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Author Topic: frustrations of an insecure geek
shriver
Geek
Member # 3556

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4
Icon 1 posted October 02, 2005 20:39      Profile for shriver     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
We hardly ever see each other. We run in completely different circles. I know her from a somewhat mutual friend. I have hung out with her a few times, I even took her to coffee once, a long time ago. Then things kind of fell apart and I talked to her a lot less. We are still friendly, though. I want to try again. I am havinga really hard time just calling her, or asking her out again. It has been so long since that last time. Since I don't see her a lot normally, talking online and stuff just feels so forced.

I am getting so much different advice from so many people, some of it even conflicting.

I have been way to frustrated with this for way to long...

</whining>

--------------------
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I.

Posts: 111 | From: Seattle | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
The White Tree
Geek
Member # 4040

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted October 02, 2005 20:56      Profile for The White Tree     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, stop being insecure. Suck it up. I did it. Well, we both really liked each other so it was a lot easier...
Posts: 201 | From: York, PA, residing/school at NNPTC at NWS Charleston, SC. | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
Geek
Member # 4435

Icon 2 posted October 03, 2005 16:57      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ohhhhhh poor thing.
Yes that does sound like quite a problem. First of all, do you think that she is interested in you? ... Take a close look , because as hard as it may be to admit you will only hurt yourself trying for someone who doesn't notice. You may be thinking, "I'm hurting when I'm NOT trying," and if thats the case then you should really consider what would be best.
Perhaps you could try being in touch with her more , and you'll be the guy that was always there for , and she'll fall in love, and you guys will be happy ever after.
OR perhaps you can just call her up and flat out ask if she's diggin you.
....Perhaps.

Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
alfrin
Uber Geek
Member # 3836

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 03, 2005 17:45      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by shriver:
We hardly ever see each other. We run in completely different circles. I know her from a somewhat mutual friend. I have hung out with her a few times, I even took her to coffee once, a long time ago. Then things kind of fell apart and I talked to her a lot less. We are still friendly, though. I want to try again. I am havinga really hard time just calling her, or asking her out again. It has been so long since that last time. Since I don't see her a lot normally, talking online and stuff just feels so forced.

I am getting so much different advice from so many people, some of it even conflicting.

I have been way to frustrated with this for way to long...

</whining>

Do what I did before I used real courage, get your own red kryptonite (people who've seen Smallville know what I'm talking about). Get an object, and believe it will make you do what you want to do. In this case being able to call her, if you believe an object will give you the courage to call someone, it will, psychologically speaking of course. You really have to believe though.

--------------------
Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

Posts: 813 | From: Nevada, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
The White Tree
Geek
Member # 4040

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted October 03, 2005 17:55      Profile for The White Tree     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It all depends on what kind of person you are. Even though I can be shy at times, I am a blunt, straight to the point person. No small talk bullcrap. Hey, do you like me and/or you want to go out some time? What ever works for you though, because no two people are alike.
Posts: 201 | From: York, PA, residing/school at NNPTC at NWS Charleston, SC. | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
alfrin
Uber Geek
Member # 3836

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Icon 1 posted October 03, 2005 18:03      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok, one hint I forgot

Make

Them

Laugh

It's amazing, well, as long as they arn't laughing at you in a mean "look at the loser" kind of sense..

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Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

Posts: 813 | From: Nevada, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
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Icon 1 posted October 03, 2005 18:44      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Normally, I don't like doling out rules, but I've been there too many times. I know what it is like. I've seen too many posts about it. So, here it is “The Rules.”

Rule number One:
Don't think about the purple elephants.


If you dwell too much, you'll drive yourself crazy. So, try to put her out of your mind by thinking about something else. Too much thought invested in her, analyzing he situation will lead to more insecurity and nervousness. So, stop thinking about it.

Rule number Two:
What's the worst that could happen?


If your mind does fall on her, and begins crunching scenarios, just think about what the possible outcomes are -- all of them (there are 4).

1.) You tell her how you feel, she feels the same way. Go you!

2.) You tell her how you feel, she rejects you. Alright, that's bad, so what? You're finally able to move on after healing, and put the whole thing in the back of your mind.

3.) You don't tell her, and she likes you. She never tells you, because you didn't act on it. You live the rest of your days wondering what if, and she spends the rest of her days wondering what if.

4.) You don't tell her, and she doesn't like you. Well, you've spared yourself the "rejection" and replaced it with a "what if." What ifs are worse than rejection, as they linger and keep you from moving on... possibly missing the opportunity to meet The One.

All in all, you're better off speaking up for your self.

Rule number Three:
Cape Geekium


Related to the above, and how action is better than inaction... Life is short. Too short to spend playing games, playing "cat and mouse" and love (and the possibilities of love) is too important to miss the opportunity knocking.

What have you got to be insecure about? You're you, and if she doesn't like you for who you are, then it wasn't meant to be. She's not the only person out there, and you'll break your fair share of hearts in your life. There are times for quiet contemplation, but this isn't one of them. My grandmother would say, "You have two options: shit, or get off the pot." I think I've seen Nitro say the same thing about a situation that isn't too different than this.

The whole idea behind this rule is this:
"Seize the geek." This is meant in two ways. The first is the obvious one, seize them (not literally) and make them yours. The second is more important, and applies to all of life, seize your inner geek... Dig down deep inside your self, tap into the feelings that you are feeling, and use it to your advantage.

What do you care more about? Letting her know you exsist and asking her out and getting the responce, or your fear of the unknown -- of the minor rejection.

For geek's sake, man, Carpe Geekium!

--------------------
My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

Member # 1941

Member Rated:
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Icon 14 posted October 03, 2005 19:05      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Speaking as an insecure geek, that is one of the best posts on the subject I've ever read, GM. Kudos!

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 03, 2005 19:08      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks csk.

It has all been said before. I've been on both ends of simlar advice. So, I wanted to write one that I can refer people to when it is posted again.

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My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
The White Tree
Geek
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Icon 1 posted October 03, 2005 19:39      Profile for The White Tree     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm, thats everything I meant, but I really suck with words...Oh, the make them laugh part is a big part I forgot...Good post GM.
Posts: 201 | From: York, PA, residing/school at NNPTC at NWS Charleston, SC. | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
skylar
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted October 04, 2005 11:52      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Indeed, good post, GM. You spell-checked and everything! *dies of shock* [Wink]

shriver, I was/am in a very similar situation to you. I liked someone, but I just wasn't sure how he felt. A lot of signs pointed to the fact that he might like me back, but I never acted upon it, because I was too scared to say anything.

Many months later, I finally decided it was time to give it a shot, so I put my best dress on and headed down to a party he was hosting. I get there, and find his shiny new little blonde girlfriend sitting in his lap feeding him cocktails.

Yep, life sucks. The moral of this tale is that I should have said something to begin with, and not wasted time worrying. Because I wasted time, I missed my opportunity, and now the guy I like is blissfully happy with someone else.

So, please learn from my mistakes, and go for it with this girl. You know you wanna [Applause]

--------------------
"arm, aber geeky"

Posts: 1994 | From: Deutschland | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
The White Tree
Geek
Member # 4040

Member Rated:
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Icon 1 posted October 04, 2005 14:23      Profile for The White Tree     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Don't you hate when that happens. I had it happen a few times...
Posts: 201 | From: York, PA, residing/school at NNPTC at NWS Charleston, SC. | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Matias
Highlie
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5
Icon 1 posted October 04, 2005 21:39      Profile for Matias   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That does suck. I am pretty blunt too as TWT and I say it up front or it will kill me inside.

--------------------
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Posts: 516 | From: The Land of the mouse.... | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
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Icon 1 posted October 05, 2005 06:50      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Show up naked.

With beer.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged


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