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Author
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Topic: The Best Advice Ever! ::rolleyes::
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Lumina Manson
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Member # 1868
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posted March 22, 2004 01:58
I'm going on a date with my boyfriend Tuesday and my dad want to meet him. He gave me these pearls of wisdom in the past about some other boyfriends, so I felt compelled to share them with everyone. (Mind you, he's an old-fashioned cynical senior citizen that was in the Army for 12 years):
"Shit rolls downhill, don't let me catch you and him on the bottom"
"Don't bullshit the bullshitter"
"I'm going to squeez his ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) and if he can whistle while I do that, he can date you"
"Don't touch on him what you don't have yourself"
"If you come home with a mark on you, I'll go over there and do the same to him"
"If he calls me sir, it's all over for him"
"If he drops you off late, he'll have to talk to me for that long"
"I've played the same little games you have, I've been on this earth for 53 years!"
(and it shows, eh?)
"If he makes you cry, I'll make him cry"
"If he picks you up in a van, I'll make you two walk"
"Switch your drinks if you left it alone, that way if he spiked it, he'll go down"
Dad:"What are you two doing?"
Me & BF: "Nothing"
Dad: "Let's keep it that way"
What's the best advice your parents ever gave you?
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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!
Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002
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The Famous Druid
Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769
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posted March 22, 2004 04:06
<wise-old-druid>
Well, with my (mumble) years of experience, I can offer the following gems of wisdom...
Large carnivores have right of way.
Large herbivores have right of way.
The teenager with the machine-gun is always right
Do not dismiss the advice of experts lightly.
A sound practical knowledge of the laws of physics is very valuable.
Nothing is ever as hard as it seems.
Nothing is ever as easy as it seems.
Stay clear of Argentinian whisky, Peruvian champagne, and American coffee.
Never, ever, let the bully win (unless he's a teenager with a machine-gun).
The task gets easier when you stop trying to prove it's impossible.
Never trust the advice of old farts.
</wise-old-druid>
Posts: 10313 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002
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spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted March 22, 2004 04:10
Never re-hash a thread that has already been posted to death, but hasn't been updated within a timeframe exceeding the goldfish-like attention span of the MTV generation.
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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)
Posts: 6509 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002
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Alan!
Geek
Member # 1261
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posted March 22, 2004 06:33
ease up tiger
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Alan!
Two rabbis, a priest, and an awkward silence after there's no intelligible punch line to this joke, walk into a bar.
Posts: 219 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Apr 2002
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MTB Babe
SuperBlabberMouth!
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posted March 22, 2004 07:09
Do unto others...with gusto!
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Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ee-ana-jaad. Nayanajaad.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Posts: 1001 | From: State College, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2003
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spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted March 22, 2004 07:11
Or rather, "Do unto others... then leggit!"
Posts: 6509 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002
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Grey_girl
Member # 2172
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posted March 22, 2004 08:47
53 years old does not make someone a senior citizen. And any former serviceman would appreciate being called "Sir."
Sorry.
Posts: 764 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2003
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Cap'n Vic
Member # 1477
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posted March 22, 2004 09:34
quote:
Originally posted by Grey_girl:
............And any former serviceman would appreciate being called "Sir."
No.....very wrong. I was an NCO, and would freak if someone called me sir.
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(!) (T) = 8-D
Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002
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GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted March 22, 2004 09:44
quote:
Originally posted by Grey_girl:
And any former serviceman would appreciate being called "Sir."
Sorry.
*cough* haven't you ever heard the "Don't call me sir, I actually work for a living?" rant.
Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002
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Grey_girl
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posted March 22, 2004 10:04
Hmmm... growing up as I did, the child of both a genuine (AARP member) senior citizen and a career serviceman, "Sir" and "Ma'am" were mandatory. Dad was an NCO, perhaps I should have said "some" or even "most," or "of that generation," but I'm not wrong, Vic. I know I taught my son to use both "Sir" and "Ma'am" regardless of situation. It's just plain good manners. And GM, no, I've never heard that.
Posts: 764 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2003
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Xanthine
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736
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posted March 22, 2004 13:38
Um, my 53 year-old dad would probably cream anyone who called him a senior citizen. He'd probably appreciate the sir, but hat would depend on who said it and how.
My parents didn't teach me to refer to people as ma'am or sir. That was something I picked up as an EMT. Being polite and respectful helps calm people down.
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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists
Posts: 7665 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001
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csk
Member # 1941
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posted March 22, 2004 14:18
quote:
Originally posted by Alan!:
ease up tiger
Are you giving him Spungo some advice, or trying to diversify his animal tastes? ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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6 weeks to go!
Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003
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ooby
Highlie
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posted March 22, 2004 15:22
"Watch out for the clap."
Wait that wasn't my parents. That was Jimmy Dougan.
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"haven't you ever wondered if there's more to life than being really, really, rediculously good looking?"
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Dr Cyclops
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posted March 22, 2004 21:30
Dad:"You join the service and I'll kick you ass!"
Thanks, paps ![[Smile]](smile.gif) !
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When the W'rkncacnter came, Pthia was killed, and Yrro in anger, flung the W'rkncacnter into the sun. The sun burned them, but they swam on its surface.
Posts: 499 | From: Upon the slab, Unbroken. | Registered: Nov 2001
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Lumina Manson
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posted March 23, 2004 01:10
Hehehe, the "Sir" remark was kind of an inside joke, I'll let you all in:
When I was dating this one guy in High School, I was trying to hide it from my dad. I had a party and my boyfriend's best friend come over and called my dad "Sir" to try to make a good impression on him. Well, my dad told me after they left that he didn't trust the friend because he was trying to kiss up to him by calling him sir, and that the guy was going to try to take me away from my boyfriend. I thought he was crazy, but he turned out to be right!
And me poppy already got his AARP card, and he couldn't wait for that because now he's technically a senior citizen. Why was he so excited? Because he now gets all sorts of dicounts! He's cynical and cheap! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
He gave me a new one today:
"If you don't help around the house more, I'll punch your cat!"
This made me laugh more than anything!
--Poor old coot, C.P.
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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!
Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002
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Smurf Boy
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posted March 23, 2004 09:24
"I got married once, don't make the same mistake."
About 30/70 kidding/serious.
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I didn't spend all that time playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.
Posts: 26 | From: The Land of Heat | Registered: Jan 2004
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TMBWITW,PB
Member # 1734
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posted March 23, 2004 13:23
Hmm. I would think "I got married twice, don't make the same mistake." would be better advice. But then I'm still a newlywed so I cant' see a downside yet.
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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy
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Lumina Manson
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Member # 1868
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posted March 24, 2004 01:43
Marry the first time for love, the second time for money.
--Grandma's Advice, C.P.
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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!
Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002
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Flashfire
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posted March 25, 2004 20:53
The best advice I've ever gotten was:
"Don't have sex while on Ecstacy."
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"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
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My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis
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Dr Cyclops
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posted March 25, 2004 21:10
"Don't snort heroin." ![[crazy]](graemlins/crazy.gif)
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When the W'rkncacnter came, Pthia was killed, and Yrro in anger, flung the W'rkncacnter into the sun. The sun burned them, but they swam on its surface.
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nekomatic
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posted March 26, 2004 02:23
quote:
Originally posted by Flashfire:
The best advice I've ever gotten was:
"Don't have sex while on Ecstacy."
Never having tried (Ecstacy, that is)... why? What happens?? ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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Lumina Manson
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posted March 26, 2004 03:12
I've never tried it either (having sex while on ecstasy). I know that if you do enough, your jaw locks and you have to go through the day looking like you have a mental problem. That's what the pacifiers are for.
--Some info, C.P.
Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002
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csk
Member # 1941
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posted March 26, 2004 05:34
quote:
Originally posted by Lumina Manson:
I've never tried it either (having sex while on ecstasy). I know that if you do enough, your jaw locks and you have to go through the day looking like you have a mental problem.
Damn, obviously I've never done enough sex in a day to make that happen. How much do you have to do?
Oh, you meant enough ecstacy...
Actually, I've had facial spasms as a side effect of some anti-psych drugs I was taking once. Not fun, especially since the psych should have known to prescribe the anti side effect drug along with the anti-psych ![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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6 weeks to go!
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Flashfire
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posted March 26, 2004 14:37
quote:
Originally posted by nekomatic:
quote:
Originally posted by Flashfire:
The best advice I've ever gotten was:
"Don't have sex while on Ecstacy."
Never having tried (Ecstacy, that is)... why? What happens??
Ecstacy is a drug that releases all the serotonin (the neurotransmitter that makes you feel happy) in your brain in one fell swoop. So basically, you feel like you just won the lottery, and that everyone around you has also just won the lottery. You feel happy, connected and close to all the people you see; basically in love with the world. Therapists used to use it as a facilitator during counseling before it was banned.
Anyway, I digress. The upshot is, since you feel so close to everyone while on it, the sex you have will be the best you ever had -- and will never be that good again. Ever. Even good sex will pale in comparison. Not worth it, IMO.
Though I've often wondered what would happen if you took MDMA (Ecstacy) and a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) drug like Prozac together... Ecstacy releases the serotonin, Prozac prevents it from being reabsorbed...hmm, possibilities...
--Flash, fun with illegal chemistry! (Don't try this at home)
Edit: I am in no way advocating the use of illegal or controlled substances, this is hypothetical only.
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"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
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My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis
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