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Author Topic: The Pleasure of Unspoken Communication
Spam
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Icon 1 posted February 13, 2006 09:09      Profile for Spam   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
mind dump:

While unspoken communication is capable of communicating more than words alone, it can be very difficult to express a particular idea.

But last night, I found explicit pleasure in my ability to pull exactly the message I wanted to hear out of my woman in red.

I went out swing dancing, and there she was, taking the lesson. She saw me, but didn't give me any extra attention. It was sort of what I was expecting.

That night we danced. She was excellent, as always, but I wasn't really in top form. We danced as friends, and after a few dances, she used her classic "let me go" line: "I've got to go get some water."

The tone of our dances felt so detatched, it said to me exactly what I'd wanted to hear. "I like you, and I'm happy to dance with you on occasion, but I just don't feel like the chemistry is there for a relationship." I got the closure I needed, and never a word was said.
That night, she left without saying good bye.


Of course, I checked my email (compulsively) this morning, and I had a message from her. She was saying good night, because apparently, I just disappeared from the swing club. She asked me a little about the film I started making this weekend.

I suppose my closure was premature, and all the communication I'd picked up was entirely a construct of my own imagination.
What it means is that I feel this way. This is what I wanted to hear, and apparently I will have to talk to her and just tell her how I feel.

Because I can't count on unspoken communication to carry this message.

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[H]ard since '99
www.heroseekingvigilante.blogspot.com

Posts: 48 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 13, 2006 09:19      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Amen, Spam.

Open, honest communication is essential to any kind of relationship. I've always been honest in mine, and Jonathan's totally the same way. It makes things less convoluted and puts everyone on the same page.

In communication and rhetorical studies, we say there are four parts to communication: the sender, the receiver, the message, and the medium. The message is what you say and the medium is how you say it. But in amongst those four parts is a whole bunch of junk that hinders the sending, receiving, and understanding of the message. So while she may be saying one thing with her body language, you may be perceiving it totally differently. Which is why couples sometimes need that "Define The Relationship" conversation... it clears up all the signals that have been put out there, but which haven't necessarily been interpretted correctly (or to ensure they've been understood). Yes, I know it can be awkward talking to a girl you like(d) about matters where you're vulnerable, but both of you will appreciate it. Besides, if she likes you, the sooner you have that conversation, the sooner you can get on to the fun stuff!! [Big Grin]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted February 13, 2006 17:19      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Spam:
I suppose my closure was premature, and all the communication I'd picked up was entirely a construct of my own imagination.
What it means is that I feel this way. This is what I wanted to hear, and apparently I will have to talk to her and just tell her how I feel.

Because I can't count on unspoken communication to carry this message.

Or alternatively, she's playing head games with you. Testing you to see if you like her, too. In fact, the whole situation reminds me of my relationship with a club friend (dancing too, but not swing [Wink] ). She would always hang around me, then suddenly want to disappear. Almost as if she was waiting for me to do something. We've since become better friends, and still get together occasionally to go out for gigs and so on.

Of course, last weekend, first time I'd seen her in weeks, she disappeared on me partway through the night, I thought she was just finding some friends, but it appears she left entirely. So my conclusion is women are way too hard to work out.

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Spam
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Icon 1 posted February 14, 2006 11:16      Profile for Spam   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
well the nice thing is that I am not obligated to play any mind games.

I am attracted to clear communication, so women who play mind games lose out.

I doubt that is the case though. Swign dancing is open like that. You just go from person to person.

--------------------
[H]ard since '99
www.heroseekingvigilante.blogspot.com

Posts: 48 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 14, 2006 11:23      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I actually used to go swing dancing in college. I was a member of the swing dancing club. It was fun. I was too shy to ask any of the good dancers to dance with me, though. [ohwell]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Matias
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Icon 1 posted February 14, 2006 12:57      Profile for Matias   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Of course, last weekend, first time I'd seen her in weeks, she disappeared on me partway through the night, I thought she was just finding some friends, but it appears she left entirely. So my conclusion is women are way too hard to work out.
Dam woman! [shake head]

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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Posts: 516 | From: The Land of the mouse.... | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted February 14, 2006 13:07      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Matias:
Dam woman! [shake head]

I guess she just needs to stop holding back. [Razz]

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted February 14, 2006 16:56      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Spam:
I doubt that is the case though. Swign dancing is open like that. You just go from person to person.

So sort of like swinging, right? [Wink]

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged


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