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Author
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Topic: need bf advice
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frostgard
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posted July 08, 2004 09:24
OK, so my bf managed to run out of gas with me in the car, 18 miles from the nearest gas station... on the 4th of July. He managed to get me home in time for the fireworks display, though, and got rained on while walking for gas.
Never having been in this particular situation before, I need advice: how long should I stay angry, and what reparations should I demand? (It takes a special kind of stupidity to run out of gas these days and I really hate that kind of willful stupidity.) ![[devil wand]](graemlins/devilwand.gif)
Posts: 9 | From: Mars | Registered: Jun 2004
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TMBWITW,PB
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posted July 08, 2004 09:30
If he walked 18 miles in the rain to the nearest gas station and managed to get you home in time for fireworks then I think you should cook him dinner as a thank you.
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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy
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fanboy_uk
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posted July 08, 2004 09:31
As long as it takes him to buy some really nice flowers, a few bits of jewellery, dinner at a posh restaurant and to do the laundry (including the ironing) for a week.
Failing that until you look at him, remember why you love him and forgive him.
<Until he does it again - then you forget to cook him dinner, iron his shirts and tie his shoelaces, you know the things a guy can't generally manage without a woman around to hold their hand>
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A woman walked into a cocktail bar, took one look at the drinks menu and asked the barman for a Double Entendré.
So he gave her one
Posts: 161 | From: Brighton, UK (50.8389, -00.1876) | Registered: Apr 2003
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frostgard
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posted July 08, 2004 09:37
Sorry, I should have mentioned that he got a ride from a nice motorist so he didn't have to walk more than half a mile. But he did get rained on. ![[evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
Posts: 9 | From: Mars | Registered: Jun 2004
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Stibbons
SuperBlabberMouth!
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posted July 08, 2004 10:01
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
Sorry, I should have mentioned that he got a ride from a nice motorist so he didn't have to walk more than half a mile.
Its still harsh to get angry over that kind of thing. Despite what you said, it is quite easy to run out of petrol if you have other things to concentrate on (and by this don't necessarily mean important things ![[Wink]](wink.gif) ), and although it is a little stupid he did then bust a gut to get you back for the July 4th business.
Tell him what you think about the escapade but then forgive him
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Fancy reading a typical whiney student blog?
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted July 08, 2004 10:04
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
OK, so my bf managed to run out of gas with me in the car, 18 miles from the nearest gas station... on the 4th of July. He managed to get me home in time for the fireworks display, though, and got rained on while walking for gas.
Never having been in this particular situation before, I need advice: how long should I stay angry, and what reparations should I demand? (It takes a special kind of stupidity to run out of gas these days and I really hate that kind of willful stupidity.)
I'm with most of the other people on that one. Forgive him, tell him it was silly to run out, and move on.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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frostgard
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posted July 08, 2004 10:34
I guess more people play "we're not REALLY out of gas" games than I had thought. What ever happened to "Be Prepared"?
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CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted July 08, 2004 11:25
I don't think you should stay angry too long at him.
I doubt if he was playing with your head. I have and old car that the gas guage stops at 1/8 of a tank and there have been a few times where I have run out of gas when I thought I had enough.
Who knows he may have been running late to pick you up and for 5 miles before you two ran out was praying to himself "Just a little further". And he didn't want to worry you.
CommanderShroom
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Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest
Posts: 2418 | From: Somewhere between the gutter... and probably another gutter | Registered: Mar 2003
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted July 08, 2004 11:57
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
I don't think you should stay angry too long at him.
I doubt if he was playing with your head. I have and old car that the gas guage stops at 1/8 of a tank and there have been a few times where I have run out of gas when I thought I had enough.
Who knows he may have been running late to pick you up and for 5 miles before you two ran out was praying to himself "Just a little further". And he didn't want to worry you.
CommanderShroom
Sounds exactly like something I would do. I would keep my mouth shut, and MAYBE mention it after the fact, but I don't want to be scaring my gf needlessly.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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Aditu
SuperBlabberMouth!
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posted July 08, 2004 14:50
I think my response is that life is too short to be angry and want reparations. If you really care for him, just accept the fact we all screw up sometimes and move on.
Posts: 1355 | From: Osten Ard | Registered: Aug 2003
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ZorroTheFox
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted July 08, 2004 18:48
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
He managed to get me home in time for the fireworks display, though, and got rained on while walking for gas.
how long should I stay angry, and what reparations should I demand?
it is reasons like these that I stopped dating normal women. girls these days have expectations that are way too high. dating has become more of a male bashing laboratory rather than a chance to reach an understanding with the opposite sex. What's funny is if the girl had been driving and she ran out of gas the guy would still have been expected to retrieve the gas. Would he have been angry and demanding reparations, nooooooooooooo. Instead he would simply expect a little adoration for helping a lady in need. I really hate the double standard these days, that's why I only date submissive women where I know I am not under the microscope of today's lofty expectations. So the guy made a mistake, give him a break. he still got you there in time and that's all you should have expected. If anything he should get a reward for being able to pull it out given the circumstances. Girls seem to forget that guys tend to forget simple things when in the presence of a lady. They shouldn't take such things for granted. He really risked a lot hitching a ride in an effort to get his lady to her little show in time. He could have been kidnapped , tortured, and killed and all this girl can think about is that he made a mistake, how long she should be angry, and how he can make it up to her. I really don't mean to rant but I'm so tired of pretentious girls acting like guys always owe them something. However, if this were a BDSM forum and She were a Dominatrix, I would suggest one week of silence and two hours of foot worship per day for the entire week he is to be ignored. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Posts: 3046 | From: Tacoma, WA, USA | Registered: Oct 2001
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Xanthine
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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posted July 08, 2004 18:50
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
Never having been in this particular situation before, I need advice: how long should I stay angry, and what reparations should I demand?
Ten seconds and none. He's paid the price by getting wet and stressed out about getting you to the fireworks on time. He probably feels stupid enough already.
Honestly, this is one of the shallower things to get pissed off about. If this is the biggest bump your relationship has hit, you're lucky. Save your anger for a worthy cause.
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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists
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dragonman97
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posted July 08, 2004 19:05
Yeah, Zorro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...
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snupy
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posted July 08, 2004 20:27
Unfortunately, Z..I don't think(or at least I hope not) that this is typical female behavior, just the spoiled little Princess kind.
People aren't allowed to make mistakes, frostgard? Did he do this on purpose?
And how long should you be angry? Either you're angry or you're not-if you have to think about it, you're just playing games, and you don't deserve him.
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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family
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MacManKrisK
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posted July 08, 2004 20:57
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
if you have to think about it, you're just playing games, and you don't deserve him.
or any guy, for that matter.
Let's just put this right out bluntly: you're being INSANELY shallow here, frostguard. It's this kind of stupid, shallow mental game that causes relationships to end abruptly and on very sour notes. People make mistakes, and if you want to hold a grudge against someone who simply made a mistake, then you're only hurting yourself and the ones you love.
On another note: if you truely loved this guy, you wouldn't want him to ever feel bad, so you're obviously just going out with him to be going out with someone, or perhaps to have control over someone with some sort of power trip. You make me sick!
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"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"
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zushiba
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posted July 08, 2004 23:32
If a girl got mad at me for something like that I would seriously leave her. Any sort of relationship won't work out if you don't account for the fact that SHIT HAPPENS
That would be like saying "My girlfriend went to the store and forgot the milk but she went right back to get it. How long should I stay mad? And should I demand 2 gallons of milk in return for her stupidity?" People forget and running out of gas is something that 90% of people will do at least once in their lifetimes.
Posts: 9 | From: California | Registered: May 2004
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frostgard
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posted July 09, 2004 09:41
Thank you for all your input. It's amazing how many people I can offend just by asking for advice! Gas Gauge Games happen to be a pet peeve of mine, which is why I was asking for moderating advice, so that I wouldn't over-react.
And no, I'm not a pretentious princess. I'm generally invisible, instead. I did get a laugh out of the guy who thought I was a Normal Girl. If I was normal, I wouldn't need advice, would I?
Bye.
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Too Cool To Quit
SuperBlabberMouth!
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posted July 09, 2004 09:53
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
Thank you for all your input. It's amazing how many people I can offend just by asking for advice! Gas Gauge Games happen to be a pet peeve of mine, which is why I was asking for moderating advice, so that I wouldn't over-react.
And no, I'm not a pretentious princess. I'm generally invisible, instead. I did get a laugh out of the guy who thought I was a Normal Girl. If I was normal, I wouldn't need advice, would I?
Bye.
/me removes his hat, and his gloves, sets them down on the floor, rolls his sleeves up and clears his throat.
Are fscking crazy? You ARE normal. You are just like almost any other girl I've ever run into. You are normal, admit it. See, here's the thing sweetheart, NORMAL people ask for advice from other people because, guess what, that's NORMAL! You've got some issues you need to get over. Like, perhaps, thinking you're something special. You aren't, get over it, you're different - just like everyone else. Don't think for one moment that you even deserve love at all, because, apparently, you don't have the power to love someone else. Here's something you may or may not have ever heard(probably not actually), and I believe it can be found in more religions than one so don't give me any "I don't believe in that" bullshit. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You know you'd be pissed if he did what you are doing. So don't do it to him, he doesn't deserve someone who is going to do that to him. Just, get over your ego.
/me picks hat and gloves up, and puts them on, rolls down his sleeves, and walks out of the room
</rant>
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Alright now, that's the last straw, I'm calling the ass taxidermist to tell him to stop making hats in your size RIGHT NOW.
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dragonman97
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posted July 09, 2004 10:42
In fact, I gave this a little more thought as I drove back to work over my lunch break.
Give the guy a break. Do you know how hard it must have been for him to have this happen? It would really suck if this happened under any circumstance, but it had to be an order of magnitude worse for him to have it happen with his girlfriend there. And given the attitude your exhibiting now, I'd say it was 2 orders of magnitude worse for him, which is needless to say, extremely unpleasant. As others have said, he might have actually put you above his priorities, like getting gas, thinking he'd be alright...rather than annoying you by being late or something.
I try my best to avoid such a situation, but things can happen, and I know I've gotten pretty damn low on gas at times. One night, I really wasn't sure I'd make it, and just hoped I'd be able to get the last 3 miles down the highway to my exit and the next 1/2 mile to gas station, as my fuel light had been on solid for most of the time. I had told myself the prior night, "dragon, get gas in the morning...or at the worst, go the shorter distance from work to a gas station over lunch." Did I remember - of course not...my mind is a sieve when it comes to remembering things to do. For mileage purposes, and because I don't place the utmost trust in my fuel gauge, I use my second trip odometer to mark distances since last fill up - this is my best way to have a really good idea how far I can go, and when I should fill up. Hint: it shouldn't be at 293 miles, like it was that night .
Let me say this much: If you gave me crap over a stupid mistake like this, which I had to work hard at to resolve, and which made a perfect fool out of me in front of you - you'd be out the door. Bye-bye! I can take crap relatively well, I'm quite used to it from people who mean little to me, and it usually blows over pretty quickly. But from people who I like, respect, and/or love, it stings quite a bit, and I really don't need this. Assuming such a person isn't bound to me in some way, like family, coworkers, or people I can't otherwise avoid, those ties will likely be severed. Close friends can give me a little crap, assuming I can dish it back . A good friend of mine gave me a lot of crap one evening, and while I was a bit annoyed, it didn't phase me much. However, I saw her later that weekend at a party, and she actually gave me a card and some chocolate, apologizing for the attitude she showed. That was really nice of her, and I think shows someone with character.
And yeah, I'll second "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." These are truly words to live by, no matter what you believe or don't believe in. We even use it in my dept. when thinking about what we put on people's desks -- "Would you be willing to use a mouse that looks like that? Then don't give it to them - find a better one." We try to treat our users fairly, and only expect the same treatment in return - but if you treat us like crap, then don't expect prompt service.
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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...
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Ivan
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posted July 09, 2004 12:49
quote:
Originally posted by frostgard:
It's amazing how many people I can offend just by asking for advice!
You didn't offend us, your stupidity did. Grow up.
Ok, fine, you were left in a car while your boyfriend went to get some gas. You were probably in the car an hour by yourself (10 min walking in rain, 45 mins to gas and back, 5 filling up) and all that time you're brooding and working yourself in a bad mood while your man beats himself up inside for being so stupid and getting y'all into the whole situation in the first place. And all the time he's worrying about whether he can get you to your fireworks. THEN when he gets back I'm willing to bet that the first words he said were "Honey, I've got the gas, we'll be rolling again in a little while. I'm really sorry, but we should still make the show." And I'm also willing to bet you gave him the silent treatment when you should've been expressing your gratitude that he made it back safely (and with the gas.)
But seeing as how you left when people pointed out your stupidity, you didn't strike me as the type of person with a back bone or any real intelligence.
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snupy
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posted July 09, 2004 14:18
Come on, everyone. I think we're all overreacting a bit, there's no need for all this anger and name-calling, and I apologize for my part.I've been actually waiting to find out if she thinks he did it on purpose or not-as her last post seemed to indicate("gas-gauge games", which I can't believe people still do!)-but she hasn't answered.
Frostgard-I remember you saying in another post you had an ex-husband, which means you can't be as young and naive as you come off in this thread.(Not to mention spoiled and unforgiving)
My general advice would be to lighten up and give people a break, and if you have issues, seek a good therapist.
EDIT: Does anyone else get the feeling there are lots of males here with "women" issues??? Shame on the ones that hurt you all. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family
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Snaggy
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posted July 09, 2004 14:39
I'm with the snup-tress... ditto people, lighten up!
I find it sadly un-funnily ironic that so many are so harsh on frostguard, for being so harsh on her boyfriend. ![[ohwell]](graemlins/ohwell.gif)
and now, long overdue.....
/me unleashes THE MIGHTY COSMIC BONG!!!!!!! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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Nitrozac
Benevolent Dictator!
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posted July 09, 2004 15:37
I love giving advice, can I give some now?
Ok, how long should you stay angry? That depends on how hot he is.
For anger in general, I've heard that emotions such as anger should last about 12-25 minutes, and if it lasts longer than you're working at it, keeping it stimulated. Actually that goes for most emotions, they don't last long unless you make them. So, if you're angry for hours, days, then that falls into the "inappropriate anger" category and isn't emotionally healthy for you. Also, he didn't make you feel things, you made yourself feel things by how you interpretted him and the event.
Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. It can give you the energy and drive to assert yourself and protect your self esteem. One feels anger or fear when they feel their needs are threatened. If one feels they can eliminate the threat, then the response is anger.
So, I guess the question is, what did you find to be a threat in that particular situation? Did he knowingly violate your boundaries? Are you projecting onto him, what you are angry about yourself, like you hold the perfectionistic beleif that mistakes are terrible, and you're holding him to that standard, in which case, you're the boundary violator.
So, um, I guess I'll wait for your reply before I go further.
And for the rest of you... there's more triggers going off here than an old John Wayne flick!!! Leave your pasts in the past, it doesn't belong in the present, and some of these comments are most inappropriate as they are intended to hurt feelings
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snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted July 09, 2004 16:09
Perfect word, Nitro-"trigger" is exactly what I think happened. I think geeks, as a whole, feel less than "perfect" and they put themselves in this poor guy's situation immediately(and probably have been there themselves) and jumped on frostgard.
We all make mistakes, frostgard, and I think your post came off really, really bad, and touched the vulnerabilities in a lot of people. But as I said, I think the namecalling and harshness was undeserved. Just try to have a little sensitivity in your next posts.
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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family
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ZorroTheFox
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted July 09, 2004 17:46
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Unfortunately, Z..I don't think(or at least I hope not) that this is typical female behavior, just the spoiled little Princess kind.
yeah, but I couldn't resist a chance for a little rant. besides, with all the good women out there if I had been in his shoes I'd have left her in an instant. Life is too short to be combative with your mate when you should be understanding and forgiving But if there must be punishment the I am up for a spanking ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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