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Author Topic: Need advice
LudiChris
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Icon 1 posted July 07, 2005 07:06      Profile for LudiChris     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have been dating a girl for about a month and everything has been fantastic until recently. We went on a trip together for the 4th of July weekend and both had a great time until the last day. She was aloof the whole time and when I asked her what the matter was she said she felt that maybe she had not been ready for a weekend away with me. She wouldn't go into specifcs. Since then, I've left her messages, but she hasn't called back. I'm perplexed because everything up until then had been amazing. Before that weekend we spent a fair amount of time together, and spoke on the phone on days we didn't see each other. What's the deal with this complete turn of events? [Frown]
Posts: 2 | From: San Jose, CA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
b-gurl
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Icon 1 posted July 07, 2005 07:24      Profile for b-gurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Give her some time to think things through, she seems to think things are moving a little too fast perhaps, maybe she has other things on her mind also. Give her a little time, and when she's ready to talk just make sure she knows you care about her, I'm sure things will sort themselves out in time.

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B-Gurl. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted July 07, 2005 14:54      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Start scoping, man. This very well could be the beginning of the end.

Just because she thinks you guys are moving too fast is no reason for her to ignore your messages.

Hate to ruin your day, mate, but that's been my experience with women.

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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Laska
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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 00:27      Profile for Laska   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm gonna have to agree with NWNF here. Could very well be the beginning of the end. When chicks don't tell you what's wrong, it's either something you've done which they expect you to know by mind reading or whatever.. Or they've just lost interest or something.

Is there anything you could think of that she might of discovered about you which she doesn't like?

Posts: 9 | From: South Australia | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 00:46      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Laska:
I'm gonna have to agree with NWNF here. Could very well be the beginning of the end. When chicks don't tell you what's wrong, it's either something you've done which they expect you to know by mind reading or whatever.. Or they've just lost interest or something.

Am I the only one who gets really annoyed by the first of the two cases. Where something is obviously wrong, but they don't tell you why, or at least not after prodding and prodding and prodding, or multiple wrong guesses. I guess some guys are unperceptive enough not to notice that something's wrong in the first place, but it drove me batty, that's for sure.

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6 weeks to go!

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b-gurl
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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 09:37      Profile for b-gurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
When chicks don't tell you what's wrong, it's either something you've done which they expect you to know by mind reading or whatever..
Now... That's because most of the times you guyz do things wrong you SHOULD know. (substitute the word 'guyz' for something like.... 'people')

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B-Gurl. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 11:24      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am so used to doing the wrong thing that I float oblivious through it.

Unless words are spoken, there is no resolution. I never understood why in a relationship that one or the other just thinks that their partner will "get it."

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Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
LudiChris
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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 12:20      Profile for LudiChris     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
She finally called. Looks like b-gurl was right. She just freaked out a little with things moving too fast and that she just needed some time to sort her feelings out. I asked her if she still had feelings for me and if she wanted to continue the relationship to which she promptly told me was a stupid question. Thanks for the advice everyone!
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magefile
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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 14:51      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"When a woman says, [whatever], she might be saying, 'Get away from me. Now'. Or, she might be saying, uh, 'Try harder, stupid'."

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 16:28      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magefile:
"When a woman says, [whatever], she might be saying, 'Get away from me. Now'. Or, she might be saying, uh, 'Try harder, stupid'."

Reminds me of Homer Simpson's advice about women:

When a woman says nothing is wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means EVERYTHING'S wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off. [Big Grin]

Glad to see things will work out for you, LudiChris. [thumbsup]

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted July 08, 2005 23:44      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A word of advice: run.

If head games are starting this early just wait until you have and emotional attachment for the real mind fsck to start.

You are young, stay single......and never turn down a piece of (willing) tail.

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2005 01:01      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
You are young, stay single......and never turn down a piece of (willing) tail.

Never? Are you sure about that?

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6 weeks to go!

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2005 01:17      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes.

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2005 01:48      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Yes.

You obviously didn't see the woman trying to crack onto me on the dance floor a couple of weeks ago *shudder*

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6 weeks to go!

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ewomack
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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2005 20:17      Profile for ewomack   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmmmm... hard to say on this one. I want to be happy that she called and everything seems "alright", but head games are DEFINITELY NOT something you want in your life. There's NOTHING WORSE than an evening of sulkiness that ends with a mate screaming at you that "NOTHING IS WRONG SO SHUTUP!!!!" I would talk with her about her little hiding game and make sure she's not a games player before getting too serious.

Unless, of course, you want a games player. That's your business. Some people dig 24 hour drama. [Wink]

And if the Capt'n thought I passed up some tail by not doinking the furry cup woman, then I believe he is DEAD SERIOUS about NEVER. [evil]

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Ed Womack
Get Milked

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ArcticBlue
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Icon 1 posted July 09, 2005 21:38      Profile for ArcticBlue     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I totally agree with finding out more about why she was playing this hiding game. I've been in a relationship where games were played and it was not fun at all. This definitely does not sound like a good sign and you may want to find out if this is her regular reaction to what she considers a "stressful" situation. You may also want to ask yourself what was so stressful in the first place. Does she have fear of commitment, was there someone else she was seeing that she had to cut it off with? Maybe I'm totally off the mark with this, but I don't think going incommunicado after an enjoyable weekend is normal.
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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted July 10, 2005 23:48      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Yes.

You obviously didn't see the woman trying to crack onto me on the dance floor a couple of weeks ago *shudder*
You weren't drunk enough.

How many times do I have to tell you people?

Naked with beer.

[Wink]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 00:04      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
You weren't drunk enough.

How many times do I have to tell you people?

Naked with beer.

[Wink]

And somewhere, an enterprising young man is testing out your theory with a case of beer and his collection of tubgirl pictures.

/tubgirl is very NSFW. And disturbing. Don't google this at home, kids.

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6 weeks to go!

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Aditu
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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 06:01      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Why does she have to be playing games? I have to admit that going away with someone for a weekend is a big deal to me. It means the relationship has taken another step. Maybe it did just seem like it was going fast for a second.
Posts: 1355 | From: Osten Ard | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 06:09      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Aditu:
Why does she have to be playing games? I have to admit that going away with someone for a weekend is a big deal to me. It means the relationship has taken another step. Maybe it did just seem like it was going fast for a second.

Ah, but even so, she was still playing the "I'm going to act all aloof, and make you weasel it out of me that I think things are going too fast between us" game. In fact, a lot of things about her communication patterns, or lack thereof are raising red flags to me.

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6 weeks to go!

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ArcticBlue
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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 06:10      Profile for ArcticBlue     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If that was the case then shouldn't she have freaked out before agreeing to go away with him for a weekend?
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Grey_girl

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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 06:24      Profile for Grey_girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have to agree with Aditu. It sounds like she had a momentary feeling and is over it. After all, she did say that whether she wanted to continue the relationship was a stupid question. Don't we all need a little space sometimes to figure things out? It may be nothing more than that. If it happens repeatedly, then it's head games. Singular occurance where she calls within a day or two? I don't see a problem with that.

Arctic - she may not have fully felt the impact of the situation until she was in it, so I don't think her freaking out as the trip progressed was unusual.

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b-gurl
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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 06:50      Profile for b-gurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:

Unless, of course, you want a games player. That's your business. Some people dig 24 hour drama.

OMG... I totally understand that, one of my ex-boyfriends was a right psychopath, and made every single damn thing a drama. No kidding.

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B-Gurl. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 06:57      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think it's very hard to know whats going on in someone's head on the basis of two short posts by someone else who is completely new to this forum. So I agree with GG, take what she says at face value, as we know of no reason why it might be otherwise. No point in making things unnecessarily complicated.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 11, 2005 07:03      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
I think it's very hard to know whats going on in someone's head on the basis of two short posts by someone else who is completely new to this forum. So I agree with GG, take what she says at face value, as we know of no reason why it might be otherwise. No point in making things unnecessarily complicated.

While I'd agree that LudiChris should attempt to put this episode behind him, and continue with the relationship, I'd be watching out for similar warning signs in the future, too. In my view, anyway, open honest communication in a relationship means not having to jump through hoops to find out and possibly work on relationship issues.

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged


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