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Author
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Topic: GUYS! How to tell if a 30 year old geek likes you
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girlygirl
Mini Geek
Member # 4886
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posted May 18, 2006 09:22
First of all I would like to thank everybody from the bottom of my heart, in particularly Mochan and Rhonwynn, for their dedication to my cause =)
Things actually got really screwed up during our trip as you can read below from an exerpt from a private Xanga post (It's only public here on Geek Culture so it's totally candid as it gets!).
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THE KING OF JERKS
I'm back from Europe, and definitely wiser.
I will write a more detailed public entry on the future on the wonders of my travels, but this entry is the mere purpose of telling you guys that I have yet again been duped by yet another freakin jerk of a horndog, only this time it was in the guise of a stupid geek.
Yes this is what inspired my long entry on the virtues of dating someone who was supposedly so obviously clueless about dating that you, as the more experienced and mature gal who was sick of dating the superjerks and bad boys, decided to give a chance just because he seemed just so darn sweet to turn down.
Wrong I was.
I am never going to date another colleague. I am never jumping into another relationship without thinking clearly (2 rebounds and counting..deary..what is wrong with me??). And I am never going against my good ol' common sense again.
To be clear I broke it off on the 4th night in our first night in Paris. I've just had enough of his whininess and sulking, not to mention his constant lack of affection, but inhibition when it comes down to asking me lewdly to take off my clothes. It all came as a surprise as this supposedly gentleman in a shirt & tie was no longer my prince in a frog custume, but merely an ugly toad that wouldn't go away and I had to put up with for twenty-one long, lonely days.
For the mere sake of necessity we stuck by each other and every moment that I got to seek alternative human interaction I did. He noticed my growing disdain and weariness at continuing something that was so blatanly destined to fail, and he grew so cold and malicious that I couldn't believe myself. By the last week in Italy we had somehow started to grow fond of each other again, only to have any notions of reconciliation thrown out after one stupid half-drunken night in our hotel room when he literally attacked me and had me up against the wall only because I decided to take a photo of him (he had this strange preoccupation with being in NONE of the photos). He grabbed my camera and after a stupid struggle I went to bed outraged that he had the nerve to theaten to destroy my brother's camera, and grabbing my wrist so hard it was red. If you didn't know size wise I'm a petite 5'1 to his 6-1 frame.
The 2nd time was on the overnight ferry from Rome to Barcelona when in the morning he clogged the toilet, which I told him to fix by calling reception. He stood apathetically, and I grew frustrated and gave him to receiver and told him to "fucking call". I probably should've realized his short temper by this point, and failing this, I pissed him off once again so much that he threw it back at me slamming it down on the desk and calling me a "fucking bitch". I stormed out as spent the day by myself in the dining room.
I was so frightened at one point he was going to abandon me in such a foreign place, but despite the fact he probably had that very thought, he didn't. I survived, and am ever more the Fighter.
Like I wrote in my public post I shortly broke out in hives when I got back and had to leave work yesterday afternoon. He just brooded in his little cubicle without a single word to me, which was fine. It was truly over. A short and fast office romance gone totally wrong in the worst possible way.
For more..read my xanga entries. Link below.
**********************************************
That was just a tiny summary of our horrible trip. I had almost let myself feel used, but I had full control the whole time so I do take the blame for some of it, too. I was trying to make something work that obviously wasn't meant to be at all.
I'm just glad I found out now instead of later. And Crazy Girl, best of luck to you.
Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006
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Crazy Girl
Geek Larva
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posted May 18, 2006 09:49
![[Frown]](frown.gif) I'm sorry to hear your geek turned out to be such a jerk.
I've read your Xanga and am trying to digest all the info.
Posts: 22 | From: Crazy World, USA | Registered: May 2006
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Astronomer Jedi
Highlie
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posted May 18, 2006 09:56
I'm sorry too. At least you found him out now, rather than later. Just a pity you ended up spending all that money on a shitty trip with a big wanker.
I'm sure you'll eventually find someone. We're not all big jerks like he is. Although we all have our moments.
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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
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Stereo
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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posted May 18, 2006 10:13
I might be going over the top, but: someone with such a short temper who _do_not_want_his_picture_taken_ may have had some legal problems. You may want to contact the police. He showed that he had no qualms at abusing a woman. Even if he never had any conviction or the like, better stop him now than wait untill he kills a girlfriend. Be carefull.
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Eppur, si muove!
Galileo Galilei
Posts: 2286 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001
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Xanthine
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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posted May 18, 2006 10:34
If some jerk-off lays hands on you again like that again...
Throat, solar plexus, groin. Take your pick and hit him hard. Anywhere on the midline will do the job, but these points are the most vulnerable. The nice thing about the throat punch is you really don't have to hit that hard to get the desired effect (it's pretty disabling...some people just know how to guard their necks; I had to learn the hard way :/).
You might also want to consider taking a real self-defense course of some kind. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists
Posts: 7665 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted May 18, 2006 10:41
No man who physically harms a woman in any way is a man. He is a coward.
End of case.
Move on, be happy, know you're better than that, and everything will be a-ok.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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magefile
Highlie
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posted May 18, 2006 13:19
Bit of gallows humor: at least now you've figured out how to tell if a 30 year old geek likes you ...
Bummer.
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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.
Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004
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zesovietrussian
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 1177
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posted May 18, 2006 14:23
quote:
Originally posted by Stereo:
I might be going over the top, but: someone with such a short temper who _do_not_want_his_picture_taken_ may have had some legal problems. You may want to contact the police. He showed that he had no qualms at abusing a woman. Even if he never had any conviction or the like, better stop him now than wait untill he kills a girlfriend. Be carefull.
There's nothing unusual about people being camera-shy, but the way he acted indicates that he's much more likely to have severe mental issues rather than legal problems. I'm very surprised he didn't end up getting tossed in the looneyhouse and made it through the day without a permanent impression of a shoe in his nads.
PS: A totally off-topic comment, but looks like we got another Bostonian here. We're five strong now.
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Mochan
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posted May 18, 2006 15:43
I, I... I'm speechless. I'll get back to this later when I get home from work.
Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006
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Mochan
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posted May 18, 2006 17:29
Well, after all that psychobabble I went through, it's a bit disappointing to see I was wrong on a lot of counts. Well, at last it seems part of my theory was correct; he was planning to "drop the bomb" during the trip, only it wasn't a bomb, it was a freaking nuke.
Ack, but this was the real face that was the missing part in the equation:
He was looking for the quick and easy. Basically the guy didn't want to spend any effort to put some romance into you, and just wanted the quick gratification.
Disappointing really; there is nothing of worth you can get in this world without putting in an equivalent amount of effort, and he thought he could just have his way with you without even trying. Urgh. GRRRRRR.
He just put up that nice guy act at first because he thought things were going his way, then when it soured down he showed his true apathy. That's just such poor class. And to raise a hand against a lady!!! UNFORGIVABLE.
I feel bad that your first foray into geekdom had to end on such a sour note; I wish I were there to give him a good one, I could hardly care less if he's half a foot taller than me with a bad hockey swing.
Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006
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girlygirl
Mini Geek
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posted May 19, 2006 07:50
quote:
Originally posted by magefile:
Bit of gallows humor: at least now you've figured out how to tell if a 30 year old geek likes you ...
Bummer.
Yes, you've got a point there. Who would've known it would've turned out this way eh? Maybe I can still help Crazy Girl.
Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006
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girlygirl
Mini Geek
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posted May 19, 2006 08:04
quote:
Originally posted by Mochan:
Well, after all that psychobabble I went through, it's a bit disappointing to see I was wrong on a lot of counts. Well, at last it seems part of my theory was correct; he was planning to "drop the bomb" during the trip, only it wasn't a bomb, it was a freaking nuke.
Ack, but this was the real face that was the missing part in the equation:
He was looking for the quick and easy. Basically the guy didn't want to spend any effort to put some romance into you, and just wanted the quick gratification.
Disappointing really; there is nothing of worth you can get in this world without putting in an equivalent amount of effort, and he thought he could just have his way with you without even trying. Urgh. GRRRRRR.
He just put up that nice guy act at first because he thought things were going his way, then when it soured down he showed his true apathy. That's just such poor class. And to raise a hand against a lady!!! UNFORGIVABLE.
I feel bad that your first foray into geekdom had to end on such a sour note; I wish I were there to give him a good one, I could hardly care less if he's half a foot taller than me with a bad hockey swing.
Oh Mochan, thank you so much for your sympathies. You don't know how much it means to me right now because I am SO bummed! I'm not sad because of Mr. Jerkass, but the fact that I was so gullible yet again to fall for someone who didn't fully respect me.
I am probably very naive because deep down my worst fear was that he wasn't into me. And I don't think you were wrong at all. If this guy were closer to anything normal then you were bang on, but he was far from it. That's the bad thing about advice because you can never fully predict someone else's behaviour, especially if their thought patterns are highly skewed from the norm.
All in all I am ok. I'm just VERY itchy because for some reason I've broken out in the worst possible case of hives ever from head to toe an it's been 4 days (stress? I dunno). Not fun at all, and being the workaholic I am I am actually quite upset that I can't go to work (which is bad because I would have to see Mr. Jerkass anyway).
At least the question has been answered, as well, for why such a darn nice and wonderful guy has never had the chance to hook up with a girl...because he's a jerk after only one thing.
The biggest concern on my part for myself is now how to filture out the bad ones. I used to think that such behaviour like this (woman abuser, biggass perv) were limited to the obvious bad boys, players, and jerks, but it's not.
I was totally miffed by Evangeline Lilly's latest comment (actress from Lost) who pointed out that she always wished that she was ugly, so she wouldn't have to deal with all the guys. I thought how arrogant of her to say something like that, but I agree with her on a certain level that pretty much all of us women (model pretty or not) have the frusrating burden of having to be vigilant when it comes to men and their motivations.
I guess my next forum post would be titled: So, how and where is a nice girl like me supposed to meet a guy who ISN'T a jerkass? =)
Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006
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zesovietrussian
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 1177
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posted May 19, 2006 11:29
I really hate to do this, but I guess I'll be the first one to provide the much needed whack on the head with a clue-by-four. So, there's that fellow who seems to be very nice, albeit rather shy, and according to you, pretty damn good looking - in other words, every (normal) gal's dream guy. Yet he's over 30, and allegedly has never even been on a date, let alone in a serious relationship. Am I the only one who thinks there's something wrong with that picture? Does the lad really need to take you to his house and proudly show off his collection of prospective girlfriends he carefully preserved in large jars in order to raise some red flags?
Posts: 1092 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002
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uilleann
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posted May 19, 2006 11:39
Heh, oh man, only five years to go and I can count myself amongst this apparent bunch of reprobates :) While there must be (and is!) plenty wrong with me, there's plenty wrong with just about everyone. Including couples still happily married 25 years later or more, no less.
I don't think you can categorically equate shy blokes who've never had dates (and as I understand it, I could have had one or two) with homicidal maniacs ;) Everyone is going to be different, of course. And we all have different reasons for being SSBs :)
(Kinda like TTBs but just with the letters slid along a notch. And beards.)
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Serenak
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posted May 19, 2006 15:34
Is that Sad Single Blokes/Boys or Strange Sicko B*st*rds? (Actually there are whole load of other things that SSB could be of course)
Only enquiring minds need to know!!!
Only Joking btw Uillean... Don't take it personally!
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Oh yeah, and my brother was a 30 something single guy who'd "never been kissed" before he met his wife... and he is not a psycho axe murderer as far as I know ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."
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uilleann
Discontinued
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posted May 19, 2006 15:41
I thought it was single sideband?
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Mochan
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posted May 19, 2006 15:45
quote:
Uillean
Heh, oh man, only five years to go and I can count myself amongst this apparent bunch of reprobates While there must be (and is!) plenty wrong with me, there's plenty wrong with just about everyone. Including couples still happily married 25 years later or more, no less.
I'm edging dangerously close there myself! Ouch, zerosoviet! Please don't judge us reprobates so harshly, I would like to think I'm not a jerkass despite my social inabilities. I mean all I have is this collection of girl hair in fomaline jars on my shelf.....
Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006
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Mochan
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posted May 19, 2006 15:46
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mochan:
[qb]
I guess my next forum post would be titled: So, how and where is a nice girl like me supposed to meet a guy who ISN'T a jerkass? =)
Well duh, all you need to do is hook up with me!
Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006
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uilleann
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posted May 19, 2006 15:57
lol, you managed to misspell my name using UBB's quote mechanism?! (It would help if I had a name anyone could spell, of course, let alone pronounce. I caught out Jeremy Paxman mispronouncing it during asking one of the questions on University Challenge! D'oh.)
Besides, you're not the only available bloke here, nudge nudge. Maybe we need a contest! Best man wins girlygirl. Or Crazy Girl. OK two winners then.
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Mochan
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posted May 19, 2006 16:09
Gud thing wi kan hav too winers, beecaws Ay'm alredi wun up on yu in speling class. I min wi all noh girlygirl wil chus mi at this reyt.
Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006
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GrumpySteen
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
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posted May 19, 2006 16:29
And that's when the geeks began to compare testosterone levels...
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The Famous Druid
Gold Hearted SuperFan!
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posted May 19, 2006 16:37
Girlygirl: sounds to me like you're lucky to have made it back home in one piece, that guy is seriously damaged.
Live and learn, but don't let it make you scared to try again.
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
The nice thing about the throat punch is you really don't have to hit that hard to get the desired effect
/me updates 'The Collective' chart, Xanthine == Jace
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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.
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uilleann
Discontinued
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posted May 19, 2006 16:42
Steen: or, compare distances from bloke geeks to girl geeks. If it runs into the thousands of miles, skip to the next one
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Rhonwyyn
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posted May 19, 2006 17:06
quote:
Originally posted by Serenak:
Oh yeah, and my brother was a 30 something single guy who'd "never been kissed" before he met his wife... and he is not a psycho axe murderer as far as I know
Same here. My fiancé always took dating seriously (he's a maths geek and thus somewhat intimidated by the casual dating process), so while he was interested in some women throughout the years, he was a total klutz when it came to asking them on dates and wound up using eHarmony to cut out all the crap and get straight to the point. Apparently it worked for him. Girlygirl/lil_squirrel, while you were gone, he and I got engaged. (Now, the 32-year-old I dated for a few weeks in college was a total nutjob and up there with your guy for "Jacka** of the Year." Moral of the story: choose carefully, but don't be afraid to take well-calculated risks.)
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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!
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Astronomer Jedi
Highlie
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posted May 19, 2006 21:28
quote:
Originally posted by uilleann:
lol, you managed to misspell my name using UBB's quote mechanism?! (It would help if I had a name anyone could spell, of course, let alone pronounce. I caught out Jeremy Paxman mispronouncing it during asking one of the questions on University Challenge! D'oh.)
Besides, you're not the only available bloke here, nudge nudge. Maybe we need a contest! Best man wins girlygirl. Or Crazy Girl. OK two winners then.
Or one winner who gets both girls. ![[evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
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Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
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