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» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » Girls, Girls, Girls!   » Damsels In Distress?! (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Damsels In Distress?!
Just_Jess_B

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Icon 2 posted February 11, 2007 22:01      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My biggest gripe right now with more than a few women is this freaking Prince Charming syndrome some women are going through.

Firstly, they think they don't need to change anything about themselves. Secondly, they want a penis and testes that's attached to a shopaholic woman. Thirdly, they also want this woman-man to be a studly guy who can eat hot nails and who bends battleships with his amazing muscular manliness. Fourthly, he needs to be a bajillionaire who was once a playboy yet is now in twoo wuv with her, only her, never ever no one else.

Did I mention the man has to be perfect? Oh, and can be put away like a vacuum cleaner, I guess.

Right now, I am so frustrated with women and girls who traipse through life blaming men for not being . . . I don't even know! Do I just cover my face with my hands and shake my head in frustration then move on and away from this insanity? Do I try to help? And is it wrong to tell men, "RUN! RUN FAST AND FAR AWAY!!"?

I'm assuming all the women here won't have that problem, but I know the guys are probably driven mad by the psycho girls who want them to contort like Stretch Armstrong yet won't give at all because she needs to be accepted as she is because that's just insensitive if you don't think she's perfect immediately!

This comes off of a frustrated three-years'-friend-who-now-really-is-a-psycho-stalker situation.

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted February 11, 2007 22:33      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hahaha

Testosterone on demand with a love of fine man bags.

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Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
ScholasticSpastic
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Icon 1 posted February 11, 2007 23:44      Profile for ScholasticSpastic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Is there any better learning process for your psycho-friend than trial and error? It seems she's looking for a chimera of a sort that has never existed, perhaps she'll choose more realistic search parameters after she fails to find anyone that fits her current prereqs.

It's also quite possible that she doesn't wish to be in a relationship right now and so has chosen to demand from men a collection of traits that can never all be found in one place. Sometimes people don't want to admit to themselves that they're afraid of relationships and they do things like that.

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"As in repeating a well-known song, so in instincts, one action follows another by a sort of rhythm; if a person be interrupted in a song, or in repeating anything by rote, he is generally forced to go back to recover the habitual train of thought..." (Darwin, The Origin of Species)

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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 02:08      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
 -

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 03:44      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The corollary of this is the illusion that a man's character can be changed by the magical transforming power of a woman's love into anything she wants. In my experience it was usually some version of their father they wanted you to be, but of course without the authority. It is very hard not to bend yourself out of shape, and try to suppress important parts of your character when the one you love really wants it, but it always ends badly. Love does however have a transforming power. If someone is loved and accepted for what they are, it gives them the courage to change things in themselves they dislike, but of course the moment you try to dictate the direction of that change, you are withdrawing the unconditional love and acceptance that made it possible in the first place.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 08:34      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ScholasticSpastic:
Is there any better learning process for your psycho-friend than trial and error? It seems she's looking for a chimera of a sort that has never existed, perhaps she'll choose more realistic search parameters after she fails to find anyone that fits her current prereqs.

Not if she's watched too many sitcoms and romantic comedies and completely swallowed the whole fairy-tale the media feeds us. This is one of the moments when I'm so glad I grew up without television and to this day don't own or really care to watch one (hand me a remote and I'll either give it to someone else or hit the power button). I've managed to dodge trainloads of bullshit social conditioning. It's nice.

quote:
It's also quite possible that she doesn't wish to be in a relationship right now and so has chosen to demand from men a collection of traits that can never all be found in one place. Sometimes people don't want to admit to themselves that they're afraid of relationships and they do things like that.
Got a friend like that, but she's honest enough with herself that she's not stalking anyone. She just sticks to daydreams, and, honestly, I can see why she'd prefer it that way.

The typical problem I have in relationships is the other way around - I'll accept the guy, warts and all (if I don't like the warts, I don't start anything) - but then he wants to change me. I've had rounds and rounds with my boyfriend about this. No one's going to change unless they want to, and that desire comes from within. No amount of nagging is going to bring someone around - in fact, in my case, it just makes me pissed off and stubborn. Amazingly enough, I've managed to out-stubborn him and he basically lets me be my quirky self. God knows what will happen if/when we move in together, but I think, as long as he respects my need for quiet/alone time, we'll be okay (I gotta have time to myself, otherwise I start losing my mind).

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 09:57      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
The typical problem I have in relationships is the other way around - I'll accept the guy, warts and all (if I don't like the warts, I don't start anything) - but then he wants to change me.

Absolutely true.

I've been through my share of men who think that, by scoring more than one date with me, they've "tamed" me, and now that I've been exposed to their superior manliness, I can stop gallivanting around with those silly hobbies and settle down with a tube of lipstick and a baking pan. [Roll Eyes]

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 10:17      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Demosthenes wrote:
I've been through my share of men who think that, by scoring more than one date with me, they've "tamed" me, and now that I've been exposed to their superior manliness, I can stop gallivanting around with those silly hobbies and settle down with a tube of lipstick and a baking pan. [Roll Eyes]

You may not do the lipstick, but you have repeatedly mentioned making your own special brownies...

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WinterSolstice

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Icon 10 posted February 12, 2007 10:24      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, see, if you're dating a guy who likes cooked lipstick... [Wink]

But seriously I think you have to go into a relationship the same way you go into a mortgage or any other contract.

What do you want from it? (realistically)
What are you willing to give up for it?
What can you put up with/tolerate?
Why are you really doing it?

I think these are required before you commit to anything more than some simple fun.

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 11:32      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by WinterSolstice:
But seriously I think you have to go into a relationship the same way you go into a mortgage or any other contract.

I disagree; asking these big, committed questions takes a lot of the fun and spontaneity out of the whole ordeal. Roll with it and answer the questions as they come up, and make statements and compromises accordingly...lest you end up dwelling on those bullet points. It's a relationship with a fellow human being, not a trip to the used car dealership, and you really can't deal with the two the same way.

(PS, Steen, I bake those brownies for me, if anyone wants some, they'd better start groveling. [Big Grin] )

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SpazGirl
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 12:31      Profile for SpazGirl   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What if I just ask nicely? Would that work?
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Reedius
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 12:46      Profile for Reedius     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well what i think is this, if girls want a nice guy they should find a geek/nerd generally they are the ones who won't do stupid things like cheating and other things wemen complain.
For guys i just can say two things, you have to really love her and she has to like things you like too.
My love philosophy is: just find your soul mate and the rest comes with the wind, I don't think it's good to have a lot of girl/boyfriends because unless he/she is the one it won't be worth it, unless your into it beacause of the sex part.
These are my honest thoughts. [Smile]

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Geek or Nerd?

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atayarani
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 13:12      Profile for atayarani     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think the fundamental problem is that in evolutionary terms, the female of any species has two sets of requirements. One for the conception of the offspring, and another for raising the offspring.

That's why some girls say they want a nice guy, but end up dating a jerk. The nice guy is who they want to end up with in the long-term, but he isn't nearly interesting enough for the short-term.

I'm not saying this is always the case, but just that it's an evolutionary urge that's hard to overcome.

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Reedius
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 13:17      Profile for Reedius     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm a very rational guy and try always to do the most rational,logical and right thing to do and i don't understand why a girl prefers as you said in a short-term a jerk than in a long-term the nice guy, it's totally obvious that the nice guy is the right choice, i guess that's why we keep saying that wemen are more complicated to understand than the meaning of life [Confused]

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Geek or Nerd?

Posts: 55 | From: aveiro, portugual | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged
Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 13:20      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Reedius:
Well what i think is this, if girls want a nice guy they should find a geek/nerd generally they are the ones who won't do stupid things like cheating and other things wemen complain.

*incorrect answer buzzer*

One of the sweetest and most forthright men I've dated was anything but geeky, and a few of the worst I've been involved with were geeks. (Can you say rampant unprotected cheating, alcoholism, attempted emotional manipulation, attempted sexual assault, attempted assault with a deadly, emotionally and sexually selfish, living in a fantasy world, still living with their parents, unemployed and not bothering to look, still hung up on their last five ex-girlfriends, thinking that an Everquest raid is more important than letting your girlfriend in the front door during a rainstorm, or just using me as a meal ticket? Because I definitely can.)

Every subculture is full of scum, geeks and jocks alike. Dating dudes who are into Babylon 5 or Final Fantasy is not a one-way ticket to Happy Relationshipsville. Geeks have issues; often different issues from the rest of the dating pool, but different != tolerable.

I'm a geek. I'm argumentative, stubborn, often casually violent, sexually demanding, impulsive, morose, and quick to anger. I come packaged with creepy pets, creepy friends, and a "chronic" drug habit. (Pun absolutely intended.) I have issues that many a person wouldn't be able to deal with. I would hate for someone to be disappointed, because, after all, I'm a geek! I would never do anything to make my significant other complain!

The bottom line? Don't look for a geek, a punk, a jock, or an artist. Look for someone who's honest and communicative.

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WinterSolstice

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Icon 14 posted February 12, 2007 13:54      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Word.

Seriously, I have to agree with you there. I know that some geeks are all innocent and sweet, but they certainly are no exception from the norm. There's no official "geek mindset" or whatever that makes them better.

Everyone has issues, and you really need to take them case by case.

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

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Reedius
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 13:59      Profile for Reedius     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Demosthenes, I guess you're right and you left me speechless.lol [Wink]

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Geek or Nerd?

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 14:07      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Reedius wrote:
Demosthenes, I guess you're right and you left me speechless.lol [Wink]

She has that effect on people... and it doesn't always involve a ball gag.

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 16:41      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:

The bottom line? Don't look for a geek, a punk, a jock, or an artist. Look for someone who's honest and communicative.

This I couldn't agree more with.
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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 16:59      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Of course, honest and communicative people are almost as hard to find as the magical prince charming who farts rainbows... I've know people who seemed honest and forthright until the chips were down and it was too late. Then it's just lies and weaseling.

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 17:30      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, you gotta start somewhere...
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WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 17:33      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by BooBooKitty:
Well, you gotta start somewhere...

I think the point (at least the one I'm trying to make) is that there are no perfect "types" of people. Just do what you like doing, and if you find someone you get along with, set some basic warning buzzers (lies, always in trouble, always in debt, etc) and go for it.

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2007 17:36      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Of course! Always keep an eye out for those red flags.
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ScholasticSpastic
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Icon 1 posted February 13, 2007 09:50      Profile for ScholasticSpastic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Note to self: stop trying to communicate with women using semaphores. Red flags = turnoff.

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"As in repeating a well-known song, so in instincts, one action follows another by a sort of rhythm; if a person be interrupted in a song, or in repeating anything by rote, he is generally forced to go back to recover the habitual train of thought..." (Darwin, The Origin of Species)

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nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted February 13, 2007 11:16      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ScholasticSpastic:
Note to self: stop trying to communicate with women using semaphores. Red flags = turnoff.

Shared memory segments are pretty dangerous, too.

[Geek]

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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