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Author Topic: to booty call or not to booty call....
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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 11:59      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
so, Mr. Perfect-at-the-time broke things off a few weeks ago, but didn't slam the door too hard, so to speak. And I'm not the sort to get attached so I'm not emotionally shattered or anything.
I have needs, he's a lot of fun, and we're both mature people.
Its tempting, it really is.

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Ugh, MightyClub
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 12:14      Profile for Ugh, MightyClub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I dunno, biz. I'd be wary of that kind of situation. You look to be quite attractive, from the pics you've posted, you sound well balanced mentally, and you have interesting, er, interests (fencing, gaming, etc.). That paints a picture of a person who's not going to have much trouble finding someone else who is both relationship-worthy and, um, doable.

Mind you I don't have any experience to back up my reservations, but maintaining a "no strings attached" frolicking-only relationship seems fraught with danger.

Than again, as a guy, I'd say good booty is way better than solo gratification. And if I may say so, if the circumstances were slightly different I'd be happy to help meet your needs [evil]

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Ugh!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 12:46      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Why would you want to have sex with a guy who doeasn't want anything to do with the rest of you? Let him go find his own concubine; don't cheapen yourself by giving it to him for free.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Ashitaka

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 12:59      Profile for Ashitaka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Why would you want to have sex with a guy who doeasn't want anything to do with the rest of you? Let him go find his own concubine; don't cheapen yourself by giving it to him for free.

I generally am of the opinion that "booty calls" become more trouble than they are worth and sex in a meaningful relationship is better (and less frequent [Wink] ). However, using the term "giving it to him for free" implies that the woman doesn't get as much out of sex as the man. The man is giving "it" for free as well.

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maximile

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 13:00      Profile for maximile   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Why would you want to have sex with a guy who doeasn't want anything to do with the rest of you? Let him go find his own concubine; don't cheapen yourself by giving it to him for free.

Something about that post seems horribly sexist... she's not considering doing it solely for his benefit; she wants it for herself.

And the reason she might want to have sex with him is because it's likely to be fun, regardless of how he thinks of her. And from what little I know, it doesn't seem like Mr. PATT wants nothing to do with her.

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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 13:46      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Ashitaka:
However, using the term "giving it to him for free" implies that the woman doesn't get as much out of sex as the man. The man is giving "it" for free as well.

historically, I get more out of it than he does. He did always like that...

eh, I asked him how he'd feel about the situation, and we both agree that we might give it a go.
Keep in mind that when we first starting "dating" it was supposed to be more of a fling/no strings deal, and it sort of blossomed. Then when we realized after about a month of it being relationship-py that we didn't want it to be relationshippy.... he called the whole kit and caboodle off.
its a wee bit more complicated than I let on in the initial post.

thanks for the input. (I never was one to sit around for very long and mull things over. too impulsive. good for fencing. [Smile] )

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 14:06      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's not possible to give good advice on something like this because people's emotional and sexual drives vary so much, and often do not conform to the stereotype. Men are supposed to be good at separating lust from love but I always fell in love with anyone I slept with, and conversely lost all desire for them the moment I fell out of love. Women who are supposed to be more like me, are often much better at separating a bit of good dirty fun from the mushy stuff, and it sounds as though this might apply to you. However I suspect from your story that despite what he said, your semi-ex might actually want something more from the situation emotionally, so be careful or you could end up causing more pain for him than you bargained for.

Good luck!

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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Serenak

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 14:23      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I agree with Calli as I so often do...

Never been in the position of having the option of a "NSA" pointless sexual relationship so I can't comment on the viabilty of it... but I very much doubt I would have turned the offer down if it was availbale (however my cynical side says the biggest risk would be the failure of one side or the other to /really/ "move on" thus actually slowing down the process of "getting over it"

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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 14:28      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If you can keep the love separated from the sex, then I see no problems with it.

Have fun kids, and be safe! [Cool]

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 16:06      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hm. The only booty calls I get are from rough, hairy smugglers.

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 18:08      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.

- Woody Allen.

(not that I'd nominate him as an expert on successful human relationships...)

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 19:27      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
I always fell in love with anyone I slept with, and conversely lost all desire for them the moment I fell out of love.

yeah the exact opposite thing happened with us. as soon as we felt pressure to do the whole relationship thing, we both lost our drive. it was really weird.
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Mel
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 20:48      Profile for Mel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As long as you're using a REALLY good form of birth control, then you have one problem covered. Obviously wouldn't be a good idea to bring up a child in a loveless relationship. And the issue of disease, as your friend would probably be seeing other women too might be a concern. But hopefully you're smart enough to protect yourself. I've known a lot of people who weren't, which is why I brought it up.
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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 22:49      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
I always fell in love with anyone I slept with, and conversely lost all desire for them the moment I fell out of love.

yeah the exact opposite thing happened with us. as soon as we felt pressure to do the whole relationship thing, we both lost our drive. it was really weird.
Ah, now, see, that's the mistake. You tried to give your relationship a label and put it in a box, and not all relationships are meant for that. Better to just let things take their course.

I'd go for whatever option is going to cause the fewest complications and least pain. You know better than anyone here what that option is. If you like and trust the guy, and he likes and trusts you, and you two were better off without tagging each other as a girlfriend or boyfriend, then go forth and be happy.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted November 10, 2006 07:04      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sex is not the answer.


... sex is the question.
Yes is the answer.

Be safe, and have fun.

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JulioC
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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2006 09:14      Profile for JulioC     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'd say booty call, until you get better booty.

Just make sure he knows that its just for the sex/company, that theres no emotional attachment... I think the proper term is "sleep-in friend"

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2006 10:55      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by JulioC:
I think the proper term is "sleep-in friend"

Or:

fuck buddy
friends with benefits
fornifriend
sex friend
friends with priviledges
lovers w/o commitment

And probably a dozen other terms I haven't heard yet. [Razz]

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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2006 11:05      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can't believe no one has suggested Herr Skywalker yet... [Razz]
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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 12, 2006 15:04      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
zesovietrussian-- he has a girlfriend!

TMBWITW,PB-- "ohhhhh he's a fuck buddy!" is what my mother (??!) exclaimed after I said "no we're not really dating anymore, but we still spend time together."

and to everyone that brought up emotional concerns-- we're both fine and understand completely what the other wants out of it.

and the situation seems to be working out fine... for now. I refuse to be so naive as to believe that something isn't going to take a turn for the worse eventually, but until then I'm going to make the most of it.

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Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted November 12, 2006 16:51      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
zesovietrussian-- he has a girlfriend!

TMBWITW,PB-- "ohhhhh he's a fuck buddy!" is what my mother (??!) exclaimed after I said "no we're not really dating anymore, but we still spend time together."

and to everyone that brought up emotional concerns-- we're both fine and understand completely what the other wants out of it.

and the situation seems to be working out fine... for now. I refuse to be so naive as to believe that something isn't going to take a turn for the worse eventually, but until then I'm going to make the most of it.

I had one of those once but he stopped calling after he realized i was slipping him sleeping pills.
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skylar
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Icon 1 posted November 13, 2006 04:10      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
and the situation seems to be working out fine... for now. I refuse to be so naive as to believe that something isn't going to take a turn for the worse eventually, but until then I'm going to make the most of it.

Well, I certainly hope it works out for you. I once mistakenly entered into a casual relationship because I refused to believe the pronouncements of all my friends, that "women are psychologically incapable of sex without emotional attachment". It pissed me off so much that I decided I'd show em ... and then of course I became hopelessly attached [Razz] . So, if someone else can fly the flag for the cause (I still firmly believe that it is possible for women to have sex without emotional attachment) I'm all for it [Big Grin]

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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 13, 2006 06:23      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I dunno, sky, its been interesting on the emotional front so far.

in the act we're both very emotionally connected and sensual and what not... then as soon as that wears off I'm like "why are you still here? I have homework. get out."

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted November 13, 2006 17:36      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by business attire:
I dunno, sky, its been interesting on the emotional front so far.

in the act we're both very emotionally connected and sensual and what not... then as soon as that wears off I'm like "why are you still here? I have homework. get out."

BA,

I like the way you think.

If this thing with your booty call buddy doesn't work out, call me.

CP

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Free! Free at last!

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Highlie
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Icon 1 posted November 13, 2006 19:06      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Dear CP,

will do. maybe.

Love,
BA

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted November 13, 2006 21:13      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow. Simply wow.

*shrugs*

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