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Author Topic: newest g/f :)
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 209

Icon 10 posted April 20, 2004 21:36      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, my best friend eric was dating this girl named shana for quite a long time. like three years. shana wanted to set me up with her childhood best friend. i was told she has a great personality and a pretty face. i was quite suspicious of this description, but i said why not. so they set us up a double date to go out to his lake for a candlelit dinner
So eric and shana pick me up, and we go to this girls house to pick her up. I am totally unprepared, but out of this house comes a girl in a wheelchair.
So i am pissed. They failed to mention this important fact.
We get her into Eric's Expedition and head out to the lake as the sun is setting.
As we rode there and throughout dinner, we really hit it off. She WAS one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. I thought she was great.
So eric and shana go off from us and leave us alone. And we keep talking.
Amanda starts telling me what happened to her about how she slipped and fell on some stairs and how she is paralyzed from the waste down the rest of her life.
The whole time I heard this story I couldn't stop stairing at her, because she was very attractive in the face.
I was thinking she could be a face model
So, anyhow, she begins to tell me how self-conscious she is and this sad story about she doesn't think she will ever find a guy who is interested in her and would want to have sex with her.
Me, being the nice guy that I am, begin to feel sympathy with her.
We talk a little more and have some more wine. And eventually I felt the urge to kiss her, so I did.
We were laying on this blanket, and we start kissing more. I realize that I am really attracted to this girl as we lay down. The paralysis thing isn't obvious.
But as we get hot and heavy, she asks me to stop for minute. And asks, "are we going to do this?' i say, sure.
so she asks me the weirdest question, she wanted to have sex upright.
i think it is weird, but im into whatever, standing up
so i lean her against this tree, but she can't support herself. so i take off my belt and sort of tie her to the tree
so she is tied to this tree and we do it. and it was great.
shortly thereafter, eric and shana come back.
i am in bliss.
they ask what we are so happy about and everyone laughs
so we get into the car, and go back to her house to drop her off.
on the way back, we talk about how we want to meet again.
when we get to her house, i took her out and put her into her wheelchair and roll her up to the door.
i gave her a kiss at the door and her dad comes out.
he looked all pissed like i was some biker dude ruining his daughter
you know, overly protective and all.
so she goes inside and her dad asked to have a word with me.
so im thinking im going to get the whole "dont ever see my daughter again speech."
so she goes and we close the door. and her dad stares me in a face and gives me a $20 bill. so i say, "i dont need that, it was my pleasure. i enjoyed taking her out. you dont need to give me money."
he says no, keep it. and i ask him what for?


he says, " the last guy left her tied to the tree."

ba-dum tshhh! [Big Grin]

sorry, but if i put this in the joke section, none of you would have fallen as you just did [Wink]

Things are always darkest... just before you pull your head out of your butt, void where prohibited, keep away from flame, surcharge(s) may apply.

www.harddriveHELL.com and demoniclemon.com

Posts: 1906 | From: nowhere, man | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Member # 1261

Icon 1 posted April 21, 2004 01:39      Profile for Alan!     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
um, its kind of a waste of my time to write 'that's crap', but seriously, that's crap.


Two rabbis, a priest, and an awkward silence after there's no intelligible punch line to this joke, walk into a bar.

Posts: 219 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 2 posted April 21, 2004 08:42      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Originally posted by Alan!:
um, its kind of a waste of my time to write 'that's crap', but seriously, that's crap.

No surprise, look who posted it.

(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1089

Member Rated:
Icon 1 posted April 21, 2004 08:59      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yup, it's crap - and old. It's the Michael Douglas* of jokes.

*(A gentleman whom I witnessed using the word 'unequivocably' the other day.)

Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6530 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Member # 2225

Icon 8 posted April 21, 2004 14:37      Profile for defiant     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
< next time use a condom, lover boy >
Posts: 190 | From: Switzerland | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 2669

Rate Member
Icon 12 posted April 21, 2004 21:47      Profile for WispyGhost     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Eh, I thought it was funny.

Death is inevitable, why fight it?

Posts: 3 | From: United States of Embarassment | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
MTB Babe
Member # 2297

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Icon 2 posted April 22, 2004 05:54      Profile for MTB Babe   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I skipped all of the crap in the middle THANK GAWD

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ee-ana-jaad. Nayanajaad.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

Posts: 1003 | From: State College, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Member # 1226

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Icon 10 posted April 22, 2004 09:32      Profile for crazyarlo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Good lord help me. I thought it was funny too.....
Posts: 238 | From: Southern Ohio ... SURF OHIO, BABY! | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Punk Rawk Poet
Member # 2174

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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2004 16:35      Profile for Punk Rawk Poet     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
this was supposed to be funny?

The cat came back...
~A song from my primary school days

Posts: 447 | From: Boringville , USA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged

Member # 945

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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2004 13:08      Profile for greycat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I realized it was untrue as soon as he got to the sex part. Also, seeing the large blank area toward the end gave it away, even without seeing the text that followed it. There would be no need to hide information like that in a true anecdote.
Posts: 1522 | From: Ohio, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged

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