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Author Topic: [Mature] The Forward to End All Forwards
Kamran A
Mini Geek
Member # 1852

Icon 1 posted December 19, 2002 17:51      Profile for Kamran A   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's mature because even if I post the *beep*ed version of it, it has mature themes in it [Razz]

This is on my forum (for teens):

Btw, please tell me if this is not allowed...I will remove it with no problem [Smile] Don't say I didn't ask.

quote:

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion *beep* chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor *beep* 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of *beep* *beep*.

So basically, this message is a big *beep* YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

*beep* them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly *beep* amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't *beep* care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

Keep Scrolling

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!

STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be *beep* off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be *beep* off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be *beep* off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be *beep* off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of *beep*. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to *beep* and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of *beep*, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't *beep* people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!



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Kamran A
[ERROR: A random error has occured, this error occurs once in a while] ~ Win 95

Posts: 50 | From: 0.0.0.0 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 14 posted December 19, 2002 18:53      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Not bad, but WAAAY too tame for all those disclaimers.
Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kamran A
Mini Geek
Member # 1852

Icon 1 posted December 19, 2002 19:45      Profile for Kamran A   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Good, because the people at another forum closed and locked it...removing the text :-/

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Kamran A
[ERROR: A random error has occured, this error occurs once in a while] ~ Win 95

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GMx

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Icon 10 posted December 19, 2002 19:50      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just don't post anything about beavers. [Wink]
Posts: 5849 | From: S-4, Area 51 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted December 19, 2002 19:56            Edit/Delete Post 
I recognise this... I prefer the version I already have, though.

By the way - if you plan to reduce the offensiveness, I'd suggest choosing less offensive words rather than using "*beep*" - "*beep*" is one of those things that, to me at least, interferes with your head when trying to read something; other candidates are if You capitalise all Your pronouns (or a deity's), or bloggers who have to link to every other word they write.

Still, it's a good parody, and I believe dragonman has already put it to use, something I wish I got a chance to (I think maybe I did, though?) :) Keep it handy to ward off the evil chain mail senders, along with your cross, garlic and Acme Stake™ ;)

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SpikeSpiegel
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 02:47      Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yeh i was just about to say that you stole this from ui!

secondly have you seen some of the posts around here?!what you have posted is nothing.

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its been a while

Posts: 3090 | From: Boston | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kamran A
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Member # 1852

Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 07:21      Profile for Kamran A   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, it could be the fact I joined a little while ago and I'm on 5 different active forums? On 2 forums I have over 1000+ posts.

And this was from my friend, I don't know where she got it, but we all cracked up...

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Kamran A
[ERROR: A random error has occured, this error occurs once in a while] ~ Win 95

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greycat

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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 10:33      Profile for greycat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
When Spike said "have you seen some of the posts around here?!what you have posted is nothing." he didn't mean that you had a low number of posts. He meant that the subject matter and language in your post was not offensive by the standards of this community.

We use some pretty fucking adult language here at times. [Wink]

Posts: 1522 | From: Ohio, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kamran A
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Member # 1852

Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 11:21      Profile for Kamran A   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh ok [Big Grin]

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Kamran A
[ERROR: A random error has occured, this error occurs once in a while] ~ Win 95

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 14:14      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by greycat:

We use some pretty fucking adult language here at times. [Wink]

And some innuendo that's so explicit you can't even call it inuuendo.

Go throug hsome old threads. Just remember: horny people will have text sex.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 17:01      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Will I ever live that down??? [Roll Eyes]

Thanks so much for reminding everyone, Xanthine. [Wink]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 17:22      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Will I ever live that down??? [Roll Eyes]

Thanks so much for reminding everyone, Xanthine. [Wink]

It takes two to tango hon. You shouldn't be the only one blushing. [Big Grin]

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 20, 2002 17:29      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah, but he's home for the holidays, so I'm the only one seeing it right now. [blush]

Anyway, there are only a few things I'm embarrassed about saying-one being the cats-on-the-bed comment. [blush] [blush] [Embarrassed]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2002 13:06      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Interesting that you forwarded a letter about how much this person hates forwards.

Great story though.

So do I need to post this on other forums or risk death? [Cool]

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sosumi
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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2002 14:40      Profile for sosumi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
So do I need to post this on other forums or risk death? [Cool]

more like risking death by posting it to other forums [Wink]
Posts: 845 | From: Boston | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Frost
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Icon 1 posted January 06, 2003 17:57      Profile for Frost     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
Interesting that you forwarded a letter about how much this person hates forwards.

[Cool]

i belive that is an example of what english teachers call irony [Beard of Peter Gabriel!]

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Success requires no explanations, Failure permits no alibis.

Posts: 217 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged


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