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Author Topic: BAD Resume
hal9000
Geek
Member # 9896

Icon 13 posted October 22, 2007 23:10      Profile for hal9000   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok Let me preface this with Read your @#$%@ resume, this dude couldn’t take a hint. I have changed the names and numbers to protect the innocent. However the content is intact.
The orginal resume was a one page version of this one.

Read it word for word, do not blast thru it and hopfully you will see what i did.

I am going to copy and paste his resume here so some of the formatting will go bye bye.


My comments to him.


Mr. David
I have received your resume today, I found it “curious”…. If your truly looking for employment, I strongly suggest you take your resume to a professional writer.

Items I found missing
Companies you worked for.
Dates of employment. (start and term)
Total years of field experience.

Your document contains many grammatical errors and confused language. If English is not your primary language, I would recommend finding someone fluent in your language and English, then have them read the resume.

An Objective is a sentence that contains some brief information as to the goals you wish to achieve.
From what I can tell you want to kill off all Network Administrators….

As to the experience you have listed within your resume, I really got a good chuckle out of the “USB Hubs” however the remainder of experience is pointing to a first year internship not Network Administrator.
I may change your goals to something more achievable like Tier 1 Support Tech, or Help Desk Technician, and if you really want to push your luck try for Jr. Systems Administrator.

Just to clue you in on the hierarchy of the IT world.
Tier 1 = Helpdesk, call jockey. Telephone support tech. little to no network access. Mostly changes passwords or resets printers.
Tier 2 = Systems Admin (SA), competent tier 1 tech, with and MCSE. Fair amount of network access
Jr. SA= training under a Senior SA
SA= can do the job with little supervision. Knowledgeable about network administration
Sr. SA= has substantial knowledge about administration and is competent in Network Administration.
Tier 3 Network Administrator.
Jr. NA= Training under a senior NA and is a well seasoned SA
NA= Competent Administrator, and has some Engineering experience.
Sr. NA= Has Substantial knowledge of SA and NA also knows Engineering and Architecture.
Systems Engineer
Jr. or Sr.
Network Engineer
Jr. or Sr.
Systems Architect
Jr. or Sr.
Network Architect
Jr. or Sr.
CTO
CIO

Fyi Systems means more hardware focused and less network focused and vice versa for network.
An Architect is usually the guy writing the IEEE standard that the rest of the community abides by.


His note back to me

I have attached a detailed copy of my resume. The words are intended for the person who needs those skills to find them. Unfortunately, there is a lack of symetry between title and activity in some of the positions because the company wanted to project an image. Explaining the terminology may create further confusion, and will definately make the resume (a brief advertisement of the prospective employee) into a lengthy document. Where do you stop with explaining jargon becomes an issue because you will be using more jargon to explain it. Interviews are the places to determine what the jargon means, as well as other things.


Here is his extended resume


David Name-withheld 0000 Blah Drive, someplace, Virginia 22111
(703) 555-1317; Email: [email protected]

Objective: Network Administrator [Eek!]

Education:
Network Engineering, Computer Learning Center, Alexandria, VA, Feb. 1998
B. S. in Electrical Engineering, Old Dominion University, Norfolk, VA, Dec. 1992

Certification:
CNA Novell Certified, Feb. 1998

Software and Hardware Experience:

Microsoft Windows
-2003 Operating System
-XP Operating System
-NT Server
VPN, UDP Ports
ESP Protocols
USB Hubs [Confused]
CAC card readers
Toppan printers
Fingerprint readers
Barcode scanners

Microsoft Office
Patent Bank Administration
Internet Search Engines [Confused]
STN Search Engine
Image Search and Retrieval

Work Experience:
Engineer – November 2006 to August 2007 – BLAH Group, LP, , Alexandria Virginia
• Prepared ports and protocols documents for sites to be upgraded to a new software version. • Troubleshot problems related to deployment and computer moves.
o Reloaded certificates as required for connection of VPN.
o Instructed users on procedures for reattaching equipment including USB Hubs, Toppan printers, fingerprint readers, CAC card readers and barcode scanners. [Confused]

Sales consultant – September 2005 to August 2006 – Car dealership2, Woodbridge, Virginia
• Sales and delivery of Lincoln, Mercury, Mitsubishi and used cars.
• Data entry work on logging system.

Sales consultant – September 2005 to September 2005 – Car dealership1, Woodbridge, Virginia
• Trained for sales and delivery of Ford cars.

Network Administrator – June 2004 to January 2005 – tiny little it company, Alexandria, Virginia
• Maintained three networks in two facilities with eight servers and about forty workstations.
• Supported users with computer problems involving network access and support.
• Troubleshot computer problems.
• Attached visiting laptops to networks as required by the customer.
• On site point of contact for two facilities computer issues.

Field Services Technician – October 2003 to April 2004 – Mid size IT company, Falls Church, Virginia
• Installed computers in a network [Applause]

• Ghosted data from one computer to another
• Prepared preparatory paperwork

Network Administrator – April 2001 to June 2003 – Patent Company, Arlington, Virginia
• Maintained a network consisting of plural [shake head] Microsoft NT servers and numerous memory storage devices (Plextor jukeboxes and Snap Server hard drives)
• Migrated CD data to the Snap Server hard drives [crazy]
• Maintained and uploaded data to a web server the network

Multimedia Services Technician – April 2000 to January 2001 – Bell Atlantic, Springfield, Virginia
• Installed and rewired outlets and telephone drops

Patent Examiner – August 1997 to March 2000 – United States Patent and Trademarks Office (USPTO) – Arlington, Virginia
• Performed the engineering examination of computer memory patent applications
• Searched for related patents

Database Programmer – May 1996 to January 1997 – mid size company – McLean, Virginia
• Performed FoxPro database testing of a time, schedule, execution software program
• Trained Army personnel to use the time, schedule, execution software program [devil wand]

Consultant for proposal preparation – August 1995 to May 1996 – little company – Springfield, Virginia
• Assembled and edited a proposal to the New York City Transit Authority

Junior Systems Engineer – June 1994 to January 1995 – mid size company – Springfield, Virginia
• Wrote and edited engineering change reports for a ship navigation system
• Created a database for tracking office documents

Junior Electronics Warfare Aviation Systems Engineer – April 1993 to May 1994 – Defunct company – Alexandria, Virginia
• Provided network and computer support on a Novell based network
• Prepared Power Point slides

--------------------
P.E.B.K.A.C. if you can fix this, you can fix anything.

Posts: 183 | From: VA under a bridge living in a van. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2097

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 22, 2007 23:39      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hal,

Don't knock the guy on his extensive experience in the daily repairs of the arcane USB hub. Did you know, for a perfect rectangle, that little fucker goes in only one way?! That's right. You would suspect that it has been designed to confound people. I mean shit, next thing you know they will start polarizing appliance plugs.

And never forget he has experience in Power Point. A must needed skill for any CEO, Benefits Rep, or crappy college business course

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Ashitaka

SuperFan!
Member # 4924

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 22, 2007 23:48      Profile for Ashitaka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Give the guy a break. With skills like that his job, if he has one, is probably hell. He is just looking for a way out. If you were in hell, would't you also be looking for a way out?

--------------------
"If they're not gonna make a distinction between Muslims and violent extremists, then why should I take the time to distinguish between decent, fearful white people and racists?"

-Assif Mandvi

Posts: 3089 | From: Switzerland | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
sosumi
Uber Geek
Member # 1106

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 23, 2007 00:25      Profile for sosumi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
His reply looks like a bad babelfish translation. Did he give any references?
Posts: 845 | From: Boston | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
hal9000
Geek
Member # 9896

Icon 4 posted October 23, 2007 07:07      Profile for hal9000   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No references and his reply was a single run on sentence. I put the periods in for him.

Now mind you I am a crappy speller, and even worse at punctuation. But crap I use the spell check.

I checked around the block and got a hold of one of his previous employers, they did not sound too thrilled about his experience.

My guess is that this resume belongs to many other people, and he really is a used car sales man.
_________________________________________________
I am scared to have a converstation with him because it may turn out something like this.

And those dam pesky USB Hubs, with CAC card readers on them.... Oh and let me tell you it was a real bear copying CD’s to a portable hard drive.

Then I had to learn Power Point , and I have mastered adding slides now.

At what point do i take the phone off mute and let him hear me roaring in laughter.

--------------------
P.E.B.K.A.C. if you can fix this, you can fix anything.

Posts: 183 | From: VA under a bridge living in a van. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
hal9000
Geek
Member # 9896

Icon 8 posted October 23, 2007 07:16      Profile for hal9000   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
And since when is an Internet search engine a skill.

------------Play along for a second--------------

Umm let me see....
Types in "www.google.com"

What do I want to search for????!!!!

Types in "porn"

Now what do I do???? What is this I am feeling lucky button?

AAAAAHHHHHHHH.... it’s a picture of my sister that is my mother naked on the internet...... damm shes hot...

-------------------Scary isn’t it-------------

Yes I am being a little harsh on the guy, but I hire and fire at my company. I hate to see people fail. Especially when I know they are capable of more. Just ask for help. Don’t be so proud that you can’t ask for help.

--------------------
P.E.B.K.A.C. if you can fix this, you can fix anything.

Posts: 183 | From: VA under a bridge living in a van. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Lady_Christy
Geek
Member # 7103

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 23, 2007 08:28      Profile for Lady_Christy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I find that most children under the age of ten are capable of using google and the like. If he can list "internet search engine" under skills...why not, "tying my shoes", "feeding myself", "coloring inside the lines", and "going potty"...

However, this was almost as amusing as the time I was a manager and received an application with "excelent spelling and grammer skills" listed in the "Skills I Possess" section...

*sigh* [shake head]

--------------------
"There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't." :)

Posts: 207 | From: The Northwoods | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged
hal9000
Geek
Member # 9896

Icon 1 posted October 23, 2007 10:18      Profile for hal9000   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Remember my resume..... [Eek!] [Applause]

--------------------
P.E.B.K.A.C. if you can fix this, you can fix anything.

Posts: 183 | From: VA under a bridge living in a van. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged


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