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Author Topic: needing an opinion..
maara
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 12:25      Profile for maara         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i recently discovered a thread that went by the name "Who´s a virgin?"
the messages posted on the subject were both informative and funny,but unfortunately i found the thread 3 years too late,taken that the last message was posted on 2002 [Wink]
The thing i want to ask is,whoever is a virgin and/or waiting for marridge,would it bother you if you were a virgin,but he/she wasn't?

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 12:33      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was a virgin when I met my husband, he wasn't. It was a little strange knowing that he had experience in that area and had been with other women, but ultimately it didn't matter. He may have had sex with those other women, but I'm the first one he ever made love to.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 12:55      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've been saving my left hand for a special occasion.

I'll dress her up in a frilly pink glove, ply her with some cheap boxed wine.......

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:15      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Aaaaaaghhh - somebody stole my face [Eek!]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:20      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ahem - sorry about that!

Hi maara [Smile]
The issue about virginity at/until marriage starts from a difficult premise - the ideal in many western societies is for the man to be sexually experienced when he marries, but the woman is expected to be a virgin....hmmm [Confused]
No wonder the sheep look worried.....

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:31      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm happy to say I'm still a virgin and plan to remain that way until I marry. Does that mean I don't struggle with being a sexual being? Heck no! It's really hard, especially when I'd like nothing more than to have a mutually satisfying relationship with a really awesome man. But, I know that I've waited this long (I'm 25) and I can keep waiting until I can enjoy sex in the safety, security and selfless love of marriage. (And yes! That kind of marriage exists; many of my friends and relatives have that kind of marriage.)

Ideally, I'd like my husband to be a virgin, but because I've made some mistakes in my past, I shan't hold it against him if he's made mistakes too. It's incredibly difficult to live a pure life, so I have to be prepared to figure him for his mistakes, just as he'll have to forgive me for mine.

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:38      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Losing your virginity to a virgin isn't exactly pleasant. It would probably help a lot if one of you knew what was going on.

Just sayin'...

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:44      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Losing your virginity to a virgin isn't exactly pleasant. It would probably help a lot if one of you knew what was going on.
Couldn't agree more. In away it's like going for a long drive...things will work out ok as long as one of you has a map... [Big Grin]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:46      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am waiting for marriage. One of my primary criteria in a potential spouse has been similar beliefs and values. This means that I find who she was somewhat pertinent only in how it has lead to who she is today. In other words, I believe virginity is desireable, as it indicates values I share, but it's not a requirement.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:47      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm... The married women I've talked with who were virgins when they married husbands who were also virgins said it really wasn't a big deal. In fact, they all appreciated that their partner had saved himself for marriage and they were the first woman who'd ever been intimate with him. True, they said it helped not to have great expectations for the first time, but (and the ones who'd been married for a few decades said this!) they definitely enjoyed working out the kinks together! They always had something new to discover together.

It also helps to talk with your partner about your first sexual experience together beforehand. Some pre-marital counseling actually includes that as a prescribed subject of discussion; it's important to talk about prior experience, expectations, family attitudes toward sex and sexuality, etc.

And remember, for what virgins may not have experienced physically, imaginations can certainly fill in the gaps. Being a virgin does not equal ignorance about what happens before, during, and after sex, both good and bad.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:49      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
quote:
Losing your virginity to a virgin isn't exactly pleasant. It would probably help a lot if one of you knew what was going on.
Couldn't agree more. In away it's like going for a long drive...things will work out ok as long as one of you has a map... [Big Grin]
Map, as in conversations with people who've "been there, done that" and books about creating intimacy and having sex...

I noticed you didn't say "...as long as one of you has been there before."

Kudos to you, Grummy! [Big Grin]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 14:58      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Rhonnie -

quote:
I noticed you didn't say "...as long as one of you has been there before."
I think that learning together could be nice, but, to maintain the motoring analogy...you wouldn't get behind the wheel without learning a few roadsigns, yes?
For me, I had a nice Chauffeur, once upon a time when I couldn't drive [Embarrassed]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:10      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
Hi Rhonnie -

quote:
I noticed you didn't say "...as long as one of you has been there before."
I think that learning together could be nice, but, to maintain the motoring analogy...you wouldn't get behind the wheel without learning a few roadsigns, yes?
For me, I had a nice Chauffeur, once upon a time when I couldn't drive [Embarrassed]

I think that's part of what courtship is about... learning to know the other person before jumping into bed with them. You learn how to open the car door (she likes when you treat her with respect), then how to fasten the seatbelt (he likes to know you appreciate his thoughtfulness). Then you put the key in the ignition (she likes her hand held during scary movies), and turn on the lights (he REALLY likes her fried chicken). All of these things contribute to positive feelings toward the other person (and tell you some things about the car, too!) and that creates a great atmosphere/situation for sex when it happens for the first time for both of you.

For myself, I don't want my husband assuming he knows everything about me and what I'll like, etc., because he's been with someone else. I am unique; there's no one like me. Just because she liked her ears licked during or before sex doesn't mean I'll like it! I want to teach my husband everything he knows/likes, and likewise, I want him to teach me his preferences.

I know y'all are gonna think me crazy, but I hate seeing men without their shirts because I don't want to form a preference on chest hair, just in the off-chance that my husband has the opposite. Added to that, I'm waiting for my first kiss with my husband to be on my wedding day. I just don't feel right kissing random guys. It also provides an excuse to reject kisses from guys who don't attract/interest me. [Smile]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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maara
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:20      Profile for maara         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
thanks for the answers so far,keep´m coming [Smile]
i forgot to tell my "story" that defies all stereotypes by actually being a rather short one..
i`m 16 and still a virgin.i´ve never even kissed anyone and noone has ever approached me in that way.since in my high school it´s okay not to date,(not that many do),i don´t have any preassure
to engage in anything (sorry,just had to use all the available excuses for using the word 'engage'), i'm going through different options in my mind,such as waiting.it's really great that you can actually find ppl to say something about these things,positively even,rather than getting the same old:"so yur a religious hippi aren´t ya?"
[Big Grin] fine it was a long story.but my romantic "history" part was short,right? [Wink]

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:38      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Although I am a godless trollop, I do respect the religious convictions some of you have here, and though religion has always interested me, I have never believed.

I have been married now for 23 years so it's casting my mind back, but I could not even begin to imagine wanting to marry someone I had not been to bed with, and a virgin even less so. When I was "out there" I found it almost impossible to predict who I could actually have a real physical chemistry with. In retrospect the only thing that links the three women I have been lucky enough to have a real and deep sexual connection with (apart from loving them all very deeply) is that they were all involved with the visual arts, which is strange since it is not one of my talents. Mind you I did know within 24 hours of meeting her that I wanted to marry my wife, so I guess maybe I'm contradicting myself a bit, but I would have been extremely worried if she told me that she was a virgin saving herself for me. I loved her then and still do now for the life in her, not for some ideal of purity.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:38      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by maara:
i'm going through different options in my mind,such as waiting.it's really great that you can actually find ppl to say something about these things,positively even,rather than getting the same old:"so yur a religious hippi aren´t ya?"
[Big Grin] fine it was a long story.but my romantic "history" part was short,right? [Wink]

First off let me say welcome.

The different options part of your post is what caught me. IMNSHO we are the last people to tell you whether or not sex before marriage is a good thing. It is truly your decision. Do not let people pressure or guilt you into anything that you are not absolutely certain about. Ever.

No I did not save myself. And I have no regrets about it either. But what works for me, may not work for you.

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Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:41      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
He may have had sex with those other women, but I'm the first one he ever made love to.

Awww... that's so sweet! [Happytears] It is my hope that the love, closeness, and intimacy you shared in creating Kaitlyn will transcend within the being that she will become.

Back to your regularly schedule topic: Steph and I are both virgins so, honestly, I don't know how to answer the question.

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"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:55      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wait a minute, I'm confuzzled!! I thought Angryjungman was engaged to Steph? Are both of you dating Steph? Are there TWO Stephs?

/inquiring minds want to know...

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 15:59      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am pretty sure that there is not a trademark on the name Steph....


[Wink]

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 16:14      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by maara:
thanks for the answers so far,keep´m coming [Smile]
i forgot to tell my "story" that defies all stereotypes by actually being a rather short one..
i`m 16 and still a virgin.i´ve never even kissed anyone and noone has ever approached me in that way.since in my high school it´s okay not to date,(not that many do),i don´t have any preassure
to engage in anything (sorry,just had to use all the available excuses for using the word 'engage'), i'm going through different options in my mind,such as waiting.it's really great that you can actually find ppl to say something about these things,positively even,rather than getting the same old:"so yur a religious hippi aren´t ya?"
[Big Grin] fine it was a long story.but my romantic "history" part was short,right? [Wink]

I'm glad you are thinking about your sexual decisions in the future. I believe too many just go with what everyone else is doing or let the heat of the moment decide it for them.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 17:07      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
16 year old virgins are far more common than the teen movies and high-school gossip would have you believe.

You'll know when the time is right, it may be your wedding night, it may not.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 17:22      Profile for The White Tree     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
16 year old virgins are far more common than the teen movies and high-school gossip would have you believe.

You'll know when the time is right, it may be your wedding night, it may not.

That they are, and 18 year old virgins are too...
I say that as long as they truly love each other, and it isn't some spur of the moment kind of thing, sex in or out of marriage is fine by me. It is all up to what she wants. I respect her decision when it comes time for that.

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alfrin
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 17:38      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am a virgin, and do to how my (step) father talks about stuff like that I hate the fact that I'm one. But with my current relationship this status might dissipate soon.

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Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

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nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 18:31      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think one major question is, how do you define 'virgin'? Do you define it as someone who has absolutely no sexual experience whatsoever, or do you define as actual physical copulation? I think the variation of definitions has much to do with people's attitude towards marriage and remaining 'pure'.

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 18:43      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I but speak from my own experience Rhonnie. And that probably crossed into TMI.

I will say this. If you're with a guy who's had experience, and it's your first time with him, and he's not taking a pace you're comfortable with or asking for some kind of feedback, he's an ass and not worth your time. Even if he's a virgin and he isn't taking the time to make sure you're having fun too, he's an ass and not worth your time. And the same goes for you. If you aren't making sure he's feeling good, you're an ass and not worth his time. Communication is key in all things. Look for nonverbal cues if you aren't comfortable asking. Give nonverbal cues if you're not comfortable speaking up. But for god's sake communicate.

That still won't necessarily save the awkwardness of a mutual first time (sure didn't help us much) but you'll at least learn a few things and the next time will be better.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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