I should change my name to Methuselah or something...

(hint no. 1 - I never get any sleep...)
Sleep is vastly underrated; so many people have things wrong with them (depression, nausea, headaches) that can be attributed to lack of sleep. Sleep more; enjoy the toasty feeling when it's 1pm and you're still lying in bed thinking about nice people and places

Though, personally, I prefer Zeb. And did you know that, in the Bible at least, it's spelt "Zebadiah"?
I did not know that. Wow. Life is now complete Seriously, you need an 'e', not an 'a'. I have to admit that I did consider calling you Zebedee, but that just made me think of crazy dancing fishermen (and the Magic Roundabout), and you don't seem like that at all, so...

I'm ignoring something they said that they could easily have wanted me to reply to.
In my case, I'd rather you gave a good, interesting reply to, say, two points I made, instead of going through unnecessary pains to try to reply to seventeen.

I'll be lying in bed awake every night frightened of when that happens
Hey, that's not so terrible! At least I didn't tell you who's coming to your house next weekend (you should skip town then).

Luck does not exist, as far as I understand.
Fair enough. But do you believe in Fate? I do, even though I don't really feel confortable with the idea, as it leaves me so little control over my life. On the other hand, sometimes you want someone else to have control of everything for you...

all the names I use, for ship classes, planets, people etc are made up, for the most part
For someone who describes themselves as lazy, you seem to have put a lot of effort into this; I don't think of myself as lazy and I could never be bothered to undertake a project like that. The names you have made up are really lovely, by the way (couldn't think of a more apt word than "lovely", sorry)

I was also going to say that I'm not much like him, but then I realised, that it would be a completely unfounded remark, as I've never seen the film.
Very stupid, eager to please, wears only a loincloth. Apart from the loincloth bit, I can see no similarities between you...

quoting neo:

*bites tongue*
Ouch! Did that hurt? Were you eating at the same time, cos' that's never any fun...

quoting Roach:

I find myself wishing I had a nifty name like Zebediah now.
You're name is Paul, isn't it? That's a good name; I knew a Paul once, and I pretty much fell in love with him If you can't face the idea, I'll come up with some really nifty ones for you... Cornelius, I believe, is still on the market

sky

skylar:
I've just sent you a bloody huge e-mail, what more do you want from me? ;) Man, I've gotta start charging for all this =) *rubs hands in glee* { Money, money, money... }

Sleep is vastly underrated
You don't need to tell me that, I am quite aware that I need it. I just don't get the time to sleep. Not now with the Forums :)

Seriously, you need an 'e', not an 'a'.
I concur.

...calling you Zebedee
You never did call me anything, I took on the name of my choosing from your lists of preferred names :) And Zebedee as a name sucks, so I would have had to go with Cornelius or something (wich some wag would reduce to Corny, no doubt, especially in light of my allegedly improving humour (it isn't, I've just never displayed any before).

At least I didn't tell you who's coming to your house next weekend (you should skip town then).
Hrm, so it's not you coming with a copy of that album then? Ah, well.... ;)

But do you believe in Fate?
Only in (an often bitterly) humourous sense. I believe in God, and from there I can assume that there is no magic or mystery to the physical part of the universe. As I said previously, God (and angels) can and do intervene in lives, but the physical world can't do anything of itself, it is purely physical. Anything else unnatural is presumably the activity of evil spirits.

I do, even though I don't really feel confortable with the idea, as it leaves me so little control over my life. On the other hand, sometimes you want someone else to have control of everything for you...
I think I'd agree, more than vaguely, to that. In the end, I just want to be independent, but I think there are quite a few unhelpful issues at work in my mind. I'm not a Christian, and whether I'll become one sometime in the future is an unknown - it's kind of a catch-22 (that which prevents me from wanting to be one is what God would help you overcome). I'm just emotionally confused, and take refuge in places like the Forums, and my room and my Mac. Oh, and trance music...

For someone who describes themselves as lazy, you seem to have put a lot of effort into this;
Misdirection of effort towards that which is easy, and no real signs of getting priorities right. Plus, I think a lot of the power to come up with what I did came from the energy generated within me by attraction to girls. It started with Rachael, and finished up with girls I saw regularly in the sixth form centre. That energy, never used up on the relationships I was supposed to have, and for which it was intended, got used elsewhere. Once I reached university, I never saw anyone who really captured my thoughts, and that is one explanation I have for why all my inspiration died around that sort of time.

Further, I have indeed often been too scared of effort and lazy to tackle the harder challenges of the project - much remained not dealt with.

The names you have made up are really lovely, by the way (couldn't think of a more apt word than "lovely", sorry)
Thanks :)
Maybe you need a new name of your own... not sure what race's style of name to go with, though.

Very stupid, eager to please, wears only a loincloth. Apart from the loincloth bit, I can see no similarities between you...
Yeah, better stop wearening this loincloth, it keeps attractening passers by, and causing motoring accidents.

Cornelius, I believe, is still on the market ;)
As is Wolff.... ;)

I just don't get the time to sleep. Not now with the Forums
Bah! Get you're evil twin to visit the Forums for you while you catch up with the zeds. You do have one, right? It's not just me, is it?

You never did call me anything, I took on the name of my choosing from your lists of preferred names
Ah, but I was the one with the initial inspiration, was I not? You're welcome I take Switch and Mastercard, by the way.

Hrm, so it's not you coming with a copy of that album then?
Who said it wasn't? *insert wicked grin here*

I believe in God, and from there I can assume that there is no magic or mystery to the physical part of the universe
Ditto.

I'm just emotionally confused, and take refuge in places like the Forums
Awww; just to get blasted by the likes of me? I feel bad now Not bad enough to stop it, but hey! You can't have everything...

I never saw anyone who really captured my thoughts, and that is one explanation I have for why all my inspiration died around that sort of time.
And it could also explain why the girls from your past are still so important to you...

Maybe you need a new name of your own...
Throw down a few suggestions, won't you?

Yeah, better stop wearening this loincloth, it keeps...causing motoring accidents.
"Argh! Get me away from the scary guy dressed like Tarzan! Nooo!" Imagine if a photo of you was on every billboard in the country...

As is Wolff
It takes a special sorta guy to live up to the name of Wolff

sky

quote:

---

Originally posted by skylar:
I believe in God, and from there I can assume that there is no magic or mystery to the physical part of the universe
Ditto.
[/B]

---

I sure as hell haven't figured him out yet.

Easy stuff first:
neotatsu: ah, but dun that take all the excitement out of it?
Those who have read the Bible and know what the future holds in store for all humans who've ever lived, are looking forward to it. I've been told what's coming, but I'm not really that bothered at all. Perhaps if I ever get a life, fall in love, and have a worthwhile future, I'll have a good reason to want my life to go on past the grave.

But what excitement is now all gone? The Bible is not a science textbook - quite the contrary - you will find that science is still left to us to discover and solve.

TheAnnoyedCockroach: ...damned...hell...
You sound like you know where you're ending up... ;)

Quoting skylar:
I'm practically your therapist now!...
I had the misfortune to read that as I was having a glance through the Forums at the end of the day before I left the office, and it was a most depressing read. I sound just a burdensome client of yours... although statistically I can assume it was meant humourously. If not, you have no obligation to read all this.

Bah! Get you're evil twin to visit the Forums for you while you catch up with the zeds. You do have one, right? It's not just me, is it?
My parents told me that they had once seen someone who looked just like me, and we all know Steve Jobs has one, but I don't. I could go and enlist one of my other regenerations, I suppose, but doesn't some Gallifreyan reg prohibit that?

Ah, but I was the one with the initial inspiration, was I not?
Haha, true enough. Not that I'm exactly short of bloody names, though.

You're welcome :D I take Switch and Mastercard, by the way.
I have a VISA debit card, will that do? No PayPal, either, I was scared of all the pages of legalese I saw, and gave up. I may have signed my soul to lili via her guestbook, but I ain't signing it over to PayPal.

They'll get you all, one day, all of you, and I, the wise one, will just sit back and laugh my maniacal laughter =]

Who said it wasn't? *insert wicked grin here*
There is enough information available, I believe, for someone to locate me if they chose to. One of Steve's friends even obtained a satellite photo of my village, once... As for who is welcome to try - firstly, anyone who can get locked BBC games off cassette and onto disc - just so that I can get Galaforce to load faster. Dunno where my GalaForce disc went, my cousin lost it or something in the years when my beloved machine was in his care. Also missing is the disc with the complete copy of a sci-fi short story I wrote for school. I have the beginning, but the disc got too full and I saved the full copy on another. The beginning was dire, though, I think I'd cringe my face until my skin tore to read the rest ;-)

I believe in God...
Ditto.
But he'd be Allah to you, right, but he's the same god, no? I'm not clued up on religion, and only have some second-hand information about Islam.

Awww; just to get blasted by the likes of me? I feel bad now :(
Haha, the blasting is probably the best part :)

And it could also explain why the girls from your past are still so important to you...
Um... "girls"? Rachael is the only one from my past - lili isn't the "past" yet - more of the near-present or something. But as for inspiration and the like -...
Oh, I think I see what you mean now! Yes, indeed, you mean that the inspiration I took from them gives them meaning. Partly true, I suppose. I don't remember Rachael for that, but it is certainly something I'll never forget - my sci-fi creation is something I owe to her. lili never had any influence on it, and the other girls whose presence did, are just the past and mean little to me now. I guess that is because I never even spoke to them - they never had any part in my life even back then.

Throw down a few suggestions, won't you?
My preference is still Skye, actually.

Imagine if a photo of you was on every billboard in the country...
I was thinking how daft that sounded, and then I realised, how true it could be... ouch, that's rather scary... that would be a really good excuse to pull that sheet over my head ;)

It takes a special sorta guy to live up to the name of Wolff ;)
Heh, indeed.

Now, skylar expressed a request that I posted my replies to her e-mail here in the forums, so I shall comply :)

I think that it's a good thing that nothing concrete happened between the two of you. Because I don't think either of you would have been able to handle it... From the sound of it, you were looking for something closer than the relationship the two of you had, but knew that this was practically
an impossibility. Would you have been content with text cuddles and kisses and a long term relationship over the net?
Well, I see it this way: Of course I wanted more, but seeing as we never had a romantic relationship, I can't consider it to be conclusive proof that I'd not be satisfied by one. I don't think I would be in the end, at least not with a transatlantic one as the distance is too great. I don't even a passport, for starters, nor have I ever left mainland UK. For some people, a long-distance relationship is merely a temporary status, because they have the chance to travel to pay visits, and one of the pair at least is willing to move, as was the case with the guy who posted his story on the Forums a while ago (Iain-F, IIRC).

However, for me, it feels more like a fatal barrier, as though I'm trapped without them being with me forever. I did hope to get together with lili one decade; this September, I'm free for a month from work and university, and I would have had the time to visit. It would have been possible at some point even before, but it was still more than I was prepared for. I'm not likely to ever go to the US to see someone, it's unlikely I'd even travel any distance within the UK. At least, only if I could do it in complete secrecy.

Now, An online relationship isn't complete isolation - we even have recordings of each other (resulted from some fun over me claiming I could pronounce some gibberish she'd bashed into the keyboard), and she's got a lovely voice. However, I think the biggest limitation, ultimately, is that, even if we did visit occasionally, for the rest of the time, there is nothing that we can do together, other than chat (and play Connect-4 now that it kind of works). On the other hand, being able to communicate very well is a very important aspect of a relationship. Yet, whether a relationship can exist purely in that form (no experiences to share to talk about), is a hard one. It works for some people, it seems, maybe it could for me.

How long would you have been able to last like that?
You mean, how long could I survive in a long-term romantic relationship for? I don't know, I've yet to be in one.

And it sounds as though lili didn't know what she wanted... If, as you say, she was well aware of the differences between hugs and cuddles etc, why go to the lengths of * ?
I was never sure what she wanted, or even felt, it was one long mystery. That was part of the problem - she kept too much secret from me, and I had no idea what she liked or wanted. The other part was probably that I was too pushy, and with all my desperation and resulting compulsion to offer all those text cuddles (but only hugs at first, it was all I allowed myself), I forced it upon her, and she probably just accommodated it, just humoured me with it all. She never wanted a relationship with me - it was one sided and I knew that, but I always hoped there was more. I think I'm to blame for most of it, but yet - she did benefit as she said, so I guess it was worth it in the end.

But what lengths of what "*" did she go to?

From the bits of text I've seen, it looks very much as if she's flirting with you; but then, she hasn't carried on. Perhaps she didn't want it to go any further, but not backwards either - to remain in a permanent state of flirtation.
Yes, it does indeed.

Would you have been happy with that?
No.

And it is very difficult to go back to being 'just friends' with someone after you've found out that they like you, or if you like them.
Yes, indeed. I never thought of it in that sense, but that was the case when she returned online this year. My feelings were all still there, as if she'd never been absent for months. And those feelings had no place, were almost impossible to contain, and had no place in anything.

The good/ bad thing about the internet is that it allows you to avoid a person much more easily than it would be in rl... you can just leave them hanging...
Going by your discussion of where you hid away and immediately ceased communicating with a guy you were chatting to at long distance, when he expressed strong feelings for you, because you didn't want a long distance relationship, this maybe what is up with her. I know she appreciated my company last year, but maybe this year, now that her life is much more settled, she realised that my feelings had not changed, and just hid herself from me so that I'd no longer bother her with them. Maybe she is online in ICQ much more often than I realise (she is normally invisible, and she put me on her visible list), and now, I'm removed from her visible list again and, when I see her, it's just the odd times where she is visible, and that, normally, I can't see her.

A cynical but plausible explanation. And if so, it calls into question her apparent nice nature that I'm used to. Maybe I was just taken in.

Her secrecy kept me from knowing what she really thought and felt.

There are of course, plenty of possibilities as to why she didn't get in contact again, but I don't think that you should worry too much about it, though I know it's perfectly simple to say that...
Yet, you must remember - I never went anywhere. I'm still here, and she knows that. She gave me her reasons, but looking at my previous comment, they might just be lies. Back to the point - if I'm still here, there is no reason why she can't pop me an e-mail, or leave me a message on ICQ, just to say what's up. I know she likes to "go with the flow" of online chat, and doesn't send e-mails, but I still don't think that the odd e-mail is impossible.

This was the biggest reason I had doubts - I never really meant to her what I've had like to, and moreover, she didn't even extend some courtesies that one would offer a friend.

So that's it. You've probably already analysed the situation to death
anyhow... ;)
Naturally.

I'm already getting a bit tired of this - if I keep it up long enough, I'll get over her by just being so bored with even the idea of her, I'll have no interest left. However, I'd still have to delete my AIM and ICQ logs, and as many references to her from my site and elsewhere that I can find, as any one of them would remind me of the good times.

In fact, that reminds me of my sister's one relationship, with a guy who was not very caring at all - a liar, for starters, and just not someone you'd want as a boyfriend. She dumped him in the end, and even then, she still feels guilty for that, because the good memories she has always make her think that there was still hope, that things could have worked out.

Alas, she feels turned off from all guys now, although I do try to encourage her by reminding her that we aren't all like him, and that there is plenty of hope for her yet. She is far too young to be that cynical about the opposite sex. She's off to Bristol UWE university this autumn; with luck, she'll have more luck with guys there, and discover what she's been missing all this time.

And [Steve's] Arnie Hawking Christmas Special was very very funny...
Well, for all those who wonder what the fuss is about, I've uploaded it to
my mac.com space, although this is likely to expire come September. It "must truly be comedy genius" raves skylar, so I encourage others to have a listen, too.

I feel a little bad, though, that I have nothing half so funny to send you in return...
You're humour here on the Forums, and your continual presence and replies to me, are more than enough (though you owe me nothing), worry yourself not :)

quote:

---

Originally posted by uilleann:
Easy stuff first:
neotatsu: ah, but dun that take all the excitement out of it?
Those who have read the Bible and know what the future holds in store for all humans who've ever lived, are looking forward to it. I've been told what's coming, but I'm not really that bothered at all. Perhaps if I ever get a life, fall in love, and have a worthwhile future, I'll have a good reason to want my life to go on past the grave.

---

Hmm... Cornelius sounds too much like produce. Maybe I'll risk my own name for a while longer.

And then there's all the telling people I've changed it, and the paperwork...

Ah, to hell with it (I am headed there, U. Rot your eyes for drawing my attention to that). S'only a name, anyhow.

Quoting TheAnnoyedCockroach:
Maybe I'll risk my own name for a while longer.
I don't think we were ever suggesting you really change it... I mean, "Zebediah" is not and will never be my real name :)

(I am headed there, U. Rot your eyes for drawing my attention to that)
Eh...? I don't believe in Hell, and as for what I do believe, I don't think for a minute that you'd be going there. I was only kidding previously, just playfully misquoting you - don't worry :)

quote:

---

Originally posted by uilleann:
neotatsu: [b]I've read the christian bible, the book of mormon, I've studied the book of islam...
It seems that what you meant by "mystery" was not what I thought you meant
- uilleann[/B]

---

Eh...? I don't believe in Hell, and as for what I do believe, I don't think for a minute that you'd be going there. I was only kidding previously, just playfully misquoting you - don't worry

Oh, I was quite aware you were joking. Heh, actually what I wrote was just drawing attention to it one more time. Sorry if what I tried to say didn't come across in my writing (one of the downfalls of the internet, if you ask me).