google "The Rules" now.

That was the first time I saw a girl naked in my bed. She did have an amazing body though. And she owned a Powerbook :0) .
 
Posted by Maggs (Member # 4682) on December 17, 2005, 16:01:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
Make a move and watch him break out in the most horrific sweat you've ever seen. [Wink]

Yes, that definately has happened to me.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 17, 2005, 20:53:
 
Funny thing, I don't quite see you as a shy guy, Maggs. [Razz]
 
Posted by Wick (Member # 4608) on December 18, 2005, 06:06:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Maggs:
quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
How can a girl tell if a shy guy likes her if he's so shy he doesn't seem interested?

Shy guy suffer from many things:

- Fear of Rejection
- Akwardness

I would consider myself a shy guy, I was with this girl, and I didn't think she was interested in me. But, we got to talking, and we were walking along, I was holding her slightly, she didn't pull away, groping her... both up and down... I was waiting for "Hey, what the hell are you doing?", or a really hard slap across the face. No go.

My reaction was like "WTF".. So I figured hey why not try my luck. I asked her if she wanted to have sex with me sometime. Sure enough 7 days later, she was naked in my bed. Still I was like "WTF!, I have to be dreaming or something".

Let's just say... it was a boring night. Should have read the fine manual. Oh well, such is life.

Sometimes things in life, come full circle. There is this girl I helped at work and she called me recently, after leaving her number and photo with a coworker of mine, who was told to give it to me.

The skeptic in me, was like this is not happening. It must be a joke, lo and behold she calls me a couple of days later at work, and asks me if I want to "hook up" sometime. I was like sure, I gave her my number, and left it at that.

The whole scenario of these past few months were wild. It was like a feeling of this can't be happening to me.

I still have to call her back though. I wonder why she hasn't called me. Gotta google "The Rules" now.

That was the first time I saw a girl naked in my bed. She did have an amazing body though. And she owned a Powerbook :0) .


 
Posted by SaSa (Member # 4494) on December 18, 2005, 15:48:
 
Yeah, I did have a thing for this guy at work, who's so shy he won't speak louder then a whisper. But we were talking the other night, and it turned out he did seem interested because he asked me out for Chinese (after about an hour of beating around the bush....LOL, I was like "Just hurry up and ask already, or I'll do it myself!"), but then he said something stupid that totally turned me off.

He said "reading is for geeks and losers, and the really hot girls don't read."

Just because he's shy doesn't mean he's nice....or smart LOL!!!
 
Posted by AntonTakk (Member # 4686) on December 18, 2005, 19:34:
 
Simple! does he turn his head off to some odd direction or another _EVERY_ time you look at him?

if so, it pobably means he is interested to at least some minimal level. either that or perhaps he just has a natural staring problem.
 
Posted by SilverBlade (Member # 3541) on December 18, 2005, 20:09:
 
Normally shy guys are okay with talking in group (or at least chipping in the usual comment) and in a group is okay talking to girl who he is not interested in. He would only have a problem with talking in a group to a girl he IS interested in, or if he and the girl were alone.

Thats my experience anyway. [crazy]
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 18, 2005, 21:15:
 
So....um...speaking of shy guys...

/me raises hand.

Hi, I'm dragonman97, and I'm more than a bit shy when it comes to starting conversations with people I don't know.

Tonight, I was visiting my friend at the coffee house where she works, and after I'd had more than a fair bit of coffee, I saw this rather cute girl come in with some friends. I was nearby, and talking to some of my friend's friends about anime and manga, but all the while, admiring a lovely sight. She returned the glance, and I'd say smiled...perhaps at me, perhaps just to herself. Anyway, time went on, I stayed around the same place, she drifted off to a table with her friends (another girl, and that girl's boyfriend, it would seem). I think I caught a glance of hers once or twice, and probably did mite bit of 'visual flirting' myself as well. (The fact that I was in a somewhat 'happy place' w.r.t. the coffee probably contributed a bit more to the smile that was likely on my face.)

Now then...I went back to my table/briefcase for a moment or two, which conveniently happened to be a table away from here...ostensibly to check something in my bag (actually, the real reason, at that! [Wink] ), and she seemed to follow me much of the time with her stare.

/me slaps forehead a few times...

But...I didn't say anything! Grr...damn it....

So, what the hell could I have done, anyway? How exactly should one go about interrupting a group of people to talk to one kind of interesting person, especially when you're shabby at small talk? (I'm not exactly grand at Smalltalk (Alan Kay), either.) After I'd left, I wondered if I could have somehow approached it from the manner of, "You're not at all related to [Jessycat's sister], are you? You remind me of her, albeit a tad shorter. [Smile] " ('Twas kind of funny, it's true.)

/me grumbles at passing up an opportunity of sorts...

Meh.
 
Posted by YaYawoman (Member # 4505) on December 18, 2005, 21:31:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
So....um...speaking of shy guys...

/me raises hand.

Hi, I'm dragonman97, and I'm more than a bit shy when it comes to starting conversations with people I don't know.

Tonight, I was visiting my friend at the coffee house where she works, and after I'd had more than a fair bit of coffee, I saw this rather cute girl come in with some friends. I was nearby, and talking to some of my friend's friends about anime and manga, but all the while, admiring a lovely sight. She returned the glance, and I'd say smiled...perhaps at me, perhaps just to herself. Anyway, time went on, I stayed around the same place, she drifted off to a table with her friends (another girl, and that girl's boyfriend, it would seem). I think I caught a glance of hers once or twice, and probably did mite bit of 'visual flirting' myself as well. (The fact that I was in a somewhat 'happy place' w.r.t. the coffee probably contributed a bit more to the smile that was likely on my face.)

Now then...I went back to my table/briefcase for a moment or two, which conveniently happened to be a table away from here...ostensibly to check something in my bag (actually, the real reason, at that! [Wink] ), and she seemed to follow me much of the time with her stare.

/me slaps forehead a few times...

But...I didn't say anything! Grr...damn it....

So, what the hell could I have done, anyway? How exactly should one go about interrupting a group of people to talk to one kind of interesting person, especially when you're shabby at small talk? (I'm not exactly grand at Smalltalk (Alan Kay), either.) After I'd left, I wondered if I could have somehow approached it from the manner of, "You're not at all related to [Jessycat's sister], are you? You remind me of her, albeit a tad shorter. [Smile] " ('Twas kind of funny, it's true.)

/me grumbles at passing up an opportunity of sorts...

Meh.

Good morning Dragonman. At least you just grumble at yourself, I have a permanent dent in my butt from kicking myself.

Maybe if something good and convenient like that happens again you can approach her(or whichever lucky girl happens to have caught your eye)and introduce yourself. Then say you were going to get another cup from your friend, the best barrista in the tri-state area. Offer to buy her some. Maybe you can phrase it in such a way that she can give her opinion of your friends coffee skills.

Good job on the eye-flirting. Now little grasshopper it is time to take it to the next level......conversation. You can do it! You are too young to be a grumpy old man. ahahahahaha!
 
Posted by SaSa (Member # 4494) on December 18, 2005, 21:40:
 
Or you could just stand on a chair and shout "Fire!!" Then everyone would run out and you could talk to her alone!....Ok, I know, back to the drawing board...
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 18, 2005, 22:27:
 
quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
Or you could just stand on a chair and shout "Fire!!" Then everyone would run out and you could talk to her alone!....Ok, I know, back to the drawing board...

Um...you do realize that is specifically mentioned in the Declaration of Independence as a bad thing, right?

</grumpy-old-man>
 
Posted by dp004i (Member # 1177) on December 18, 2005, 23:09:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
So....um...speaking of shy guys...

/me raises hand.

Hi, I'm dragonman97, and I'm more than a bit shy when it comes to starting conversations with people I don't know.

Tonight, I was visiting my friend at the coffee house where she works, and after I'd had more than a fair bit of coffee, I saw this rather cute girl come in with some friends. I was nearby, and talking to some of my friend's friends about anime and manga, but all the while, admiring a lovely sight. She returned the glance, and I'd say smiled...perhaps at me, perhaps just to herself. Anyway, time went on, I stayed around the same place, she drifted off to a table with her friends (another girl, and that girl's boyfriend, it would seem). I think I caught a glance of hers once or twice, and probably did mite bit of 'visual flirting' myself as well. (The fact that I was in a somewhat 'happy place' w.r.t. the coffee probably contributed a bit more to the smile that was likely on my face.)

Now then...I went back to my table/briefcase for a moment or two, which conveniently happened to be a table away from here...ostensibly to check something in my bag (actually, the real reason, at that! [Wink] ), and she seemed to follow me much of the time with her stare.

/me slaps forehead a few times...

But...I didn't say anything! Grr...damn it....

So, what the hell could I have done, anyway? How exactly should one go about interrupting a group of people to talk to one kind of interesting person, especially when you're shabby at small talk? (I'm not exactly grand at Smalltalk (Alan Kay), either.) After I'd left, I wondered if I could have somehow approached it from the manner of, "You're not at all related to [Jessycat's sister], are you? You remind me of her, albeit a tad shorter. [Smile] " ('Twas kind of funny, it's true.)

/me grumbles at passing up an opportunity of sorts...

Meh.

Dude, don't pay too much attention to those smiles; most of the time, it's simply a matter of being polite – not acknowledging someone’s glance, or worse yet, returning a cold stare is a rude, even somewhat hostile gesture. Well, unless that particular glance was in fact a Homer Simpson-style stare, complete with drooling and all the other good stuff. I mean, I get plenty of smiles, even though I probably rate a solid minus five on a zero to ten appearance scale - heck, if I felt bad about every time some random chick smiled at me and I didn't do anything, I would've probably committed suicide a long time ago, or something along those lines. Just smile back and carry on whatever you happen to be doing - if the girl is in fact interested, she'll be the one who starts the conversation. All IMHO, of course - if someone thinks I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.

Oh my, I’ve refrained from making a zorro-esque comment and instead posted something semi-serious. What the hell is happening to me?
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 18, 2005, 23:13:
 
Aww, sh*t, dude, way to boost my self-esteem. [Wink] [Big Grin]
 
Posted by YaYawoman (Member # 4505) on December 18, 2005, 23:20:
 
dp004i is a little bit correct. If she had done the old 'quick smile and look away' then he would be right.

Dudes, c'mon. Several smiles. Her stare wandered with you over to your bag. It wasn't just politeness. You know, maybe you might run into her again there. Yay! Then you can let us know how your 1st conversation and coffee went! [Smile]
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 18, 2005, 23:26:
 
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
dp004i is a little bit correct. If she had done the old 'quick smile and look away' then he would be right.

Dudes, c'mon. Several smiles. Her stare wandered with you over to your bag. It wasn't just politeness. You know, maybe you might run into her again there. Yay! Then you can let us know how your 1st conversation and coffee went! [Smile]

/me is a doubtful cynic who figures he'll never run into her again. Actually, I have a credible notion that suggests why this might be true. So, I blew it. C'est la vie.

P.S. I get the distinct impression she might have been bored with her company. Perhaps that would also just explain an interest in being distracted, and that's all. Yay for downplaying things. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by YaYawoman (Member # 4505) on December 18, 2005, 23:44:
 
Me again. Well, maybe you won't see her again. You will meet someone else though. So........

Her being bored with the people she was with is an Opportunity with a capital 'O'. you could have swooped in "distracted" her and been a knight in shining armor, or at least a squire, rescuing the poor damsel. If she was as bored as you suggest she probably would have enjoyed getting to know you over a cup. She was probably hoping you would.(I am smacking my forehead here on your behalf [Wink] )

Do you honestly really truly think she smiled at you for any other reason besides flirting?
How did you get to be so cynical and grumpy so young? [Wink]
 
Posted by Wick (Member # 4608) on December 19, 2005, 04:19:
 
I have had plenty of girls smile at me and even tell me to smile...that happens alot...I really don't think they are interested in me.

I smile at girls all the time I have no interest in...its friendly to do, so I'm told...

I wouldn't get my hopes up.

However...If you catch her looking over at you quite a bit then she may be curious.

There is a girl I am interested in right now. She is really friendly...with everyone. She smiles my way all the time...I smile back and say "hi". I would like to talk to her as well. I am a big wuss though.

I feel your pain dragonman...
 
Posted by Maggs (Member # 4682) on December 19, 2005, 05:34:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Funny thing, I don't quite see you as a shy guy, Maggs. [Razz]

I can do public speaking, no problem doesn't faze me in the least. Since I had to do it almost everyday for my undergraduate Management degree. When it comes to one on one with anyone, that's where I feel weird.

I don't sound shy on here, but IRL, I am. Just don't know how to start conversations, and I stare a lot at things, since my vision ain't the best

Left 42/140 Right 47[20] 140

That's off the prescription on my glasses I am wearing now. I can't see much past 10 feet. If you ask me what something looks like 10 ft from me. You'll get "Yeah, that's cool".

I am really thinking about Lasik.

I wonder what my vision would be like after it.
 
Posted by Demosthenes (Member # 530) on December 19, 2005, 06:20:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dp004i:
Dude, don't pay too much attention to those smiles; most of the time, it's simply a matter of being polite – not acknowledging someone’s glance, or worse yet, returning a cold stare is a rude, even somewhat hostile gesture. Well, unless that particular glance was in fact a Homer Simpson-style stare, complete with drooling and all the other good stuff.

Yeah, agreed. Coffeeshops are built for people-watching, which is probably why her gaze kept returning to your general vicinity, and Americans' natural reaction when met with a stranger's eyes is to smile, because it's polite. (Note that this is untrue in a lot of other countries; Russians don't smile at strangers so much.)

Dman, I hate to say it, but if she'd been interested, she probably would've approached you, because it's pretty impolite to stroll on up to a group of friends whom you don't know in a strange place and single one of them out to flirt with. So, unless she came over to talk to you, or was giving you the real "eye rape" look, I'm going to have to agree.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 19, 2005, 06:29:
 
Okay then - I acted rightly by inaction. [Big Grin]

Yes, that's what I'll say! [Smile]
 
Posted by dp004i (Member # 1177) on December 19, 2005, 09:53:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by dp004i:
Dude, don't pay too much attention to those smiles; most of the time, it's simply a matter of being polite – not acknowledging someone’s glance, or worse yet, returning a cold stare is a rude, even somewhat hostile gesture. Well, unless that particular glance was in fact a Homer Simpson-style stare, complete with drooling and all the other good stuff.

(Note that this is untrue in a lot of other countries; Russians don't smile at strangers so much.)
Nope, we don't. Normally, we have this "stop looking at me or I'll axe-murder you right here on the spot" expression on our faces.
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on December 19, 2005, 10:27:
 
Yeah I know. Kinda off-putting and then you get used to it and then you realize most of the time it's just an act.
 
Posted by dp004i (Member # 1177) on December 19, 2005, 10:56:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Yeah I know. Kinda off-putting and then you get used to it and then you realize most of the time it's just an act.

Why, do serbs to that too? I thought they just axe-murder you right away, without even giving you a chance to stop looking at them [Smile]
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on December 19, 2005, 11:20:
 
Actaully I was referring to Russians I know. Serbs are either smiling at you or killing you or doing both at once.

/me gives dp004i a poke
 
Posted by dp004i (Member # 1177) on December 19, 2005, 12:16:
 
All right, here's a little something that should lighten up this otherwise gloomy thread:

Two dudes are walking down a street and see a reasonably hot chick walking by and smiling at one of them. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, did you see that? She smiled at me, that means she likes me!!!" yells the first one. "Right, but do you remember how hard I laughed when I saw you the first time?" replies the second one.

EDIT: Does anybody else think this would make a great JoT? [Wink]
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on December 19, 2005, 13:41:
 
Hehehe
 
Posted by Demosthenes (Member # 530) on December 19, 2005, 15:10:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Yeah I know. Kinda off-putting and then you get used to it and then you realize most of the time it's just an act.

Yeah, just like the "smiling American" thing is all just an act. We lock eyes with someone, normally we'll smile...but if you actually act like we're the friendly beings we're smiling like, you'll be treated like a stranger...because you are.

It's more of a ruse than putting up an angry exterior, if you ask me. [Wink]
 
Posted by SilverBlade (Member # 3541) on December 19, 2005, 19:05:
 
Mmm I normally smile back when a guy smiles at me.

But there was this one time (in Cambridge) I was walking along the street and was waiting to cross the road. A car stopped to let me pass and I looked at the driver to give him a smile to say "thanks". Boy was he cute! [Razz] I smiled at him (shyly) and he gave a shy smile back.

Definetely made my day. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Maggs (Member # 4682) on December 20, 2005, 06:45:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
Or you could just stand on a chair and shout "Fire!!" Then everyone would run out and you could talk to her alone!....Ok, I know, back to the drawing board...

Um...you do realize that is specifically mentioned in the Declaration of Independence as a bad thing, right?

</grumpy-old-man>

In fact, it's illegal in NY, if there isn't a real fire danger [Wink] .
 
Posted by zesovietrussian (Member # 1177) on December 21, 2005, 17:10:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Yeah I know. Kinda off-putting and then you get used to it and then you realize most of the time it's just an act.

Yeah, just like the "smiling American" thing is all just an act. We lock eyes with someone, normally we'll smile...but if you actually act like we're the friendly beings we're smiling like, you'll be treated like a stranger...because you are.

It's more of a ruse than putting up an angry exterior, if you ask me. [Wink]

Sweet, somebody actually understands what I'm talking about.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 21, 2005, 18:31:
 
Ahh...I pretty much knew it was you by the description, but I thought you'd pulled a fast one somehow. I see that you got Snaggy to tweak the nick for you. [Smile]

Can I make some "In Soviet Russia, _____ ____s you!" jokes now?" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on December 21, 2005, 21:16:
 
Whoa, now that gave me a double take. I still like your very first nick, the one you lost your password for, best of all though.

Demosthenes, this is why, although I walk with my head up so I can see everything, I avoid eye contact.
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on December 21, 2005, 21:26:
 
Yelling fire isn't in The Unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America. See, http://www.law.indiana.edu/uslawdocs/declaration.html
 
Posted by Xanthine (Member # 736) on December 21, 2005, 21:47:
 
Huh?
 
Posted by GameMaster (Member # 1173) on December 22, 2005, 05:06:
 
In reference to:
quote:

Originally posted by dragonman97:

quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
Or you could just stand on a chair and shout "Fire!!" Then everyone would run out and you could talk to her alone!....Ok, I know, back to the drawing board...

Um...you do realize that is specifically mentioned in the Declaration of Independence as a bad thing, right?

</grumpy-old-man>

I know, I "missed the point", but not commenting on that would have driven me nuts.
 
Posted by dragonman97 (Member # 780) on December 22, 2005, 06:33:
 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
In reference to:
quote:

Originally posted by dragonman97:

quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
Or you could just stand on a chair and shout "Fire!!" Then everyone would run out and you could talk to her alone!....Ok, I know, back to the drawing board...

Um...you do realize that is specifically mentioned in the Declaration of Independence as a bad thing, right?

</grumpy-old-man>

I know, I "missed the point", but not commenting on that would have driven me nuts.
Yes, and I was wrong actually. I should have said "First Amendement."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shouting_fire_in_a_crowded_theater
 
Posted by Maggs (Member # 4682) on December 22, 2005, 13:03:
 
I actually found out that "girl" that called me at work, was just a ruse [Frown]

Better Luck next time I guess.
 
Posted by zesovietrussian (Member # 1177) on December 22, 2005, 15:05:
 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Ahh...I pretty much knew it was you by the description, but I thought you'd pulled a fast one somehow. I see that you got Snaggy to tweak the nick for you. [Smile]

Can I make some "In Soviet Russia, _____ ____s you!" jokes now?" [Big Grin]

Go for it, but don't forget: in Soviet Russia, the joke makes you!

xanthine: I liked that one too, but I figured it was somewhat disrespectful to all those unlucky kids who finally made it home in zinc coffins...
 
Posted by AllieLynn (Member # 23907) on November 19, 2008, 13:24:
 
I too have trouble figuring out the shy guy that I am interested in. He is charming and I am completely enamored with him. We started with only a professional relationship and once that was finished, we were able become more of friends, and we even went out for coffee and to listen to live music. The conversation was great and we were able to laugh and had a good time, I was sitting close to him at the music thing and I moved from sitting far away to right up next to him. I felt like he liked me, I felt like I got that vibe but he didn't try to hold my hand and when we came to the end of the night he stood kind of far away and said, I had a good time..see you Tuesday!
I usually see him on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we exchange small talk and when he does look at me he cocks his head sideways (as per some of the posts above) so what does this mean?
Am I going to have to just put it all out there and tell him how I really feel? Usually I am outgoing and would have no problem, but I like him so much that I am so nervous....
PLEASE HELP THIS CLUELESS GAL!! Me! [Roll Eyes]
 
Posted by GrumpySteen (Member # 170) on November 19, 2008, 14:14:
 
AllieLynn:
1) If you're that interested, just ask him out. Seriously... most guys don't mind. The ones that do have issues.

2) Most forum posters will be quite happy to dicuss this further, but you should start a new topic rather than dragging up a three-years dead one.
 
Posted by tweety (Member # 3890) on November 19, 2008, 14:17:
 
EDIT: Oops, didn't realize this thread was well decomposed. Thanks, Steen, for pointing that out. Either way, I still stand by what I wrote, but will be happy to move this to a new thread.


Hopefully what I'm about to share will help give everyone some perspective. At least from an sociological/psychological "What are shy guys thinking/why do they act this way?" perspective.

I've always been shy, always had a less than stellar self-image. I always felt fat (most likely due to the fact that my brothers and mother have had lifelong weight issues), even though I wasn't necessarily "fat". Always felt unattractive (this has a lot to do with hand-me-down clothing, bad glasses, braces from Sophomore through Senior year HS and the usual acne issues), always felt like an outsider.

While I wanted to talk to the girls I thought were really attractive, I never had the courage. I was too scared of rejection, of having my "No good looking girl wants me" self-delusion reinforced. So, I settled for others. I convinced myself they were attractive, that the physical wasn't as important as the mind, that whatever personality issues I had with them I could gloss over. But, eventually after two failed serious relationships (engagements, rings, oh my!) I took stock of myself, my wants and needs from a romantic partner, as well as my wants and needs in life. One decision I did make was that the girl would have to ask me out, and if it got really serious, she'd be the one popping the question. Please read on to see why that was 50% stupid.

Still, while I did try hard to put myself in front of the girls I found attractive, it wasn't until I descried the now Mrs Tweety that I was able to shake my MO just enough to actually snag a date with her. And, mind you, this was after some fatal missteps on my part. These included having the future Mrs Tweety come into my work and ask for computer help, then me giving her my phone number. I should have gotten hers. And, no, she never called. Me turning Rudolph Red when speaking with her (she thought something was wrong with me [Eek!] ), stammering, beating around the bush way too much. It was only when I finally realized that she wasn't going to ask me out that I finally got up enough courage, and got over myself, to ask her. Of course, this was after about a week of heavy flirting and Atom Bomb sized hints, that I somehow missed (clueless I am). Anyway, so far it's worked out pretty well. But, only because I made a decision to actually meet her, not just stare at her from a distance fantasizing about how I was going to meet her. I actually did it.

So, moral of the story. If you're interested in a guy/gal and you get the vibe they're into you as well but aren't making the move, decide for yourself if you want to be the one making the first move, or if you'd rather have someone else do the reeling in. Sometimes, making the first move may be completely out of your character, and theirs as well. Which goes a long way in explaining why a guy would let you get close, but then seem to blow you off at the end of the night. It could also be that they already have a someone else, but think you're hot. They could like you as nothing more than a friend, or they could be gay. You won't know until you push the subject, though.

Oh, another problem I had. Now, let me try to put this the right way and not offend anyone. I grew up with the belief that women should be respected, and that while men and women are quite capable of doing the same jobs, a woman should be a lady and a man should be a gentleman. However, social messages screwed that up for me, along with how many girls that I knew behaved (many were just like my guy friends, with nothing remotely "lady" or feminine about them). So, essentially, gender roles/identity became a bit confused. It wasn't okay to be a "guy", you had to listen and be empathetic and sympathetic and let the woman lead. No masculinity, please. And femininity? Yeah, right, femininity was for weak women requiring fainting couches and salts. Problem with that whole way of thinking was that I let myself be led all over the place, always putting my own needs second. There are other issues at play here, but my general perception is that a lot of the confusion I hear from people is more fear of what is and is not appropriate. Is it okay to flirt at work, outside of work? Who should make the first move? If I, the guy, make the move and the woman has other ideas, well, then, there go my chances. Best to sit back and wait, see what happens. I think it's the same for a lot of women as well. And, getting back to the masculinity/femininity thing, I think many people want more masculine/feminine definition. It's hard to be the "guy" and make the first move when you're not sure if that's your role anymore.

If any of the above sounds sexist, well, phooey on you. It's my firm belief, based on social observation and scientific studies, that men and women are built different. Our brain structures are different. We should celebrate those differences, not squash them. We should celebrate the similarities, but not force them evenly. We may all be born equal, and we may all die equal, but we are not all equivalent.

I don't know if any of the above makes any sense. Frankly, if it doesn't, I don't think I have the brain capacity right now to try and clarify.
 
Posted by AllieLynn (Member # 23907) on November 20, 2008, 13:33:
 
I moved it to Shy Guys Continued!
 
Posted by LAW G4 (Member # 38302) on April 14, 2011, 01:35:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
was giving you the real "eye rape" look

Eye rape... Wow, have the powers of femininity really progressed that far?

Shy guy here as well. I know your pain about that whole "girl looks at you and smiles" thing. Bloody annoying because they all seem to use it differently. My female friends have told me of the various ways they get a guys attention - do a quick glance that barely lasts a second regularly, stare at the guy with a cheeky smile, casual glances - But then the others usually pipe up and say that all those things are just polite and they do it to everyone...

Btw, a great way of getting certain girls attention is to be within earshot and admit to watching something like "sex and the city", "Grey's anatomy", "Private practice" or maybe a band/singer like "toto" or "michael buble" (aka something embarrasing). It helps if you do actually watch it.
 


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