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Author Topic: FW: oldies but goodies
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

Member Rated:
5
Icon 10 posted March 21, 2004 22:35      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Do crematoriums give discounts for burn victims.??

 If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out of it's nose.??

 Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to.


 Could someone get addicted to counselling. If so, how could you treat them.

 Does anyone vanish with a trace.

 How can someone draw a blank.

 How is it possible to have a CIVIL war.

 If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done.


 If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butterside down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat.


 Why did kamikaze pilots wear crash helmets.

 Is it possible to be totally partial.


 If you shouted at a plant, would it still grow, only to be troubled and insecure.

 Why is abbreviation such a long word.

 What do little birdies see when they get knocked out.

 What do sheep count when they can't sleep.

 Why don't sheep shrink in the rain.

 If sign writers go on strike, what is written on their signs.


 When they ship styrofoam what do they pack it in.


 Who tows the tow trucks when they break down.

 Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an S in it.

 Why aren't there bullet-proof pants.

 Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same.

 Why does your nose run and your feet smell.

 Why don't you see baby pigeons.

 Why is there a sell-by date on sour cream.

 Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food.


 Who discovered we could milk cows, and what was he doing at the time.

Posts: 8169 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Lumina Manson
Assimilated
Member # 1868

Member Rated:
3
Icon 6 posted March 22, 2004 01:06      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
LOL on the buttered-bread/cat thing! [Razz]

--LOL, C.P.

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 22, 2004 01:24      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
here's some more details of the buttered-cat drive

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10702 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lumina Manson
Assimilated
Member # 1868

Member Rated:
3
Icon 10 posted March 22, 2004 02:52      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ROTFLMAO! That was sooo funny!!!!
BUT...
What if you just put some butter on the cat's back? Hehe, I'm going to try this with the prego cat, see if it gets the little babies out sooner. [Razz]
Did you know that you can abort baby kittens in a momma cat for $10 a kitten????

--Did you???, C.P.

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Flashfire
Assimilated
Member # 2616

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 22, 2004 14:52      Profile for Flashfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lumina Manson:

Did you know that you can abort baby kittens in a momma cat for $10 a kitten????

--Did you???, C.P.

[Eek!] [Mad] [Frown] Poor kitties. I don't think I want to know how you found that out, but...

okay, I'm fascinated. How did you find that out??

--------------------
"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
-------------------------------
My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis

Posts: 368 | From: State of Denial | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
eDJ
Geek
Member # 1950

Icon 2 posted March 22, 2004 20:47      Profile for eDJ     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Why does your nose run and your feet smell.
I would guess it's because you're upside down. [crazy]

eDJ

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I don't give a shit...I don't take any shit. I'm not in the shit business.

Posts: 131 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Lumina Manson
Assimilated
Member # 1868

Member Rated:
3
Icon 9 posted March 23, 2004 01:24      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My aunt is a vet. That's how I found out. But this is a Catholic house, although the cat is not Catholic, it has been blessed during the precession of the Blessing of the Animals, so it's Catholic one day out of the year. Ergo, no abortions for the second batch of rainbow kittens. [Big Grin]
Still laughing over the whole bread thing...

--Heheh, C.P.

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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
sconzey
Assimilated
Member # 2347

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 29, 2004 11:28      Profile for sconzey     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lumina Manson:
ROTFLMAO! That was sooo funny!!!!
BUT...
What if you just put some butter on the cat's back?

Been done before... More on the buttered bread and cat problem...

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2_21.html#subindex

It is also proven that the probability of something striking the carpet is directly proportional to the difficulty to remove that substance.

More on the website.

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"Violence is the last resort of the incompetent."
--Isaac Asimov

Posts: 490 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged


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