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Author Topic: Do you just "know" when it is right?
geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2009 19:14      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
OK, I have this friend, he was dating a girl for almost three years, and never proposed to her, a couple weeks ago, he made her move out of the house, and moved his new girlfriend in one week after she moved out. I keep telling him he is rushing it, he says he knew the moment he saw her she was the one, he asked her to marry him already, she said yes! They have known each other all of one month....So, I guess I am going to a Vegas wedding this summer!!! Do you know that soon if it is right or not?

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"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2009 19:22      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I knew a couple that got married a week after they met. It was a rough first year, but they're still married 20 years later. So it definitely works out at least sometimes.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2009 20:45      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Some couples do, I guess. I know a woman who had the question popped on her less than a month in. She said yes. They have two kids and they've made it past that fateful 7 year mark when apparently things go to hell.

When I got serious with kreziserb, I knew about two weeks in that this relationship would result in wedding vows and god knows what after that. Of course, me being me and him being him, it took ~3 years for us to come to grips with the blazing obvious and move in together and another year and a half to get engaged (wedding's this summer), but I knew two weeks in that this was The Guy for Me. It wasn't like it was some whirlwind, massive romance either. Okay, there was definitely some pursuing and courtship on his part, but it wasn't the fairytale at all. We were both grad students when we met (he graduated three years before me) and grad students don't do fairytales. Unless, of course, they're studying them. [Razz]

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
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quantumfluff
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2009 20:47      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You "know" because the right person just feels different than all the others. I wish I could quantify it, but that's not possible.
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Stibbons
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 00:25      Profile for Stibbons   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm kind of gg's mate - until a month ago I was with a girl for almost four years, been living with her for most of that, but never proposed. At first I thought she was "the one", but as the honeymoon period wore of I realised that she wasn't. I'm glad I didn't relent to her "let's get married!" pleas sooner in the relationship.

So I don't know if you can spot "the one" at first sight like that - I need that time to figure out if they really are, if I could really put up with them for that long.

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 01:16      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I knew immediately, pretty much on the first kiss, and I didn't wait around for that either. I remember telling a stranger in a bar the next day that I had just met the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. At the time I was 31, so old enough to know myself, and had been around the block a few times. Before I met her, I genuinely believed I would never marry and was quite reconciled to that notion. Like qf I could not really say what was different about her, but something told me we would never get bored with each other. I suppose that also means that we would also never understand each other too! In both cases, that's pretty much how things have turned out. I also remember thinking at the time that I didn't know that they still made girls like that any more, and also how miraculous it was that she found me attractive.

I am a lucky man.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 11:55      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Is it possible he's on a scavenger hunt? [evil]

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 12:11      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, it's totally possible.

And then again, she could be the only person he ever met that was into the kinky stuff he's into and he isn't letting her go.

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 17:33      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So, do you think it would be fair to say that if you are together for years and years and he never pops the question, that he never will? I don't know...I have taken several psychology classes and they all say wait at least three years till you even consider marriage because that is how long it takes for the "euphoria" to wear off! [crazy]

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"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 19:02      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
I have taken several psychology classes and they all say wait at least three years till you even consider marriage because that is how long it takes for the "euphoria" to wear off! [crazy]

8 1/2 years into it I still get butterflies in my stomach when I'm with Josh. [hearts]

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 19:29      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
gg there are no golden rules, everyone and every relationship is different, so in the end you can only trust your intuition as to whether this one might fly. All anyone else can do is offer pointers.

My girlfriends before I met my wife were either people I felt very comfortable with, but then after a short while we would get bored with one another, or girls that were exciting but with whom I never felt comfortable, and we would drift apart because of mutual incomprehension. She was the first person that I felt truly comfortable with, but excited by at the same time. We have values in common, but are actually very different people. I hope that our talents are complementary. It is also possible that meeting her had something to do with me being in the right mental place at the time to be open to such a thing happening. I was fairly happy with myself, with plenty of interesting things in my life, and not really actively looking for, (or indeed ever expecting to find), a life partner. If you have an interesting life to share, and a degree of self confidence, and are bright eyed and open to adventure, good things will tend to come in your direction.

Well that's what worked for me then, anyway.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 19:54      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Cali, Cali, Cali...pipe down, I was speaking hypothetically here. Whew! You already got me going down the aisle...bite your tongue!!! As much as I want to believe it will work out for my friends, my intuition tells me they are being idiots! But hey, free hors d'oevures, who am I to argue? [Big Grin]

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"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 21:32      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
So, do you think it would be fair to say that if you are together for years and years and he never pops the question, that he never will? I don't know...I have taken several psychology classes and they all say wait at least three years till you even consider marriage because that is how long it takes for the "euphoria" to wear off! [crazy]

Good question. For one thing, some guys are scared sh*tless of such things. I'm a bit tossed about it - but I could see it someday with the 'right' person. But speaking of those guys...a good friend of mine has been going out with this girl about as long as I've known him -- something like 6 years or so. Just this fall they got a house (taking advantage of the buyers' market), but if/when they'll get married? Who knows?! Does it really matter, though? I doubt it - I'm quite certain they love each other, and that's what really counts. The rest is pretty much paperwork. (And I *hate* paperwork!)

Also by you:
quote:
As much as I want to believe it will work out for my friends, my intuition tells me they are being idiots! But hey, free hors d'oevures, who am I to argue?:-D
Ugh...I also have a [girl] friend who's engaged in this sort of deal (engaged less than a year after dating -- he 'knew'), and most of us are quite leery of it all, as we see him as less than a gem. Based on stories of his behavior as another friend's wedding, I can only wonder what their wedding will be like. If I go (I only like weddings marginally more than paperwork), it will be quite the sight to behold. :/

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2009 21:44      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
I also have a [girl] friend who's engaged in this sort of deal (engaged less than a year after dating -- he 'knew')

I proposed to Mrs Druid after we'd been dating for 10 months, yes, I 'just knew'.
We recently celebrated our 25th anniversary.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2009 02:40      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
As much as I want to believe it will work out for my friends, my intuition tells me they are being idiots! But hey, free hors d'oevures, who am I to argue? [Big Grin]

My sister married her husband after dating for six weeks. (As in, that's when the wedding took place.) They're still together, coming up on six years. Obviously, I'm not psychic and can't say with any authority that it'll last forever, but they seem to be happy together.

The only thing you can do is accept it for what it is--their decision. You haven't mentioned anything that makes it sound like an unhealthy relationship, so just go with the flow. (That's the one that really gets me--people who have problem relationships already and decide that they'll "fix" it by getting married.)

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2009 07:39      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
sings

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes I am certain that it happens all the time...

[Smile]

Really who is to judge. Sometimes our friends make terrible mistakes, and we are there to help them pick up the pieces. And other times they surprise you, even when you were doubting the outcome.

Be a friend, and enjoy the hell out of that trip to Vegas. And if it doesn't work out, buy him one of these!

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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tweety
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Icon 1 posted April 27, 2009 08:47      Profile for tweety   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
<lurking>
<popping-head-out-from-lurking>

Mrs Tweety picked me out of a crowded mall and told her workmate "That's the guy I'm going to marry." We hadn't even met yet. We've been together coming up on 13 years. (There really is a much longer, very interesting story here, but it would take 4 or 5 volumes to share.)

Another couple we knew got married because they'd been together for 3 years and the guy (lawyer) said he owed it to her. WTF? Anyway, we went to the wedding, but I called the marriage lasting no more than 2 years. I was right. Good thing we skimped on the present. Frankly, I wanted a refund. The girl is now getting remarried, but we're skipping the wedding.

<\popping-head-out-from-lurking>
<\lurking>

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All that is, ends in bitterness. Consider the sparrow...

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2009 02:30      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
________________ geekygoddess __

OK, I have this friend, he was dating a girl for almost three years, and never proposed to her, a couple weeks ago, he made her move out of the house,

So have you found a new place to live?

How did you get the Future Bride to allow you to the wedding?

Me has many more questions.

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2009 04:11      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ummmm...Mo-Man...I am confused.
I do not need a place to live, I have one...
The future wife likes me right now because we are very close friends, him and I, and she will probably only start hating me after the wedding...you know that story..
I guess you guys on here all think I am talking about myself in this situation, well, I am not...I know we have all heard the story start out before.... "I have this friend"....for real, I really do:)

As for a recap, they are still going strong, he moved her into the house and all seems well, who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

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"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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HalfVast

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2009 04:21      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

Me raises hand... [Razz] See, I have this 'friend' who has a 'friend' who is getting married...
Nah, it's too tough to explain [Big Grin]

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2009 05:34      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:
who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

Last time someone said that to me, I woke up in a bath full of ice-cubes, missing a kidney.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2009 09:06      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
__________________________- ME- __

Me thinks she doth protest too much!!

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2009 10:57      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by geekygoddess:

As for a recap, they are still going strong, he moved her into the house and all seems well, who is feeling a trip to Vegas with me???

Vegas is only an afternoon trip for me. But I think it would be a bit tough to explain my S.O.
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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted May 04, 2009 18:59      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
OK, wedding is in three weeks...they are going through with it!

All I can do is wish them luck from a far...can't get there in that short notice...So, Steen...we shall find another road trip to plan:)

What should I send them as a wedding present?

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"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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