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Author Topic: The girlfriend box
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 12:13      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was going through some boxes of stuff, sorting out what to keep and what to throw away today and I came across the girlfriend box. A simple box, half full of manila envelopes, each of which is labeled with a name. Inside each envelope are the little mementos that I've kept from that relationship.

There are pictures, of course, and cards. A broken lace shoelace (remember those from the 80s?) which has a very private story attached to it. Michelle's AD&D character sheet and a single earring... I introduced her to role playing and the other earring was lost while we were riding rides at a carnival. A keychain with a wooden heart with my name on one side and Nicole's on the other along with a breakup note that was never sent because Nicole broke up with me first. A thanksgiving card covered with writing from Crista whom, I am ashamed to say, I hurt very badly. Quite a lot of other stuff too.

It's odd to see all the things I've kept to remember past relationships. In some ways I want to throw these things away and put it all behind me, but I also cherish them. I don't know what I'll do with them.

Do any of you keep mementos like this? Have you ever thrown them all away?

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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Ugh, MightyClub
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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 12:29      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My list of relationships is very short. However, I did keep a picture of the girl I took to my senior prom well after Mrs. Club and I were firmly established as a couple. Despite the fact this girl quite probably used me simply to gain admittance to the prom. Damn geek lust.

Anyway, keeping that picture did nothing for me, really, but it did irritate Mrs. Club and became a weapon for her in a few arguments. So the thought I'm trying (with a poor signal:noise ratio) to squeeze out here is that holding on to memories and mementos of previous relationships is not helpful. Regret for things left undone, or done poorly, doesn't really help you move forward. Yearning for things lost does not get them back. And quite possibly the memories will make it harder for you to form new relationships, whether you realize it yourself or not.

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Ugh!

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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 12:37      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have the odd photo or whatnot, but I honestly have no idea where they are. I think I could safely say that after 10 years of marriage there's not much point in keeping them [Big Grin]

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

Posts: 1192 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 12:57      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Like any good serial killer, I tend to save trophy items from the girls I've devoured over the years.
Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ugh, MightyClub
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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 13:19      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That comment gives a new perspective on "girlfriend box", Cap'n [Eek!]

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Ugh!

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Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 13:28      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by WinterSolstice:
I have the odd photo or whatnot, but I honestly have no idea where they are. I think I could safely say that after 10 years of marriage there's not much point in keeping them [Big Grin]

What I remember was that you really never had anything like that, anyway. You lived out of a chest. I saw a couple pictures of the girl who ran with you in High School and the band groupie/keyboardist who became a pothead. Never saw the Mormon chick or your football-loving stalker. Mostly it was parakeets, horse stuff, and the gorgeous harp you built. And your computer.

Actually, LOTS of pictures of your computer. More than the girls, to tell you the truth.

Honestly, between my flight from the midwest with three duffel bags and five boxes of mailed stuff (most of which broke) and your exit from that tiny crappy apartment with your guitars, amps, clothing, and chest, we really had nothing from our previous lives when we ended up together. Well, except the truth and a mutual familiarity of unpleasant memories of family and exes.

Hell, I look at my high school yearbook and wonder why I keep it these days. It holds nothing for me any longer. If the girlfriend box holds something for you, then keep it. If not, then don't.

Helping my friend move, she filled a box of the guy's stuff and told him to get it after her apartment was flooded. He didn't, and it got rained on and mildewed.


Oh, and no, we don't have anything from exes except my son from my first marriage. I have things for my kid from that (my wedding ring among them), but I have no "keepsakes" from relationships simply because it would mean I wasn't invested in the relationship I currently have with my husband. While others can handle keeping things and not holding to nostalgia, I would. So, I don't hold on to things like that.

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 13:29      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Like any good serial killer, I tend to save trophy items from the girls I've devoured over the years.

I've got a whole wardrobe! [Smile]

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 13:33      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Like any good serial killer, I tend to save trophy items from the girls I've devoured over the years.

I've got a whole wardrobe! [Smile]
Made of exes . . . ? [Eek!]

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

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boo
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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 19:20      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Steen, you little Casanova, you. [Razz] If they still have meaning to you, I'd say continue to hang on to them. Eventually, they may not. No harm done. [Smile]
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Mel
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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 19:48      Profile for Mel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm very crafty, so my boyfriend has a ton of stuff he has saved in a big box, which includes many handmade cards, a handmade easter bunny, a journal I kept for a year that recorded all the sweet things he did for me or dates we went on, calendars with photos I took for each month, love notes, cheesy poems, a ring I made for him out of masking tape with writing on it when we were bored, etc. etc. etc.

Most of the gifts he gave me I can wear (jewelry, clothing, undies, etc.), so I don't have to worry about a stashing stuff away. I've been dating him since I was 15, so we both have tons of stuff!

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nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted April 17, 2007 23:46      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've had one serious relationship in my life, and it was a stupid puppy-love one that ended horribly. Any other prospects I've terminated within a week because the other party seemed too clingy. I'm not a very "gifty" (but certainly very gifted [Razz] ) guy, so I tend to shy away from giving or receiving gifts. Photographs are a different idea, but I have a good memory so I don't really need them.


Of course, one thing that kind of put me on edge a while back (I still have no idea why) was when I was going through my old B&W G3's harddrive (which is twice as big as my iMac G5's, and thus warrants a transfer to an external USB enclosure...), I found the chat logs between me and my original SO. A brief summary of them is as follows:

month -1: discussion of mutual interests, movies, mutual friends
month 0: declaration and acceptance of mutual affection, discussion of terms for upcoming relationship.
months 1-6: romantic inanities, probably lowered my IQ by a significant amount
months 7-18: "I love you"s, "Lets get our kinky freak on in your mom's basement"s
month 18 + 5 hours: "I don't think we should be togther any more" (coming from her)
month 19: verbal abuse (coming from me)

end of dialogue.

I remember at one point a couple months later she found out that I had started seriously partying (as in, alcohol became involved) and told me to stop. I told her that she no longer got to make suggestions as to the improvement of my personal habits because she was a harlot. Tears on her part, smiles on mine.


It was all a bunch of stupid immaturity, and any possible relationships after that have been initiated by physical attraction and ended by a distaste for commitment on my part. I refuse to sign on to a long-term contract with any woman I meet, and will instead say that all a relationship means is that we are exclusive- it can be terminated at any time by either party.

Sound like a bunch of legalese? Well, yeah, it is, but it helps avoid confusion.

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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skylar
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 02:20      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The problem I have is, what to do with old mementos that you actually need and use?

For example, before my current relationship began, I spent about a year crushing massively and destructively on one of my best friends. For my 21st birthday, said friend gave me a pen. Not just any pen, though - a gorgeous and ridiculously expensive Lamy... the kind of pen you will use and keep for life. It quickly became my default pen for pretty much everything.

The problem is now, that my boyfriend winces every time I get this pen out to write something with. He never says anything about it specifically, but I know he has problems with my past whatever-it-was with the other guy... a fact which is further complicated because they happen to be really good mates. So now I feel really guilty. But it feels like a crime to stop using the pen. [Geek]

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"arm, aber geeky"

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boo
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 07:09      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Seems simple enough. If your current relationship is fairly serious, it should be more important to you than past relationships. Out of respect for your boyfriend, don't use it. At the very least, don't use it in his presence, save it for when you're alone.
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Stereo

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Icon 12 posted April 18, 2007 08:53      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
The problem is now, that my boyfriend winces every time I get this pen out to write something with. He never says anything about it specifically, but I know he has problems with my past whatever-it-was with the other guy... a fact which is further complicated because they happen to be really good mates. So now I feel really guilty. But it feels like a crime to stop using the pen. [Geek]

Easy: give the pen back to your ex (so at least the pen won't go unused), then nag your present boyfriend to give you another (better?) one. [Big Grin] (Or you could also reverse the order, so you always have a good pen with you. [evil] )

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Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 08:56      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If I were said current boyfriend, and I had an issue with it, I'd get a really sweet pen with a nice romantic engraving on it.

Two birds, one stone [Smile]

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 09:44      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Throw it away, and move on.
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 10:04      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Like stereo said, tell your current bf to buy you a new pen or you'll stab him through the heart with you old bf's pen. A win-win situation.
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skylar
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 10:16      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So you guys think I should value my boyfriend over a really kick-ass writing utensil? [Eek!] [Eek!]

What kind of 'geeky' forum is this???

[Wink]

Seriously, though... I think you're probably right. It winds me up that an inanimate object should be such a problem, but hey, you have to compromise sometimes [ohwell] ... I might just take boo's suggestion and use it when he's not around [evil]

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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 10:23      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No, I think the pen is more important. It's clearly his problem, not yours.

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

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Ugh, MightyClub
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 11:27      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't think there is any one answer that would work for all relationships in the case of the fancy pen. If it truly bothers your boyfriend (and I can understand where he's coming from; the feeling is not rational, but it is real) then you have to compare the monetary value of the pen to the intangible value of your relationship. Toss the less valuable of the two.

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Ugh!

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 11:33      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Stop using the pen in his presence. If he asks, tell him you lost it and you'd very much like a new one, of similar quality or better. If he doesn't ask, next time you're due for a present (birthday or whatever) tell him you'd like a very nice pen.

What I keep depends on how the relationship went/ended and how useful the item is to me. My current bf used to grumble about a certain poster on my wall and a certain T-shirt I wear, but we've been together long enough that he's gotten over it (that and I've never griped about any of the mementos of previous relationships he keeps around). In the end, both parties have to understand that the past is the past, that decisions were made, and now this is the present.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 12:51      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Seriously - who's feeling of self-worth is contingent on something like that? That's like being all freaked out because your SO had sex before they met you. It happens. Deal.

I still say he needs to get you a better pen or shut up [Big Grin]

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 13:49      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Skylar - if your man doesn't like to see you using the Lamy, tell him you would "retire" the pen if you had a decent alternative.

If he turns up one day with a Rotring, you know that things will be ok.

If he turns up with a MontBlanc, that may not be such a good sign. [Wink]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 17:53      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The question is really: what is more important, a good pen or your BF's feelings?

I'll advoate for both the "give me something better to write with" and the "use it when he's not around" advice. If, however, you get a new pen from your guy -- stop using the old one.

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boo
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted April 18, 2007 19:26      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by WinterSolstice:
Seriously - who's feeling of self-worth is contingent on something like that?

His, apparently. To me, people are far more important that objects, so his feelings should be valued more than some stupid pen, no matter how nice it is. If she can't do that, than she probably doesn't like him as much as she thinks she does, lol.

But I would NOT recommend telling him to get you another pen. [Confused] That just seems tacky.

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