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Author Topic: just a quick one for now!
orion
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 05:52      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A man walks into a bar. ouch. :-)
think about it...got it yet?

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 06:20      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, but unfortunately, it isn't funny.

[Wink]

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orion
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 06:27      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I will admit, its not the funniest joke you will ever hear! :-)
but we all have to start some where dont we?

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 07:51      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My favorite variant on that joke:

Two guys walk into a bar...you'd think the second would have ducked.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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orion
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 07:57      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
your version is better.
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littlefish
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 08:08      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A bloke walks into a bar, and the scene unfolds with a tedious predictability.

\thanks bill.

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orion
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 08:10      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"three blind mice walk into a bar, but our unawhere of there surroundings, and to derive humour from it would be cruel"
bill bailey rules

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DoctorWho

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 11:36      Profile for DoctorWho     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddist monk walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?".

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Laughter is like changing a baby's diapers. It doesn't solve anything but it sure improves the situation. Leo F. Buscaglia

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orion
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 13:21      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
hahahhaha
nice one crawgator!

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Serenak

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 14:08      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Have you heard about the Irishman who fell of a cliff?

All: "No? What happened...?"

He broke his flaming neck stoopid, what'd you expect?

(Best told after everyone has told their own round of "Irishman gags...)

[Big Grin]

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 15:33      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head.

Bartender says: "How may I help you."

Frog says: "You could take this wart off my butt!"


(Oldie, but you all had it comin' to ya) [Wink]

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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Chesty
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2005 17:03      Profile for Chesty         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Then he is eaten by a boobah

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orion
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 04:27      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A mint walks into a bar.
He says to the bar tender, "im the biggest, badest mint in the whole world. give me a fucking drink"
so the bar tender serves him.
and then, annother mint walks in and the first mint cowers like scardy cat.
when the second mint leaves, the bar tender says to the first mint, "I thought you were the biggest baddest mint in the whole world?"
and the mint says:
"I am, but that mint is menthol"
bada boom bada bing.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 04:51      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, and order2 2 drinks, one for him, one for the giraffe.
Then 2 more.
Then 2 more.
And so on, until the giraffe collapses in a drunken heap.
The guy then gets up and starts to leave, and the bartender says
"Hey you can't leave that lying there !"

to which the guy replies....

"That's not a lion, that's a giraffe".

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Moe Monkey
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 05:23      Profile for Moe Monkey     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A neutron walks into a bar, and promptly gets served a beer by the bartender.

The neutron says, "What do I owe you?"

And the bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"

[Big Grin]

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gapstr
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 05:48      Profile for gapstr     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A string walks into a bar, the bartender sneers down at it and says "We don't serve strings in here!", and throws the string out the door. The string ties itself into a sloppy bow and rubs itself on the sidewalk to unravel its fibers a little bit, then walks back into the bar. The bartender sees it and says "Hey, aren't you the string I just threw out of here?"

"No," the string replied, "I'm a frayed knot."

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 06:48      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Guy walks into a bar, sees a little 12" man playing the piano, and is quite amazed by it.

He asks the bartender, "how'd you get the little man playing the piano?"

Bartender says, "there's a guy in the alleyway.. he'll grant you one wish if you ask him."

The guy runs out to the alley way.. comes back SURROUNDED by ducks.. thousands and thousands of them.

He says to the bartender, "you didn't tell me the guy had a hearing problem, I asked for a million BUCKS not a million DUCKS!"

The bartender leans in real close and asks, "and you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist"?

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 08:32      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says sorry pal, we don't serve food.

/veal,waitress, all week

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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orion
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 09:08      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
wow. this is quiet a popular topic! yay for me! keep your bar jokes comming.
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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 10:01      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Roll Eyes]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 10:11      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The 5'4" cowboy hitches his horse outside the saloon, strolls in, orders a beer and drinks it down. He orders a second cold one, and this too he drinks down. His thirst quenched, he leaves the bar. While preparing to get on his horse, he notices that someone has painted the balls on his horse *yellow*.

Now he's really pissed off. He rushes into the bar and yells out in an angry voice, "Which one of you assholes painted the balls on my horse yellow"?

A huge, 6'6" ornery-looking cowpoke straightens up, downs his beer and answers, "I did. What of it"?

The little cowboy says, "I think they're ready for a second coat...". [blush]

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
orion
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 10:17      Profile for orion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
heheehhheheeh.
On the subject of jokes and that, anyone hear got ross nobels new DVD "unrealtime"?

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disgruntled goat
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Icon 7 posted February 18, 2005 11:13      Profile for disgruntled goat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A large menacing man walks into a bar. He sinks a drink then eyes everyone to the left of him: "All the guys on this side of the bar are c**ksuckers.Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone remains silent.He throws back another beer then then eyes everyone to the right of him:"All the guys on this side of the bar are motherf**kers! Okay?"
Nobody says a word.Then a small man stands up from his stool and walks towards the end of the bar. "You got a problem, pal? Shouts the beer necking madman. "Oh no," explains the punter,"I`m just on the wrong side."

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 12:38      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A guy in his early twenties leans on the bar and tells the bartender to set up 10 shots of Jack Daniels Whiskey in a row in front of him. This the bartender does and customer pays for order. He then proceeds to go right down the line, tossing back one shot after another until he finishes all ten.

The bartender says, "I can't help noticing that you seem to be celebrating something."

The young man says, "I am. Today I had my first bl**job."

"Well let me give you one on the house to help," says the bartender.

"Nah. If 10 won't kill the taste, nothing will."

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
DoctorWho

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2005 13:03      Profile for DoctorWho     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This is one of my favorites

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet"

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."

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Laughter is like changing a baby's diapers. It doesn't solve anything but it sure improves the situation. Leo F. Buscaglia

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