Topic: The Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows:
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1659
posted January 23, 2008 06:07
The Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows:
Listen up City Slickers !
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny
to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I- 94 goes east and west, US-23 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000
corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Michigan waves. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are
coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish
after catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available
at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women,
regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak.
Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats
(includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt,
pepper, hot sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you
folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and
served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an
education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and
Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap
ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want
to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some
sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet
paper from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you
may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with
snow blades will have you out the next day.
A true Michigander will send this on!!!
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Posts: 5855 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002
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Member # 12442
posted January 30, 2008 05:03
if you know someone from Michigan, respect them, they are our first line of defense from canada
no my password is not username
Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007
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