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Author Topic: Hangups
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:02      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So I've just come to the conclusion that I would probably be married by now if I could just get past my hangups. Now, I don't want anyone to get upset at me for anything I say. I love each one of you here and anything I say has nothing to do with you, except that you've helped form the standard by which I measure potential mates.

I'm beginning to realize that the mental vision I have of my husband is one of a well-spoken Caucasian male from N. America, Europe, or Australia. That's probably why eHarmony and my post on my local Craigslist haven't netted satisfactory results--with the blind setup of online communication, the characteristics that irritate me aren't obvious right away. Well, poor spelling tends to be a dead giveaway, but when they claim to be involved in computer sciences and related fields, I forgive 'em. Then somehow I wind up trying to gently let down a man ten years my senior, non-native English speaker, who sounds twice his age, but acts totally enthralled with me after two exchanges of e-mail.

Not sure where I'm going with this, but just wanted to bounce it off of y'all... hear your perspectives on this.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:13      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
After reading some of the ads at Craigslist I'm not at all surprised that the men you meet that way weren't great. Some of them are wonderful for entertainment value though. [Wink]

I'm not sure how not wanting to get together with someone ten years older than you and acts far too interested after only two e-mails is a "hangup". That sounds more like good judgement to me. Finding a good guy isn't easy, there are a lot of creeps and jerks out there, but you'll find someone when the time is right. [Smile]

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csk

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:22      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
So I've just come to the conclusion that I would probably be married by now if I could just get past my hangups. Now, I don't want anyone to get upset at me for anything I say. I love each one of you here and anything I say has nothing to do with you, except that you've helped form the standard by which I measure potential mates.

Gee, I hope we defined what you are looking to emulate, not avoid [Wink]

quote:
I'm beginning to realize that the mental vision I have of my husband is one of a well-spoken Caucasian male from N. America, Europe, or Australia. That's probably why eHarmony and my post on my local Craigslist haven't netted satisfactory results--with the blind setup of online communication, the characteristics that irritate me aren't obvious right away. Well, poor spelling tends to be a dead giveaway, but when they claim to be involved in computer sciences and related fields, I forgive 'em. Then somehow I wind up trying to gently let down a man ten years my senior, non-native English speaker, who sounds twice his age, but acts totally enthralled with me after two exchanges of e-mail.
Well, it's always going to be sort of hard when your dream date isn't living in the same country as you. And while I'm guessing some people will say "surely there are more important things to nitpick than spelling and grammar", I know how difficult my ex found that issue at times. And I'm quite good on that scale, but hers was flawless, pretty much.

quote:
Not sure where I'm going with this, but just wanted to bounce it off of y'all... hear your perspectives on this.
It's hard, the whole loneliness thing. Very few of us want to live our lives alone. Yet, honestly and openly admitting that in our society is seen as desperate. Plus, for those of you, like Rhonwyyn, who could only date/marry other people of the same faith, that narrows down the field of candidates significantly. Combine that with the overseas factor mentioned earlier, and that makes things very difficult indeed.

So, what would I recommend? I don't really know. If longer term you can move to one of those other countries you mention, that may help, inter continental dating relationships are no fun, from what I've seen. Plus the standard "do what interests you, and hope to meet someone likeminded there" thing. Other than that I don't know what to suggest. Love tends to find me, rather than me going looking for it...

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6 weeks to go!

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csk

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:25      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
After reading some of the ads at Craigslist I'm not at all surprised that the men you meet that way weren't great. Some of them are wonderful for entertainment value though. [Wink]

The men or the ads? [evil]

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6 weeks to go!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:38      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Peebs, I know I should be glad about the older guy, but when he called me tonight, he just sounded like a really ancient Thai guy. Not very attractive in my book (particularly the ancient part). I've met some really gorgeous Asian men (and had crushes on a few of them!), so it's nothing against the country of ethnic origin. Those guys were really well-spoken, highly intelligent--just over all great guys.

This really bites 'cause this guy has a great pedigree--type of guy I'd want if he spoke/wrote better English and didn't make me feel creeped out by his voice. (Probably reminiscent of a bad experience with an older guy my freshman year of college.)

EDIT: Oh wait. You were absolving me of guilt. Oops. Thanks!

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Jessycat

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:39      Profile for Jessycat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
*nods*

It's all so hard, isn't it?
It gets more discouraging every day.

I have nothing constructive to say on this subject... just wanted to chime in with a "me too."

[ohwell]

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csk

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Icon 2 posted September 26, 2005 19:41      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As I said to someone else only yesterday, all the good ones live overseas. Murphy's Law...

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6 weeks to go!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:41      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's not so much that I'm lonely. I'm loving living by myself right now. I just wish I had someone I could flirt with, talk with, and hang out with on a regular basis. I'm also watching my biological clock wind down and realizing that I only have 10 years of childbearing potential remaining.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:42      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
As I said to someone else only yesterday, all the good ones live overseas. Murphy's Law...

Except when they're studying at your university for a year as part of an exchange program... *dreamy sigh*

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3851 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:44      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
As I said to someone else only yesterday, all the good ones live overseas. Murphy's Law...

Except when they're studying at your university for a year as part of an exchange program... *dreamy sigh*
But that's even worse. You get to start something, and then when things return to normal, what do you do? Got an Aussie friend living and working in England who met his French GF in Australia going through exactly that at the moment. At least being in different countries makes it cost prohibitive to meet up and start something, in most cases...

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6 weeks to go!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:48      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thought I'd post the ad on Craigslist for your enjoyment:

quote:
I've tried eHarmony, but I miss having local guys to hang out with. Ideally I'm looking to spend time with guys who I'd consider marriageable--honest, kind, compassionate, mature, intelligent, etc. I consider myself a computer/knowledge buff; I love conversing about technology, language, trivia, music, you name it...

If you're looking for a partying, drinking woman, look elsewhere. I'm not the girl for you, nor are you the guy for me. If you play any musical instruments or your favorite gems include Perl and Ruby, all the better! Send me an e-mail telling me about yourself and we'll take it from there! :-)

EDIT: My top criteria for marriage is faith in Jesus Christ. I'm open to hanging out with anyone, but if you're serious about settling down with me, you must be a Believer.

And yes, I did end a sentence with a preposition! [Razz]

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:50      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Jessycat:
*nods*

It's all so hard, isn't it?
It gets more discouraging every day.

You need to change professions JC.
Far too many of the men you meet in the theatre biz will have ... shall we say ... other interests.

(/me worked in the theatre biz for a few years - make of that what you will)

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:52      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
I'm also watching my biological clock wind down and realizing that I only have 10 years of childbearing potential remaining.

What makes you think that? Sure, it's more difficult to have children after 35, but not impossible by any means. Doctors like you scare you with statistics about Down's syndrome, etc, but even at age 45 you have better than a 90% chance of delivering a perfectly normal and healthy child.

--------------------
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—Miss Piggy

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:55      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
I'm also watching my biological clock wind down and realizing that I only have 10 years of childbearing potential remaining.

What makes you think that? Sure, it's more difficult to have children after 35, but not impossible by any means. Doctors like you scare you with statistics about Down's syndrome, etc, but even at age 45 you have better than a 90% chance of delivering a perfectly normal and healthy child.
Except that Down's runs in my family. I also don't want to be raising a child while I'm old. [ohwell]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 19:57      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So I'm thinking my warning system is working really well, 'cause this is the e-mail I got from him tonight:

quote:
I am very glad to hear from you soon too. Do you have any pictures that you can share? I like your elaborated answers and now my turn to answer you.

1) I graduated from George Mason University in 1997 in MIS field with my BS. Went back for my master degree in IT but I have not yet finished it, only 1/2 way.
2) I've been thinking about getting married since 1999. Just had bad lucks in a few relationships that came so close to making marriage. But God has all control so I must obey Him in all situations.
3) What encouraged me? I want to love and be loved and have children to share my life, just a happy loving family in Christ. I miss it more and more as I get older each day. I have all but that so that becomes a bothering thing to me. That I would love to share my love with someone special. Any take, smile with a wink? I find love encourages me through all good and bad, just lessons learned if it was not meant to be. God is Great and He always teaches us lessons. For me, I feel Him getting closer to what He intends me to become.
4) I have a big family of 9 plus my 2 parents. I am the exact middle child among them. 4 before me and 4 after me. Total 5 sisters and 3 other brothers.
5) I have been a Christian since 1994 but only has real relationship with God since 2001. I am more in love with Him each day. He is so wonderful father, our Lord, our God. He created us all. I can't live without Him in my remaining years.
I would love to find a wife with strong Christian faith who helps me bring up children in good Christian home. I love to have a mid size family depending on my wife of how many she wants to have. I like the idea of home school the kids because that is great gift you could give them at early age. So yes, staying home is a great choice [Rhonwyyn]. When can we create babies ,smile with a wink?

You can ask me any questions and not worry about many questions, because that is how we get to know each other. I like all kind of foods, i'm not picky. I like a lot of things and I love to learn new things "how to" so I love to read too. I'm insatiable reader too...hahaha. Not really, I do only read on topics that I am very interested in like human anatomy, biology, investment with money, bible books, sexuality, love and marriage materials, I want to know all. So I don't limit my reading. I like to learn to play some instruments. I only manage a little piano playing time...since I just self taught myself...I love to dance and cook.

So tell me whatever you want to tell me, please tell me about your family, how many kids you want (so we can get started, right? smile with a wink) and I would love to do it soon. I'm ready to have a family now. How old are you again? 25...my pictures are at http://....

Have a great day.

[his name]
Will chat on weekend on the phone then.

Wow. How to let him down gently?!

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GMx

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 20:37      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
As I said to someone else only yesterday, all the good ones live overseas. Murphy's Law...

Except when they're studying at your university for a year as part of an exchange program... *dreamy sigh*
But that's even worse. You get to start something, and then when things return to normal, what do you do? Got an Aussie friend living and working in England who met his French GF in Australia going through exactly that at the moment. At least being in different countries makes it cost prohibitive to meet up and start something, in most cases...
Here's an exception. My niece met a foreign exchange student from Germany. They kept in touch by letters and e-mail, and he was able to visit at least twice a year. They are now married. He moved to this country and is going to University here. He may be an exception though, because it seems his parents are pretty well off financially.
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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 20:44      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Here's my "dear john" letter:

quote:
Wow, [creepy guy]. You've certainly shared some
thought-provoking things. One of which is "Is this
guy for real?!" Being propositioned, even in jest,
does not attract me. I'm sorry I included my phone
number in any of my e-mails to you. Please do not
call me this weekend. Continuing to communicate with
you would not be a benefit to me.

Thank you for your time,

~[Rhonwyyn]

And yes, he got hold of my phone number somehow. It must've been in my signature line. (I need to revise it.) He sent me his number, then proceeded to call me at work tonight. I'm glad I had the excuse of work.

Not one of my brighter moments, aye? I'm DEFINITELY not telling anyone in my family about this!

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:12      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Rhonnie, in fairness to 'creepy guy', I suggest you remove the link to his web page from your posting above.

--------------------
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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:14      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
So I've just come to the conclusion that I would probably be married by now if I could just get past my hangups. Now, I don't want anyone to get upset at me for anything I say. I love each one of you here and anything I say has nothing to do with you, except that you've helped form the standard by which I measure potential mates.

Gee, I hope we defined what you are looking to emulate, not avoid [Wink]
Nah...she's met (online) me. [evil] I'm sure I land in the latter category. [Razz]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:22      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
Rhonnie, in fairness to 'creepy guy', I suggest you remove the link to his web page from your posting above.

Eek! Thanks for the reminder, TFD. My brain's like a sieve tonight!

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:24      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Nah...she's met (online) me. [evil] I'm sure I land in the latter category. [Razz]

Dragon, your twin is working in the Applied Research Labs at Penn State; I've had some practice dealing with your type, so be comforted (or scared?!) that you haven't completely intimidated me yet! [Razz]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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GMx

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:28      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
Rhonnie, in fairness to 'creepy guy', I suggest you remove the link to his web page from your posting above.

Damn! I didn't get to check him out! [evil]

quote:
When can we create babies ,smile with a wink?
That's just too...creepy... [Eek!]
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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:31      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GMx:

quote:
When can we create babies ,smile with a wink?
That's just too...creepy... [Eek!]
Which part is creepier? Asking about creating babies or spelling out "smile with a wink"? [Razz]

Oh, and the pics were just lots of photo albums of random people. I identified one who looked like he fit the description. Really nothing to write home about.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 21:46      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Personally, I find it pretty distasteful to turn this whole thing into a spectator sport. Maybe the guy isn't right for you, but perhaps that's the best he can muster up, and MST3King it online seems kind of harsh.

Myself, I have no intention of using an 'online dating site,' as stuff like the above just doesn't sit right with me. Mind you, I know a couple who is engaged right now, after having met a good while ago on one of the major sites (I forget which - could have been eHarmony, but I really don't recall). What can I say, it's not my thing. Mind you, I'm not exactly stellar in the 'asking out department,' but I think I'd rather wing it that way, IRL, then try and post messages chockful of similar stuff.

Oh...and 'my type?' I have a feeling you don't quite have me pegged correctly. [Razz]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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csk

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Icon 1 posted September 26, 2005 22:08      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Personally, I find it pretty distasteful to turn this whole thing into a spectator sport. Maybe the guy isn't right for you, but perhaps that's the best he can muster up, and MST3King it online seems kind of harsh.

But what if they, say, wrote some really bad poetry on a myspace blog? (Certain IRCers will know what I'm talking about here [Wink] )

quote:
When can we create babies ,smile with a wink?
It's an interesting question, how fast is too fast with Internet relationships. For example, a certain person I've been IMing has semi-seriously been asking when I'm planning to come over to visit the US after only about 4-5 conversations. I can't say I'm not flattered, but that seems on the quick side to me.

Not that I wouldn't like to visit the US, it's just how to fit in all the people I'd like to meet up with in far flung corners of the country.

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6 weeks to go!

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