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Author Topic: FW: Because I am a man...
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

Member Rated:
5
Icon 12 posted March 14, 2005 10:28      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmmm, they are not ALL true.... but there's hints of truth. [Razz]


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an
option. I will win.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
know where to start."

We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a
woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know,
these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice
as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire
show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator... applies to engineers mainly).
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
answer is always either sex, cars or sports. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't
need to see it.

And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards... then I will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
--

Posts: 8111 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2097

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 14, 2005 11:38      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Snaggy:
Hmmm, they are not ALL true.... but there's hints of truth. [Razz]


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an
option. I will win.
_
--

I have a good story for that one. Last year I went the Route 66 celebration in San Bernadino. On the way back I was hunting for a cycle shop. My boys and I stopped to get a soda at a store. Lo and behold guess where the keys ended up? Luckily enough for me I was taught how to break into cars at an early age by my dear ol' Dad. Hmm. Doesn't every father teach their kids how to hotwire cars?

Off came a windshield wiper (metal core). And was turned into a handy slim jim. Five minutes later me and the boys were headed home.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 14, 2005 11:51      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Heh. I remember a friend's Mom teaching me how to break into hold model Fords. Take a tennis ball, cut it in half, put the cut half of the ball over the lock cylinder, and hit it. The air being forced into the lock cylinder would push the lock up.
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Too Cool To Quit
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 2217

Icon 1 posted March 14, 2005 12:16      Profile for Too Cool To Quit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"When have us Duke boys ever needed a key to start a car?"


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!

--------------------
Alright now, that's the last straw, I'm calling the ass taxidermist to tell him to stop making hats in your size RIGHT NOW.

Posts: 1097 | From: North Carolina | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 14, 2005 12:27      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My current car has one of those microchips in the key that keeps the car from starting without it.

Translation: thieves can copy it if they get close enough to it, and replacement keys are somewhere around $200 for me to get. :S

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
magefile
Highlie
Member # 2918

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 14, 2005 13:03      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Snaggy:
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
answer is always either sex, cars or sports. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
_____________________________________________________

What are these "cars [and] sports" you speak of?

--------------------
Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

Member # 2950

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 14, 2005 14:22      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmmm, let me see,

Ask me what I'm thinking about:

Don't bother unless you care about Macs old and new and how best to interface a non USB, non ethernet, Powerbook with a USB and ethernet G4 out of the old stuff I've got lying around without buying anything else, work stuff and "Why oh why do people think Word is a suitable pre press program?", money and "why I don't ever have enough?" Cars - how long until I know I need some new front tyres and how much is it gonna cost? Sex... I think I remember a time when I used to have time to think about that....

[Big Grin] [Big Grin]

--------------------
"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1937 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Too Cool To Quit
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 2217

Icon 1 posted March 15, 2005 12:56      Profile for Too Cool To Quit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The only time I think about sex is when I'm not having any.

Like, ALL THE TIME.

--------------------
Alright now, that's the last straw, I'm calling the ass taxidermist to tell him to stop making hats in your size RIGHT NOW.

Posts: 1097 | From: North Carolina | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
greycat

Member # 945

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 16, 2005 05:18      Profile for greycat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Snaggy:
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Very true.

What women don't seem to understand is that we're looking at them, not at their clothes. The clothes are just an obstacle to be overcome.

Posts: 1522 | From: Ohio, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 16, 2005 06:05      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by greycat:
quote:
Originally posted by Snaggy:
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Very true.

What women don't seem to understand is that we're looking at them, not at their clothes. The clothes are just an obstacle to be overcome.

Even after the deed when you're trying to walk back into the room and it's dark and you trip over them.
[devil wand] [devil wand] [devil wand]

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged


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