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Posted by Snaggy (Member # 123) on March 01, 2005, 13:53:
 
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your
wife told you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

And the FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
 
Posted by Mac D (Member # 2926) on March 01, 2005, 19:37:
 
And why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
 
Posted by n4dmx (Member # 3177) on March 02, 2005, 00:31:
 
Why do drive-thru ATM machines have instructions in braille? [Confused] [Big Grin] [crazy]
 
Posted by CommanderShroom (Member # 2097) on March 02, 2005, 04:39:
 
Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

</gallagher>
 
Posted by greycat (Member # 945) on March 02, 2005, 10:49:
 
quote:
Originally posted by Snaggy:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Because you might have to hold it down for half a second to get it to send out the photons, if the battery's half-dead.

quote:
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Because they know you'll put more money in later, and they want to keep some of it.

quote:
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Because the revolver is real, and it would hurt the actor, but the bullets are just animated in post-production.

Also, bear in mind the "G.I. Joe Factor". In any kid's program, nobody ever gets hit by a bullet. Ever. So all those bad guys with machine guns firing thousands upon thousands of rounds at the good guys? They can't hit 'em. So those bad guys are going to lose the fight. Every time.

But if you throw a rock instead of firing a gun, you might hit the hero on the head and knock him out.

quote:
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

"It's all right" is a euphemism for "I'm gonna let it slide, and not rip your head off, this time."
 
Posted by ewomack (Member # 3225) on March 04, 2005, 23:50:
 
Why are they called "buildings" when they're already built?
 
Posted by Erbo (Member # 199) on March 05, 2005, 18:25:
 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Well, you do drive on a driveway, in the sense that you drive on it to get from the garage to the street. I suppose that you could park on a parkway, too, if you were willing to incur the wrath of traffic cops...
 


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